I eat salad and I'm sensitive (818 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.79 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brian Johns (View user info) at 2004-07-29 16:51:07 EDT
Today my girlfriend asked me to get her lunch. No, not just buy her lunch, but go get it for her. Then bring it to her work. Apparently she was so busy that she didn't have time to get it herself. Since I wasn't so busy and wanted to get outside for a bit, I agreed (OK I may have also did it because I like her). She also wanted a book that she had left at my place a few days ago and I actually remembered to bring it to work with me, so I could drop that off too.
Now my girlfriend is a vegetarian. Not a militant don't-kill-animals vegan, but just a normal vegetarian. I actually have a theory that all girls are vegetarians, but that some just cheat and eat meat from time-to-time (yes, I realize the potential sexual interpretation of that last sentence). So the point is, that she wanted a salad from this salad bar place a couple blocks form her work (actually conveniently equidistant between our offices).
Getting your girlfriend food at a salad bar can be dangerous, because you have to decide what to put in the salad. I kept picturing myself lying on the ground holding my crotch, with salad dumped on me while she yelled "You know I don't like cucumbers!" So I cautiously and slowly chose what I thought would be the perfect salad. Some lettuce, sprouts (chick love spouts), shaved carrots, lima beans, etc. A little fancy if anything.
So as I'm trying to decide what dressing to add, I hear a female voice say "Lots of choice, huh?" Standing beside me is a rather attractive lady, smiling. Then she actually said "Do you come here a lot"
Now, I had grown up being the guy desperately trying to pick up girls by talking to them in bookstores and grocery stores. And here was this way out of my league girl talking to me. Sucking back the drool in my mouth I replied "Uh, yeah. This place and the little vegan cafe around the corner" (which was a load of crap, I'm no vegan/vegetarian/whatever)
That's when she notice the book. It's one of those Sophie Kinsella "Shopaholic" ones. Total chick book. She gave me the arm grab and said "Oh my god, I loved this book! Have you read her new one... blah blah (I forget what she said)" Playing along, I said, "Oh yes, I've read all of her stuff. Isn't she great? I think more guys should read her" Well that did it. She stared in my eyes and said "I totally agree. I wish guys would put down the newspapers and business magazines and read things like this so that they could understand us better"
By this point we were in line to pay and keeping up the small talk. When we had both been to the cashier, she motioned towards a table and said "Hey, would you like to eat together?"
As much as I like to flirt, I decided to end the ruse. I may not be much, but I have always been faithfull in relationships and I wasn't about to dump my girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, if I was single I would have continued to lie through my teeth to nail this girl, but that wasn't the case today.
"Listen, I'm really sorry, but I have a girlfriend. In fact, this salad is for her, not for me. This is her book too. I haven't read it. To be honest, I really don't read much at all, except for the sports section. I was just playing along because I liked the way you were hitting on me"
She stared coldly for a couple seconds, almost looking hurt. Then she said, "Hitting on you? I was NOT hitting on you. I thought you were gay"
Ouch.
"Fucking loser" was all I heard as I walked out. Am I ever.
User Reviews
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-30 12:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She definitely wanted your cock.
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2004-07-29 22:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
an enjoyable read
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good ending, concise post.
+2 it is.
Submitted by Sofa_Queen (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, I think she wanted your cock.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dink
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed.
Submitted by kiketta (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:33:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
naw, she was hitting on you.
she just recovered quick and like vindictive woman she decided to burn you
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Nah. she really really thought you were gay.
Great story though.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
naw, she was hitting on you.
she just recovered quick and like vindictive woman she decided to burn you
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha!
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, she's right, you were a looser
Good post
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't read the post but the title makes me laugh...so here +2
Submitted by Uptown_Alexa (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well at least you have the spouts enough to admit this story.
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lolololololololololololololololololol...........oh wait..
It's not Shit Reply Thursday is it
....damnn
Submitted by mjt7420 (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a pity +2.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
We do all love spouts... They shoot liquid in the air...but, I'll tell you this, I hate sprouts!!
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What Loki said.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad this story ended that way.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Women. They say they want honesty...and then when you give it to em, they call you gay. I just ain't right, I tell ya.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pw3nd
Submitted by zafiro (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh heh.
Submitted by closer (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment