Unidentified Fucking Object (809 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.89 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gaping Hole (View user info) at 2005-06-27 23:41:24 EDT
As I ran my tongue along the soft crease between her navel and mons pubis so eagerly anticipating my meal from her honey pot... much like a starving Pooh Bear, something hard and angular struck the corner of my eye, near my tear duct.
The room was dark and it was my first time with this girl. To say that I didn't know how to react would be an understatement. Should I keep going or not, I repeatedly asked myself. The girl didn't clue me in, in fact she continued to lay mostly silent. The silence was only broken with the occasional prolonged exhale, which could have been eager anticipation or irritation. I didn't know.
I felt that I was too far gone to turn back so I dove into her nest of hair while I spread her thighs with my hands. Her scent reminded me of peeled potatoes and salt water and her hair was bristly against my face. I felt like a real trooper as I proceeded to munch away, letting my mind drift off to another dimension it seemed, a time and place in which I hopefully wouldn't be stupid enough to get myself in a position like this again.
What was that fucking box? It seemed to be plastic. The most logical conclusion seemed to point to it being a cell phone, yet it was well beneath her pants line and actually secured around her body somehow. Things were incredibly awkward. What kind of person gets themselves into a sexual situation with a new person without disclosing a potential oddity? I remember one guy I used to date informed me of the "operation" he had for his undescended testical, which was assumed to be precancerous by his doctor. His disclosure came after our intimacy, so there was no enlightenment to be attained. I was already aware of his singular ballsack and in my mind he was "Uniball".
But this...this was incredible. I tried to take myself away from the situation but I felt compelled to keep guessing. There I was, lapping furiously at her cunt and going through every possibility in my mind and drawing blanks. Strangely, the girl was pretty silent throughout, or if she was making noise I was too preoccupied with my sleuthing to notice.
So...
What WAS that thing? Any guesses?
If you guess correctly, you get a prize.
User Reviews
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 12:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:37:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
The mystery, the suspense, the excitement. All thanks to you. Never has a post sent me into such a deep sleep with such an interesting dream.
FUCK OFF WASTER
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:14:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Go away.
___________________________________________________________________
Poor babies, both of you. Why don't you spam my shit with a couple MORE -2's. I mean, I'm really hurt by the extra attention. :)
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The mystery, the suspense, the excitement. All thanks to you. Never has a post sent me into such a deep sleep with such an interesting dream.
FUCK OFF WASTER
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Go away.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-30 04:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:12:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
go fuck your mother
--
Haha! What a chode.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
go fuck your mother
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-28 22:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Still no correct guesses!
Should I give a hint?
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-06-28 19:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i've seen better
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-06-28 19:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A teflon implant...or a weird type of house arrest detector?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-28 18:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually, I've never given one before. But, if you insist...
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-28 18:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So far no one guessed correctly!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-06-28 14:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This wasn't the most innovative post in the world, but i'll be damned if it didn't make me smile...as for my guess, I'm gonna say it was a cubed clit ring. I dunno...
Actually, how about a Rubix Cube clit ring?
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-28 12:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Webcam?
Submitted by Snypavat (user info) at 2005-06-28 10:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know what it is...and I better get a prize. A COLOSTOMY BAG!!!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-28 04:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
frozen lard?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-28 03:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Supplemental Inflatable Restraint
Now I'm done.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-28 03:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
joedaddy-
Those were all pretty good guesses, but none were correct. :)
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-28 02:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spare Pee-pee?
Disinfectant Dispenser?
Mini Cam?
Thermo Nuclear Device?
Sign-in Sheet?
Complaint/Suggestion Box?
Tip Collection Container?
Mail Drop?
Combination Lock?
Pez Dispenser?
Mini Wine Bag?
Miners Cap and Pick Axe Holder?
Panic Button? (I've fallen in and I can't get out)
Spare Flashlight? no..... see Miners Cap
Spare Blackberry or Game Boy for cuddling?
Plastic Box with a message from the other guy who's been lost in there for 3 days?
Candle Holder?
A Gift from your Dad?
Cyanide Pill Box?
The On-Off Switch?
A Mini Cassette Player with "Cattle Call" by Eddie Arnold playing in an endless loop?
I got nothing
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-06-28 01:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StoneAgeSoldier (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:51:48 (#)
Ranking: -1
The air compressor you used to blow her up?
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Was -2....now 0 for eliciting this response.
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-06-28 01:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by StoneAgeSoldier (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:51:48 (#)
Ranking: -1
The air compressor you used to blow her up?
^^^^^^HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA^^^^^^
good stuff.
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-06-28 00:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by StoneAgeSoldier (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The air compressor you used to blow her up?
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
testicle