So THAT’S what friends are for?? - My first Girl on Girl Experience (4921 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.62 on 85 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Professional Peon <prof_peon.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-12-13 00:55:25 EST
Although no one may have noticed, I've been in a little slump lately when it comes to my writing. So a friend had suggested that I dig deep and release the inner Jugsy.
I thought long and hard and said "I know! Guys LOVE lesbian stories!" Chicks love fights. So I present to you the best of both worlds from the inner recesses of my memory.
This story starts much the same as most of my old stories do. I was working retail and one night we decided to hang out at Hooters for beer. This time I was not the only poonanie in the group. I was accompanied by a friend I'll call Corey.
Now Corey and I had become friends since she started working with me. Not like 'I will share all my secrets with you' kind of friends, well, because we all know I'm not that kind of girl. We were more like 'I would sooooo make out with you if you needed to pretend you were ghey' kind of friends.
So after a few beers Corey invites me back to her place to hang out. Her and her boyfriend (who I will refer to as Crack-head Jackass or 'CJ' for short) had recently broken up and she was having a hard time adjusting to life on her own. It was a little after midnight, and I didn't have anything to do the next morning anyway so I thought what the hell.
I drove her back to her place and we cracked open a couple of beers and began to veg on the couch with a good movie. We barely got through the credits when the phone rings... and rings... and rings.
"Uhhhhhhh aren't you gonna answer that?" I ask.
"No, it's just CJ. I'll let the machine get it."
"Cool."
Shortly after the machine begins flashing to notify her of a new message, the phone begins to ring again.
And again...
You get the fucking idea.
Me: I can't take this I'm going to answer it.
Corey: Sure, go ahead.
Me: Hello, Corey's place not Corey speaking how may I help you?
CJ: I know she's there put her on the phone bitch.
Me: I'm sorry I didn't catch your name?
CJ: PUT HER ON THE FUCKING PHONE YOU FUCKING CUNT!
Me: Oh... okay, since you put it that way.
*Click*
We had about fifteen seconds of silence before the phone began to ring again. Corey began to look really worried look on her face and was beginning to chew away the ends of her fingernails. So again I answered the phone.
Me: Have we learned some manners yet?
CJ: DON'T YOU EVER HANG UP ON ME YOU FUCKING WHORE!
Me: I'll take that as a no. Is there something I can help you with?
CJ: Put the Bitch on the phone.
Me: I'm sorry, she's in the shower, I could go get her if you want, but I can't promise I'll be out right away.... If, of course, that's okay with you?
CJ: I know she's there put her on the fucking phone before I FUCK UP YOUR LITTLE RED CAR!!
*Click*
"He's outside and he can see my fucking car." I said as I ran to the window and surveyed the street.
"Oh my God, oh my God!"
"Corey, damn! Calm down, so what if he's outside. You took his key back didn't you?"
"Yeah, but............"
"Yeah but what?" I asked not really wanting to know the answer
"We kinda broke up because he started using again. He's probably all fucked up right now. That's usually when he calls."
"Oh Christ, just great how big is this guy?"
"He's about your height I guess."
"Oh, well.........then I wouldn't worry." Although I'm only five foot six I was quite a bit taller then her. I tried to get her to calm down the best that I could.
That's when we heard tires screeching out-front followed by someone on the street hollering her name. She tells me to wait in her apartment and heads downstairs out of fear he will wake the neighbors and have her evicted. I tried to reason with her, but she felt that both of us together would send him into a defensive rage.
I waited at the top of the stairs with the door cracked so I could hear. However it didn't work out too well because I couldn't make out anything they were saying. After a few minutes I was able to make out one thing, the very noticeable and obvious sound of his hand connecting to her face.
I flew down the stairs like a bat out of hell. He backed off when he saw a pissed off girl his own size coming at him.
Corey stood between us to shield me from him. In what I can assume was drug induced shitty vision he swung at me and hit her right upside her head. He fucking cold cocked her. She fell to the ground crying and I told her to stay there.
I asked him if his dick was too small to take on a girl his own size. He began to back away insisting his fight wasn't with me.
"You fucking needledick bastard! Where the fuck are you going?"
"Bitch this ain't your fight."
"Oh, no... you just made it my fight. You think I'm gonna let you beat the shit outta my friend and do nothing. Pretty easy to smack around a girl that's smaller then you isn't it.... PUSSY!?"
