Uber-Battles 2- The Nuclear Cucumber (547 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.75 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thored (View user info) at 2005-03-04 19:20:44 EST
Today, I received a challenge from a fellow uberite. Not formed as a challenge, but when the person proposed this, I had to actually do some thinking.
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Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2005-03-04 18:43:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus and Darth Vader have nothing on Cucumbers.
Unless your lord and savior is Asian.
Otherwise, shut the fuck up.
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I have recently been encouraged to apply more stupid into my poorly thought out and poorly written posts.
Without further delay, I give you Uber-Battle II, the square off between fictional characters and inanimate objects. Seemingly, this seems like a no contest, but I pity the fool who believes this.
Jesus and Darth Vader Versus A Cucumber.
This fight would start off with the Cucumber sprouting legs. This is no ordinary Cucumber, it was the Hiroshima Cucumber. Capable of walking, and even kung fu fighting the cucumber can strike fear into the hearts of its enemies.
Darth Vader would be taunting small children, killing bunnies, and eating cat. Jesus would be whining about how Darth Vader was going about this. Although Jesus can pwn Vader, Jesus will continuously rise from the dead. This creates a cycle of Vader killing Jesus, Jesus returning, and so on. Then, without warning.
BAM
The Cucumber would kick into action when Darth Vader makes a hilarious joke about Asians and their eyes being wide screen.
BEGIN MORTAL KOMBAT.
Cucumber: "You have dishonored my family, thus I shall have to kill you. It is the only way."
Darth Vader: "Ha ha, you are simply a cucumber, you cannot amass to my strength." Darth Vader attempts his force choke ability.
Cucumber: "Fool!" At that vary moment, several ninjas came from the sky. Many of them attacked Darth Vader, but to no avail. Jesus was slain, and then he rose.
Darth Vader: "Oh my god, you killed Jesus. You bastard!"
Jesus: "No, no, fuck, I saw this movie once. He's Chinese, this bitch can fly."
The fight continued on for many hours, wave after wave of ninja attacks failed until Darth Vader became angered. The German homosexual scene also attacked, but they seemed to take to Jesus's flower power and turned against their master. Vader on his Force Phone and called up O.P. Surely, the Prime'ster could solve things for him. When Optimus Prime arrives, things take a much different turn.
Jesus: "Can we stop now? I've died 3103 times today, and they wrote an entire religion about me doing it once."
Darth Vader: "Never! He will give into the Dark Side before I quit."
Optimus Prime: Approaches the cucumber, grapples the cucumber, eats the cucumber. "You guys fucking suck, you seriously are the Uber-Battle champions?"
Darth Vader: "Yeah, this is fucking lame, I'm leaving. I guess that douche was wrong, me and Jesus totally owned that cucumber."
Stay tuned for the next episode of Uber-Battle, when Darth Vader and Jesus square off against Optimus Prime (who is being mind controlled by the evil nuclear cucumber he ate.)
Yeah, you thought your cucumber was hot, but it was no match for the reigning Uber-Battle champs. I now give you the Uber-Battle heavy weight champions of the world.
User Reviews
Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2005-03-05 08:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm glad I inspired you.
Cucumbers are still all that is right and holy in this world, fuckwit.
Next time you eat a salad, think about that.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-05 06:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by grandturismo (user info) at 2005-03-05 03:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I KNEW it. Here, let me raise my rating to the "not giving a shit" level.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:25:31 (#)
Ranking: -1
You must have been bored to a record setting level to come up with this crapola.
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BAM! So true.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You must have been bored to a record setting level to come up with this crapola.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lacked a vital ingredient
laughter