So a Couple of NFL Cheerleaders Were Having Sex in a Nightclub Bathroom--What's the Big Fucking Deal, Bitch? (4113 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.89 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-11-07 11:39:16 EST
Based on the following article: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2216124
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Maid Angela and Maid Renee were sitting together in a booth in Banana Joseph's Taverne late one Saturday night, drinking fine water from crystalesque vials. They had been dancing together very provocatively for hours and were now content to sit and chat about whether or not the Carolina Panthers would reach the championship. The two women were, after all, cheerleaders for this group of warriors.
They were two quite attractive women. They were so attractive, as a matter of fact, no man could summon the courage to confront them in their hydration phase. The aura created by their combined perfection caused all heterosexual males in their vicinity to explode with rapture before they could get a word out. Thus, these dejected men sat together on the other end of the club with lonely hearts and stained pants.
"If only there were a way to get near enough to the maidens to court them," said one of the men, "and possibly gain their confidence and...their bodies."
"Oh, 'twas but a fortnight that I pillaged a damsel of comparable beauty in the bowels of this very place," commiserated his friend. "But there was only one damsel then. All her friends were mere trolls used to enhance her beauty. I could never think of approaching these two goddesses before us."
"Aye," replied a chorus of men gathered about them. There they sat for another hour sulking and swirling their beverages. Suddenly, a Chinaman appeared out of nowhere and yelled quite loudly:
"THE EFFEMINATE APOTHECALY!!!"
All the men looked at each other and the Chinaman in bewilderment. They were not quite sure of the meaning of his outburst.
"Excuse me, my yellow-skinned friend, but what is the meaning of your ejaculation [huh huh, huh huh]? Surely you do not suggest that we give up our quest for the goddesses in favor of that girly server? Because I will let you know right now that it was only a phase when I was a lad that lasted less than a moon..."
"Quiet, sirry sir. The interrigence I offah is simpre, yet veeelly effective. Now, risten crosery..." The men all gathered before the Chinaman with wide eyes. "Firstry, you must undahstand, that the two woman you see ovah theah ah nothing moah than common wenches!"
"NO!"
"IMPOSSIBLE!"
"BLASPHEMY!"
"BOLLOCKS!"
The men were dumbfounded to say the least. But they listened on.
"Yes, it is true. These wenches have incleased theah powahs by perfolming the Fleaky Dance fo the mystical Calorina Panthews."
"They're CHEERWENCHES!!" screamed one of the men.
"Pwecisery. Theah auwa is powahfur, but it can be bloken. All you need to do is send them magicke elixils via a sapphic servant wench."
The murmuring from the men grew louder until one of them finally spoke out. "Kind sage, we have agreed to heed your words--your slanted eyes belie an ancient wisdom! How can we repay you?"
"Oh, theah's no need fo lepalation...just ret me sit back and watch the hirarity ensue."
The men, however, did not hear his response, as they had already made their way to the effeminate apothecary.
"Let me guess, you fine sirs wish to coax the cheerwenches in the corner."
"YES!!"
":::sigh::: Typical. Fine, but it will cost you many pence, as their dual aura is quite strong. My manly servant wench will keep a steady course of Mai Tais, Cosmopolitans and Fellatius Shots going their way. But I warn you--"
But the men did not hear his warning. After dispensing of every shilling in their pockets, they stood on the outskirts of the aura. By the fifth round of elixirs they began to feel it weaken. By the tenth round it was all but shattered.
But all was not right. With each round of elixirs, the conversation between the two cheerwenches became more and more passionate and animated. Just when the men thought they could begin courting, the two women locked their lips. They probed each others' mouths deeply with their tongues as their hands fondled all areas of each others' bodies.
The men were vastly underprepared for this. Their bodies started convulsing, their hearts beating more and more rapidly. The pre-elixir aura was but a wisp of smoke compared to the purified glory emanating from the cheerwenches. Before long, they stood and made their way toward the outhouse.
Their path took them straight through the throng of men, causing each to spontaneously combust. By the time they locked themselves in the outhouse, all the men had been reduced to a pile of ashes, leaving only a long line of ordinary wenches that needed to relieve themselves.
