Going into the bush after Charlie (1014 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cyrus (View user info) at 2006-05-11 16:31:04 EDT
Squirrel that is.
SQUIRRELS. HOW I HATE THEM. Let me count the ways. It wasn't until I owned a home in the Midwest that I realized just how destructive those little bastards really are. Especially the way they will dig up your yard. Squirrels are essentially miniature bushy-tailed gophers. (TTOM - I realize squirrels aren't really gophers - STFU)
I am the Angel of Death for squirrels.
My wife is unhappy with me because having whacked all the squirrels in my yard, I've begun roaming the neighborhood. It just seemed like the thing to do. She seems to think I should only whack critters on my own property. I've explained to her many times that rabbits and squirrels can't recognize property boundaries and that the squirrel that chewed the roof off our bird feeder and tore up my freakin Blue Himalayan Poppies I had in a pot on our deck probably lived in the tree in the Johnson's yard. She remains adamant that I only off critters in our yard. Highly inefficient!
She thinks we should just get a better bird feeder. "Besides," she says, "if they can't recognize property boundaries, how the heck to you expect them to know the difference between a bird feeder and a squirrel feeder." "I mean give the little guys a break! "Maybe I should get one of those electric fences and put the collar on you." "That would at least keep you in your own yard."
Really.
See I paid money for that feeder and those plants they destroyed. Some squirrel(s) has to pay for that crime. Yes, it's true; I've taken squirrel Karma into my own hands. Sure, it would be easy for me to just turn away and not get involved, but that never solves anything.
I need to learn more about squirrels. Probably not something I thought I'd ever hear myself say... I've gotten rid of (or "harvested" as we like to say) A LOT of Squirrels. I'm not going to say how many, but it's A LOT. Yet every time I go out into my back yard, there are a couple of squirrels out there. I have this bad feeling that squirrels are territorial, and the 2-3 squirrels in my yard are keeping the others out and that every time I kill those 2-3 guys, 2-3 others just mooch on in.
There seems to be an endless supply of them.
Hell - I gotta go into the bush after Charlie again tonight. Two nights ago ago I saw a couple out by the compost heap, they was wearin' black PJs and carryin' AK-47s. I know it frightens the kids when I have to put on the camo make-up, but it's OK cause I put a little rice and cold rat meat for bait, they'll be distracted & won't see it coming...
User Reviews
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-04-30 16:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
poor squirrels
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-04-12 15:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great story & great reviews.
thx
Submitted by Tyrell (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shoot yo self, nigga
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-05-12 01:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My suggestion: night vision/heat sensitive goggles, caffeine pills, .22 caliber rifle/ pellet gun, and lots of spare time at night. Little bastards will never know what hit them.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-05-11 20:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My aunt Caroline shoots the ones in her yard with a 22 caliber handgun - she may or may not make soup out of them afterwards, I've never really gotten a definitive answer from her on that.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-05-11 16:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny... So am I. I work in a library. What's your excuse?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-05-11 16:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not likely, since Im surrounded by Zoology textbooks
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-05-11 16:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Egad. I give up. You TTOM - are the zoological master. I'll be watching you though, someday you'll slip up...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-05-11 16:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tree rats
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-05-11 16:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
re; Squirells=tiny gophers.
Actually, I would not have argued the point since they are both Rodents of the sub-order Sciuromorpha