Round Four with YOU, Cleveland Homeless Guy (with pictures of my car damage) (1103 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy <atsymbol.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-18 17:16:07 EDT
I've gone through quite a metamorphosis in my response to homeless people in the past 10 years or so.
At first, I actively tried to help them. I used two or three of my college spring breaks to go and do some homeless rescue work in New York City. You know, giving food, blankets, toothbrushes and the like. I'd like to think that part of my motivation was selflessness, but it didn't hurt to be in the Apple. I learned one very important lesson while there - most of them CHOOSE to be homeless. Sure, sure, there's addiction and bad luck and tragedy, but there are countless resources available to them that they just ignore. I was told this directly by a formerly homeless woman who ran a non-profit charity.
As early as summer 2000 when I lived there, I would really try and have meaningful conversations with folks before handing over food or money. This philosophy never got me anywhere: no closer to humanity or God, sometimes making me doubt both. Sometimes, too, it got me into dicey situations.
So I abandoned that for an indifferent approach. I'd shrug, drop them a quarter, and be on my way. Never making eye contact.
I went from "Let me help you" to "Here you go, now leave me alone". But that was just phases 1 and 2.
Phase 3 became, "I've got my own habits, I can't feed yours too." This was the phase I was in before my car got broken into. I'd acknowledge them, make eye contact, and rarely give them money. Since my girlfriend lived in downtown Cleveland, I had operated with this philosophy more or less on a regular basis to my own satisfaction.
Then, 3 incidents planted me firmly in the middle of Phase 4: "Leave me the fuck alone before something happens!"
ROUND 1
I'm at a gas station by Jacob's Field (Cleveland Indians baseball stadium) and a guy asks me for money. I dip into my ashtray and get 4 quarters and give them to him. He leaves me alone. I walk into the hotel next door, get some cash from the ATM, and go back to my car. On the way back, that same homeless guy walks passed and asks me for money AGAIN. Me: "I just gave you a dollar two seconds ago", and took a cigarette out to light it. Him: "Oh...", and he still doesn't remember, "yeah, let me get a cigarette then. I'll pay you for one." Me: "WHAT?!", and then I was curious, "How much?" Him: "25, no, 50 cents". Me: "Fuck off, I'm not letting you PAY ME with my own money, for a cigarette."
ROUND 2
I'm just parallel parking at around 9pm, downtown again, and some homeless prick stops in his tracks and starts "helping me" park. I can't even really hear him, so I just go about my normal ritual of leaving my car out overnight: take the faceplate off, put it in the glove box, put the CDs under the seat. He's standing there the whole time. And you know he's thinking, "I helped him, so he should help me." I know this, so I get some change from my middle counsel (which has more CDs in it), lock up, drop the change in his empty cup, and go to the girlfriend's apartment.
The next morning, well, you can take a look at the pictures below. I know that fucking guy broke into my car. For one, someone who was really trying to get my stereo would've had at least ONE SCREW DRIVER. That's all they would've needed. But this prick used the blunt object that he used to smash the window, to destroy and scratch up my dashboard. He got away with around 10 CDs that he probably sold for $30-$40 at most, and about a buck more in change. My insurance claim came in at around $1,400. Bitch! Anyone else that might have done it would not have seen anything in the car at all. No change, no CD player, no CDs. That fucker saw where everything was. My only consolation was that he cut his hand pretty bad. Again, evident from the pictures. I almost hope that he bled to death.
ROUND 3
Two weeks later, I'm already on edge. The girlfriend and I are leaving, and it's pitch black and several homeless assholes are meandering around, so I open the door for her. It wasn't a chivalrous act, it was more self-defense, because this guy who's walking by starts giving me, "Sir, sir, excuse me, sir." The whole time I had my back to him, not looking at him and said, "I'M IGNORING YOU, I'M IG-NOR-ING YOU." I shut the door, and walked back to the driver's side while he muttered a "Oh, I'm sorry" or something.
Fuck him, I'm done feeling like the dick for not helping. I can't wait 'til ROUND 4.
-----------------------
User Reviews
Submitted by clevekid1 (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you folks are missing something.
This was obviously the work of a female homeless person.
She was using your car as a tampon and trying to get
the radio to work as the sounds of manilow helps her flow.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-05-01 12:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My car got broken into one time.
I was in boston visiting a friend for the night. I had just driven home from school (was gonna be home for a week) and had a lot of stuff with me, most of it locked in the trunk.
I had a cd player, a book of cds (60 or so of them actually, all alphabetized), a $400 camera, and 2 bags of dirty laundry in the front with me, none of which i even bothered to hide.
I parked the car and left it for the night.
The next morning, my window was smashed, and my 2 bags of laundry were missing..
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-01 11:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I woke up the other night to a guy with my amp and a GPS on the front seat and him trying to take out the stereo of my car. I screamed something to him and the fucker run away with maybe 10 burned CDs. I still have my amp, gps and stereo though
Submitted by Kurfsec (user info) at 2007-05-01 11:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indians are doing alright...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I drive a SUX3000, it explodes when someone tries to steal it.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That fucking sucks.
