My friend told me to post here because you're all nice to people for their first post..... or, Insert -2DIE here (949 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.15 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adam Marflitt <adam_the_incontinent.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-06 09:30:15 EDT
HEY EVERYONE, IM POSTING FOR THE FIRST TIME LOL!!1 WILL YOU BE MY FRIENDS
Anyway, thats for anyone wanting a reason to -2 me on with the post...
Someone else was doing a few posts about all the stupid things him and his friends had done and I thought, "I should probably pretend I'm working because my tutor is heading over this way" but when he'd gone I thought, "I've done some pretty stupid things and all those nice people at ubersite are so friendly they would love to hear what I've done as well", there goes all my optimism for the week, here you go ubereaders.
before we start you ought to know that I like fire.
1) Decided it would be fun to make a fire, put plastic bags on said fire, little voice in head says, "why don't you put the fire out with your hand", Sensible Adam says "you could probably do that, the fire is not so big, just hit it really hard, really quickly, and when it goes out everyone will think your the best thing since lubricant" the plan worked to perfection, I put the fire out with my hand, I had however forgotten about the plastic bags which had in fact not burnt, they had melted into a red hot bag goo at the bottom of the fire, the red hot bag goo was now stuck to my hand and still burning slightly, being the manly person I am, I screamed, loudly and rolled over backwards, that was my second mistake as there was a drop of about 2 metres behind me. I spent the next two weeks picking burnt plastic of my hand.
2) My big gay "friend" decides we have to leave the abandoned building we are in so he can sweep up, (this was the best abandoned building ever, we had a radio, porn on the walls, seats, a collection of a shit load of empty bottles and loads of wall to graffiti, well it wasn't that good but I enjoyed it) we all laugh at him and decide maybe he can sweep up because the floor is littered with empty cig packs, plastic bags and general rubbish. We leave for a while, come back to a nice clean building with a big pile of rubbish in the middle of the floor, I haven't set fire to anything tonight and decide that the time is ripe for pyromania, I take my lighter (well someone else's lighter but they never got it back, it calls me daddy now) and proceed to ignite the pile of rubbish. Now I don't know why but everybody else thought it was a stupid idea to set fire to the building we are all sat in, I call them all pussies and give in. I can find no means to extinguish the fire so I decide to remove it by brushing the whole thing still burning through a hole in the bottom of a wall, unfortunately the hole went into the gap between the walls as well, so the burning rubbish fell into the wall and set fire to the insulation. Everyone was so impressed by me doing this that they all tried to congratulate me at once but because they were all standing up shouting to me I couldn't make out what anyone was saying, what a shame. We decided that our big gay "friend" was the most expendable person there and that he should piss on the fire to put it out, much burning of pubes and laughing later the fire was safely out.
3) Before we start this story I will tell you that my friend was wearing shoes and I wasn't. So me and my small psychotic friend (lets call him napoleon), playing chicken with a screwdriver (if you've never played this, two people stand opposite each other about 2 feet (60cm) apart, with there legs spread, they then take turns to throw the screwdriver at the ground inbetween the other persons legs who has to move his foot inwards to where the screwdriver landed, the first to stop loses). We had been playing for a while so our feet where about 2 inches (6cm) apart, Napoleon buries the screwdriver in my foot, laughs and promptly gives up, I laugh and say "ha, I won" he says, "yes but I don't have a screwdriver in my foot, retard" I then remember there is a screwdriver in my foot and retort "aaaaaarrrrrgggggggghhhhhh"
4) I decided to try and relate some stories about me and my life on ubersite and got flamed and -2 for all eternity.... no wait, that didn't happen yet.
I'll try to drag some more stories out of the jumble of neurosis and alcohol fuelled masochism I call my mind.
Don't worry about me, I'll just make myself at home here, I know you're all so welcoming
By the way, hi Jenny, its Adam
User Reviews
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-12 06:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, at least it wasn't about fucking your grandmother.
Submitted by Voash (user info) at 2005-07-07 12:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude! Awesome... one might even say rockin' (it's Pete btw)... surely you've done stupider things than that
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-06 19:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 fart
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-06 18:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sound like a homo.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-07-06 17:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for number 3
Submitted by FacingNatureAlone (user info) at 2005-07-06 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain
sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch
of sucks that ever sucked!
-- Homer Simpson
Team Homer
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-07-06 15:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh...it reminds me of my pyro days...
