Yes, I'm going to meet THE Pauly "Snubnoze" Ervin! (1064 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 2 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TimeCop (View user info) at 2005-02-10 00:17:43 EST
I was talking to my girlfriend Rebecca the other night, bored out of my skull. It's about 2 in the morning and I want to sleep, but just can't for some reason. So I whip out my old Nintendo cartridges and start playing Jaws on my NES. She's telling me all about her family when I catch one key phrase: "...yeah, my cousin Pauly..."
Me: Whoa, hold up! Did you say Pauly?
Rebecca: Yeah, Pauly Ervin.
Me: Does he...does he...(I was almost out of breath due to shock and amazement) live in North Carolina?!?
Rebecca: Yeah, how'd you know that?
At this point I pass out and fall backwards onto my bed as laterally swimming stingrays and jellyfish devour my player. When Rebecca finally woke me up with a good punch to my kidneys, there was only one thing on my mind: HOLY SHIT! I AM DATING THE COUSIN OF PAULY "SNUBNOZE" ERVIN!!!!
I should have been thinking about how much my kidneys hurt, but the pain was taken away by the sweet, sweet revelation.
Yes, Will Zone, you may have met Sarah Jessica Parker, and you may have had a friend who made out with Kyle from Tenacious D, but I am THIS CLOSE to being a relative of Snubnoze himself.
For those of you who have been living in a cave and screwing D.B. Cooper for the past 10 years, Pauly "Snubnoze" Ervin is the PREMIER rapper of the North Carolina area. A place I have never even visited, granted, but hell, it is the home of Snubnoze himself. I mean, check out the guy's biography!
Taken directly from his website, http://www.21strecords.com/bios/pauly.shtml:
From: Planet Rock
Born: 1421 AD
I mean, holy shit! The guy is from a planet either a) made (mostly) of rock, or b) a planet that will ROCK YOU HARD!
And the guy was born in 1421 A.D.! Imagine how much rocking he has done in nearly 600 years! I thought this was the case until I found out that Planet Rock is actually 500 light years away. He must've spent most of his life on am almost-light speed spaceship, I guess, which would make him in his early 30s.
And look at his dislikes! "2 faces, backstabbers, Benedict Arnold's, jealousy, greedy motherfukers, people who blame the world for their problems, cats who front like they from the ghetto, gangsta wanna-be's, racists, broke-motherfukers, high-mileage women, parents who don't take care of their kids, gunz that jam, gimmicky hip hop, know it alls, sagging breast, females that try to kidnap your sperm and trap you, stuck-up bitches, followers and ego-maniacs, women with stank ass breathe and busted teeth, and last but not least, people who talk that Big Willy Nino Brown back-in-the-day bullshit and ain't got shit to show for it... get your weight up you frontin' ASS yellow belly turn coats, stop trying to imitate art motherfukers... pawns can't be kings, like, cuttin' pole ho's can't be housewives..."
I especially like the part about "cats who front like they from the ghetto." Man, I hate those guys too!
I've already worked it out with Rebecca: we are going to go MEET Snubnoze at his concert in North Carolina sometime in March! I hope he plays "The Righteous 1 that was blessed" and "Corn Likkah!" That would be SWEET!
I have been working out a deal with Snubnoze himself, and ALL requests for autographs will be granted. Just email me at JakeTheAwake.at.yahoo.com and we'll work out the details!
User Reviews
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-09 18:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMFG HE MUST BE THE HOST!!!!!!!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-02-10 13:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like how gangsta he is with a white tee and a rainbow wrist band.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-02-10 11:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Mr. Snubnoze,
you are my lord and savior. I want to walk with you in the sand, the sand that jesus walked on. Let me help you save the children in your holy quests to Africa and Australia. I know that I am a cuttin pole ho, but I want to be a housewife.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-10 10:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's an unfortunate turn of events, my friend.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-02-10 10:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It appears that not everyone quite knows the majesty which is he.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-10 09:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Truer words were never spoken.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-02-10 09:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most misunderstood artist ever.
Jesus, people! Worship him the way he deserves to be worshipped.
Truly a class act.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-02-10 02:18:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're going to meet Him? Actually be in His presence? Breathing His air? Oh god the nights I've surrendered to the forbidden pleasures of self-manipulation while chanting His lyrics and pretending that He's gettin' all freaky up in my ass.
Lick Him for me? And then send me your tongue that I may fellate it.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Snubnoze don't fuck around.
Personally, I'd dump the broad and marry Snubnoze himself.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What about the jucidiary lady??? Snag yourself some cooch, and demand this picture!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was commanded to rate this.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone else notice the incredibly uneven haircut on Pauly's dad? My god, who barbers that man?
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The pic of the "iron-pit" and
fence did not make me smile..
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I normally don't camp, but hell. This is Pauly fucking Snubnoze we're talking about here.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Concur is correct, according to www.dictionary.com
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-10 01:01:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I concur. That's the right spelling isn't it? conccurururur
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it. This needs more love.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Situation with the professor: I have dropped all demands except for the picture. I want that fucking picture. If he gives it up, my class will drop the complaint and his shit won't get fucked up. I'm writing out an email to everyone who left their email addresses with the major details, including the part where the judiciary lady keeps hitting on me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what happened with your professor?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pauly, when will you learn to stop player-hatin and just let sell crack on the corner of 4th and Main like I want? You're not my godamn father.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pssht. She just doesnt know about our lord and savior, Pauly Snubnoze.
Also seen here, to the left of Jesus: http://www.ubersite.com/m/59147
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should spend less time on posts like this and more time on posts like the one we talked about. but a 2 because you know how much I lub you.