That's when he flicked his lit cigarette...........
Into........ my........... fucking.......... eye.
I covered my face and began wailing about how he blinded me while I searched the front of my shirt for his lit cigarette. It took a second to register that it caught my eye on the filter end and had fallen into the grass.
After blinking a few times my vision was okay, and I noticed him heading towards me and apologizing. He started to kneel down in front of me to see if I was okay. That's when I swung a backhanded fist out and connected it with his jaw.
He stumbled back and kindly informed me that he was going to "fucking kill me."
Corey was still sitting on the ground crying and pleading for us to stop fighting. Every time she tried to talk he began to move towards her with his fist raised. Every time I would move towards her he would back off. The whole experience was very surreal. He wanted to beat the living shit out of this girl, but for some reason was afraid of me. I got tired of him threatening Corey and told him that if he didn't leave I would make him sorry.
"You won't do shit bitch!"
I looked at him dead in the eyes, and did what any Philly girl with common sense would do. I screamed "FIRE!" at the top of my lungs.
Repeatedly.
A light flicked on in the upstairs window of the house across the street. A shadow pulled the curtains away and stared at us for a few seconds before retreating back into the bedroom.
For the first time I felt scared that no help would come. He rushed at me when my attention was focused on the window and plowed me right over. He grabbed Corey by the hair and started dragging her to his car.
I fucking lost it.
He was trying to shove her into his car while Corey could do nothing but flail her arms and claw at his.
I went into my car and pulled out my new best friend. The CLUB. I started beating on his car screaming for him to let her go, still yelling FIRE intermittently.
"The windows are next if you don't let go of her MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Shut the fuck up!"
*Smash* went his rear taillight.
"You bitch you broke my car! You are dead!" He dropped Corey like a hot potato, hopped into his front seat and started the ignition. I now stood in between his car and mine; rear bumper to rear bumper.
He slammed the door shut and his reverse light came on.
I don't know what pissed me off more, the thought of him hitting my car, or attempting to sever my legs. Either way it wasn't happening. I hopped up onto the trunk of my Dodge Shadow and stuck my legs out. He slammed on the gas. I caught his trunk with my feet and realized I was a FRIGGIN MORON.
I couldn't move, I was afraid of loosing my balance and falling in between the cars. Then something strange happened. His tires began to squeal, and then smoke. It wasn't more than a few seconds, but to my legs it felt like an eternity. The thought that I was going to die crossed my mind, and then I looked up...
And saw cop car lights. Not one, not two, but five cars and a paddy wagon.
CJ saw them too. He shifted gears to first and took off like a bat out of hell. One officer pulled up next to me. Corey yelled out "He's got no license, the car isn't registered, I... I think it's stolen."
I cut her off - still panting from exhaustion- "And he just tried to fucking kill me."
I collapsed on the ground a mound of jelly legs. My body shook from all the adrenaline.
The cops hauled ass down the street after him. I leaned against the back of my car and looked at Corey. I couldn't help but think here is a girl who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Why would she let him, or anybody, treat her this way? I still don't understand it. Maybe one day after I grow up I will.
"Can you help me up? My legs aren't working so well at the moment."
Corey smiled and helped me back into her apartment.
"I can't believe you did that for me.....thank you!"
I simply shrugged "What are friends for?"
She took my hand and led me off to the bedroom. "Well, somebody's about to find out."
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-27 17:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As to why I picked up on your stuff - you had made some halarious comment on somebody's post, and then I thought "hmm, what's she all about again" and clicked on your post history, and found
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63646
and thought, "mmm, those are gorgeous eyes, she's really pretty" so then I went to your first post, and laughed, and every one of your posts were funny, so I just keep clicking, and they're all good, unlike this giant run-on sentence.
I like your posts, you should post more!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-20 13:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-04 11:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What TigerLilly said. :)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-20 17:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bitch had it coming if you ask me!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-20 17:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see Part II should be done sometime around New Year
09
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-15 21:32:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
should've just cut the whole intro and told the story.
i liked it.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-15 16:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PP, now that I have read some of your work, I insist that you come to play in the mountains with us
I said INSIST dammit!
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-12-14 16:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How didn't I rate this before? I could have sworn I did...
Either way, I really enjoyed this.
Oh, and check your email. :)
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-12-13 20:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thing I just augasmed.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Abusive men is something i will never understand. Good story Miss Peon.