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmm
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81857
Relevant Link on how to handle bums. I think you might enjoy this.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-19 07:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If it isn't homeless people it's teen-fucking-agers. some wanker is always stealin yo shit.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-04-19 07:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't help picturing your hometown as being full of hoardes of bums wandering around making nuisances of themselves, a la zombies.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-19 04:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-18 22:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:10:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
hey! You have DNA evidence to convict the guy.
=============
DNA evidence,
you are there.
Crime investigator,
where are you?
Sure it's just a petty
smash and grab.
Sure it's just too costly
for the town.
But, damnit!, I want my
street justice.
-------------
They just had me phone in the police report. That's how concerned they were.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Pull out penis
2. Open pee hole
3. Swirl opened pee hole penis on DNA
4. Get AIDS
5. Be fabulous
One of my favorite pass-times.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey! You have DNA evidence to convict the guy.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-18 19:52:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Homeless people should be shot on sight.
-----------------------------
We should send them to mexico.
I don't know if it will help the illegal immigration situation, but it couldn't hurt.
In fact I might be willing to go along with the citizenship for illegals if they pay back taxes, 2k in fines, have a clean criminal record(except for the bumnapping), and bag a bum and send them across the border.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude..what did homeless people ever do to y...
Oh. Right.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you didn't poke the blood stains with your dick. You could probably get AIDS from that.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Homeless people suck at life. There's not much more to say about that.
Submitted by jokr2581 (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Atleast someone else gets pissed off at all the homeless people there.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-18 19:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Homeless people should be shot on sight.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-04-18 19:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm...two fats cocks. Together. Oil. Homeless people are the solution to hunger in Africa.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-18 19:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:43:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:50:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
You shitting me? I used my raging hardon to crack this case.
You gotta be able to think on your feet in this world today, kids...
--
I guess you need SOMETHING to do after putting a Cialis tab to good use and finding yourself with 35 hours and 56 minutes on your hands...
Oh YEAH, Jack???
Ummm, you're right.
BUT THOSE OTHER 4 MINUTES ROCKED HER WORLD, CHIEF!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-18 19:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny and enlightening. Bummer about the car.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:50:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
You shitting me? I used my raging hardon to crack this case.
You gotta be able to think on your feet in this world today, kids...
--
I guess you need SOMETHING to do after putting a Cialis tab to good use and finding yourself with 35 hours and 56 minutes on your hands...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thing about the homeless is that they have little to lose and much to gain by stealing your shit. So, wish them well and politely give 'em a few coins from your pocket. In the process of pulling out the change, accidently drop the few plastic-wrapped small packages containing crystals of rat-poison-laced rock candy. They won't be bugging you again.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JapanFour (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:03:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
at least he was considerate enough not to break out your front driver side window. nothing worse than waking up in the morning and having glass all over your front seat, having to vaccuum it all up, miss some, and get to work late with glass in your ass.
---------
aaaand altogether now; 'al-ways look on the bright side of life'
Submitted by JapanFour (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
at least he was considerate enough not to break out your front driver side window. nothing worse than waking up in the morning and having glass all over your front seat, having to vaccuum it all up, miss some, and get to work late with glass in your ass.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice, I immediately pictured a Cyst_Master cartoon version of you holding your... wait, what?
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was once driving one of my Dad's cars (he owns a panelbeating business so has countless shitty courtesy cars). It was a hash-brown coloured, 1980-something Honda Civic sedan...with no stereo, no radio, nothing. Anyway, it got broken into.
It's a small comfort to know they would have got nothing, not even a shitty AM radio. They didn't even take the 5 cents off the floor.
My boyfriend's car got broken into once as well. They stole his gym shoes but dumped them 100 metres down the road (I'm betting they were pretty pongy). All they made off with in that case was an unopened box of condoms. Those bastards.
Aah, car breaking-in stories. They keep me warm at night.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You shitting me? I used my raging hardon to crack this case.
You gotta be able to think on your feet in this world today, kids...
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maddog, insurance paid for a detail. I hope they used the AIDS-remover.
Orgasmatron, he did leave a couple pennies and a nickel. Guess he couldn't be bothered. It worked out for me, though, 'cause then I only had to pay $99.92 on my deductible.
Shlongy, do you not own a screwdriver?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the photographic evidence.
And the cut wasn't too bad...I was just pissed off and actually squeezed my thumb to really let the blood drip out all over the place.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
huh
I'm too tired to write about my feelings concerning homeless people.
Have this +2 to tide you over until I come back. <-- This may not happen though, I have a short attention span.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A friend of mine had his car stolen in Richmond last summer. The thief (thieves? who knows) stole everything from the inside. Everything. The car looked like it had been vacuumed, which would have been a first. Took everything from the trunk too. Tore off the ignition, stole the stereo, broke some windows, etc.
BUT...they were courteous enough to lay a car seat cover on the driver's seat.
In fact that was the only thing inside the car when he picked it up.
I imagine you could have avoided some of the 'bloody mess' you referenced up there if they'd been nice enough to put down a cover. Pricks.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd use bleach on that aids-tainted-homeless-guy-blood-schmear.