How I Became an “ABC” Kind of Guy (1244 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.68 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ENV3NOM (View user info) at 2006-02-02 14:35:47 EST
I'm not sure exactly how it happened, as it was not a conscious decision. I grew up in white suburbia, in a town so colorless no one had ever heard of Crayola, and yet years later, somewhere along the way I stopped dating white women. When it came to my personal preference, at one point or another it became "ABC - Anything but Caucasian." Again, it was not a conscious decision, it's not like I sat down one day and said to myself "from this day forward I shall never date a white woman again," that's just the way it turned out.
I have plenty of white women whom I consider friends, and would never completely rule it out, I just don't often meet white women with whom there is a mutual attraction. Perhaps it's because I don't go out as much as I used to and I am limited to the people I meet through work, I'm not sure, I just know that it has been a good eight years or so since I last dated a white woman. All of this is ironic of course considering I still have plenty of metal-head friends, some of whom think they're neo Nazis, but even they have come to accept the fact. In light of this, I have decided to share my story, "How I Became an 'ABC' Kind of Guy," aka "Why I Bang Black Chicks."
It all started years ago in Northeastern Ohio. Each day I went to the refrigerator and every time I peered inside there was nothing to drink but milk. Each day I chugged my milk, and while some days it was condensed milk, some days evaporated milk, some days skim and some days whole, regardless it was still milk. I didn't complain, after all I liked milk. Milk was all that I knew.
Years later I relocated to the multi-cultural city of Charlotte, NC, and one day I went to the refrigerator and much to my shock there was a vast assortment of beverages available.
Puzzled, I inquired "What are all these items? Where is the milk?"
"Well, we're temporarily out of milk, but there's plenty of other things for you drink."
"Other things? I don't understand. You mean there are things * besides * milk?" Who knew?
And after allowing a few minutes to let this realization sink in I reviewed the choices at hand, and carefully a selected an icy cold Colt 45.
Just as I was about to open this newly found beverage and take my first swig I noticed a warning on the label: "Once thou doth sippeth the Colt 45 thou shalt crave the taste of milk nevermore!"
I shrugged my shoulders, after all it sounded preposterous. Besides, even in the remote possibility that this could be true, I was satisfied that I'd had enough milk to last a lifetime, and so I took a healthy swig.
The Colt 45 was enjoyable, it's bottle so round, and so for months on end I drank my Colt 45, one after another. Eventually despite my liking for Colt 45 I sought out a new taste, and it was then that I went back to the refrigerator.
Once again reviewing the choices at hand I couldn't help but notice that the Saki had caught my attention. I enjoyed the Saki and savored it's flavor, and while it was a bit more exotic and though it did temporarily quench my thirst, it wasn't long before I was back drinking my Colt 45.
Some time went by, and eventually I sought a new taste and returned to see what other selections were available. It was then that I selected the Tequilla.
To a certain extent the Tequilla hit the spot, and I liked that it didn't waste any time to get the job done, it got right to the point. The tequila however had quite a bit of bite, and I was concerned that the saying "te-kill-ya" might be more prophetic than cliché, and my thoughts kept returning to my beloved Colt 45. After all, it was the Colt 45 that frequently woke me up at 3am begging me to drink it. "Come on, I know you want some, look, I've got a twist off cap for easy access!" it pleaded, and truthfully I didn't need much convincing. And so it was written, from that day forward I could continue to chug my Colt 45, sometimes double fisting, one in each hand. Occasionally I would pause to partake in some Saki, but it was the Colt 45 that quenched my thirst and dazzled my senses.
That is not to say that I don't appreciate milk, or that it doesn't have it's place. After all, I grew up on milk. It enabled me to have strong bones, healthy teeth and a beautiful smile. Wait...what was I talking about?
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-02-03 07:05:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-02-03 00:20:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
When my white friend started going out with an Asian guy, her parents told her that white ducks should stay with white ducks, brown ducks with brown ducks.
Thanks to that piece of misogynistic claptrap they now proudly refer to themselves as "naughty ducks".
Go the naughty ducks! I say swim in whatever pond you want.
-=-=-=-=-=-=--==
Misogynist?
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Maybe isolationist or close-mindedness, but certainly not misogynist. That refers to women only.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:52:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha, don't worry Miss Jaime I got my love for the white girls too. ; ) I'm aiight, sadly no pics through the mail lately. HA! How are u? Still on AIM?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2006-03-30 10:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
White girls rock. How you been ? any pics through the mail lately?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-02-03 07:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-02-03 00:20:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
When my white friend started going out with an Asian guy, her parents told her that white ducks should stay with white ducks, brown ducks with brown ducks.
Thanks to that piece of misogynistic claptrap they now proudly refer to themselves as "naughty ducks".
Go the naughty ducks! I say swim in whatever pond you want.
-=-=-=-=-=-=--==
Misogynist?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-03 06:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dull
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-02-03 00:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When my white friend started going out with an Asian guy, her parents told her that white ducks should stay with white ducks, brown ducks with brown ducks.
Thanks to that piece of misogynistic claptrap they now proudly refer to themselves as "naughty ducks".
Go the naughty ducks! I say swim in whatever pond you want.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2006-02-02 22:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, I didn't even really look at that link when I pasted it, that's fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-02 20:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2006-02-02 20:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Williamson, I think this should help...
http://bfcgroup.com/helluvatough/colt2.html
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-02-02 19:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got the metaphor... but what the hell is Colt 45? I would assume at first a gun though it has to be some sort of drink too... we obviously don't have it down under.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-02-02 17:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-02-02 17:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha... honky's gone crazy, yo.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks a lot, Dan. Your "mood blogging" made me spit coca-cola all over my keyboard at work.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice E
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:14:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stay away from Pisco.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:10:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That Colt 45 has an ass that doesn't quit
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one hilarious joke away from B@Q
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Black chicks is where itz at.
(Where it's at! I got two turntables and a microphone!)
But seriously folks, I don't know what all this milk and saki and tequilla and Colt 45 talk is about.
I like beer.
I'm also giving this a +2 because everyone else is.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post reminded me I could use some asian persuasion.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of all the women I've been with, I've never gotten an opportunity to partake of the sake. Or anything with fake...ice cubes.
Current mood: Forlorn
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post reminded of the old, short-lived advertising slogan "Get your stick dipped quicker, with St. Ides malt liquor."
Not quite as subtle as "Colt 45, Works Every Time."
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I drink bleach regularly.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:43:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"DARKNESS."
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha I get it, this is one of those metaphor things right? Marvelous.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interracial relationships? Sweet. Chugging CONDENSED milk? Impossible.
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two words: Old English
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment