Tim Plays Ro-Sham-Bo for the Entire Universe (555 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.75 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Crazy Wizard (View user info) at 2005-02-18 17:23:34 EST
Another Adventure for Tim. See his first one here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59097
On with the show!
* * *
In the days of yore, before mankind was deigned to have the Earth as his realm, there was a battle for deistic supremacy. It was a battle that would involve the destruction of whole suns as it raged on for infinitum throughout the Universe. It raged till this very day, until the two great beings decided that all should come down to a final conflict. The Universe itself, in all its glory and complexity would be ripped asunder by the awesome forces that were coming to bear.
It was decided that all would come to pass through and agent. That agent would be a human. That agent would be one of such mediocrity, such loathsomely boring proportions, that if something were to happen to him, the destruction of the Universe could not possibly happen.
The agent was a man named Tim.
And so it was to be. Tim had no saying in this. Nay, he had no knowledge that he in fact was the deciding, um, factor in the fate of the Universe. If he were to lose the challenge, the Universe would be plunged into unremitting darkness and evil. If he were to win the challenge, the Universe would once again go forth unto its ultimate purpose of good and light.
The stage was set.
The ancient beings decided on a game that had been in existence since the dawning of time. A game that rivaled all and bowed to none. A game with such simplistic design and yet untold complexion that it boggles the mind of the infinitely wise.
Rock. Paper. Scissors.
Or as the ancients called it in the language that is the mother, father, grandfather and grandmother of all languages throughout the Universe:
Ro-Sham-Bo.
It was a rainy day on Earth. Tim had just walked down the local pub after work. He was well into his pints when a man in a dark trench coat walked up to him. The man offered to buy him a drink.
Tim never noticed that his eyes reflected a fire that was no where to be found in the pub.
He just liked the idea of a free pint of beer.
So he took up the man's offer. As he started to drink, the room slowly began to disappear. The inhabitants faded away, the room grew dark, and time began to slow. Soon, Tim and the man with fire burning in his eyes were standing alone in utter darkness.
Well, it wasn't UTTER darkness. It was just an absence of light. More like an absence of anything that was at the pub. Think of a plain, black room. Yeah, that's what it was.
Ahem. Tim finished his long pull on the pint and was surprised to find himself in the black room, when he had just been drinking with his friends in a relaxing pub. He looked to the man with fire in his eyes and asked what any man would ask, given the circumstances:
"Wha?"
"I'll tell you what, TIM. It is time. Ro-Sham-Bo!!!"
Too drunk to think straight, Tim readied himself. He was somewhat of a legend at Ro-Sham-Bo in his hometown. He once won thirty shoots straight.
But he was drunk.
And it was dark. Well, there was a severe absence of light.
They started. Ro.
Sham
Bo.
Tim threw a rock. The man with fire in his eyes threw a rock as well. A tie.
Again they threw. Again a tie.
Four hundred and fifty times they threw, each ending with a tie. Never before had such a struggle been witnessed. And never again would there be such a struggle to witness. And no one could witness it because of the disturbing lack of light in the black room.
Then, on the four hundred and fifty first time.
Tim threw a rock.
The man threw scissors.
Time stopped.
Tim slapped the man on the wrist, as was per regulation. The slap was mighty, like the sound of a whip. It destroyed the man. The fires went out in his eyes. He started from the feet up, coming undone.
"NOOOOOOOO!"
Tim just looked at him blurrily, unable to comprehend. Then he heard laughter, a laughter like a bell tone. He found himself at the pub again, where he found himself with a new pint and his friends telling the same story interrupted what seemed like an eternity ago.
"I've got to stop doing LSD. Those flashbacks are killers."
And all was set right, thanks to Tim.
User Reviews
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-02-18 20:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The story was great, right up until the end. So +1
But another +1 because my name is Tim.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-18 18:51:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One more and to rid me of the guilt
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-18 18:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for my stupid slutty cat
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-18 18:50:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING CAT SITTING ON MY KEYBOARD AND SCROLLING IT SO I GAVE YOU A -2 GAAAH!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-18 18:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Solid
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-02-18 18:34:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my name is tim too
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2005-02-18 18:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Original and weird