Some advice from grandpa. (940 hits)
Category: Politics -> AfghanistanRating: 1.33 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Feijuada (View user info) at 2005-09-08 04:55:00 EDT
My grandpa was a farmer from the Bible belt, and it was always pretty clear that when we were at his farm we were expected to act Christian, no matter how sinful we acted back in the cities.
One summer I was smoking behind the barn when he strolled around the corner holding a toolbox. When he spied me smoking a smooth Marlboro, his face turned red and his fists clenched. With his free hand he slapped the cigarette out of my mouth.
"I'm sorry, gramps," I muttered. I was embarrassed. He, like many Christians of the Jerry Falwell variety were against smoking and loathed those who enjoyed a few camels after a day of work. I remember many a time when he would scream with holy righteousness at some poor fellow at a local diner, shaming him into putting out the butt.
I remember looking at the ground in shame. I loved my grandpa and having him this mad at me felt terrible. He patted me on the shoulder and said "Come on. A good day's work on the field will help clean your soul." I knew from that moment on that I'd never touch another cigarette again.
On the field we pulled potatoes, gathered corn and checked lettuce all day, only stopping to eat a sandwich and drink some lemonade set out by grandma. Finally, it got to be almost seven, and the sun was setting. Grandpa put his hand on my shoulder again. "My boy, there's a lot of advice that I can give." He paused for a moment, admiring the sunset. "But if I had to choose the best it's—" "Eustace! Telephone!" grandma called from the house. Grandpa turned to walk back inside.
"Grandpa! What advice would you give me?" Grandpa looked at me a moment and said:
"Watch out for headcrabs."
User Reviews
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-09-20 18:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for leaving a -2 on my post like you do EVERY time.
Also, all your posts are dogshit.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-09-09 02:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the wisdom of the aged.
also good stuff:
avoid midgets, playing in traffic, whores in calcutta, 2 month old warm mayo, and Taco Bell before a rectal exam. Just trying to help.
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-09-09 01:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My grandparents used to treat my smoking like a heroin addiction.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-09-09 01:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meh
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-09-09 01:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Watch out for headcrabs."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAaaaaha
*wipes away tear*
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-09-08 15:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Watch out for headcrabs."
Classic
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-09-08 13:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see, this is nice
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-09-08 11:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only advice I can ever remember from my grandpa was to never pass up the chance to take a piss.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-09-08 08:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And then, as tragically ironic as it is, a headcrab leaped out from behind the shed and onto my grandpa's head. It made me sad to do it, but I blasted the grandpa-zombie now charging me to kingdom come with my handy dandy rocket launcher.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-09-08 08:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's got to be the best advice ever given.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-09-08 08:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Half-Life 2 is the shit. i didn't read this. i think it's about Half-Life 2.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-09-08 08:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to grandpas
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-09-08 08:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Grandpas rock.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2005-09-08 07:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like grandpas.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-09-08 05:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good job keeping that Apple II working after all these years.
Submitted by Karsh (user info) at 2005-09-08 04:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good job on the blank picture.