The axe effect, and random gay club action (random thoughts wednseday) (652 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.29 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by El_Wizardo (View user info) at 2005-02-16 03:16:47 EST
My friend wants me to go to a gay club. Which would be fine if I was gay. Or straight. But I'm not. I'm greedy with the whole sexuality thing. I am bisexual, and for those of you who cry bullshit, let me assure you that it is real, and I am attracted to men as well as women. I just happen to love a woman.
It could have just as easily have been you, ubermenz. Those penis pics gave me a stiffy.
So imagine this awkward social situation. I'm there, with my girlfriend. Who looks like my fag hag. When in reality, she is my girlfriend whom I love very much and reads these things regularly. How do I handle the approach of an attractive male...
Guy- Hey baby.
Me- Oh, hi.
Guy- Want a blowjob?
Me- Oh, sorry, she's already taking care of that.
Guy- What are you doing here if you don't like guys?
Me- Well, I do...
Guy- Then why are you getting some from this girl?
Me-Ummm... I don't know? She's great at it? (Of course she is. I love you...)
What happens if my friend gets drunk and starts to hit on me? How do I politely turn him down without looking like the asshole of the century?
Friend- Hey baby, want a blowjob?
Me- No... I have a girlfriend.
Friend- Come on, all the cool kids are doing it.
Me- Alright, just this once.
Well, I spose not really just that once. Once turns into twice and sooner or later I'm laying face down in the gutter smoking dick for crack. You know how these homos do it. I'll probably have ass herpes.
If I didn't already.
Which I don't.
Does the axe effect work for men too? You always see hot women rubbing up against metal things. I think those commercials are bogus. I've smelled axe. Actually, I find that lots of my Asian friends wear it. So it makes me thinks of Asians. I've also found that Asians have the absolutely worst taste in smells. Axe is fucking gross. I would rather kill a yak, stuff it down a chimney, and open it up on Christmas and wear it as a scent. So if axe works on women, who has bad taste in spray-like deodorants? Men. Men are to blame for everything, don't you know that?
So I did end up going to the club. It was fun. Lots of smoke machines, music I didn't like, and lots of other guys hooking up. I danced with some cute boys, my girl danced with some cute boys. I didn't get a blowjob from those guys. Truth be told, I didn't get any from my girl either. You know, that whole thing about suggesting a threesome, finding someone to do it, bringing him up to your girl, only after your girl has told you specifically no threesomes tonight or ever, your attempts to get her drunk enough to do it, not being able to and then being in the doghouse for a few nights.
Yep, a total success. I recommend gay clubs to anyone.
Oh, and unban Habeeb. Not that I know him, or why he got banned. Or ever read his work. He is getting really annoying. I would rather have him post crap that isn't about unbanning him, then crap about unbanning... him... Damn.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Wizard (user info) at 2005-02-16 15:55:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was both funny and heartfelt. Though what the fuck is Axe?
Axe is a body spray deoderant.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-02-16 11:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is axe the same as lynx?
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Who cares?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was both funny and heartfelt. Though what the fuck is Axe?
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:57:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid...
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The hilarious stereotyping of homosexuals as crazed sex fiends, and the idea of the rudeness of refusing a pressured blow job almost spared you a -2. Almost.
Submitted by The_Wizard (user info) at 2005-02-16 04:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She
said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and, God bless her soul, she
was really onto something.
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
meh. Random Thought post. There is no point guys.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-16 03:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-16 03:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
jesus fucking christ this was pointless.