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:08:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME. If I'm ever in Philly, drunk, and need some back-up, I'm calling you.
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD, I love being a jerk.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was questioning the girl on girl part, good sir.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:14:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:49:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wowsy wow wow wow.
You fought the good fight, and wound up getting the girl in the end.
Good for you!
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Agreed. But where is the girl on girl action at?
------------------
Uh.... part 2?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:49:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wowsy wow wow wow.
You fought the good fight, and wound up getting the girl in the end.
Good for you!
-----
Agreed. But where is the girl on girl action at?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
needs less violence, more sex
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAWT
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
badass.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:11:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for standing up for what's right
Submitted by pfs4life321 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Guys LOVE lesbian stories!" Chicks love fights.
I read this far and was impressed
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wowsy wow wow wow.
You fought the good fight, and wound up getting the girl in the end.
Good for you!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Kick his ass, Seabass!"
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:42:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yay lesbians
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for lesbian seagulls
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So what?
Friends are for helping you wash your back, take a dump, what? I don't understand.
Please explain
<Unzips fly>
<Reaches for hand cream>
Well, come on then.
I'm waiting.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:46:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Boobs
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you PP, you dick tease. Hahaha.
It better be good or I'll personally hunt you down and...........I don't know but it'll be good.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHA I will do a follow up then. But it most likely will have to wait until Friday night. I have holiday events to attend :-(
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.75 average review. Failure to have the post up by noon, CST with some fucking hot details will result in a few -2s for cockteasing. Make me proud! *slaps ass* gogogo!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Finish the story PP and fuck the polls. If xcuses wants more, he gets more. I hate talking in third person
<beats xcuses>
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:57:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
Half a positive rating for leaving me at half-mast. Thanks a bunch!
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Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:49:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more lesbianism, and me filming it
**********************
It seems the popular opinion is that I should finish the story???
Votes being taken...... NOW!
P.S. - Chick votes count as two!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:58:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
doesn't a_reader go to high school and work in a dominos?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and i was SO convinced every woman in philadelphia was a nasty 300lb black lady with no teeth and saggy tits named laquisha. i'm glad i was wrong.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Half a positive rating for leaving me at half-mast. Thanks a bunch!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more lesbianism, and me filming it
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:16:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been looking for you for a while you fucking bitch. I find you on Uber now? Fuck you i should have taken off your legs.
----------------
HAHAHAHAHAAAAA
BTW Hadley if you are out there I blame you for all my proofreading mistakes as you bailed on me last night. How dare you ditch me for that bitch named 'sleep'
She's a whore anyway.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been looking for you for a while you fucking bitch. I find you on Uber now? Fuck you i should have taken off your legs.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:10:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty he was giving me shit about my lack of 'writing skillz'
Then I looked at his stats, and flipped my monitor the bird.
I'm better now.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:42:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, thanks for the advice.....or whatever you call it
Everything you ever wanted to know about a_reader
User id: 17914
Registered on or around: 2005-04-06 00:17:12
# Messages posted: 54
# Reviews written: 1066
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 924
# Hits: 26434
Average rating of all messages: 0.51
-----------------------
What was that in aid of?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So...did she taste good?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:42:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, thanks for the advice.....or whatever you call it
Everything you ever wanted to know about a_reader
User id: 17914
Registered on or around: 2005-04-06 00:17:12
# Messages posted: 54
# Reviews written: 1066
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 924
# Hits: 26434
Average rating of all messages: 0.51
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-13 07:42:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't understand the reviews on this, talk about gripping. Was this a true story, certainly sounded like it? Either way, good job.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-13 06:46:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:28:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Although no one may have noticed, I've been in a little slump lately when it comes to my writing.
-------------------------------------------
unfortunately i fear you did nothing to resurrect (if i can be so bold as to say the word resurrect) your writing abilities in this post.
not only was it completely void of any imagery whatsoever, overused cliches really piss me off. and you used "bat out of hell" twice in a span of less than what must have been four pages. the only thing saving this from a -2 was that clearly you have a desire to get better or at least a passion for writing.
that being said, go back over this story and read it to yourself. i think you'll see what i mean. i would also suggest changing it to third person
This wouldn't have been so highly recieved if it weren't for the rugmunching.
