I Have Already Fucked My Mother (1261 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.99 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gaping Hole (View user info) at 2005-06-30 04:29:47 EDT
Let me tell you, that bitch was a fine piece of ass. Probably the best I ever had. Oh but it doesn't stop just there! My mother introduced me to the joys of tantric sex. She shared her secrets from the days of old when she lived in peru operating a hot air balloon adventure by the name of Globos de los Andes. During that same time period, she became an expert in the ingestion of psychedelics, and as such she experienced deep insights into human, and particularly ethical behavior and thus knew it was A-OK to have a sexual relationship with her offspring.
I won't go into details here with our mode of consumption, or if we consumed illicit substances at all. I think such information is unnecessary and spoils the very private and sacred connection I share with my mother. What I will tell you is that we showered beforehand, utilizing a good 12 ounces or so of Summer's Eve Feminine Wash to deodorize her not-so-delicate feminine aroma. Mom got me pretty hot in the shower by massaging me with the blunt end of a shampoo bottle, and blah blah blah... We were both SO wet by the time we made our way to the bed and cracked open our treasure chest of dildos.
I chose the largest dildo and lubed up with vegetable shortening. Some of you might say that oil-based products are a no-no for vaginal hygiene. But hey, guess what? I didn't fuck her old pussy; I fucked her ASS.
She loved it. I loved it. The two of us became one under Ra. Or something. The Lord blesses us and our union and our dildo collection is kept sterile in a bedside solution of Barbecide.
The End.
User Reviews
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-07-01 08:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m,
Bad karma man. Bad karma. And for the record, your little retarded insults and wishes for my death don't offend me at all. You're "better than my ancestors"? Ridiculous.
Your effort amuses me.
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-07-01 04:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Does anyone else find PrettyGirl annoying...
but still fuckable?
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-01 04:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 13:23:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 13:09:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
you win what?
________________________
Well let's see. Your attention for one. Also, you're upset. More hits for this lousy post as you visit it over and over. Drama to entertain me. I'm laughing and you're practically crying over there. You looking like a TOTAL TOSSER (which you probably are).
TRASHCAN ASS. :)
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I'm comfortable with that. Knowing that I'm better than you. And even if you are an alter, I'm better than who you really are. And I'm better than your ancestors, your family right now, and any future family you bunch of whores are bound to create all over the place. Accept it and then just simply die. Doesn't have to be a painful death (wouldn't complain though), just so long as it does the job.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you would knock off -2ing everyone who doesn't like what you write no one would be hating on you. We would just be judging you on the quality of your writing. If you don't want criticism don't fucking post.
Here's a 0 for the quality of writing...it amused me at least. If you were trying to make fun of erotic fiction...well you didn't do that great of a job but it wasn't utter shit either.
BTW Thanks for responding to my comment, I feel special.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 19:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-30 16:34:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's spelled 'Barbicide'.
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Thanks professor, although someone already beat you to it. Proper spelling and grammar is really the crux of ubersite, and especially my work. I take great pride in it and appreciate the constructive criticism. Many thanks!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-30 16:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's spelled 'Barbicide'.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 13:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 13:09:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
you win what?
________________________
Well let's see. Your attention for one. Also, you're upset. More hits for this lousy post as you visit it over and over. Drama to entertain me. I'm laughing and you're practically crying over there. You looking like a TOTAL TOSSER (which you probably are).
TRASHCAN ASS. :)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 13:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you win what?
cunt.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 12:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear apollo88 and w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m,
I WIN!!!! You're both such Nancy boys it's incredible.
Love always,
PRETTY(<------oh-so-veryveryvery)GIRL
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-06-30 11:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
goo
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-30 10:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
JD?
Submitted by egadz (user info) at 2005-06-30 10:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf :[
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-30 09:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does your mom have cellelite on her ass?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-30 08:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Chuckle worthy.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 07:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
seriously, I know you probably hate yourself, self harm a little, go on yo-yo diets etc so why, and this is just a suggestion, seriously, don't you consider suicide?
Go on.
All those cries for help you have undoubtedly done in the past can be considered a warm-up.
I suggest an overdose.
It's suitably 'teen angst'.
Die.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:51:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on, I can't be the ONLY person that found this mildly amusing surely?
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nope
i too was mildly amused
this kind of thing is the FOUNDATION of ubersite
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh... okay.
Carry on.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the retaliatory ratings didn't help prattygirl.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:27:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:12:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks it Spam.
--
It wasn't brilliant for sure, but I certainly don't think it's worthy of the drubbing you two are giving her.
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The first one was because I didn't like the post. Then she responded on here and then automatically -2'd one of our posts each. At least we're reviewing the post.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am mostly drubbing because of the retaliatory -2's she is throwing around.
