I am banned from Blanchard's Liquor (678 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.35 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dino Lamino <minimumdino.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-10 16:41:19 EST
I can remember since I was old enough to buy that one store in my town always had the cheapest liquor available. As time went on, I saw how that low profit margin reflected on the help. A few of my buddies worked there, but never for long, because they did not suck at life as much as the long term employees.
Several times I had been making purchases, and they asked me for ID's from the people in the car. Like that makes a difference... I could buy the liquor and give it to Michael Jackson's kids and call it Jesus Juice. I really don't remember ever hearing of a liquor store going under cause they sold liquor to someone who drank it with someone else who possibly could not have been 21. So I ran out, grabbed my friend, came back in and showed the ID. She told me I had to wait in line, I told her I already waited in line, so promptly told her to fuck herself and left.
Well I've had several other shitty experiences, like driving up at 10:50 and have them close the door on my face. Or when I was there with my friend who had an expired ID from Pennsylvania, and they wouldn't sell to me with the valid ID. Yeah, like my friend's new ID would prove he actually was younger than the last ID, or something...
Last summer, I decided around four in the afternoon I wanted to get me a fifth of tequila. I went over my buddy's house down the street, and came back with him an hour later cause we wanted to stay awake past 8, and wanted some beer before we cracked the Souza. So around five I come back in with friend and grab the 12 of Bud, and walk towards the line and wait. Sure enough The Carder who ID'd my friend waiting in the car a few months before is about to happily ring us out.
"Hey Cunt-stantinus!" OH how CLEVER! A twist on my real first name, Constantinos. This comes out of the mouth of minimum wage worker #2, the Cunt that rang up my bottle at four oclock. "How many times you gonna come in here tonite?"
Oh, how I love attitude! It's like the wheels on the bus, goes round and round! "Well... it all depends... you know those kids, always so thirsty! Maybe a few more times tonite!" As I am returning the attitude to Cunt, I hand the ten dollar bill to The Carder.
"Well you know, you dont have to serve him," says Cunt. The Carder throws my ten dollar bill back at me. Literally. Threw.
"FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH." <---- guess who said that
So I drove down the street. Mind you, there are 400 liquor stores on Cape Cod (I guess). In the vicinity of Blanchards, you can see another one. And about 4 others are about a rocks throw away. So I had an idea instantly and it was a good one. I drove where I could've ran in the same time, bought a 12 pack, drove right back to the store, and presented what they decided they didn't want to give me.
"Hey," I call out for The Carder. (You can imagine where this is going...)
"Next time you go to the beach, you probably want to leave the sand there and not in your vagina."
Needless to say.... I'm obviously banned. A few nights ago I decided to go back and see if they remembered, and sure enough, The Carder was right where she was last summer... hahaha.
"GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!! HEY HEY HEY YOU! YOU! GET OUT!" I look at her screaming at me, face red. My expressionless face slowly turned to a wide dumb grin.
"Who, MEEE? Do I HAAAAVE TOOOOOOOOO?" Grin never went away. So I left her with the parting words.... "SEE YA LATER SANDY!" Oh man, I'm a dick.
The lesson here is... I dunno. I'm Greek I guess that explains a lot.
User Reviews
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-01-12 07:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Spamming people's posts is ghey.
How ironic that I'm spamming yours!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:58:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Smithens (user info) at 2006-01-11 07:56:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:01:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
YOUR POST BLOWS, DICKSHINE <---- guess who said that
Hey why dont you write a whitty rhyming retort?
---
Some people deserve them. Some people don't.
And sometimes I just want to throw out the word 'dickshine.'
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<WHITTY WHITTY WHITTY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I would write a whitty retort but there's no such thing.
OH, did you mean W-I-T-T-Y?
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-11 16:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
mmmmmm..... dickshine
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Smithens (user info) at 2006-01-11 07:56:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:01:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
YOUR POST BLOWS, DICKSHINE <---- guess who said that
Hey why dont you write a whitty rhyming retort?
---
Some people deserve them. Some people don't.
And sometimes I just want to throw out the word 'dickshine.'
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
LAZER BEAM
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hear someone has a sandy vagina in these parts.
Is it you? Are they your parts?
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-11 11:33:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what's really gay?
That's right. Revenge -2ing
Submitted by Smithens (user info) at 2006-01-11 07:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:01:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
YOUR POST BLOWS, DICKSHINE <---- guess who said that
Hey why dont you write a whitty rhyming retort?
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:09:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get goatse'd
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:16:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the hits, buddy!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the hits, buddy!
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:01:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
YOUR POST BLOWS, DICKSHINE <---- guess who said that
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You beat me to it.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I Lamino'd your mom.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Win a Darwin Award please.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
:-D
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I dunno. I'm Greek I guess that explains a lot."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAHAHA!!!!!!! YOU TOLD HER SHE HAD SAND IN HER VAGINA!!!!!!
ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL!!!!!!
+2!
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!! HEY HEY HEY YOU! YOU! GET OUT!"
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For some reason I picture an asian lady yelling this......
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:02:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Method?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOUR POST BLOWS, DICKSHINE <---- guess who said that
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
6jwry sfg nsfgnsryn srynwyrhnwsryxnythj6 8i5798iryufmghmsfnsnmsfhm
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How many licks does it take to get to the center of how much this post sucks?
Answer at 11.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You spelled Sauza wrong (Souza? Like a souzaphone? I made that up but it's close to sounding like a real instrument), and from what I can gather you might have homoerotic tendencies. So here's some advice; quit drinking, start smoking shitloads of pot, and you won't have the motivation to go out and do something stupid, like considering procreating.