I Have An Important Question For You. (620 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andrew Montanaro <beefstick86.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-05 02:03:53 EST
"I have an important question for you." Jess leaned closer.
"You know I'm always up for a good conversation starter." Andrew didn't mind, as long as he could talk to her alone, without his girlfriend there, and without her boyfriend there.
"I was talking to Seth at work today. He says he's never seen someone so obsessed with vertigo. He says I'm going to take him to a bad place of self mutilation again. He says I'm too eager to destroy myself. He says everything I don't need to hear." Jess said, quite shyly.
"He also says the truth."
"Anyway, we were talking about the philosophical question, 'Which is better, something or nothing?' and I wanted to know what you thought."
"Well, what do you mean something or nothing?" Andrew knew what she was talking about; he just needed a minute to think.
"You know, is something followed by nothing better than something followed by something?"
"Well, for starters, it's a tough question. It is sort of like the question, 'Is the glass half empty, or half full?' It's funny how they use that to determine who is a pessimist. So many people know that question that they answer it half empty because they think it makes them cool. A real pessimist would say that there isn't anything left in the cup. But to answer your question, I'd say the former is better."
"Do you have any explanation to go with that?" Jess was expecting a little more. Andrew always took his time answering her questions. He always strove to make the most out of anything they talked about. It was like he was so in love with her all he wanted to do was hear her voice.
"Of course there is. There needs to be an end to all things. If there isn't, it sort of makes the entire thing a waste. I mean, look at the dinosaurs. They ruled this planet for quite a long time, and quite ruthlessly as well. They were powerful animals, capable of accomplishing nearly anything they wanted. They were the perfect machine. Some flew, others were so strong they could carry huge amounts of weight; even others were the perfect killer, with their razor sharp talons, their long gnashing teeth, their powerful jaws, and their monstrous legs used for jumping and running. The dinosaurs were a great family of animals. They eventually came to an end, but something followed: the human race. Our intelligence and abilities have far outweighed the importance of the dinosaur. The dinosaur's existence is nearly meaningless nowadays. It is partially this feeling that I want to know the human race will never be surpassed, and the end is the end."
"I disagree. That's what Seth said, but I can't even imagine that point of view. I don't understand it."
"What are Seth's theological views?" Andrew always looked for a way to tie discussions back to the issues involved with religion.
"I don't really know. Seth is a really great guy, but he just makes me feel alone, which is another reason I hate this fucking place." She was referring to Ohio State University.
"Well, I can understand that, but I still don't understand how you can feel that something in the end is better than nothing in the end."
"I'll explain after you explain further and answer some questions for me."
"Well, if you look at it from my standpoint as an individual, there is no way that I'm going to make it to heaven, if there is one. So to me, at the end, if there is nothing, I feel that I am better off, because I'll have lived how I wanted without consequence. To live in fear of what one thinks will happen at the end causes him not to live to his full potential. I don't understand how someone would want to live by a set of values and beliefs that would not allow someone to function how they wanted.
Jess remained silent as Andrew continued. "Right now, if it weren't for masturbation and sex, I would be doing all kinds of drugs and destroying my life. Instead of drugs, I use adrenaline. It does well to compensate, and I don't wake up feeling sick, not to mention being able to remember everything. Granted, I'm currently not married, and premarital sex is wrong by most religions. Not to mention masturbation. Anyway, if it weren't for the feeling that I can live how I want without consequence, I would probably have killed myself. To have someone or something control my life in an abstract manner is just too unbearable for me. I need to be my own person."
Jess spoke up. "Okay, I have one question, and one statement. Are you living the way you want right now?"
"Yes."
"Does this answer come with an explanation?"
"If you want it to it does."
"So every action you take is one that you want to do?"
"Not every action is for the sole benefit of me, or rather, in direct benefit of me."
"So then you can't be unhappy then, right?"
Andrew took a moment to consider. "Ah, yes, I can be unhappy."
"How?"
"I choose to live unhappily."
"Why?"
"Because every time I try to live happy it ruins my personality. And I don't want to live happy, so I am satisfied."
"Well, that takes care of my question. Now the statement: You're thinking of my original question in futuristic terms, as a very end, the last part. You know that whole 'best time of your life' period that everyone has?"
"What about it?"
"Whenever I make someone feel less intelligent that I am."
"Your answer would mean that your whole life is the best time of your life. Seriously though, like an age, or a time period?"
"When I'll be dying."
"So then you have something to live for until you die?" Jess was trying her hardest to grasp his concepts.
"Yes, I live for my death."
"At least you know every moment won't be wasted right? It's all in progress."
"I don't waste a single moment."
"I envy you."
"Every minute I spend, I do it with purpose. I want my death to be something worthwhile. I want the world to be in awe as I die. I am striving to make my name known."
"This is making me tired. I'm going to go lay down in bed for a nice self loathing session before I fall asleep."
"But to finish, real quick: I live to make my name known. I want my death to mean something to people. That is my every purpose in every decision I make. And there needs to be nothing at the end."
Jess smiled, not sure where he was going with this.
"Otherwise, my life will be meaningless, like the dinosaur. My end needs to be 'The End,' and if it the end for me, no afterlife, how will I know the difference?"
It is a good think Andrew wasn't expecting an answer, because he didn't get one.
"On that note, sleep well Jessica. I'll catch you again this summer, or spring, or whenever you're in town again, or on some weekend when you're not having a shitty day."
"Sorry..." Jess was eternally sorry.
"It's okay."
"Goodnight..."
User Reviews
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-03-05 08:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Andrew always took his time answering her questions. He always strove to make the most out of anything they talked about. It was like he was so in love with her all he wanted to do was hear her voice."
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+2 because I used to have these sorts of philosophical conversations with a girl I was hopelessly in love with. +2.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-05 07:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah I promise to read this
Submitted by Suriyawong (user info) at 2005-03-05 06:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well written, and has a lot of interesting philosophy rolled into it. Some of them are tenets of my personal belief structure. Good job.
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-03-05 03:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
blah blah blah
peener +2
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-03-05 02:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-05 02:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's one shitty beach you got there