Fuck tha Po-lice comin' Straight from the Underground (Hilariously NSFW) (1650 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.08 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ConorJS (View user info) at 2006-02-20 19:43:29 EST
Friday night was great. SO great in fact, that I still feel somewhat shitty, shitesque, I guess, from being up that late and getting up at 9:00 Saturday morning.
Friday afternoon I got a call from my good friend Rob. He says to me, "Knox. Melrose. Six o'clock tonight."
I say to him, "What the fuck are you talkin' about?" in my thick New England accent. I gathered that a local punk band we know (The Knox) was playing a show, or something...
"The Knox are playing a church basement in Melrose (MA) tonight, doors open at six," Rob clarified for me. "Call Ben, Mike, whoever, we're goin'," He said in HIS thick New England accent. OHHHHKAAAY! I called Ben, Mike, whoever I wanted, and organized that shit like a motherfucker. I got Ben and Will as takers.
So, we piled into Will's car at 5:00-ish and drove the 35 minutes to Melrose. Doors at six, check. Loads of bands scheduled, check. Good-sized basement, check. Bands actually there? NO check. Fuck.
We talked to some skinny guy setting up shop and learned that due to yada yada whatever the hell, the bands would start at 7:30. What were we to do? We made some friends. I'm a punk kid. Tight white Stiff Little Fingers shirt, tight jeans, boots, 1/8 inch of hair with sideburns, and a bullet around my neck. In this basement, I was not alone. There were all kinds of cool people to talk to, and I saw some REALLY tight jeans. I mean like, how do you get your foot through there? tight jeans. We talked, smoked, drank (soda, I swear) when Elie from The Knox walks in.
He walks up to us and starts choking our my friend Ben from behind, then kidney punches him and says, "Tell Alex I said hey." Alex is Ben's older brother, who Elie lived with for a while.
Shortly thereafter, bands start playing. The first band up is a local outfit named Apeshit. They were quite appropriately named. Their lead singer sang wearing running short that would have fit a twelve year-old and socks. AND the microphone wasn't working, so he just screamed really loud for about 75% of the show. At that point, someone got the brilliant idea to just steal the mic from the church pulpit.
Then a bunch of bands played, one called the Lanky Fucks (again, appropriately named) was pretty good, and so was this group from NYC. They were mexicans, and when their singer saw a cop near the door, he shouted into the mic, "FUCK la policia!" At which point, it had to happen.
Myself and four or five others, of about a hundred, burst out in song.
Fuck tha police comin' straight from the underground
A young nigga got it bad cause I'm brown
And not the other color so po-lice think
They have the authority to KILL a minority
FUCK THAT SHIT, 'cause I ain't the one
For a punk mothafucker with a badge an' a gun
To be beatin' on, and throwin in jail
We can go toe-to-toe in the middle of a cell
And so on and so forth. Finally, The Knox came on. We all went fuckin' nuts, and when they started playing, the real violence started. I don't know if you know the etiquette of mosh-fighting, but I'll assume you don't and give you some rules.
-About anything goes. Don't gouge eyes, don't TRY to hit balls.
-Don't actually go after any particular person, hit whoever is near you.
-If someone falls, make it your job to get them up, fast.
-If you are on the outside of the pit, don't push/pull people in who don't want to be.
-You can only hit people if you're in the pit itself.
-Don't punch out any girls, no matter what age/size/manliness.
It was because of a violation of rule 5 that I broke rule 6. Some fucking cunt kept kicking me in the legs and ass while I was cathing my breath. I turned around and saw some fat ugly girl with some kind of headband drawn over her eyes. I yell at her, "Do you WANT me to smack the shit out of you?" She, still blinded, responded by kicking me. Hard. Under the kneecap. The injured one. I grunted in pain, and punched her right in the fucking mouth. She went down and STAYED the fuck DOWN!
EAT it, BIIITCH!
Yeah, I'll hit a girl. Bitch got what was comin' to her.
SO! Sean, lead singer of The Knox, starts doing a mic check after one of their songs, because something is off. "Test one two," He says, "Testing... test, test," HE PULLS OUT A TAZER, "ONE (bzzt) TWO (bzzzzzzzt)."
He then proceeds to shock the shit out of about twelve kids that were standing close to their set. It was FUCKING hilarious. I almost choked I was laughing so hard. It was the highest form of comedy that god has seen fit to allow man to perform in front of an audience.
So they start up again, and finally get to THEIR song. Every band has one, you expect to hear it when you see them, you want to hear it, you can pretty much count on hearinfg it. Their song is called War. To hear it, click here http://myspace.com/theknox and click the song that says "War." You can probably imagine it live. Incredible violence, people hurling themselves on top of others to crowd surf, everyone bum-rushing Sean for the chorus. During this song we got so entangled with their set that we took it out altogether. Mic, guitar, base cords all unplugged, drums knocked over, etc.
They set up again, and demanded a wall of death. A little dramatically named, but incredibly fun. Two walls of people face off, and within each wall, you lock arms over shoulders with the people on either side of you. If you're light, you can ride on a bigger guys shoulders. You get a signal and charge, kicking at stomachs, headbutting, throwing yourself into it with all of your will.