*****************************
I always have trouble writing from memory **YES IT IS A TRUE STORY**
I noticed as I typed this my eye started to twitch and my anger flared, all the while I kept brushing away the cigarette like it had just happened.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-12-13 08:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh, +1 for the tale, -1 for stopping at the best part, +1 for managing to make a character the victim of domestic violence and not having me think she deserved it for being so dumb.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 07:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank God for the "Director's Cut" which should be in my inbox, right? RIGHT?
And I gotta say, Zoidberg cracked me the fuck up down there...
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-13 07:42:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't understand the reviews on this, talk about gripping. Was this a true story, certainly sounded like it? Either way, good job.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-13 07:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno. Not really exciting. Didn't exactly deliver what I felt was promised to me.
A solid "Meh"
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-13 07:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bah. you're just a internet pseudo-bi attention hole like so many other women on this site.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-12-13 06:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
didnt' really like it. sure, the overly obvious lesbian overtones didn't suck that much, but i don't know your characters, other than the fact that the other chick is a gets-beat-by-her-boyfriend kind of broad that nobody could ever respect.
anyone who's in a bad relationship like that and can't end it...any girl who has a psycho who has threatened violence at her door whod oes not call the police...gets no respect from me.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-13 06:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:28:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Although no one may have noticed, I've been in a little slump lately when it comes to my writing.
-------------------------------------------
unfortunately i fear you did nothing to resurrect (if i can be so bold as to say the word resurrect) your writing abilities in this post.
not only was it completely void of any imagery whatsoever, overused cliches really piss me off. and you used "bat out of hell" twice in a span of less than what must have been four pages. the only thing saving this from a -2 was that clearly you have a desire to get better or at least a passion for writing.
that being said, go back over this story and read it to yourself. i think you'll see what i mean. i would also suggest changing it to third person
This wouldn't have been so highly recieved if it weren't for the rugmunching.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-13 06:46:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:12:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
But on the other, homosexuality is a sin, and I can't in good conscience give a +2 to something like that.
*************************
Bwah ha ha ha ha!
This was a wild tale, Peon. Yowsers. What the hell made you think you could halt a car with your legs?? Well, at least your car wasn't damaged and your femurs didn't snap.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-12-13 06:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:12:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I'm conflicted.
On the one hand I admire you for saving her from an abusive ex.
But on the other, homosexuality is a sin, and I can't in good conscience give a +2 to something like that.
______________________________________________________________________________________
PLUS FUCKING TWO FOR ZOIDBERG!
If I was considering fucking a guy, he'd be at the very top of the list.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-13 06:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this the perfect Uber post?
Let's see.
Lesbian action? Check.
Violence? Check.
Hero and villain? Check.
I call shenanigans, (for the last part), but even still, twas a sensational tale.
Submitted by gallowayveer (user info) at 2005-12-13 05:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i did not read a work as i have the attention span of a small turd but cool pic
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 05:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll listen to it when I go home.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 05:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 05:03:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I always imagine you talking in a high pitch semi-nasal tone.
Actually I have a confession to make.
Around 6 years ago me and some people went out on the piss for someone's birthday. I got wankered and was denied access to a club (what with being underage and everything) so I wandered the streets lost for awhile and sat down oustide the club to wait for my mates.
As I was there two lads ran up to the clubs bouncers. I remember one of the guys shouting at his mate (very vividly) "Leave it ken, leave it!" in the chaviest, squeakiest voice ever. If I hadn't been so cold I'd have died laughing.
Anyway, that's how I picture you and Williamson. No disrespect intended, it's just you kind of look a bit like them. Um. Sorry. Guess you don't owe me a pint anymore.
What does your voice sound like?
----------------------
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74947
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-13 05:03:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a cigarette to the eye once.
I was also the first officer EVER to, actually, break the elevator on the way up to the jail.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 05:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always imagine you talking in a high pitch semi-nasal tone.
Actually I have a confession to make.
Around 6 years ago me and some people went out on the piss for someone's birthday. I got wankered and was denied access to a club (what with being underage and everything) so I wandered the streets lost for awhile and sat down oustide the club to wait for my mates.
As I was there two lads ran up to the clubs bouncers. I remember one of the guys shouting at his mate (very vividly) "Leave it ken, leave it!" in the chaviest, squeakiest voice ever. If I hadn't been so cold I'd have died laughing.
Anyway, that's how I picture you and Williamson. No disrespect intended, it's just you kind of look a bit like them. Um. Sorry. Guess you don't owe me a pint anymore.
