What I Think About To Prevent Awkward Erections (6839 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.84 on 85 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (View user info) at 2006-01-18 13:47:57 EST
I was sitting around in my underwear this weekend, and I got a raging hard-on while watching The Simpsons for the fourth time that day. It was one of those erections where you can actually feel your penis do this little tremor thing where it shakes back and forth really fast because it's trying to either do an indian raindance or it's really cold inside your house. It made me smile. This penis, this testament to testosterone who has broken the hearts of so many vaginas, he was at his proudest at this moment. Massive isn't even a word I would use here, I'd go with bravery, which doesn't make sense at all so instead I'll just ramble on about how your dog reminds me of Santa Claus with his little beard and ability to visit every child on the planet in one night. I'm pretty sure my penis could do that if it had proper winter attire, which it does not.
But this is not about you buying my penis a miniature coat, though that would be nice. This is about what I envision in my head when I realize that my grandparents are making a suprise stop at my house to drop off some saurkraut and cabbage rolls (godamn germans) out of the clear blue sky.
You see, this happened to me yesterday, and I had to think of a solution and quickly. It was at this moment that I knew I had to go into emergency mode, and summon up the thought, that one thing I think about when I want my penis to settle down. Every man has one. It's the one thing you can conjure in that thick skull of ours that will make the blood recede from your dick quicker than a polar bear who's close to the equator. I use it maybe once every few months or so, like when i'm standing in line at the grocery and see a hot chick, or if I'm driving to the kid's hospital and I see a hot chick, basically the ingredients are hot chicks and public places for the horndog pie that is me. It has never failed, and I have never been caught doing that odd stance where you try and pull your pelvis back to hide said erection, only to end up looking like you're trying to attract large black men to your ass that now looks like it's the size of a beachball.
I've asked other guys before what their specific "thought" was, and usually it was along the lines of a fat/old woman in a small bikini of sorts, or some other thought involving a woman of extreme physical deformalities. Are you kidding me? How is that not a sexual thought? It pisses me off, frankly. YOU'RE STILL FOCUSING ON WOMEN. Every second counts, especially when you are dealing with relatives.
What's that? I'm pretending like I can hear you asking me a question? Who in their right minds reads something off the internet and asks questions to the computer screen when you're obviously alone in the first place? What do I think about? What's my emergency release?
It's golden, it really is, though it almost didn't work because I kept gagging on the odor that was permeating the front door. I've been using it since I was 14, when the technique was introduced to me by my friends during lunch one afternoon. They told me about the crazy ability to stop boners with my mind, and being that I was 14 I couldn't stop laughing at the word boner.
Still cemented to the couch in my undies, with my grandparents slowly growing impatient in the blistering cold, I began to conjure up an image that is so unsexual that I could feel the effects within seconds...
I think about a chair. It's sitting in this room, and I rotate it with my mind and continually chant "chair, chair, chair, chair, chair" until the word begins to lose meaning. It's made out of wood, and it's not a rocking chair because I like to have sex in those. That's pretty much it. That's my de-boning method. Chair. I don't think about sitting in the chair, I don't imagine that the chair is a baby and wants me to feed it Gerber baby food or anything, I just think of it as the simple object that it is. I tried different things like toilets and thrones just thinking that they were modified chairs over the years, but nothing works the magic like good old chair. I'd even go so far as to say that I would like to marry all chairs in the world because I think about them more than women it seems like nowadays. Then I could have sex with the chairs, which would mean that I think they ARE sexy, which would then crush my mind under the overpowering weight of irony. Yeah, scratch that marriage thing, then.
Anyways, after about 15 seconds of chair time, the excitement in my loins was gone, and I greeted my grandparents with open arms and slightly sagging tits. I forgot that I was only sporting my tighty whites, but they're german and understand that a man needs to rub leftover dinner his grandparents had last night all over until it's time to pass out from the euphoria. After a few minutes of asking me about when I'm going to have offspring and shoving broccoli down my throat, I sent them on their way and settled back into my position on the couch with cabbage rolls in hand.
I sat in silence, pondering over what had just transpired. Sure, chair saved me again just in the knick of time, but I had a feeling it wasn't going to last me forever like I thought it would. Now I want to marry and have consensual sex with all the chairs in the world, but I still need something to stop my public pudges around hot chicks and elders so that they don't get jealous and divorce my ass. But what? What could possibly take the place of my rock of nine years and counting? What could be even less sexual than a chair?
...................
cabbage rolls, cabbage rolls, cabbage rolls, cabba-
............
