The True Story of ArlenJames (577 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Naery (View user info) at 2005-02-28 09:58:03 EST
War. Disease. Poverty. Political Corruption. New-Age Religion. Depleting Ozone Layer. The world has seen some terrible things in the past 15 years. Everyone who lives and thinks in this time has commented on it. "Think we'll live to see the end of the week?" "Only if miracles *do* exist." This kind of nonchalant melancholy is pervasive. People wonder why it is here and whence it comes. I have the answer.
1990. It was a good year. Began well. But details, for the most part, are inconsequential since most of the people reading this were alive then. The only detail that is not inconsequential is the following: Arlen James, our saviour, was born. Many of you may be wondering to yourselves, "What?! OMG WTF! This Arlen James character, who can't even spell his own name properly, can't possibly be our saviour. The Second Coming is supposed to be heralded by all that shit mentioned in that last book of the Bible! Where is it all? Arlen fuckin-James *CAN'T* be our saviour!" I propose to you that he is.
When all Hell is breaking loose, that is when our Saviour is scheduled to return. I posit to this esteemed group that indeed all Hell is breaking loose. When a band as obviously talented and glorious as Metallica has its talent unabashedly denied, when a band as obviously Untalented as Blink-182 has its talent unabashedly showered with praise, when Good is called Bad and Bad is called "LOL Great!", then my friends, Hell is breaking loose from her bounds and all are in for a terrible ride. It will also be a shitty ride, since we probably won't even have any decent music to listen to.
But how does Arlen James fit in to this you ask? Arlen James is our man on the inside. He openly embraces the ways of Evil and Darkness, the better to get into the grip of the Devil himself, and when the Gates of Hell are open and the Gates of Heaven are assaulted, Arlen James will be there, defending us with the likes of Morcheeba and the Rolling Stones. He will hold up such greats as Jurassic 5 to combat the Jackson 5, Roni Size against Vanilla Ice, The Two Lone Swordsman against Millie Vanillie, etc.
So, please, don't hate against Arlen James. Don't be all wicked up in his grill. Step off his shizzle. Let him do his job.
We must support Arlen James and all that he, nay all that *WE*, stand for.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-02 09:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"...when Good is called Bad and Bad is called "LOL Great!" "
"It will also be a shitty ride, since we probably won't even have any decent music to listen to."
+2
+2
= +4
Damn.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-02 09:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needed to be done... I hate that fucking prick and all that he stands for..
Fucking cock-smoker!
Good job!!
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2005-03-02 00:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stranger, I'm referring to ArlenJames! The greatest being to walk the earth since the time when he walked it before (like 2,000 years or so)!
You can find some of his awe-inspiring writings here:
http://ubersite.com/m/60726
You, too, will be a believer. Believe me.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-02-28 16:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have no clue who you are referring to, but I'd still like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-02-28 15:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dis wuz off da hizzle fo shizzle!
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-02-28 13:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha. Well done.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-02-28 10:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-28 10:24:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
He is shenanigans. Pretty good shenanigans too. He annoyed me.
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Agreed he annoyed me too.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-28 10:39:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-02-28 10:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
He is shenanigans. Pretty good shenanigans too. He annoyed me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-28 10:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was pretty well done.