I Call Shenanigans!!! Part 2 (767 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.42 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thinning Temples (View user info) at 2004-07-15 12:30:35 EDT
Hot on the heels of 1Point21Gigawatts's "I Call Shenanigans!!!" (http://www.ubersite.com/m/38226), here's my contribution.
Same principle: two of these stories are absolutely true, a third is absolute fiction. Your mission is to spot the impostor. Or tell me to get screwed and come up with my own idea.
1. When I was in my early twenties my buddies and I started spending weekends doing jumps into water. The first weekend we jumped off a bridge into the sea - about a twenty foot jump, no problem. Over the course of the next few weekends we worked our way up to higher and higher jumps, until eventually we heard rumours about a reservoir jump about an hour's drive from town that was a monster. Dutifully, next Sunday we piled into a couple of cars and checked it out.
Even from the ground it looked frightening, well beyond what any of had done before. But before we could chicken out, on the spot three of us vowed to do it - my best friend Brett, another friend Terry, and me. We stripped off and swam across the reservoir to the side of the mountain that led up to the jump. It started raining. Something else: to reach the vantage point from where to jump you have to climb up the side of a cliff - basically, once you were up, there was no other option but to jump.
The three of us climbed up the cliff in the rain, cold and increasingly unnerved by the rapidly increasing drop. Terry reached the jump off point first, just a few metres ahead of me. I heard him start to hyperventilate and then he was gone - he'd immediately jumped. He was in the air for a long, long time and when he landed it sounded like a goddamn grand piano hitting the water. I reached the jump off point and looked down. Terry was far, far below, waving at me. I was utterly frightened - I felt like I was in a low flying aeroplane. I knew instinctively that to hesitate would be a mistake, so, like Terry, hyperventilating involuntarily with fear, I leaped over the edge.
I have no memory of the fall, none whatsoever. When I came up to the surface I had a ringing in my ears that would take the rest of the day to subside, both my wrists hurt where they'd been snapped back upon hitting the water, and the sole of one of my trainers had been torn off - the shoe had ridden up to my knee.
2. I was at a buddy's birthday - a party at his house. It was late and we'd just all stepped off the deep end with several rounds of tequila slammers. Minutes after challenging the rest of the party to do another slammer with her, my (great, awesome) girlfriend passed out on the sofa. I carried her to my buddy's bedroom and left her there, closing the door behind me. Back with the rest of the gang the party raged on. In the kitchen I spilled some red wine onto my girlfriend's best friend's shirt, her name is Marny. I grabbed the salt and dragged Marny into the toilet, where in a monument of drunken inspiration I ordered her to take off her shirt. She gave me this look, and complied. I should tell you that Marny is definitely a babe but she has the most outstanding breasts I'd ever seen, or at least, at that point, imagined seeing. Now in the bathroom she stood right there, wearing just this red lacy bra, as trashed as I was, with this damn look in her eyes. Trashed, I did what came natural and ordered her to take off her bra as well. And just like that, she did. She reached behind her back and unsnapping the fastener. Her bra slithered off her body to the floor, her breasts making that gut wrenching wobble that I love so much. Man she had big sweet, round, milky pale breasts, big rose coloured nipples erect as all hell, and this look in her eyes ... and the air hummed between us. Fuck you guys are going to hate me for this but in that crackling moment I ... this is going to really piss a lot of you off, but I sucked a huge lungful of air, said something clichéd and idiotic like, I can't do this, and headed back to the party.
3. I was young, not older than ten years old. My family were spending our Christmas holidays at my grandfather's house. MY grandfather was a retired doctor; he lived alone in this enormous, rambling house, with an enormous rambling garden that had long since gone to seed. Since arriving at the house I'd already seen a snake, thrilling for me. Anyway, since I'd first clapped eyes on it I was fascinated by this bee's nest that hung from one of the gutters on the side of the house, near the kitchen. The nest hung from the gutter completely exposed, about the size of rugby ball, the surface a shifting, humming layer of bees. One long, hot, afternoon, with nothing to do, I wound up throwing stones at the hive. I positioned myself at the corner of the house, about seven metres from the nest, and I threw a good sized stone at the nest. I was nervous, I missed. I threw another stone, and missed again. The third stone hit the nest square in the middle, with a wet, smacking sound.
I immediately darted around the corner of the house and held my breath. Nothing happened. I peeked around the corner at the nest. Seemed like a lot more was going on in the hive, the intensity of buzzing had stepped up, but still, nothing much else. So I stepped around the corner to get a better look at the hive.
And they went for me. The air was suddenly full of swarming bees. I screamed and started for the kitchen door, but by then they were onto me. I ran through the yard frantically brushing my hands through my hair and over my head, feeling sting after sting after sting. Much later my mum told me there'd been a trail of dead bees straight through the kitchen, where they'd followed me into the house. My grandfather spent the rest of the afternoon plucking stings from my head - I think about ten, fifteen, maybe more. Appendix: this experience in no way prevented me from fucking with another nest, wasps this time, a couple of years later. And again suffering the consequences.
