I Wish This Kid's Mom Had An Abortion (1435 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.86 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Sparkle (View user info) at 2005-10-15 21:32:03 EDT
So! I guess you think your ploy was clever. Well, I'd have to agree - leaving my cell phone in our friend's room is a horrible crime, worth quite a punishment, and disassembling it so as to scatter the parts among the rooms in your dorm was a brilliant practical joke. Why, I doubt even Terry Schiavo could have schemed up such a devious plan! I must commend you for your obviously superior mental capacity.
Of course, compared to a trickster like you, I'm pretty much nothing; the first thing I could come up with would be to observe my enemy carefully and see what his weakness is. For example, given my unnatural fear of germs, I'd have sent a nice, poorly written note with flour or powdered sugar in the envelope, or else given me that nice little bout of semi-flu you endured a few weeks ago. Research is a valuable thing, as Michael Moore, a man on par with you in both intelligence and abdominal girth, should learn; just as he does just enough research to get by, you do, and that really is not enough when you're trying to put someone down.
In fact, a minimal amount of investigation would have revealed that I intentionally don't get angry; I simply get even, in varying degrees of harshness. Let us say that if you haven't any eyes in the back of your head, this would be a great time to grow them. You may have me in check and have taken my queen, but be wary, as the truly clever can do funny things...why, is that my pawn one block away from your unguarded side of the board? Call it a hint for the future.
But now, I believe we should get down to business. You and I are both at least 18 now. Granted, I imagine your youthful life of debauchery in high-school rendered quite a number of laughs - and who doesn't like a good laugh? - but legally, we are both adults now, and as such, we must realize that acting as a child, as you have been, is not very prudent. I'll be charitable enough to not report your childish games this time, but you must bear in mind that in the future, I will be less generous.
What childish games are we speaking of, you ask? The word is theft, friend. What's that you say - taking my phone when I misplaced it to begin with isn't stealing? Ah, this is where I beg to differ. No need to get in a huff, now - the definition of stealing at dictionary.com is "to take (the property of another) without right or permission." Perhaps I need to remind you that you did take my phone from the room, and you did do so without my permission, or any discernable right, which would indeed make the action a theft, which is illegal.
I can almost hear you thinking, "perhaps I didn't hit close enough to home, perhaps I need to do something else." Perhaps you should rethink your strategy now, kid. For example, what would your parents think if, in an attempt to enrage someone you don't like - even more embarrassingly, a failed attempt - you were convicted of a crime and thrown out of that nice expensive, prestigious college we're both going to? Such a shame it would be, for a person of such achievement to fall so greatly for no other reason than to act as a child.
User Reviews
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-16 13:03:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-10-16 04:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
k?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-10-16 03:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A couple of things...
1) You really need to read this. - http://www.ubersite.com/m/70840
2) You should have just posted this picture :- http://www.ubersite.com/m/76178 under that title.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-10-16 00:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Que?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-10-15 23:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
what?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-10-15 23:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this post made me feel the same about you
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2005-10-15 21:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-10-15 21:33:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
God fucking damn it, I saved that picture as a JPEG.
No you didn't, you saved it as a bitmap. See where the link is? The one I didn't click on. See how it has the ".bmp" ending? that means it's a bitmap. You can't lie to me.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-10-15 21:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God fucking damn it, I saved that picture as a JPEG.