Is it better to know, or not to know? (1262 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.14 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lojope <lojope.at.juno.com> (View user info) at 2005-10-17 09:45:36 EDT
I didn't tell him. I invited him over for the sole purpose of telling him. But when the moment came I opened my mouth and said, "So, how was Chicago?"
I watched Grey's Anatomy later that night, and I knew why I didn't tell him.
The show ended with Burke crawling into bed with Christina and just holding her. That doesn't make a lot of sense if you don't watch the show I guess, but it would take too long to explain all the background. The point is, he held her because she needed it. Whether he wanted to or not, whether it was his place or not, he did it. Because somebody had to.
I didn't tell him, because Burke is a fictional character, and real life doesn't happen like TV, even when you need it to.
I needed him to hold me. If I had told him, he might have. But he might not have, and that would have been worse.
I experienced the worst week of my life the one week when nearly my entire support system, nearly everyone who loves me, was out of the state. And when the person I love the most came back, I couldn't even tell him about it.
Having no support because no one is around is better than having none because no one will give it.
(To be fair, there was someone here, and I am grateful for the help she gave me, but it wasn't the same, and I know she understands that.)
I am wondering what would have happened if I told him, though. I thought it would be better not to know. I thought it would be better to watch him leave and then cry on my own again. Better to do that, than cry with him sitting there, not offering what I needed. Better to not give him the chance to deny me.
But now, the next morning, I'm not sure if it's better.
Maybe nothing is better.
Maybe I'm just rambling at this point.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ayato (user info) at 2005-12-12 13:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's totally okay to ask for hugs.
Even from strangers.
It's how I meet my friends.
If they say 'no', then they might be hurt themselves.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-18 12:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If what happened wasn't important just say it instead of dancing around it and making it the center of the post.
This was painful to read.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-10-18 04:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*Cries a single emo tear about... something... nothing... I just don't know.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-10-18 01:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lojope Lojope Lojope!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-10-18 00:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i surprised myself enjoying that show
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-18 00:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh. I mean, I guess there is an audience for this stuff.
but meh.
Übermeh even.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-10-17 23:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, this is not about him not reading my mind and giving me what I need, this is about me being to chickenshit to tell him what I need, for fear that he'd say no.
It's ambiguous because what actually happened I am not yet able to put into words correctly, and because what happened isn't important, what's important is that it left me needing to be held and supported by him.
More or less, Circe's response was dead on, I am a chickenshit, and I need to be stopped. I want so badly to be able to trust and depend on him, and I am too spineless to put myself out there and do what it takes to get that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-17 16:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77183
Shamone.
That is all.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-10-17 15:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Blog, blog, blog...
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 14:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hence the word Ambiguous, Jack....
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-10-17 14:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:01:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooooh....it must be Ambiguous Drama Monday!
=-=-=-
this would have been far more interesting with some actual facts involved.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-17 14:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-10-17 13:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bah!
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-10-17 13:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
uh...
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 13:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:48:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:04:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, so this was about him not knowing you needs?
I'll send him a memo. Cock-whip her as soon as you get home and then give her a protein facial.
----
Hadley? Do you eat with that mouth?
---
Not only do I eat with it, but I puke, imbibe alcohol, and tongue-kiss my mother with it.
YOUR MOTHER! I MEANT YOUR MOTHER!!!! GAH!!!!!!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-10-17 12:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop watching overly dramatic sitcoms and comparing your life to them.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-17 12:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the burning question is of course, HOW WAS CHICAGO??
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:04:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, so this was about him not knowing you needs?
I'll send him a memo. Cock-whip her as soon as you get home and then give her a protein facial.
----
Hadley? Do you eat with that mouth?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really hope you're not going out with Habeeb now.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, so this was about him not knowing you needs?
I'll send him a memo. Cock-whip her as soon as you get home and then give her a protein facial.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well then. Now that you've had lots of demeaning and patronising commands from outsiders, will you tell us what you most actually want to do so we can tell you to do it and finally lay this God awful incident to rest?
p.s. Just fuck him you homo.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-17 11:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Three things: Yes to what Circe said... gotta stand for yourself
*gag* yes to *choke* what Caul said *puke*... it is absolutely ridiculous to me when women just expect their men to do things without telling them what they need. to paraphrase 2 of america's funniest black men... that's both "ludicrous" as well as "ignorant".
That said: I totally know exactly what you were trying to say.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or do you mean when she told me about the pictures of your misshapen genitalia?"""
GET THE "DRAMATRON", WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure what I just read, but it made me tear up.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo - I'm sorry, honey, but.... no-one ever talks about you.. at all.
Most of us forget you're alive whenever we're not looking directly at your name.
I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you.
Or do you mean when she told me about the pictures of your misshapen genitalia?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ewwww,
This post has a rank of shit about it.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I couldn't give this a positive because this made me feel inferior, because I'm obviously not smart enough to understand what the hell you are talking about.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Damn this guy's weak mind-reading skills and inabilities to help needy women. That was your point right?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know what you told me lojope said about me.
don't be squirreling out of it now woman.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not to bring up what, apollo?
If you're shitstirring again, you bigheaded scouser cunt, leave my poor unsullied name out of it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just spinnin' wheels here. Make with the peel out already.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was vague and made no sense whatsoever.
WTF?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sorry circe i know you told me not to bring it up but I am too annoyed not to.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
?
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:17:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Apollo, and that was pretty crass to say. """
Well we are quits now.
I know what you said about me the other month.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is confusing and not all that interesting. Sorry.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, will you stop being so chickenshit? You have a spine, Dori, I've fucking seen that. Stop being so damned wishy washy about everything.
If you WANT something, you fucking well take it.
If you want to vent a problem on here, then for fuck's sake spell out what the problem is. Don't leave it ambiguous and hazy - eviscerate it and lay it open for everyone to see. You might get better insight that way.
And if you need this man's support, whoever he is, and whatever you need, you fucking well tell him and then look him full in the face, with all the strength I know you have hiding behind that delicate hesitant fluttery bullshit, and you say "Can you give me what I need from you?"
Whatever the answer, at least you'll know and you can move on from there.
Keep moving forward. Spinning slowly in endless circles is not productive.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Apollo, and that was pretty crass to say.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Abort.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-17 10:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooooh....it must be Ambiguous Drama Monday!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-17 09:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-17 09:55:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
you been raped AGAIN?
Come on, twice is careless.
-------------------------------
Steady on.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-10-17 09:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to answer your first question; Chicago is a Polish town.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-17 09:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you been raped AGAIN?
Come on, twice is careless.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-17 09:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-17 09:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coward.
Seriously, I've lived that same philosophy for much of my life and look at where it's gotten me.