'A Pool Of Leaves' (282 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by runninginplace (View user info) at 2004-09-26 23:48:49 EDT
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How did I become emperor and why are there statues of Darth Vader all over the place? I'll tell you....
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It was autumn on the forest moon of Endor and the falling leaves pooled around our ankles like floodwaters in Florida during hurricane season. My rebel buddies and I were celebrating the demise of the second Death Star with a bunch of furry natives. We would have celebrated with some local prostitutes, but unfortunately the locals were quite unappealing. Not even that hairball Chewie was trying to get any of the Ewok girls drunk. I was just starting to feel a little tipsy when I saw a glow over to my left.
I quietly slipped off to investigate. As I made my way into the woods seeking the source of the radiance, I got slapped in the face by a tree. Damn woods. I recall thinking that maybe I could convince Akbar to flame this joint when we split.
As I finally stumbled free of the forest into a clearing I saw something that really pissed me off. There in front of me were the ghosts of Obi-wan, Yoda, and some young punk I'd never seen before. Now I didn't mind seeing old Ben, or that backwards talking Yoda, but where the hell was my dad? I mean honestly, he was the one who killed Palpatine. What did Yoda do, but hide in some swamp for the past several decades? And Obi-wan? Obi-wan committed assisted suicide. What a gutless wimp. Pops was the only one who was smart and resourceful enough to go undercover and ingratiate himself with the Emperor so that he could later betray him.
As I stood there staring at the interloper, my sister and Solo crept out of the woods trying to discretely adjust their clothes. Great, my best friend is putting the moves on my sister. And I had trusted him! For now I would ignore their "relationship" until I could find a way to break them up. My attention shifted back the moment at hand, and I looked at Leia to see if she noticed Dad's absence. The drunken slut just grinned at Han and ignored the unforgivable slight to our family.
I could feel my anger building. All that my Dad went through to save the Republic and the Force let him down. Screw them all I decided. I pushed past Leia and Han and rejoined the party intent on getting drunk.
...A few hours and many drinks later, I collapsed into a pool of leaves to sleep. As the trees and the stars spun around me in the heavens, my thoughts turned to my future. I decided that night to conquer the galaxy and set things aright. Goodbye Han...goodbye light. Hello power...hello Dark Side.
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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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