Curious Brad, The Curious Little Monkey (666 words worth of random musings) (1044 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 1.67 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2005-04-27 01:18:44 EDT
Am I the only one who, as a kid, dreamed of having something they'd written in a textbook? Am I the only kid who ever thought about the word 'textbook' and thought it redundant? Surely if it's not a textbook, it's a picture album, right?- Unless, that is, it's one of those pop-up books with Hallmark-style jingles built in. I used to marvel at those fucking things - wondering how they got that music into that little metal circular object. Then I'd smash the tiny chip and speaker assembly so I could perhaps unlock the mystery contained within. I was always disappointed, because the mechanics were never obvious - not like in a music box or a See 'n Say.
As a side-note, I wonder if Texas Instruments ever got any flak over the use of the name Speak 'n Spell for their contraption...
Did anyone else ever take apart a calculator so they could get at the plasma screen? Did anyone else ever taste the plasma? Or, how many of you tried to hook batteries up to the leads to the solar panel just to see if you could power it another way?
How many of you ever actually eaten Playdoh? I know it smelled like nothing else on earth, and you always wanted to make a mold of your nose with it, but give me a show of hands on how many couldn't resist the temptation to bite off a chunk and revel in this newfound delicacy?
What about Etch-a-sketches? Did anyone ever get pissed off and more than a little curious why the fucking thing would never seem to erase satisfactorily? Did you then, as I did, smash the thing over your sister's head because you knew it was the hardest thing available? Did you then stand transfixed as the aluminum dust that is the magic and mystery behind the whole Etch-a-sketch phenomenon exploded in an Alzheimer's-causing cloud of toxicity?
Did you ever cheat at Hungry Hungry Hippos by pressing your side of the game inconspicuously down into the carpet so as to roll all the marbles in your direction? Did you ever watch in shock and horror as one of the marbles jammed your Hippos mouth so that it would no longer properly open and close? Did you have a Hungry Hungry Hippos game where one of the Hippos had lost its head and had become a black hole and bottomless abyss for stray marbles that were sure to fuck up your plan of total dominance over your younger siblings and cousins?
How many of you ever owned the board game 'Sorry', and how many of you ever used the pieces to plug your ears and nose?
Am I the only person here who thinks that 'Stompers' were the greatest toy ever invented? How many others would take their Stomper motors and intentionally burn them up by hooking 9-volt batteries up to them?
Was I the only boy who, in the naiveté of youth, wished that Barbie dolls had come with pubic hair and nipples for anatomical accuracy - not realizing that if Barbie really existed, she'd be like 8 feet tall and shit? I know, I know... 8 feet tall, yes...but still sexy.
Am I the only boy who ever got into his dad's Hai Karate aftershave, dousing himself down with it, and unequivocally proclaiming that it had to be the worst shit he'd ever smelled in his entire life? Could it be that I am also the only boy who, three days later, was still exclaiming that exact same thing as the smell still had not even begun to dissipate, while his mother kept him under quarantine from any stray sparks because of his new incendiary properties?
Am I the only boy who ever wondered what people meant when they said that snakes were out? Where had they been kept...and, more importantly, who kept them?
Am I the only person who has any fucking clue what I'm talking about?
"Yes."
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-09-02 01:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
recalc
Submitted by JHoersten2 (user info) at 2005-08-28 17:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gay
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sadly I don't remeber my youth all that much.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-27 20:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh ETS, I love how your mind works..
How bout the electronic Simon Says....
Submitted by bluegoddess (user info) at 2005-04-27 19:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"How many of you ever owned the board game 'Sorry', and how many of you ever used the pieces to plug your ears and nose?"
Yesss - They also came in handy as ammunition for slingshots.
"Am I the only boy who ever got into his dad's Hai Karate aftershave, dousing himself down with it, and unequivocally proclaiming that it had to be the worst shit he'd ever smelled in his entire life? Could it be that I am also the only boy who, three days later, was still exclaiming that exact same thing as the smell still had not even begun to dissipate, while his mother kept him under quarantine from any stray sparks because of his new incendiary properties?"
HAHAHAHAHAHA - My brother did this. He smelled awful for a week!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-27 11:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Soley: you're such a clever girl!
Teeph: I'm glad someone came with me finally on the Stompers. I was beginning to feel isolated and alone in a cold cruel world - one with no recollection of Stompers. Stompers had so much potential to expand on their basic idea. I know you could get different tires, wheels, and bodies to fit over the plastic chassis, but they could have taken that idea one step further and sold just Stomper parts. This way, instead of tearing apart our existing Stompers to make experimental Frankensteinian monster-hybrid machines, we could just build them from the ground up. Whatever happened to Stompers anyway???
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-27 11:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I had two of those water demons, and a whole fleet of other Stomper 4x4s. I could never keep track of which were the indoor wheels and which were the outdoor ones.
I know now. But as a kid I didn't.
Also, I think I may still bear the scars of many a hungry, hungry hippo derived blister.
Good times, great memories and awesome post.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-27 10:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wordsworth
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-27 09:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cna anyone tell my why the title of this post is so poetic?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-27 09:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to play Sorry with my cousins at the beach, and I would cheat like a motherfucker every time someone got up to use the bathroom.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-04-27 09:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-04-27 04:21:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:33:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
I think calculators of this particular period had LED screens, not plasma.
.......................
I believe they were LCD screens
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Dude, I didn't say WHEN I did any of this, did I?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-27 08:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-27 07:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Hungry Hippos
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-27 07:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Hai Karate. I'm sure my mammie still has an unopened bottle of that next to a half empty bottle of Old Spice that once belonged to my old man. God rest his soul.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-04-27 07:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Play doh= yes...salty grossness.
Hungry Hippos= yes, but I always won.
Sorry!= I did own the game, and when I was 6 had one of the pieces so far lodged up my nose that my parents had to take me to the doctor to have it removed.
Hangs head in shame.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-04-27 05:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Hai Karate +2.
I used to get it every year from an Aunt who was senile.
The most foul substance known to man.
-Dave
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-04-27 04:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:33:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
I think calculators of this particular period had LED screens, not plasma.
.......................
I believe they were LCD screens
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-04-27 04:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never did any of these things. We were poor and I was reduced to playing with dirty socks and sticks I found outside as a kid.
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-04-27 02:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i ate chapstick once
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2005-04-27 02:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I was the only one...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very awesome.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think calculators of this particular period had LED screens, not plasma.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-27 01:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
where the fuck were those bad-ass mofo machines when i was a kid? all i had was a handfull of pebbles and my imagination.