My J-Date Misadventure (317700 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.77 on 359 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2004-03-17 09:41:28 EST
Greetings faithful readers, and welcome to the sixth in my tumultuous series of what happens when good little Jewish girls go monstrously bad. Submitted for your approval, the delicate Clara (names have been changed).
JMG114: Hi! I'm Jared from J-Date.
ConfusedClara: hi
JMG114: So, you're a teacher, are you?
ConfusedClara: yea
JMG114: What do you teach?
ConfusedClara: yea i teach.
JMG114: Yes, but what do you teach? English? Social studies?
ConfusedClara: lol i teach!*
*Interlude: You're also stupid.
JMG114: I do voice-over work and write young adult novels.
ConfusedClara: omg! thats awsome!!!!
JMG114: Well, it's fun. I enjoy it.
ConfusedClara: u r so talented! omg!!! i don't beleve it!!!!
JMG114: Well, if I ever become successful, that's when to be impressed. Anyone can do what I'm doing right now.
ConfusedClara: let's meet up!!!!*
*Interlude: There's nothing wrong with a girl who knows what she wants, especially if she wants me.
JMG114: I'd like that. When would be good for you?
ConfusedClara: lol lets meet up!!!!
JMG114: Great. When?
ConfusedClara: r u like famous or somethin? lol
*Fast-forward>>> We're at a Chinese place in my home city!
Clara has long, raven-black hair, and she's visibly proud of it. Her face is pale, and her lips are noticeably red. She's actually rather attractive, but has a bit of a stuffy nose. We place our orders and she stares at me like a dumbass.
I clear my throat. "So, Clara, tell me about yourself. What do you like to do?"
She looks down hesitatingly. "Well, I should tell you up front that I'm not the best Jew."
"That's okay! I'm really not, either. I like it more for its traditions rather than its religious---"
"I sometimes go to church because I really don't know if being a Jew is right for me. Does that make me bad?"
I look at her as if she's just taken a dump on the table. "Um, I don't think so. Just do what makes you happy."
"I don't know what makes me happy. I'm still trying to find myself."*
*Interlude: The only thing more potentially dangerous than a girl is a girl who is trying to "find herself." They are like agents in the Matrix, and when you encounter one, you run. Unless you want some ass.
I reach across the table and tap her hand. "Found you! There you are!"
She smiles and sighs, "I wish it were that simple. I just got out of a serious relationship and I'm still kind of hung up on the guy."*
*Interlude: Run faster.
I nod empathetically and smile at her. "We've all been there. You should take as much time as you need to move past him, and if you're not ready to start dating yet, then---"
"No! I want to date, and I want to find someone to replace him."
"Replace him? That's a bit of a tall order. How can anyone replace---"
"He died."*
*Interlude: Run even faster. I don't care if you have to jump through a window to escape. You run.
I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass. "He's---dead?"
She nods and shrinks back into her seat. I stammer, "Clara, how'd---what---I mean, we don't have to talk about this---"
She brightens and leans in. "It's okay! I want this to be a happy night, so let's talk about you."
"Are you sure?"
"Wait. What did I just say?"
"You want to talk about me."
"That's right! Go ahead."
"Okay, then. During the week, I . . ."
*Fast-forward>>> What to do after dinner? It's still early.
She has her arm around my shoulder, and I have my arm around her waist. It's too early for anything this affectionate, but never too early to bring her back to my place and tap it. Isn't that funny?
"So," she squeezes me, "What would you like to do?"
"Want to go watch a movie? I have a bunch back at my---"
"Yes!"*
*Interlude: Jackpot!
*Fast-forward>>> We're at my place! We're making out like wild animals!
She moans softly as I kiss down her neck. So far, aside from the dead-former-boyfriend reference earlier, this is going very well. I make it back to her lips and start to slide my hands under her shirt when,
"Oh, Steven . . ."
I pull away slowly. "What?"