Godamn it, I just orgasmed.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-30 20:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-24 02:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe penis coat. why hide the boner. gives us girls something to point at when in line at the grocery store. i mean well since you're already pointing at us.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-19 21:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to become a discordian along with me. Look it up on wikipedia and then read this book: http://www.poee.co.uk/doc_files/pd.pdf
It's right down your isle. Besides, I already declare you one so there's nothing you can do about it. Bitch.
I'm also going to go ahead and start calling you "bladder" from now on as your name looks like "Gall" and that's my favourite kind of bladder.
Anyways, learn to read and join the good fight of not much.
Let me know what you think or I'll find your family tree and use it to build a rocking horse which I'll NEVER rock even once. Just to spite you and your grandpa Jeb.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-01-19 18:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The sound of teeth scraping on concrete... but if I go too far and imagine the follwing curbing, it's erect again.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-01-19 10:05:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm always erect. I just tell people I'm really happy to meet them.
------------
Where's my fucking peanut butter, dude? I opened that last box you sent me expecting my monthly shipment and all I found was this chimpanzee with a mullet (not the hair style, a real goddamned mullet) on his head, feeding on the dessicated remains of Scott Baio. He leaped out onto my head, took a shit on my shoulder and has been screaming something about chromed dog whistles ever since.
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THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO HULK HOGAN GODAMMIT! Send him back, and I'll be sure to probably fuck up again and re-send the monkey back to you.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-19 12:23:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just think about you and then I forget about my erection because I'm too busy getting fucked in the mouth by a German nigger named Alfonso.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-01-19 10:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cabbage rolls? We always called them "Pigs in a blanket".
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-19 10:12:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You could've put some freaking trousers on...
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-01-19 10:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm always erect. I just tell people I'm really happy to meet them.
------------
Where's my fucking peanut butter, dude? I opened that last box you sent me expecting my monthly shipment and all I found was this chimpanzee with a mullet (not the hair style, a real goddamned mullet) on his head, feeding on the dessicated remains of Scott Baio. He leaped out onto my head, took a shit on my shoulder and has been screaming something about chromed dog whistles ever since.
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2006-01-19 09:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wear mine like a badge of pride. No need to suppress it, right ladies? You don't go covering up when your nips get hard, do you? Please say no...that's so sexy.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-19 09:02:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love when you post.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-19 05:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, now I assiciate sex with chairs.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-01-19 05:34:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what my other half thinks about... I think I might ask him.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-19 05:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think about the time my wife's great-great-aunt flashed her 93 year old coot at us while she was sitting down in a chair. Wasn't wearing any undergarments underneath her skirt.
*shudders*
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2006-01-19 02:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to think of baseball (a sport I just don't enjoy) until I would watch a game with my friends and get an erection. Kindof a Pavlovian response since I only thought of baseball during sex to calm me down or to rid myself of a boner.
Now I just need two words and my peener shrinks up inside me:
Elanor Roosevelt
Just one thought of that wrinkle bag and I'm safe, and sterile.
Banga
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
solid.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cabbage makes me fart. No seriously.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think of aluminum foil...
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-18 19:03:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to the ol' "Tuck it up under the elastic" method?
Of course you need to be wearing shorts first. And a shirt.
--------------
That's my method. It's perfect for early morning breakfast situations
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, dude, ya gotta count, and visualize the numbers in big, block format. Generally green or yellow in color and on a darkish background. If you're not flagging by twenty, then cut it off.
You read that right, by the way.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-18 19:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But this is not about you buying my penis a miniature coat, though that would be nice.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-18 19:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to the ol' "Tuck it up under the elastic" method?
Of course you need to be wearing shorts first. And a shirt.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-18 18:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold.
(I use flag ceremonies)
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I desperately hope that your jizz isn't that orange stuff on your cabbage roll.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never had an awkward erection. I bask in the glory of all my erections, be it in front of the class, in front of the boss, or in front of the grandparents.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
akward and this post was tight like my virgin pony i mean wirlgriend
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:19:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty watched the oven as the timer counted down
Grinning like a wildcat, just like a circus clown
As the timer dinged he put the mitten on his hand
Scooped the pot pie from the tray and flipped it out the pan
"Now, my dear, it's time I show you just what lovin's 'bout,"
Then he dropped his trousers and he whipped his dangle out
"Chicky chicky pot pie, you're the one for which I yearn!"
Deep he plunged his hangdown, then he screamed "Oh Crips, it burns!"
