Regional Meeting (653 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.75 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hot pocket (View user info) at 2006-05-01 02:03:21 EDT
Regional Meeting.
It came time for our Three Rivers Regional meeting and two of brothers and myself stepped up to take the responsibility of representing ourselves in a somewhat professional manner; man up and take one for the team.
Usually, these things have the reputation of not being anything fun, a waste of time, money, and effort and over just being fruitless in the time and energy it takes to go to these things and be productive. The day was filled with meetings with some of the big-whigs of the fraternity, telling us how we should do things, how things are done nationally and how to solve these problems. Fuck that, we're the shit and we run it how we want and they absolutely love us for it, honestly.
Everyone there, brothers from varying chapters and from a wide range of colleges in the area, seemed to take it all a little too seriously. My two brothers and I, well, we just kinda kicked back and waited for the boozing to begin. Now, don't get me wrong, while one of the brothers slept through, literally, every meeting we attended that day, myself and Ryan actually took notes and brought back some good ideas on rush events, public and alumni relations, and fundraising—but that's an incredibly boring story that I don't think would even fit into a SPT.
So anyways, the regional meeting was in Titusville, Pa, a back-ass-in-the-middle-of-nowhere town that was composed of half-assed houses, a bar built into a trailer/mobile home and acres and acres of what was, I think, supposed to be farmland. The water was undrinkable and tasted like someone had dissolved copper tablets into the well water and then run it through a lead filter so beer was the next available choice.
The meeting place was a golf course/inn, which was, in itself, not so bad and was actually quite classy, however the fact that there would be a bunch of drunken frat boys come nightfall is enough to dissuade anyone. Their saving factor was the fact that they were in the mountains and that it didn't drop below 28 degrees in the day and lower at night. Our initial plan to streak the golf course, stealing as many pins as we could was squashed by the time we pulled into the parking lot as a fine white dusting of snow was settling on everything and accompanied by many strong gusts of wing which would flow between the buildings, gaining force like a wind tunnel.
Fuck all this; meetings are over and its dinner and awards time. We got something like best grades or some shit, but I wasn't worried about that. Beer was on my mind but the closest beer place must've been something like 20 miles away. We talked to one of the bartenders there who informed us that there was a distributor who FUCKING DELIVERED! I don't know about anyone else or where you are all from but that's unheard of, for myself at least. We ordered a case of their finest Miller Lite and waited.and waited...and waited... Finally, during dinner, I see him come in, I run to my room and meet the guy, give him the money and set the beer inside and return to the banquet hall just in time to go up and receive our 'honors'.
Everything is done and my guys and myself are kinda lounging out in the room for the overnight. We hadn't really clicked too well with any of the other chapters as we're the best and no one except suck-ups want to hang with the best and anyone else who did want to, we shunned because we're arrogant and we don't like them. But honestly, we're hanging out when one of the guys from a chapter close to ours bounds into our room holding a bottle of, what i'm only guessing is generic Calico Jack, telling us we all need to "Chug! Chug! Chug!" and runs to each one of us pouring the abusive liquor down our throats. What a great start.
We file into the hallway and begin our trip into experiencing what 'we're' really all about and plan on just getting trashed on the beers we had bought. We fall into conversation with some guys who had just returned from one of Titusville's premier strip clubs (premiere is quite a stretch). They are telling us how they got kicked out of the club for trying to shove a bottle up one of the strippers cunts but not before they invited them back to the hotel room for a private show. He goes on to describe the best of what Titusville has to offer: a rather large, middle-aged women and another blonder, somewhat older women with tattoos. Standing in the hall. Listening to all this, I immediately call 'bullshit' but, like a scene out of a movie, the two ho's and their pimp walk right into our hall and proceed to the room of the 'gentlemen' who had initially started the story.
Being a bunch of drunk, broke college students—frat guys nonetheless—we had no intention of paying them and we bluntly blurted that out several times. They knew they were getting nothing out of this except maybe some tips so they agreed after much persuasion [READ: we asked them once] to do a show for a pair of Regional Meeting t-shirts. They had one already and, since the shirts are considered one-size-fits-all (which we all know means XL/jgreening) I volunteered my own, I can't fit that shit.
The bitches go back to the room and get naked and start kissing. Not exactly my idea of hot or sexy but its quite an experience when you see two middle aged women, neither of which have any attractive appeal, get uninhibitedly naked and start getting heavy (as if they weren't already, heavy). Dyking it out, they get a few dollar bills but mostly dimes, quarters and a bunch of pennies. Funny in itself until we start yelling at them that they're terrible and fat and ugly but this only seemed to egg them on.
Suddenly, in the dim haze of pot and cigarette smoke, the door opens an in stumbles Dan, one of the brothers I had come with, carrying an industrial size box of blue ball point pens. Screaming something only he could understand he walks over to the 'strippers', closer than anyone else dared to get, and began grabbing handfuls of pens and laying them on their stomachs, asses, and generally just throwing them at the women. When his few handfuls had reached their end, he turns around and stumbles back out. Since his entrance, the room had become quiet, save the dykes' grunts and animal sounds and was as quiet until I saw him tipping the ho's with pens.
I collapsed in laugher onto the grimy, crusty rug, into whatever was on the floor and whoever had left their mark there. He quietly stumbles out before I quickly follow him. He had found the pens in a supply closet and our next stop was the kitchen where we procured an unused bag of croutons (the only thing left out) and carried them back. We promptly shared the riches and the bag, which ended up empty and ground into the carpet, was gone within twenty minutes. The females had left by now and the night was winding down. Fuck this, it pretty much ended there, nothing else of worth can be appended to this story aside from the fact that I spent the next entire day hung over and the hour+ ride home dry heaving into a garbage bag in the car.
Fuck it, this makes sense now and, again, I'm drunk and posting early in the morning
Fuck you all fuckers!
i know, this is way too long for the small point i'm making, let the hate rain down
Yes!
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-04 16:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bet you didn't know that Titusville is where oil was first discovered in North America.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-05-01 11:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Sphaggy
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-05-01 10:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-05-01 04:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You are so brilliant, it's scary.
1 looks nothing like 2, dipshit.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-05-01 02:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks j, i can always count on you for the first -2 on most any post
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-05-01 02:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Y HALO THERE GRAMMAR CHECK!
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-05-01 02:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll say, MSWord and spell check can do wonders for the competent drunken poster