OK, two are true, one is made up. Which is it?
User Reviews
Submitted by woods39 (user info) at 2006-05-01 01:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Because you are still icking your mom's asshole
Submitted by woods39 <woods39.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-15 11:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
here's another -2 because you still suck
Submitted by woods39 <woods39.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-15 11:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lick your mom's balls
Submitted by Random Joseph at 2004-07-16 12:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KatieKate (user info) at 2004-07-15 12:35:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
We have seen this once already.....Go away. ZzZzzzZZ
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Oh, the irony...
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:59:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeez man, you should know how much I enjoyed describing those knockers. Even had to take, uh, couple of breaks there ... anyway, didn't you say you had to get back to work? Me too. Must ... leave ... Ubersite ...
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You totally threw me. Nice description of her nipples. My ex girlfriend (who sucks and should drown in misery for the rest of her life since I am the man) has breasts very similar to those you described. I was a lucky man. I still am because my new girl has a great ass, even if her breasts aren't big. Plus she cooks a mean jambalaya.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DUDE! MY GRANDFATHER NEVER WENT TO WISCONSIN!
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, that would make pretty much all my arguments wrong then. Hm....Good job.
Wtf is your grandpa doing in wisconson?
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Typo clarification: 2's fake, 1 & 3 are true. These aren't pussy Wisoncon bees people, they were African.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No ways, somebody actually cares!
Answer is number 2. To refute (is that the right word?) this I need more time, and right now I'm trying to get my head round a perl subroutine that just ... wont ... fucking ... compile goddammit. But quickly: I'm born & raised in southern africa, that explains the bees, number 2 is kind of a fantasy. 1 and 2 are true. I was a damn fool to jump that day, and those little fuckers really did follow me right through the house.
More later, if anybody is remotely interested.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:20:15 (#)
Ranking: 1
By the way, are you going to reveal any of these stories? I am still interested. The Ack's opinion is pretty strong, but I think the trail of dead bees was resultant from you swatting them.
When a bee looses it's stinger it what I like to call a "one hit wonder" also known as a North American Honey Bee. It's the only type of bee that basically rips it's own stinger off, leaving it's venomous little sac and stinger still pumping stuff into you. Little bastards. Was almost killed by one.
Also, just for future referance, the best way to remove a bee stinger is by using a credit card, butter knife, something thin and dull to get underneath the main part (the venom sack) and pry it out. If you just pinch it and remove it, you end up squeezing the venom into the wound.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
By the way, are you going to reveal any of these stories? I am still interested. The Ack's opinion is pretty strong, but I think the trail of dead bees was resultant from you swatting them.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
3, and I will tell you why.
You posted previously that you were a grad student in wisconson. Now this could be false, a work of fiction. But if you were a student in wisconson, then you might be from wisconson. If you were to travel over christmas break, I would assume that it would be within driving distance, due to weather and cost of flight.
so you would be in wisconson during winter.
Snakes hibrinate, bees head south or hibernate, I'm not sure which.
however, if you are not in wisconson for winter, then here is another reason for #3
And they went for me. The air was suddenly full of swarming bees. I screamed and started for the kitchen door, but by then they were onto me. I ran through the yard frantically brushing my hands through my hair and over my head, feeling sting after sting after sting. Much later my mum told me there'd been a trail of dead bees straight through the kitchen, where they'd followed me into the house. My grandfather spent the rest of the afternoon plucking stings from my head - I think about ten, fifteen, maybe more. Appendix: this experience in no way prevented me from fucking with another nest, wasps this time, a couple of years later. And again suffering the consequences.
Bees don't travel very far away from the nest when disturbed. They definitly won't chase you across the yard, and they won't follow you indoors. And they can't fly fast enough to keep up with a 10 year old kid running for his life (I should know, I've been alergic to bees for quite some time.)
Also, if your grandpa had to pluck the stingers from your head, then they would have died. However, not immediatly. They would have immediatly attempted to get back to the nest after stinging you, thus there would have been no trail.
Just my opinon on the matter though.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because imitation is the highest form of flattery, but that's all you get because I figured I'd be the one doing a Part II.
The first story would be my choice for the fake. I say this because in my post, the childhood story was fake so I don't think you'd do the same. Also, I knew I needed a sex story to get a lot of false guesses, and I think you're thinking along those same lines. However, if you told me you hooked up with that girl and your girlfriend came in for a threesome, then I would've spotted it as fake.
In my estimation, you have jumped into a body water several times from very high points, but I think this story is the imposter. Thanks for linking to mine, I appreciate the plug.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
3
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-15 12:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-15 12:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, I would have waited longer. But 2
Submitted by KatieKate (user info) at 2004-07-15 12:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We have seen this once already.....Go away. ZzZzzzZZ
Submitted by stinkyjap (user info) at 2004-07-15 12:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hung char bing zang chuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh hi lik lol OL 11!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-15 12:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
3