Kiddies, here's a lesson from your Uncle 'Gasmatron:
Wait a while before you rape a pot pie with your dong,
Don't you be like Berty, for his shonce is scarred and torched
Give the pie five minutes for to cool, and then it's yours.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:39:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
chicken pot chicken pot chicken pot pie!
--------------------------------------------
Although delicious, I can't see how you would not find chicken pot pie downright fucking sexy. That flaky crust, the chicken mixture that feels like the inside of a woman, the pan that reflects my beautifully structured face back to me......you see this? That nose? Holy shit, I almost fainted. Look at my biceps as they're sprawled across the floor....they look monstrous....triceps and lats could use some work, though.....I'm writing a reply to myself again, aren't I? Just so no one freaks out at my narcissism, I tend to drown swans to get off.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
chicken pot chicken pot chicken pot pie!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fucking excellent.
What a great way to go.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that was fucking great, 0-tron. All this "Paris" talk makes me want to stand in one position for eight hours and not change my facial expression. I also feel like buying some sort of exotic, bug-eyed, mammal to abuse and use as a fashion accessory. I also feel like dating Method for some odd reason.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron is definitely the best replier on Uber.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Paris the Bukkake Queen
Went out late Friday night
Downtown to her favorite club
Called "Lovely Milky White"
Inside found she fifty men
Alone with juice to spare
So they took their pants off
And revealed their pubic hair
Paris sat there smiling
As they stroked this way and that
Then a shout rang out beside her
And a load went 'splat!'
Right across her forehead
Ran the stranger's heavy load
Fifteen minutes later
She was doused from head to toe
"More, men! I want more" said Paris,
Bubbles 'round her lips,
So the men kept stroking,
You could hear them move their wrists,
Shicka-shicka-shicka was
The sound of well-rubbed dicks,
Paris got her fill again
But it was much too thick,
One by one by one the men
All came inside her mouth
Paris tried to get away
But rough hands held her down
"She's just trying to be coy"
The men said as they stroked
Down below them on her knees
She writhed and slowly choked.
Half an hour later when the
Final man had shot
They wiped the semen from her face
(Long cooled, no longer hot)
Bulging eyes stared at them all
For Paris, whore, was dead
So they left here where she lay
With cum all o'er her head.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:29:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, now my ass hurts AND I'm hungry.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:17:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
HV, If I could think of a worse word than Cunt, that would be Paris. Cunt is too nice of a word.
I really don't get why guys want to bang her.
I think my hubby would, just to bukkake on her face. I'd approve that. But only after he's been in my ass after a night of mexican food, boiled eggs and bloody mary's.
----
Mistress don't forget to +2 when you talk to someone on someone elses post.
Oh whatever you 'don't do anal'.
Obviously your husband is WAY too leinant with you. He's gotta force that shit when your sleeping. Then you wake up and discover you are paralyzed from the neck down because of specific placement of a needle in your neck that causes random paralysis because I saw it in a martial arts movie. Not only THAT but your husbands cock is jammed deep in your colon.
Your an Uberslut poser. But I still love you. :-p
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cabbage rolls = stuffed cabbage = galumpkis (sp?)
...are delicious.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HV, If I could think of a worse word than Cunt, that would be Paris. Cunt is too nice of a word.
I really don't get why guys want to bang her.
I think my hubby would, just to bukkake on her face. I'd approve that. But only after he's been in my ass after a night of mexican food, boiled eggs and bloody mary's.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:01:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:57:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:42:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would you even want to have sex with Paris Hilton? Seriously I would NOT hit that, I don't understand why she is a sex symbol. To me it's like fucking a retarded girl. Look at her eyes, they give away a complete lack of intelligence.
===========================================================
Fucking exactly!!!!!!! She is such a waste of human space. What a vapid whore.
I would never ever rape her, and not in a trillion years give her a cupcake either.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
What pisses me off most is that she is so fucking full of herself and she has her ego fed by horny guys and stupid ass girls who want to be her. I don't like to use this word, but by god I have to say it.
That bitch is a stupid fucking cunt.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:57:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:42:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would you even want to have sex with Paris Hilton? Seriously I would NOT hit that, I don't understand why she is a sex symbol. To me it's like fucking a retarded girl. Look at her eyes, they give away a complete lack of intelligence.
===========================================================
Fucking exactly!!!!!!! She is such a waste of human space. What a vapid whore.
I would never ever rape her, and not in a trillion years give her a cupcake either.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:41:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think of baseball.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:15:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The title got you an auto +2.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why am I now bleeding from my anus profusely, AwesomeJohnson?
