Jungle Love (NSF PETA) (1166 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.85 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zod (View user info) at 2004-12-01 13:26:04 EST
Without animals, the world would be a boring place? Animals are not just a delicious food source. They serve other purposes as well. Instead of enslaving people, we can enslave animals, teaching them to lead our blind or jump through hoops of fire. They are forms of amusement; making us half-smile with their minimally impressive tricks. Hell, I could catch a frisbee in my mouth too, if I practiced enough.
With no manatees and platypus's, what would I laugh at?
With no squirrels, what would I try to hit with my car?
With no firefly's, what would I smack with my Wiffle bat?
With no dogs, what would try to lick my balls all the time?(I'm talking about animals, not people)
With no moles, what would dig up my yard and shit on my driveway?
With no skunks, what would make me want to vomit on a daily basis?
With no reindeer, what would pull santa's sled...and shit on my roof?
With no crocodiles or snakes, what would be left to mutilate Steve Irwin?
Animals are blessing us with natural beauty on a daily basis. You can't GROW leather, can you? Exactly. It has to be scraped lovingly from the premutilated corpses of cows, who are so welcoming in letting us reap the rewards of their flesh. And blood...and meat...and organs...and bones...and eyes...and tongues...You see, nature just keeps on giving.
The bottom line is, without animals, the world would be a terrible place. First of all, we'd all be pussy vegetarians, which is a tragedy in itself. If you've never had the blood of a freshly slaughtered animal running down your chin and onto your lap, then you're not a real man. There, I said it.
So let us now rejoice in the joy that is animal reproduction. Keep 'em coming, Mother Nature!
Note: I placed censor bars over the dirty spots to avoid getting in trouble, but also because I doubt the majority of you want to see a 14 inch whale penis at 1:30 in the afternoon.
User Reviews
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was an interesting read, Impassive. Thanks for the link.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the post
+1 because I saw that deer picture in a kid's book about animal life and shit.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:28:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. The cat carrier alone is worth a +2.
Regarding the leather though, it may be possible to get leather without peeling cows sooner than you think... have a read of the link below if you are interested.
http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,65248,00.html
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the platypus reference.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-01 16:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Note: I placed censor bars over the dirty spots to avoid getting in trouble, but also because I doubt the majority of you want to see a 14 inch whale penis at 1:30 in the afternoon.
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then you don't know me very well
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would.
With no moles, what would dig up my yard and shit on my driveway?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:32:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:41:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is way better than PETA.
Submitted by bignasty (user info) at 2004-12-01 14:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the deer threesome has given me a boner
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2004-12-01 14:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cat carrier! hahahaha, wow.
You ever heard of PWEETA? "People who enjoy eating tasty animals"
http://www.ooze.com/pweeta/
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-12-01 14:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, but that whale penis was just too massive. I didn't want all the guys here, with the exception of myself, to get penis envy.
Plus the ladies would dump all of us and head to Sea World for some real loving, and then where would we be?
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude... i live for whale penis at 1.30 in the afternoon
HAHA THOSE ANIMALS ARE DOIN' IT!!
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is way better than PETA.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatness
Submitted by PissedOffRightWingerWithAGun (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I hate PETA!!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52726
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I love animals but that was mighty funny. I can think of a few people I'd like to put in the kitty carrier.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness!!
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:29:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Note: I placed censor bars over the dirty spots to avoid getting in trouble"
That's the best part about your post.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:29:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The picture alone is a +2