Bah (1411 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2005-07-07 23:10:39 EDT
I awake at four in the morning to the shreiking of my self- procalimed "World's Loudest" alarm clock. I reset it for 4:30, but always wake up by myself at 4:25. I open my bleary, desert dry eyes because I haven't taken my contacts out in 4 months. I reach for my half-empty Visine bottle, and, with a kung fu grip, squirt the liquid into my eyes. Every morning I remember that the bottle expired in October 2004. Squinting, I glare at the post it hanging above my bed: "Buy new Visine." Damnit.
I groan as I try and get out of bed, aching with the pains of a labor intensive yesterday. I walk over to my door and flick my light switch, remembering that the bulb in my fan has been burnt out since I moved here 5 months ago. I drop to the floor and feel around for my towel, still damp from the morning before. I carefully open my door and cringe at the creaks it makes. I remind myself to buy some WD 40.
Once in the bathroom across the hall, I remember that I really need to clean it. Makeup and dirty clothes line the vanity. I always step on the same pocket-sized orange water gun right in front of the toilet. I remind myself to move it to a less hazardous area. I never do.
Shower. Hot water. Face, hair, body, hair. Razor? Shit. It's on the vanity from that time I had the bright idea to dry shave. I declare myself a hippie and remind myself to use extra deoderant.
Water off. Grab towel. Remind myself to do laundry. I dry my hair and cover my body. I turn the fan on since I forgot to turn it on before I washed. I notice the long, rectangular brown shape of moisture retention on the ceiling. Maybe someday I'll get to that. Clean it up.
I close the bathroom door and stumble across the hallway back into my bedroom. Creeeeeeaaaaaaaaak. Creeeeeeeeeeeeak. I settle into my spot on the floor and begin the ritual: toner, moisturizer, foundation, blush, eyeliner, mascara. I glance at my $300 glasses sitting on my nightstand. I'll wear them tomorrow. I decide to fix up my eyebrows. I begin to pluck and remember that I need to either buy new tweezers or perform surgery on myself. I opt for the buying. Unibrows are in anyway.
Once my mask is on for the day, I decide what to wear. I pull a pair of jeans off the floor and put them right-side-in. I slide them on with ease. I remind myself to start eating again. I find an old black bra under my bed that's one size too small. I remind myself to update. Hmmm. Shirts... will it be the red t-shirt, the blue one, the black one? Should I switch it up and go button down? I grab my favorite green t shirt from underneath my wet towel and put it on. As I run my fingers through my soaked hair, I seriously consider driving to the coast instead of work. The West Coast. Far away. I shake the image of sandy shorelines and margaritas out of my head. It's a constant struggle to stay focused, and I've got a long day ahead of me.
I get into my car. I crinkle my nose. I remind myself to clean it out. Or at least dump my ashtray, which is actually an old glass of orange juice with cigarette butts in it. I put in Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits CD 2, and turn to track number 14. It's not dark yet... but it's getting there. I remind myself to stop listening to depressing folk music. I light up a cigarette and begin the drive to work, doing my damndest to enjoy the 15 mile stretch of countryside tucked between two bustling cities. I get stuck behind the same tractor everyday.
I go into work. Hey Lar. Het Pat. Hey Har, still short, huh? That sucks. Where's my phone? Yeah that's my mail, thank you. No, I didn't sleep again. I just can't, I don't know why. Like maybe an hour. I know, I know. Yeah, I will. I'm eating, yes. Lots. Just lots, alright? Get back to work guys. The same forced smile, the same forced laugh.
I fix other people's mistakes all day, and get blamed for things that aren't my fault. After about 9 hours I finally take a break. Just a 15 minute one. I clock out. Walk to my car. Remind myself to get it washed, even though I think washing your car is the most ridiculous waste of money. I unlock my Saturn, and as the key turns to the right, I feel the tears well up. I drive to the next parking lot over, chain smoke, and cry. I call you sometimes. You never pick up.
Back into work, I go another 5 hours before finally calling it quits. As the key turns again, my vision blurs and I choke back tears on the drive home. Sometimes I veer off and go to Target of all places. I walk through the aisles, and see all the things I want to buy for you, all the things that you'd like. I walk through Home Decor and see things I'll never get to furnish our apartment with. I walk through the picture frame aisle and remind myself that I have no pictures of us to frame. I walk through the mirror aisle and realize that the only thing I see in this aisle.... is something I can't give you. Something I'm not even sure you still want. I tear up on the way back home. I brush them off before I get inside, so the kids won't notice. They never do, thank god. I spend time with them, and laugh my first real laugh of the day. I remind myself to spend more time with them. I remind myself why I left you in the first place. Eventually I wash my face, put on my pajamas, and lay in bed thinking for hour after hour. My phone is turned off. My door is closed.
Around 2 in the morning I fall asleep as I clutch my pillow for dear life.
I remind myself that everyday is one day closer to when you'll change. I remember all the good things I have in my life, and why I am so lucky.
As I drift away listening to the swoosh of my fan, I remember you.
And I realize that if we were still together, you wouldn't even recognize me.
I know I can't.
User Reviews
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2008-03-24 10:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-07-26 19:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wwwwww <--------Unibrow!
O O
<>
(----)
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-08 18:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You painted a pretty picture in my mind.
Nice writing.. depressing ..but nice.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-08 17:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A lot of ppl can relate to how you feel, good luck
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-08 12:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me want to tidy up
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-08 09:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-07-08 09:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I remind myself that everyday is one day closer to when you'll change. """
I hated this line. You left a dude in hope he'll change? Try to introspect.
And what TheSpook said.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-08 08:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, you got it REAL bad.
Try growing up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-08 08:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This seems easy to fix. Get your lazy ass up early on your next day off and clean your house, shave your beave, and get organized.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-07-08 07:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had days like this. Mostly while I was still a Marine.
...except my room was cleaner.
...and I don't smoke.
...and instead of crying, I fight people.
Love you.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-07-08 07:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*hugs*
you're a slob, that above all is worth the +2.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985 1985
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, er, I've got to make a phone call.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-07-08 04:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*huggles*
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-07-08 02:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't life fun? The hours bleed away and sometimes you stop and wonder just what the hell happened.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-08 01:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez, this post even reminds me of that movie's depressing sound track.
Well writen; give the nay-sayers at the office hell for me.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-07-08 00:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realized how to make this story not so completely and utterly depressing:
"I awake at 1:30 in the afternoon to the shreiking of three women. Apparently, I was sleep-fucking again. I open my crystal clear perfect 20/20 brown eyes because I realize that a pile of money landed on my face. I reach for my half-empty ball-sack, and, with a kung fu grip, squirt the remaining liquid into the women's mouths. Every morning I remember that every day rules just as hard as the last. Squinting, I glare at the post that's hanging above my bed: "Hey, Good Lookin'!." Sweet."
Does that help?
C'mon. You can do it. Smile.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-07-08 00:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So.....
What's the good news?
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-07-08 00:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-08 00:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've responded three times already, and I just read the post. Very good. Somewhat depressing. Your life is in shambles now. You need a fresh start.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-07-07 23:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya.
Submitted by The_Sorrow (user info) at 2005-07-07 23:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I belive you spoken for a whole lot of people right there. Keep it up.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-07 23:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You talkin' to me sexy?
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-07-07 23:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you've had a fucked up life huh?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-07 23:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey sweetie! how the hell are ya?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-07 23:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes Kirsten Dunst, you do