Merlot de Mon Fils (837 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Matin_Morte (View user info) at 2005-07-07 15:17:32 EDT
"In the year 1809, at the conclusion of his presidency, Thomas Jefferson, who shall need no further introduction, moved officially back into his Monticello estate. Until his death in 1826, Thomas spent his free time working on his manor. One of his favorite hobbies was winemaking, and our next item up for auction is an actually cask of merlot hand crafted by Jefferson himself. This cask, marked "Merlot de Mon Fils - 1813", is a must-have piece of American history. To start the bidding; Do I hear two hundred thousand dollars?"
"Two hundred thousand to the short stocky man in the front. Do I hear three?"
...
"Going one, going twice, Sold! To the tall man in the back for four hundred and fifty thousand dollars."
A few days, nights, something like that, later I was sitting at home preparing for the soirée. You see, that night was supposed to be my entry in to the upper class world of American antiquities. I'd invited twenty of the most famous purveyors of memorabilia to my home for the opening of the cask.
Many of the persons in the field called my insane for even thinking about opening the wine. They said, I'd be a huge waste of my money. But what's the point of buying it if I don't? With that in mind, I set the cask on a large mahogany table in my living room, and jammed a spiked metal faucet into its side. With the wine ready to be dispensed, I sat down in a large leather chair and waited for my guests to arrive.
Dr. Leroy Emerson of Vanderbelt
Mrs. Louis Ferov of Baltimore
The Duvalls from Portland.
Just to name a few.
Once all my guests arrived, I poured the first glass and began repeating the process and passing them around the room. Once everyone but me had a glass, I poured my own and raised it above my head. With a simple toast, "To Jefferson" the cue was given, and we all began to drink.
"Oh, so full bodied."
"My, wonderful, like no wine I've ever tasted."
"Incredible, it'd go so well with red salmon." Which I happened to have on hand.
The compliments poured like wine, and I soon became a legend. My generosity was so esteemed that night; I knew I would for ever grace the papers of high society. The wine was so great, almost as coveted as the blood of Christ, and I'd shared it. As they all left my home later that night, I smiled and knew. I'd finally make the news, I'd finally get into the country club I wanted to join so badly, and a few whispers of other endeavors got me excited too.
"Sons of Libert..." One man trailed off while saying.
As I sat in my chair and basked in my luck, I looked at my empty glass of wine. As I poured my self a final glass, I could tell the cask was only about half empty. Holding the stem of my glass in one hand, I reached around the now lighter cask and carried to my wine cellar's door.
I kicked the door open with my foot, and got startled. As the wine shifted in the cask something solid inside knocked into the wall of the barrel. I lost my grip on the cask, and dropped it. It bounced down the stairs to the cellar, and smashed into the concrete floor below. As I stood at the top of the stairs I starred down at the destroyed cask. Bloody wine widened out into a puddle and the other contents of the cask lay there too. With another sip form the glass of wine I had not dropped, I walked down the stairs to the mess.
The thud I'd head from inside the barrel was a wine bottle corked off with a couple of pieces of paper inside. I smashed the bottle and read the first note, hand written by is author. It went as follows:
Dear Sir,
You've found the leftovers of my saddest hour. While staying at my home, one of our servants became pregnant from, I, their master. While this has happened before, the babies survived and I was able to take care of them without drawing attention to their existence. This baby, my son, died during birth. I have not the heart to abandon him, so in this cask I have placed him. My hope is that he can be found after time, so that his existence will not hurt my family, for fortification with slaves is such a taboo subject.
Enclosed is a note signed by me and the current U.S. treasurer. It can be redeemed from the U.S. government for 500 dollars. This should be a sufficient sum of money to give my fallen son, a proper burial. I thank you, and am greatly in debt. I only hope I can thank you on the Otherside.
In debtly yours,
Tom Jefferson
And just as promised, there was a note for the 500 dollars. But-
I ripped the cask apart the rest of the way and there I found, the baby. It's skin was purple form basting in the wine for almost 200 hundred years, and it almost looked alien.
For an instance, I pondered what effect this had on the wine we'd all been drinking.
I put my hand around the baby's leg to life it up, but the skin and muscle slipped from the bone. It'd become so tender from the 200 year marinade and the meat was falling from the bone like a fine dinner. For a second I wondered how I'd taste, absorbing the fine merlot taste for so long, but I shook the thought, and continue.
Carefully lifting the whole child in my arms, I walked across the cellar to the furnace, and pitch the corpse in. After another walk back to the wine to grab the handwritten note, I threw that into the furnace too.
A few minutes later I sat on the bottom step of the stairs and sighed. I thought about the 500 dollar note I held in my hand, personally signed by Thomas Jefferson. It must be worth millions by now.
I took a sip of my glass of wine, inhaled the smell of cooked meat in the cellar and smiled. If the wine hadn't made a name for me, the Treasury note surely would. I'd be famous, richer, on all the pages of high society. Looking at the furnace, I watched the fire grow, and the meat smell too. The fire crackled as I threw back my head, and finished of my glass of wine.
User Reviews
Submitted by sorento35 (user info) at 2007-06-21 08:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2007-03-30 01:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2007-03-30 00:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not 2 on 20 anymore.
Faggot.
Fucken dirty nigger faggot.
Submitted by Matin_Morte (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fdfxfsdffdfsfdsfsd
Submitted by Matin_Morte (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Matin_Morte (user info) at 2005-07-07 18:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i,m really mockidol
but i'm banned
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-07 17:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
discusting to say the least
Submitted by Axtumanu (user info) at 2005-07-07 17:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story! Write more!
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-07-07 17:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always knew that randy bastard fucked my great-great-great grandmother.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thomas Jefferson has jungle fever!!
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
123456789
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Professor? I give this a hearty, resouding +2 for excellence.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm, baby.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No insult intended, but is this written by someone who uses English as a second language? This was very good, and I won't kill the rating because of the grammatical weirdness. Either some foreign bastid wrote this, or you need to use spell and grammar checking. Still, +2.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm... making me hungry.
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeh
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hubba hubba.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best thing I've read all day........except for the awkward sentence structure at times.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was terrific.
i'm hungry now.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know you are someone who is currently banned. But I have no idea of your work before this, and this is very very good. Bravo!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Although the title gives the story away if you know French.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-07 15:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD
eep!