The stupid cancer ridden whore.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:12:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks it Spam.
--
It wasn't brilliant for sure, but I certainly don't think it's worthy of the drubbing you two are giving her.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sensational. Keep them coming.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:05:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:06:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:04:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
Glad to help. And to re-enforce it, here's another -2. Oh, and keep up the boring writing. Hopefully, soon you'll read over everything you've done in bulk and kill yourself through depression. Fingers crosses at least
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You're a disgusting human being. Horrid. A total tosser. """
CUNT.
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May have hit a nerve with her mate. Keep pushing and hoping and we might actually get a result
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks it Spam.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:06:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:04:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
Glad to help. And to re-enforce it, here's another -2. Oh, and keep up the boring writing. Hopefully, soon you'll read over everything you've done in bulk and kill yourself through depression. Fingers crosses at least
--
You're a disgusting human being. Horrid. A total tosser. """
CUNT.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on, I can't be the ONLY person that found this mildly amusing surely?
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:33:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:24:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:22:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
i'll bet you £10 (US$6.7million) that anyone with the username 'prettygirl' isn't.
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Sorry dude. The only sort of moron who would take that bet is the ugly fucker with the username in the first place. Then you try convincing someone whose fat and ugly that they are indeed fat and ugly
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I still maintain that i'm beautiful
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Thanks dude. Love to be shown to be right
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:24:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:22:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
i'll bet you £10 (US$6.7million) that anyone with the username 'prettygirl' isn't.
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Sorry dude. The only sort of moron who would take that bet is the ugly fucker with the username in the first place. Then you try convincing someone whose fat and ugly that they are indeed fat and ugly
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I still maintain that i'm beautiful
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:22:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
i'll bet you £10 (US$6.7million) that anyone with the username 'prettygirl' isn't.
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Sorry dude. The only sort of moron who would take that bet is the ugly fucker with the username in the first place. Then you try convincing someone whose fat and ugly that they are indeed fat and ugly
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i'll bet you £10 (US$6.7million) that anyone with the username 'prettygirl' isn't.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:47:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:43:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Gotta second Merlina. You hit absolutly nothing on any level with any impact. This was a yawn. And the yawn was a wasted effort.
--
w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m
thanks so much for your honest review. surely this well serve me well in my writing career, especially my uber writing career. you see, i try to HIT/IMPACT all of your senses with each piece i write. and now, NOW, i feel so ashamed for WASTING my effort, and such an effort it was.
but now, NOW THAT I HAVE SEEN THE ERROR OF MY WAYS THANKS TO YOUR COMMENT, i will rectify my misdeeds and carefully construct something up to par with the likes of you.
YAWWWWWWWWWWWN.
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Glad to help. And to re-enforce it, here's another -2. Oh, and keep up the boring writing. Hopefully, soon you'll read over everything you've done in bulk and kill yourself through depression. Fingers crosses at least
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 05:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this supposed to be shocking/titilating?
It isn't.
Kill yourself.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:43:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Gotta second Merlina. You hit absolutly nothing on any level with any impact. This was a yawn. And the yawn was a wasted effort.
--
w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m
thanks so much for your honest review. surely this well serve me well in my writing career, especially my uber writing career. you see, i try to HIT/IMPACT all of your senses with each piece i write. and now, NOW, i feel so ashamed for WASTING my effort, and such an effort it was.
but now, NOW THAT I HAVE SEEN THE ERROR OF MY WAYS THANKS TO YOUR COMMENT, i will rectify my misdeeds and carefully construct something up to par with the likes of you.
YAWWWWWWWWWWWN.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
sTOOL!
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gotta second Merlina. You hit absolutly nothing on any level with any impact. This was a yawn. And the yawn was a wasted effort.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:35:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
I honestly don't get your point. If you're trying to shock you've failed.
Yeah so you write a post about ass fucking your mother.
Hilarious? No. Clever? No. Original. No.
Give up.
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Dearest Merlina,
My "point" is irrelevant. Does everything you write have a "point"?
I don't care if you "don't get my point". It's not my problem that you're looking for one.
Yeah so YOU READ a post about a person ass fucking their mother. Surely after reading the title you could have refrained but for some odd reason you were compelled.
Lame? Yes. Hypocritical? Probably. Condescending? That seems to be YOUR "POINT".
Get fucked. Literally :)
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Barbicide....hehe
This still sucked though.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I honestly don't get your point. If you're trying to shock you've failed.
Yeah so you write a post about ass fucking your mother.
Hilarious? No. Clever? No. Original. No.
Give up.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what do you do with a drunken sailor
what do you do with a drunken sailor
what do you do with a drunken sailor
earl-i in the morning
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to put my evil inside you.