Just a girl (1048 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -0.28 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lisa <aceyloulou.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-02-23 03:01:51 EST
I was just a girl....so young and naïve. I had no idea of how much pain a person could inflict on me... Just because I was your girl didn't give you the right.
Fuck you for what you did to me, you should rot in hell. You left me with scars to talk about in a game of show and tell. Don't ask me for forgiveness, you have no soul to sell.
I couldn't fight you; I learned that early on, it was a game to you and your friends all the bruises that I don. And then you took away from me the most precious gift I had.....
You held me down, I smelled your breath was sour, I watched the clock above, the minutes felt like hours. When will he be done, Lord? I cannot take this pain, his sweat dripping on me; never wash away those stains...
I tried to find my voice, but that wouldn't really matter. You were in your wonderland of evil, panting and racing, my very own mad hatter...
I struggle to get up, your fist found my jaw...now I'm tasting blood
You slam my head again the wall, I feel myself start to fall.
I step outside myself and take a look around, my body like a discarded rag doll, lying on the ground.
Oh my God, there's so much blood, HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE!!! CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S HURTING ME??? My pleas get sucked up in the vacuum of the night; forever my life has changed...no strength left to fight.
Finally it's over, stand up and take a bow. You took away my virginity...
You're a real man now.
User Reviews
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-02-23 15:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2005-02-23 10:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Deep. At least he didn't take your ass as well.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-02-23 10:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Sad...just...sad.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-23 10:07:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, the angst! I can feel it in my pants.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-02-23 09:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Just an idiot" woulda been more appropriate.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-02-23 07:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You left out the part of you being the cocksucking whore.
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-02-23 07:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, just no.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-23 07:34:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Christ that was bad.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-02-23 05:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope this really happened to you and I hope it happens again.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-02-23 05:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I didn't like the rhyming, I also didn't like the changes in tone and tense.
However, it could have been a lot worse.
Submitted by gabrielpm (user info) at 2005-02-23 04:58:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Virginity is for the weak :-)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-23 04:41:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And then you took away from me the most precious gift I had..... """
Puh.Lease.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-23 04:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's a good post, but it shouldn't have been your first post. You gave us no basis of comparison as to what this is, if it's fiction or a past portrayal. I mean for all I know this could have been meant as a short humor piece, with the mad hatter and take a bow and all.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-02-23 04:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heavy. i hope it's fiction...
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-23 04:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*stands up and takes a bow*
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-02-23 04:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh.
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:50:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well written...
next time write about burning your anus when you tried to light your farts on fire.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You missed so much during RPT... Shame.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, this was crap. I'm not a lisa- hater, but c'mon...
This was NOT well written. Not quite worth a negative 2 but still...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it, +2 first post! And linkwhore!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The rhyming is what lost the +2. Is was sparodic, and it detracted from the feel of the piece.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously, this was well written
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i didn't like the rhyming
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:19:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rape. And J00$!1!!!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50103
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't really like it .. not bad, but not wonderful either.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ARG. Hate rape stories. To this day cannot listen to Tori Amos's "Me and a Gun."
Powerfully written, so +2. No criticism, because then I would have to re-read it and it makes me feel awful (which is a roundabout way of saying, job well done).
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Otters (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, rape! That story was...pretty funny. I just don't know what score to give your rape story.
"my very own mad hatter... " ???? Hahahaa.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-02-23 03:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing story. Excellent, I really enjoyed it.