--
There were further events that evening, including the expulsion of the nude cheerwenches from the outhouse and the arrival of Low Order Knights of Tampa, but that aspect of this story is for another time and another place. The Chinaman had vanished from the scene with a throbbing member and two fine wenches that had gone unnoticed by the now-deceased men.
Such was life in olden times.
User Reviews
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-22 15:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ye olde implants.
Submitted by bandphotographer (user info) at 2005-11-11 03:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay Cheerleader Sex and RyuFu!!! The two best things on earth!
+2 Fairy
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a new meaning to JACKED UP
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-08 16:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the tits of that one on the left.
p.s. I'm from Sarasota, used to live in Tampa.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-11-07 18:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was gonna give this a -2 for douchedom, but it was pretty fuckin' funny.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-07 16:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ye olde English wrytings!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If theres a queue for the loo, don't fuck around.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:05:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this article this morning and my feelings are that these two broads should be APPLAUDED, not shunned, condemned, suspended or arrested.
What's WRONG with you people?
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EX-FUCKING-ACTLY.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this article this morning and my feelings are that these two broads should be APPLAUDED, not shunned, condemned, suspended or arrested.
What's WRONG with you people?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-07 13:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
loki: I was a bit shocked by the verbiage myself...it brought back memories of Chasing Amy where Banky goes, "Did you hear that? She said she's gonna 'fuck' her!"
And for what it's worth, I have the Panthers going back to teh Super Bowl. Whether they can beat the Colts or Pats, we shall see. But Steve Smith is teh good. Okay, I'm done.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fabulous. It's funny that ESPN came right out and said they were having sex "with each other". I saw the story in the Charlotte Observer this morning and they were a bit more elusive about it. I was pretty clear on the implication but they left a bit more to the imagination.
HAHA
At any rate, go Panthers wooot.
not only did the Panthers win BIG but UNC beat Boston College and Bob'sCats won the home opener
all in all I'd say it was a satisfying sports weekend for me
maybe not for the young ladies on the Top Cat's squad but for me anyway
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:47:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My little sis is such an attention whore.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would've given my left nut to have been there... or not, but I still wish I was there.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
highly amusing
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:09:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
I assume you referred to the pics you linked. What the fuck's up with the right one's nose? Yikes.
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Oh please. Like you've never seen Shlongy's illegitimate daughter before. He fathered her on some cheap groupie back in his rock-n-roll days. He decided against a paternity test because really... who can argue with a schnoz like that? The only other logical daddy-option was Gonzo from the Muppets, and we all know he's a chubby chaser.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dave, I tried my best to use the term "bollocks" properly, as per the explanation of a British co-worker that was here over the summer. Maybe I used it improperly and it seemed that much more funny?
I dunno, I'm bored at teh work.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Love tryin to read what that chinaman said :D
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rad, I can categorically say I've had better than the one on the right. Not many, but it has occurred. The planets were aligned perfectly those nights.
And once I scored a chick as hot as the one on the left.
I assume you referred to the pics you linked. What the fuck's up with the right one's nose? Yikes.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:05:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"NO!"
"IMPOSSIBLE!"
"BLASPHEMY!"
"BOLLOCKS!"
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Why did those words make me laugh so much?
Nice introduction of a random "Chinaman" who just happened to score 2 wenches. Coincidence? I think not.
-Dave
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
guess what the source was.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
another single picture of both these chicks
http://www.tampabays10.com/assetpool/images/051161703_cheerleaders2.jpg
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:02:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
single picture of these broads coming up
http://www.tampabays10.com/assetpool/images/05116164948_cheerleaders.jpg
and admit it, both these chicks are 10s compared to any broad that let you stick your weiner in.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-11-07 12:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title.
Now to read.
-Dave
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-07 11:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ryu has taken the bullshit "oh look at this 'hilarious' article" post and raised it to a vastly higher form.
*bows down before Ryu*
Truly you are supremely talented and much better than Ken could ever be.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-07 11:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They might not be the most attractive gals, but it was hard to find a cheerleader pic that wasn't the whole team or a single.