Hitler Would Be SO Pissed Right Now! (852 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.18 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zod (View user info) at 2006-04-13 03:00:44 EDT
I know that one of the greatest desires of mankind is to venture back into the past and...I dunno, I guess screw with shit so that when they return to the future, everyone has bird wings sprouting out their ass cheeks or something. But there's always the risk that instead of ass wings, the alternate future contains murderous robots ruling the world under the orders of their ruthless leader Teddy Ruxpin. Trust me; if you fuck with the past, anything can happen.
That's why I propose a different adventure in time travel. Why not, instead of traveling to the past ourselves, we bring someone FROM the past to the future? If you're brain hasn't already exploded from the mass overload of information, then read on.
Picture the enormous magnitude of just how much you could fuck with people from the past if you brought them to the year 2006. Drawing a blank? Lemme help.
Go back to 1850 England, and grab some guy who's wearing a powdered wig and dancing at a ball with women wearing enough layers of clothing to smother a small brush fire. Now take this guy and sit him down in front of a computer. "Hey, you know how you have to write poetry and quote Shakespeare just to get a girl to sketch you a picture of her little toe? Yeah, we click this link right here and BAM, boobies everywhere. Sometimes you don't even have to click, the shit just pops up by itself. Ok, time to go back. You enjoy." Don't tell me you wouldn't cherish the look of horror on the guys face before you push him back into the time portal. Take note of the boner poking out of his knickers.
Or head to 1830 and grab a plantation owner from Georgia. Then bring him to an NBA game and sit him in the front row. "Yeah, you like that Sherman? Way to breed some super slaves. Nice going. Shaq can dunk over most white players while he's sitting down. Good move."
How about heading to ancient Troy and grabbing a few of those guys. "Don't even bother fighting. Just open the gates and let them kill you. You know how your legacy lives on today? I take a "Trojan" and slide it over my "battering ram" before I storm "Castle Vaginopolous". Yeah, that's right. I put you guys on my cock. Let that one sink in."
The possibilities are practically endless. Whether you're crushing the souls of the Founding Fathers by showing them an episode of "The Flavor of Love", starring the genetic wet fart that is Flavor Flav, or you're explaining to Julius Caesar that he's become an anchovy-based salad dressing, the good times will just keep on coming.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fascinating
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-13 15:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-13 04:54:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
This was... well I didn't enjoy it. it made me very, very unhappy really. See, I'm a cannable. I like to believe that all people are good tasting people, that under the layers of dirt and grime and blubber we're all tasty, hearty and filling. I believe that as the world gets fuller, as we all have enough to eat and can live in luxory, we all become happier, fatter people. I believe in Humanity's aroma and deliciousness which I also believe resides in each and every one of us.
This post just made me doubt all that plus a lot more. I don't know man, it just really brought me down. It was so dull, so very very dull. The world looks gray now, you know? Like all the colour bled onto the street and was washed down the gutter by the rain. I want a hug and a snack.
Please don't take it personally. Maybe it's just me, you know? I didn't sleep well last night and people were killing each other on the commute in to work. They also weren't preserving any of that wonderful flesh. I actually watched a car accident happen in front of me, right in front of me and they were going to chunk those perfect meals into the ground. The guy was screaming and yelling in the rain... it was a really cold spectacle, man. Really cold, but not cold like an icebox full of meat.
So, yeah.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-13 12:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you suppose Jesus would say of his followers?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-13 08:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bill and ted's excellent adventure?
I don't care this still cracked me up.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2006-04-13 06:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hey, you know how you have to write poetry and quote Shakespeare just to get a girl to sketch you a picture of her little toe? Yeah, we click this link right here and BAM, boobies everywhere. Sometimes you don't even have to click, the shit just pops up by itself
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AWESOME !!!
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-04-13 05:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
None to shabby. An amusing post.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-13 04:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was... well I didn't enjoy it. it made me very, very unhappy really. See, I'm a humanist. I like to believe that all people are good people, that under the layers of lonliness and bitterness and pain we're all lovely, kind and true. I believe that as the world gets better, as we all have enough to eat and can live in luxory, we all become happier, better people. I believe in Humanitys majesty and beauty which I also believe resides in each and every one of us.
This post just made me doubt all that plus a lot more. I don't know man, it just really brought me down. It was so dull, so very very dull. The world looks gray now, you know? Like all the colour bled onto the street and was washed down the gutter by the rain. I want a hug.
Please don't take it personally. Maybe it's just me, you know? I didn't sleep well last night and people were killing each other on the commute in to work. I actually watched a car accident happen in front of me, right in front of me. The guy was screaming and yelling in the rain... it was a really cold spectacle, man. Really cold.
So, yeah.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And another.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a confession to make.
I didn't read your post as entirely as I should have.
I basically just skimmed it and saw "time-travel blah blah blah"
Overall this was a good post, and I apologize for rating it so harshly.
I barely ever give -2. It's so mean.
I'm a nice guy, so I'm going to make this up to you.
No, I'm not going to suck your dick.
Have some +2 instead.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:16:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're thinking of the meg ryan classic "kate and leopold." don't ask how i know these things, just know that i get way more ass than you because of it.
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That's definitely true.
Oh, and Zod, I wasn't trying to say your post was "stealing" of any sort, it just seems like an overused idea, is all.
Here's a +2 to make up for it, cause I am a fan.
I just don't think I've rated many of your posts.
Maybe I'll go do that.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not a rip-off at all, zod. that'd be like saying you can't do awesome action movies anymore because we already have "bady boys: 2" of course that isn't the case!!! YOU CAN DO ALL THE ACTION MOVIES YOU WANT!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Entity, didn't know you were a fan. I'll try to do better next time. And i've never heard of Kate and Leopold before, so my bad if my post is a rip-off. I've just been reading a lot of Jane Austen for my seminar class lately, and the gay actions of the 1850's amused me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hitler was a sensitive man.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're thinking of the meg ryan classic "kate and leopold." don't ask how i know these things, just know that i get way more ass than you because of it.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
teddy ruxpin kicks all sorts of ass.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wasn't there a retarded movie made of something like this?
Something about some old-timey guy...
And the present...
Either way, it's been done. And a long time ago.
So there's my justification.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-13 03:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Definitely worse than your last post.