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
n00b
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yo
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is seriously dumb.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for linking to the post that inspired your work.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69977
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This kinda sucked. Good luck trying.
Submitted by queen_of_the_djel (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:17:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
And tell me who Jenny is so I can smack her in the teeth for inviting you here.
Do you mind, I take offence at that, I did not invite him here, he told me about ubersite. Even if I had 'invited' him here he's his own person and is responsible* for his own ramblings.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:20:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are either young or stupid.
Possibly both.
Both, most definately, you don't know the half of it
*Yes, ok, he obviously cannot be described as responsible
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well you know I had a bitch with big-ass titties
Me and her used to run through the city
She said she ran city
Wanted me to call her diddy...
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70034
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So me and this guy met this other guy and we drank, like, 50 cans of special brew each and this one guy was sick so we tore his clothes off and he was like "please leave me alone" and crying and stuff but we where like "loser!". We all take pictures of him on our nokias and Andy starts kicking him and he's just lying there, all curled up and covered in bruises, lying in his own sick!
I was like "fag!" and Andy was like "Yeah, your a fag, your a cocksucker!" and we laughed at him for a bit and then Andy was like slapping his face, I think his name was Steve or something, and then I had to go pee, so I went to pee. I came back and it was so fucking funny! Andy had shoved Steve's thumb up his own arse and he kicked Steve really hard in the chest and Steve rolled over and Andy told him to suck his thumb, the one that had been up his arse, yeah? It was fucking hilarious. Steve was having none of it, he was saying "leave me alone, please just leave me alone" and I was all like "pussy!" So Andy jumps on Steve and Steve is crying still and then I see Andy is rubbing himself angainst Steve and can't see his othe hand and Steve just got these weird glassy look in his eye and so I, like, ran off but I saw Andy the next day and he said it was the best day ever!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The number of -2's that you get is directly proportionate to the amount of garbage you're going to post.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop writing.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
larry?
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Har har flamer.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
<sigh>I don't even want to waste a decent review comment on this one.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are either young or stupid.
Possibly both.
Please don't come back unless you have something interesting to say.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read it.
It's shit. Grow up before you write anything again ever.
And tell me who Jenny is so I can smack her in the teeth for inviting you here.
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:14:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, I didn't expect anything different, I've been reading a while so I know what happens to first posts, thought I'd have a go anyway to relieve the tedium on my course, I really should be pretending to work instead
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber Adam! Don't listen to these guys, especially DR. He's just some fucktard alter anyway.
It's uber tradition to -2 your first post, (much better than mine - http://www.ubersite.com/m/56261) so don't take it to heart. Good post for your first, looking forward to many more.
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh sweet fucking jesus in a submarine! I was being sarcastic with the first line and when I was saying you were all going to be nice, if you don't understand sarcasm go here http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery?s=sarcasm&gwp=8 If you don't understand and are american, don't bother, its just too complicated for you
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Make yourself at home.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-07-06 10:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Usually, if youre gonna start a post like that, you should post something of substance to back up your claim that we "need a reason" to -2DIE all over your face. However, you could have left that first sentence out and still gotten a barrage of -2nami's and no one would lose any sleep over it.
Were not as nice as you think. ;-) Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hi Adam, it's Danger.
Minus 2 fuckface.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can "uphold" my penis to your mouth.
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*upholding
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm such a good writer, how dare you -2 me, You all suck! I not playing any more. (I feel like I'm unholding a tradition, It's what everyone does when they're first post gets loads of -2's, right...)
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Suck a turd
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Because "I've Seen Better"
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sensible Adam says light a firecracker in your mouth.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
go away
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Girls don't like boys. Girls like cars and money.
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, I didn't expcet anyone i don't actually know to read it, I was quite looking forward to having an average rating of -2, oh well
Submitted by cleveland_steamer (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good if you actually read it. From a fellow noobie at ubersite, I award you a 2.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:31:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
HEY EVERYONE, IM POSTING FOR THE FIRST TIME LOL!!1 WILL YOU BE MY FRIENDS
------
I don't even care what you wrote after this.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.
-- Homer Simpson
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit. You fuckers are quick.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HEY EVERYONE, IM POSTING FOR THE FIRST TIME LOL!!1 WILL YOU BE MY FRIENDS
------
I don't even care what you wrote after this.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CHERRY POP!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Let me be the first. Couldn't get past the first two lines but I'm guessing it never got better
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-06 09:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Voila!