A self-destructive kind of crowd to say the least.
And when it was all over, we hit up T-Bells. How else would you end a Friday night?
And here's a picture from a link I found on The Knox's website.
User Reviews
Submitted by dooawop (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is it cool to wear tight jeans? Why are you looking around the room to see other guys in tight jeans? Who the fuck hits a girl and then tells everyone about it? Who wants to listen to a punk band in a church basement?
Homos do.
And you, my friend, are a homo.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-02-22 23:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you gonna finish that pizza?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-22 23:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-22 20:04:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
DUDE?!?! you gave me a -2 for a picture of a girl sucking some guys dick through a pizza because it wasn't that funny? you're an asshole.
************************************************
* sigh *
Okay, look. You wrote a pretty good post. It was entertaining and interesting. But that picture had nothing to do with anything, except that you wanted to show everyone a picture of a woman sucking wang through a pizza box because you think it's HILARIOUS. I'm not offended by it. It's not hilarious or special though. It's like a bad joke that you've heard a hundred times...porn on Uber just really annoys me. What's the point?
Oh, and I feel compelled to remind you that on the review that you left on another person's post, where you linkwhored your own, you said, "I don't care if you -2 me or not, just look at the picture!"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-21 20:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHITE PUNKS PN DOPE
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-21 06:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for hitting a fat bitch in her fat mouth
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-02-21 00:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:40:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
For FUCK'S sake. The story was good, I was actually really interested in the whole scene. I think anyone who gets into that kind of mosh pit is a little retarded, like, the same way rugby players are retarded, because who wants to get hurt? But hey, to each his own. At least there's a mutual respect for your fellow moshers.
But THEN, you ruined the whole thing with a pointless and stupid picture. Okay. She's sucking his dick through a hole in the pizza box. This is not hilarious. This is in fact, boring and lame.
LAAAAAAAAAME.
------------
Do I detect homosexual undertones?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For FUCK'S sake. The story was good, I was actually really interested in the whole scene. I think anyone who gets into that kind of mosh pit is a little retarded, like, the same way rugby players are retarded, because who wants to get hurt? But hey, to each his own. At least there's a mutual respect for your fellow moshers.
But THEN, you ruined the whole thing with a pointless and stupid picture. Okay. She's sucking his dick through a hole in the pizza box. This is not hilarious. This is in fact, boring and lame.
LAAAAAAAAAME.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-02-20 22:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
UBER ISN'T A BLOG
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-20 21:51:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That ain't a pic of me, that's fer shure. . . .
My tits are MUCH bigger .....
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-20 21:26:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-02-20 21:23:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Stun guns (not tasers; tasers are projectile-based) aren't the hot shit that people make them out to be. AT ALL.
I used to own one before it got ruined when I was at Burning Man last year. I'd bring it with me when I went to parties, and my friends and I would take turns zapping eachother.
And by the way: Who decided that there were rules for slam-dancing? That's fuckin' bullshit.
==============================
Are you that prick who kicks people while they're lying on the floor concussed?
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-02-20 21:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stun guns (not tasers; tasers are projectile-based) aren't the hot shit that people make them out to be. AT ALL.
I used to own one before it got ruined when I was at Burning Man last year. I'd bring it with me when I went to parties, and my friends and I would take turns zapping eachother.
And by the way: Who decided that there were rules for slam-dancing? That's fuckin' bullshit.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-02-20 21:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It didn't rub me the right way. If you've ever read my posts, you'll know what kind of stuff rubs me the right way. Usually a hand, snatch, or poopy butt hole. Just so you know for your next post. Or just write something really, really, really, really bad. Auto +2 in that case.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-20 20:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"SO! Sean, lead singer of The Knox, starts doing a mic check after one of their songs, because something is off. "Test one two," He says, "Testing... test, test," HE PULLS OUT A TAZER, "ONE (bzzt) TWO (bzzzzzzzt)."
He then proceeds to shock the shit out of about twelve kids that were standing close to their set. It was FUCKING hilarious. I almost choked I was laughing so hard. It was the highest form of comedy that god has seen fit to allow man to perform in front of an audience. "
====
Was this it, mayhap? I know it sounds weird, but it IS true. And it WAS hilarious. I didn't even believe it was an actual stungun for a second, but then he started shocking people and they were actually yelping, like a dog if you step on its tail.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-20 20:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-02-20 19:53:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't believe you.
===================
I don't get what's not to believe. Is any of this all that out of the ordinary?
By the way, nobody in particular, I may have to re-post this tomorrow...
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-02-20 20:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah hell yeah!
Nutz on yo chin!
Since you put yourself up on my dick I'll put my nutz on yo chin!
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-02-20 20:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin with me cause I'm a teenager,
With a little bit of gold and a pager,
Searching my car,
Lookin for the product,
Thinking every nigger is selling narcotics.
NWA rules, fuck this new rap.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-02-20 19:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll just wait for Maddogs comment
<represent, dog>
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-02-20 19:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't believe you.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-20 19:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Utterly disgusting.