What does your voice sound like?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*adds the label "Deep/Husky/English" to the "Berty" voice*
Actually, most people on Ubersite sound kind of the same to me. You all speak to me in something close to my voice. Which is why it was strange reading Saxon's comments after meeting him, because he now sounds unique in a sea of computer voices.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No I don't want to hear it like that, mainly because I read that in the male voice in my head labelled "Berty", and thus it didn't do anything good.
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I dunno. Many laydeeeees have told me I have a very sexy voice. All deep and husky and English and stuff.
Anyway, you owe me a pint now.
*complicated hand gesture*
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for crazy drug addict getting the shit kicked out of him.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:37:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Even if she'd written that I'd have been happy. At least tell us who went first.
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It's blatently the girl becase:
A) Wossname led PP to Bedroom.
B) Wossname is used to sexual liasion immediatly after violence so she'll take the lead.
C) PP is expecting the 'night in shinging armour' treatment. (lots of hugging and oral)
I bet you ten english pounds I'm right.
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No I don't want to hear it like that, mainly because I read that in the male voice in my head labelled "Berty", and thus it didn't do anything good.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:37:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even if she'd written that I'd have been happy. At least tell us who went first.
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It's blatently the girl becase:
A) Wossname led PP to Bedroom.
B) Wossname is used to sexual liasion immediatly after violence so she'll take the lead.
C) PP is expecting the 'night in shinging armour' treatment. (lots of hugging and oral)
I bet you ten english pounds I'm right.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Although no one may have noticed, I've been in a little slump lately when it comes to my writing.
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unfortunately i fear you did nothing to resurrect (if i can be so bold as to say the word resurrect) your writing abilities in this post.
not only was it completely void of any imagery whatsoever, overused cliches really piss me off. and you used "bat out of hell" twice in a span of less than what must have been four pages. the only thing saving this from a -2 was that clearly you have a desire to get better or at least a passion for writing.
that being said, go back over this story and read it to yourself. i think you'll see what i mean. i would also suggest changing it to third person.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:26:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:09:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you skimped on the good bit. Or is the full version in the next post?
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What's there to tell? Girl licked her for a bit and then they swapped over and then they went to sleep.
That's the problem with Lesbians, it's rather dull to watch.
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Even if she'd written that I'd have been happy. At least tell us who went first.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:09:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you skimped on the good bit. Or is the full version in the next post?
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What's there to tell? Girl licked her for a bit and then they swapped over and then they went to sleep.
That's the problem with Lesbians, it's rather dull to watch.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:09:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you skimped on the good bit. Or is the full version in the next post?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 03:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What an exciting story.
Well that's dickheads for you. Still it's easy to see how it happens. Girl is perhaps drunk or fragile after breakup or similar, dickhead approaches her, she goes home with dickhead. Both Dickhead and Girl want relationship, Girl wants to be held by someone and doesn't care who, Dickhead feels much the same but is a dickhead so doesn't really know how not hurt the people around him.
I dunno. Stupid really. You're always better off with a Loser than a Dickhead. That's what the internet is for.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-13 03:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:12:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I'm conflicted.
On the one hand I admire you for saving her from an abusive ex.
But on the other, homosexuality is a sin, and I can't in good conscience give a +2 to something like that.
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. Great post, hope he gets his ass kicked/raped in jail.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wanna give you a negative rating for exploiting non existant/simple male vices but it was a good story nontheless.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I'm conflicted.
On the one hand I admire you for saving her from an abusive ex.
But on the other, homosexuality is a sin, and I can't in good conscience give a +2 to something like that.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-13 02:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
in that picture they look like one is regurgitating into the other ones mouth, mother-bird style.
i didnt think two hot chicks kissing could look gross, but apparently i was wrong.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yummmmeeeee- the end i mean. I have "kissing" curious girlfriends, and other more.... nevermind. For now.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GREEEN (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:03:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
u got eaten out.
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AHAHAHAHAHA
I can just imagine this guy sitting there in a hushed awe.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used those chicks in one of my posts. Too bad you aren't really one of them.
Submitted by GREEEN (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
u got eaten out.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-13 01:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 00:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hell will apparently freeze over when I get attachments to work correctly.
At least this way the post is SFW.
OH YEAH... AND SPELLCHECK IS FOR WUSSIES!!