My stupid ass friend (986 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.83 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <adema> (View user info) at 2005-07-10 02:45:43 EDT
I have a friend, let's call him Robert to protect his identity.
Actually his name really is Robert, if any one of you actually know who I'm talking about then he deserves the embarassment.
So we're at the beach, we've rented a nice two story beach house, with a balcony and a loft (Well his parents did), and we're cruising the sand for hotties.
Unfortunately the beach was filled with 11-year olds and sea sluts with their wigger boyfriends.
So I suggest that we finish our beers and head over the sand dunes to the camp sites to look for hotties. He agrees, and we depart.
This is when it happened. I don't know if it was because he was drunk or what, but we get over the second hill and I look behind me and he's lagging about 40 feet. I ask him what the fuck he is doing.
He says "We gotta go back dude"
"What?? Why??"
"Seriously we gotta go"
"Just tell me what the fuck for"
"Dude I sharted"
My mind went very quickly from thoughts of getting pussy to my friends foul and soiled shitty boxers.
I couldn't deny him of wiping his ass so we headed back the 200 feet to the bathroom on the beach. Of course, good things happen at the worst possible time.
20 feet from the bathroom and two scorching hot girls drive by us in their car, staring, at us. The first two girls we had seen all day without their mouth-breathing muscly boyfriends.
I had to attack now before someone hotter and more charming did.
"Dude go wipe your ass, I'm gonna go pimp."
He goes into the bathroom and, being somewhat trashed, I stick my head in their car window. I use the worst pick up line ever and it works, I kid you not, "I couldn't help but notice you noticing me." Haha... score.
I make conversation for what I believe was 12 minutes before they asked what my friend was doing. Damn him.. they probably think he's taking a shit, if they only knew the truth.
I tell them I am going to check on him. I go into the bathroom, and what I saw would have had me rolling on the floor had the floor not been that of a bathroom that probably hadn't been cleaned in 2 months.
"ROB"
He stands up and all I can see are his pants around his ankles and the most horrified look I've ever seen on his face
"I just scored us girls now wipe your ass and let's go"
"Dude there's shit all over my boxers"
"Are you fucking serious"
"Yea"
"DITCH THEM THEN"
"And go Commando?"
"YES"
"Fuck, alright"
Well the pants-shitting genious did as I said and guess what, WE TOOK EM HOME! OH YEA!
I still have no idea how he got laid smelling like shit.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-10 19:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sure I've read this before...
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-23 08:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't believe a word of it, including your assertion that you have a friend.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-23 08:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was fucking horrible.
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-07-14 04:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-14 04:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is a really crappy story.
heh heh
Submitted by Timberwolves_At_New_York (user info) at 2005-07-11 01:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, thanks for the reviews, they made me laugh. I don't know why it got a - rating but next time I'll embelish (lie) to make my true stories funnier.
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2005-07-10 17:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-10 17:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It started good. But then you used, "i'm gonna go pimp"
that killed it all, better luck next time
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-10 16:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
'Deine shitze!'
'alrighty then!'
Submitted by Alaskanite (user info) at 2005-07-10 16:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL OMG FOTMFFL XOXO OMG LOL no
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-10 14:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-07-10 13:48:33 (#)
Ranking: -1
I was waiting for the punch line, and I still am.
_____________________
Not a -2, because as much as this would be more appropriate on Poopreport.com, I like laughing at other people's miseries. It makes me feel very empowered. Or maybe just not miserable.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-07-10 13:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I was waiting for the punch line, and I still am.
Submitted by Innocent23 (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile (+1)
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gross..........! but amusing
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-10 09:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This eats boxer shit.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-10 08:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love shit stories, but this was terrible. So I'm conflicted.
thus, a 0
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-07-10 08:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2005-07-10 06:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
worst....story....ever
well not quite, but still bad.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-07-10 05:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Booya! Sounds like your buddy got one kinky sit loving chick. maybe she's part German.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-10 04:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
boys are horrible
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-10 03:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Pseudovillain (user info) at 2005-07-10 03:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bahahahaha!