Don't pray for me -- Jesus might get pissed. (753 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 0.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Feijuada (View user info) at 2005-09-10 23:46:47 EDT
"I'll pray for you," a person might say. "Don't worry, Jesus is watching out for you." Well that's great, but I'd rather have a professional bodyguard. Jesus might not take a bullet for me, but a 6''6' black man called "Earl" might.
I don't trust God to make sure that I'm healthy and safe. He fucks up very often, and if I always said "Oh don't worry, JESUS will protect me!" I'd be dead. So would you.
In fact, I've done pretty well for myself! I've managed to avoid serious damage to myself, just a broken leg when I was two and another break at 11. I suffer from seizures, or at least I would if I didn't have a prescription medicine. What would Jesus tell me to do? Pray? No thank you, I'll stick with the drugs.
And besides, Jesus already has his hands full. He's got over one billion Christians, and at least ¼ of them are at least slightly stupid. He's gotta watch them ALL THE TIME. That's a tough job! He knows that I can take care of myself and that his presence is not really appreciated, so he leaves me alone and looks for masturbating boys.
So don't pray for me. Jesus has a really short temper, and I don't want him getting pissed off if too many people pray for me when I take a day off from school and he shows up at my house to find me watching "Law & Order" in my underwear. He already knows about that black man I lynched when I spent a weekend in Georgia, and I'm afraid that this just might set him off!
By the way, happy 9/11!
User Reviews
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-09-20 18:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for leaving a -2 on my post like you do EVERY time.
Also, all your posts are dogshit.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-09-11 00:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear precious Jesus, Jesus's Daddy and the magic 12.
Please take care of Feijada cause he know's som'n som'n.......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!
<scream>
<burn>
<poof!>
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-09-11 00:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man I am torn on the rating for this, I agreed completely with the written and hated the picture.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-09-11 00:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a fucking moron -- I posted it ten minutes early.
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-09-10 23:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a plus 2, even if it's 11:01 PM at my house.