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3.
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try that.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:56:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I don't think an old lady wants to see how their grandchildren rank on that chart there ubetidid.
----
My grandmother did, but then again, family reunions with my family were always really awkward. I can't believe how many times I had to yell out "GOD DAMN IT UNCLE PAT GET YOUR HAND OFF MY ASS!"
And I'm a guy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After I get done banging Paris, perhaps her head will fit on her neck straight.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I don't think an old lady wants to see how their grandchildren rank on that chart there ubetidid.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:54:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
personally i just don't see this as a problem. don't hide your boners. BE PROUD OF THEM AND SHOW THEM OFF TO THE WORLD! We ladies like to see who has the biggest.
-----
We're not hiding them from you, we're hiding them from your grandparents who are standing right next to you.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
personally i just don't see this as a problem. don't hide your boners. BE PROUD OF THEM AND SHOW THEM OFF TO THE WORLD! We ladies like to see who has the biggest.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha!
If anyone at Uber is gonna get me fired, it's you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Paris might be good for a rage fuck. Good, cathartic "angry at the world" sex, with her box bearing the brunt of humanity's sins, much like Jesus on the cross years ago.
But that's it.
Beyond that, Paris Hilton's only real use is for bedding for Fatmouse.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:24:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
I tend to think about what it must have been like to be forced into a gas chamber with friends, family and strangers in Auschwitz.
Does the trick every time. "Farewell, chubber" in less than ten seconds.
----
That's not how you kill an erection, that's how you kill a Jew.
Heehee....Fuck I'm going to hell if there is one.
Why would you even want to have sex with Paris Hilton? Seriously I would NOT hit that, I don't understand why she is a sex symbol. To me it's like fucking a retarded girl. Look at her eyes, they give away a complete lack of intelligence.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Start naming players from the Yankees' Lineup in the 80's starting with Don Mattingly. Should do the trick.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow... you're like a public service poster
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn I love Russian cabbage rolls......
*ejaculates*
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:22:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:15:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
A dairy farm?
If you tell me that's where I can find Paris Hilton, I'm SO there, dude.
----------------------------------------------------------
She's already been milked by the entire southwest part of the state, but, hey if you want to give it a go with her, I'll drive...
....And this is when I get banned and attacked by her lawyers, right?
-----
Only if it's not true, which means you're safe.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heehee. Nice. I actually have an automatic reaction where just me thinking "I need to be rid of this boner" makes it go away. That and I am frequently flaccid.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tend to think about what it must have been like to be forced into a gas chamber with friends, family and strangers in Auschwitz.
Does the trick every time. "Farewell, chubber" in less than ten seconds.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:15:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
A dairy farm?
If you tell me that's where I can find Paris Hilton, I'm SO there, dude.
----------------------------------------------------------
She's already been milked by the entire southwest part of the state, but, hey if you want to give it a go with her, I'll drive...
....And this is when I get banned and attacked by her lawyers, right?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A dairy farm?
If you tell me that's where I can find Paris Hilton, I'm SO there, dude.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the title and the piggies. ill read it later.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I misread that, Teeph. And now I want to kill myself :(
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's just what my buddies suggested, Teeph. MY friends. Think about that.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Shlongy, when are you coming to Ohio? We could, let's see, it's winter so....we....could....TOTALLY GET ERECTIONS AND GO TO WAL-MART, SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF THE GREETERS, MAN!!!! CABBAGE ROLLS! CABBAGE ROLLS! CHUBBY!
We could also go bowling, or to the riverboats. We also have a dairy farm around here, somewhere.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this made me very hot. is that wrong?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just think about the fact that I am 33. =(
What I find most disturbing about all of this is that the sight, sound presence or even the briefest thought of grandma didn't take care of the problem instantly.
Submitted by DeadHorse (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by stuckfix (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the nonsense parts of it. Good stuff.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
food and chair
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank God for that.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
by the way, I categorize Tuesdays as part of the weekend because I don't have to work that day. That's not confusing, right? I don't like confusing people.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:55:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What goes on in that head of yours? A chair? That's so silly.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
23 and still no Peener control? You need more than cabbage rolls.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts...
I'll give it a whirl seeing as i work in a high school, it happens more often than not
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Random
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
meeoooOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW KITTY WANT MILK
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:53:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love...chair. I love desk. I love carpet....
I love lamp.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah...so? What's so unusual about this?
To me, it just sounds like Wednesday.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nothing sexier than a hot, Steamy cabbage roll.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:50:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
true story