Today, my mother called me a motherfucker (788 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.03 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hockyman <hockyman89.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-06-06 23:03:30 EDT
Well I woke up today like any other lazy Sunday morning for a college student home from school. My shades closed to allow no possible poison sunlight to enter, and half hung over from a night of drinking and playing Texas Hold Em. I had won a decent thirty bucks in a short tournament towards the end of the night and was still kinda happy about my conquest when I woke up. It was going to be a good day. Weather was decent, thought about going in the ocean for the first time in a few days. I layed in my bed a few extra minutes digging the seemingly never ending supply of sleep crud from my crud collectors while throwing it at my dog Moose. He's a little puppy, a Yorkie. Moose is a good dog but i was having fun throwing little pieces of eye boogers at him. The morning wood had finally subsided and I rose from my bed. I walked to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, threw a shirt on and walked downstairs to find my mother carrying groceries in from the food store. Being the good son I am, I sprinted to help her, and by sprinted I mean I tried to make an excuse about my back being out. It got the neg and I soon found myself carrying in some of the stuff I would later poop out that week. This is where the trouble started.
While thinking about how hilarious it would be if people didn't actually digest food and actually shat out what they ingested I guess I spaced out and got a little careless with what I was doing. By this time, I had procrastinated and taken most of the easy crap in from the truck, the cereal, the toiletry crap, the light stuff. All that was left was the bailes of fruit that she bought and some heavy soda/juice/beverage stuff. While cracking up to myself about seeing spagetti escaping me and also while carrying a watermelon I walked into my front door and hit my elbow on the side of the door. I had been walking a brisk pace because of god knows what reason and suddenly my arm went numb with the watermelon in it and several gallons of juice to boot. The watermelon was projected from my arms, the juice dropped, and the glass broke. The glass of the grandfather clock on the wall within the entrance to my house. The watermelon was projected directly through a glass pain near the base of the huge clock and the totaled the clockbase. There were chunks of red deliciousness everywhere, but lucky for the innocent bystanders, no seeds within the watermelon. Thank god for genetic engineering with fruit. Long story short, my mom flipped a shit, completely lost herself upon seeing the mess, and called me a motherfucker. It was weird to say the least. I didn't know how to respond.
User Reviews
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-08 00:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This post raped my mind.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-06-08 00:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-07 23:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:42:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
BillsSBChamps.............I'm not quite sure why the hair on my neck stands out whenever I read what you post......but it does...........Like Col. Custer's did around Little Big Horn...You just seem to have the "Lee Harvey Oswald" feel about you..one way or another.I'm going to figure it out for myself.
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Whats that mean?
Submitted by Fluffhead (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fluffhead (user info) at 2004-06-07 20:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BillsSBChamps.............I'm not quite sure why the hair on my neck stands out whenever I read what you post......but it does...........Like Col. Custer's did around Little Big Horn...You just seem to have the "Lee Harvey Oswald" feel about you..one way or another.I'm going to figure it out for myself.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i feel bad that everyone shit on you. you tried
+1
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Happens every day here...
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-06-07 16:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh another "Liberal Arts" major in the making...."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE HANGERS............EVAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-07 11:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She was hitting on you, you should've fucked her.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-07 10:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hurts my eyes
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-06-07 01:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh Hockyman. I remember you, you fucking asshat. You're that asshole from about a year ago who ridiculed me for 'posting shitty'. Yes, I recall. Well I must say you really amounted to something, didn't you hockyass? You come out of the woodwork to write this shitty story that is completely void of the enter key.
I stand by my hockyloser comment.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-06-07 01:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAWTFLOLROFLMAO!!!oneoneoneUnounouno
Damn that was funny
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-06-07 01:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You are worthless.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-06-07 01:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-06-07 01:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nah....
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-06-07 01:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, one post per lifetime.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-06-07 00:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For sake of sheer boredome I read it anyway.
I don't know what irritated me more. Your jumping around everywhere incoherently, or the fact that you tried to be funny and FAILED.
Probably the jumping around thing.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-07 00:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's fine.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-06-07 00:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was really kind of just bad.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
motherfucker
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny.
Submitted by loki at 2004-06-06 23:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was good. Don't worry about those guys.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-06 23:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well... i liked it...
but people say i have no taste.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I also managed to get all the way through and writing is not your thing, so take your -2 while I go make your Mom scream motherfucker for not swallowing you.
Submitted by Metal_Immortal (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Okay. I just read it, and it still deserves a negative two, based on content.
Submitted by Metal_Immortal (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah. Tell us when you get diagnosed. Then, share your thoughts about dying from a shitty disease here...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35174
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Automatic -2, i guess there is a rubric on Ubersite for assholes. Read the post and go fuck yourself, dont worry cancer is on its way.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ya im not reading that.
i hate no paragraphs with a passion only a nazi could understand
Submitted by Metal_Immortal (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I might have put effort into reading this if you had out effort into writing it, you worthless turd.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-06 23:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You don't put in paragraphs automatic -2, don't worry more are on the way.