Batman and Robin licked my chops, or Why plot-holes make me wet (1408 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: seb-art
Rating: 2 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sebcharrot (View user info) at 2005-06-16 16:04:22 EDT
Wet with tears that is.
So anyway, the other day I was watching (stupidly) the "Batman and Robin" film with George Clooney and that arse from "Fried Green Tomatoes" who gets run over by a locomotive inside the first five minutes (you'd think a film with a start like that would be kick ass, wouldn't you?) and aside from a million-and-two plot holes, one just stuck the proverbial boot in my arse. Or craw. Wherever it ended up, it hurt.
Near the end, while Alfred is dying, whats-her-face Silverstone "breaks" into the BatCave with more ease than taking a shit after a year of eating All-Bran, and all that happens is Alfred's face pops up and goes "Intruder, intruder, in- oh, hello Alicia*, I thought you might decide to break into your host's basement!" and then a video of him appears while he exudes some shit along the lines of "I thought since you were a piece of shit runaway who obviously can't do anything productive with her life despite being able to hack into and reprogram a complex system maneouvering 6 satellites in under 2 seconds with as many key presses..." <breathe> ".. that you might want to be a BatGirl? Of course, I took the liberty of measuring your sizes, including breast size, in your sleep and made you a lewd and disgustingly sexy batsuit for you to prance around in."
OK, so far, so good. We're just talking about some dirty perverted incestuous man with Grendel Syndrome or whatever the shit-fart it is. But what I don't understand is this:
1. Well, for a start, who the hell makes the Batsuits? It's not like any of the current inhabitants of Wayne Manor could make extremely intricate and highly complex suits, could they?
And more importantly:
2. Didn't Batman and Robin realise that there was a new set of BatSuits made to adorn a curvaceous and sexy lady? Did they not look at it as they pulled their garments out one day, and go "Huh, who's that for?"
Maybe we should accept that Batman and Robin is just a film, and that I shouldn't care that the writers gave no craps about how Alfred managed to create and conceal a set of feminine batsuits for his 19 year old niece.... but... but FUCK YOU BATMAN! FUCK YOU AND THE TIGHT SPANDEX SUIT YOU RODE IN ON**!
-seb
* I can't be arsed looking up her character's name
** or in
User Reviews
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-18 18:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:04:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
SPT!!!! Shit i forgot.
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Given the overall rating of this post I dont think you need to worry
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-18 18:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-28 17:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-14 05:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god that was funny. Thought I'd check out your stuff seeing as you checked out mine. I was concerned I was going to have to give you a retaliatory plus2, it turns out however that you are incredibly amusing.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-06-27 17:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, sorry I didn't answer. It stands for Shit Post Thursday. Though I daresay you'll probably have found that out by now.
Submitted by Jimmy_Esquire (user info) at 2005-06-17 05:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should've written the comic book Batman and Robin... and Batbitch.
Whats SPT anyways?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-17 05:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
regarding this cartoon, you are aware that batman and robin are gay icons?
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-06-17 05:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah sorry about the content, but I just hate to post a picture on its own. It needed some sort of introduction, which I had to rush -unplanned- directly into the submission box. All apologies. I'm glad you guys are laughing.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-17 00:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-16 23:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The eyes on Batman in the last two panels made this all worthwhile.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-16 22:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the writing was lacking, didn't really do anything but the picture is pure gold. batmans eyes...
dl the soundbyte of crank yankers calling directory assistance asking for batman. "he lives in a lair"
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-16 20:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've come to talk with you again...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-16 20:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hello darkness my old friend....
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-06-16 19:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone just threatened legal action regarding my second newest article. Stating I was ignorant to the 1998 Data Protection Act. I promptly emailed back my non-giving-fuck act 2005 for her to stew over.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-16 19:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t! I have to see the new one.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-16 19:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for the useage of "old friend"
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-16 17:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome man. That comic thing almost made me piss myself.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-16 17:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:17:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner... BATMAN!
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Every British mother has said that at least once
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-06-16 17:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, Schumaker needs to stick to other films.
Submitted by cigarr (user info) at 2005-06-16 17:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Haggard (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never seen this movie. I obviously didn't miss much.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The post, not so good.
The picture, fucking priceless...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeh
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner... BATMAN!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on a lighter note, my friend's dad had a stroke a few years ago and the right side of his face droops (a la alfred)...my buddy makes fun of him every chance he gets.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good point. Alfred always was a creepy pervasaurus
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So anyway, the other day I was watching (stupidly) the "Batman and Robin" film..."
<shakes head>
that right there earns you a -2...but...
you get +18,000 for making alfred have a stroke in the 6th cartoon panel
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-06-16 16:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SPT!!!! Shit i forgot.