She frowns. "What? What happened?"
"You called me Steven."
"I---what? Oh, yeah. I did. I'm sorry. That was the name of my boyfriend."
"Well Clara, I---"
"Before he died."
"Yes, so I gather. Look, if you still need to take some time, then you can---"
"Let's go out driving somewhere! Take me somewhere mysterious."
"You---driving---what?"
"Let's go!"
*Interlude: I like spontaneity more than most guys do. However, there's a fine line between spontaneity and insanity, as you will come to see.
*Fast-forward>>> We're parked in a corporate park! It's dark out! No one's around!
She leans into me and we start kissing again. Very ferocious, she presses her hands to the back of my head and rubs them up and down my back. She climbs awkwardly on top of me, and I hold her up as we smooch all over the place.
She whispers, "Ste---ven. . ."
I break away again. "Clara---"
"What?" she brushes some hair away from her pretty face, "What is it?"
"You said Steven again. It was soft, and it sounded like you were trying to disguise it. Maybe we should just end this."
"No! Steven!"
"What? I'm not---"
"Remember when you used to drive me out to deserted parking lots and you put your penis inside my lub-lub? Oh, Steven. . ."
She leans into me and hugs me tightly. I'm scared that she's going to kill me and that I'll end up as part of some new urban legend. I have to end this. She must be terminated.
"Oh, sweet Clara," I whisper.
She caresses my face. "Yes, my love?"
"I have an idea. Let's go to your house. I have the best idea."
She giggles frighteningly, "My parents are home, you naughty boy."
"I know, but there's something great I want to show you. It'll be amazing."
"You're amazing."
"Let's go."
Thoroughly convinced that I'm on a date with an escaped sanitarium inmate, I drive her back to her house and walk her to her door. She looks concerned. "You're not saying goodnight, are you? I still want to be with you."
I run my hand through her charcoal hair. It's a shame that someone so pretty has to be so fucking insane. "Of course not," I say, then I lean in as if to kiss her. She closes her eyes and moves in.
I take that moment to turn and run, run, run, back to my car. The next set of events occur in slow motion:
"Steven!" she screams, then flies after me, hands flailing above her head.
"Jesus Christ," I mutter as I jet down her front path and back to my car. All at once, I'm praying that I didn't lock my door and that I can jump in and escape.
"Steven! Come back to me! Don't leeeeeeeave!" She runs faster, with a hideous gleam behind her eyes. Faster, man, run faster!
Here's my car. I run around to the driver's side, almost tripping. She's less than ten feet away from me. My door's unlocked! I jump into the car, then remember that my side door doesn't lock except from the outside! Every second is precious! She's going to try to open my door!
I slide the key into the ignition and turn it. The car bounces for what seems like an eternity, then the engine kicks in. She smashes herself against my driver's side door and opens it, wearing the most demonic smile I've ever seen.
"Ste---ven," she sing-songly drawls, "I've got you!"
I turn to her and flip the car into drive. "Get this, bitch!"
I slam my foot onto the gas, and take off with her still grasping my open door. Her feet drag alongside the car as I accelerate. After about twenty feet, she screams, relinquishes her hold on the door, and I see her in my rear view, rolling down the street. I turn a corner, and she's lost to sight.
I park for about fifteen minutes on a nearby side street. Then, I turn back onto her road, just to make sure that she isn't dead on the pavement where I left her. She's nowhere to be seen, and I return home.
EPILOGUE:
I blocked her on AIM as soon as I made it home. Steven would've wanted it that way.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-09-14 16:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lub-lub
Submitted by Ubiquitous (user info) at 2009-05-21 19:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
why is it that men are willing to fuck a woman, any woman, without giving a damn about her...
but as soon as she mentions the name of an ex the guy doesn't want anything to do with her...
what's up with that? if a guy is willing to fuck anything that moves then what does it matter if she mentions the name of her ex?
Submitted by THERAPlST (user info) at 2009-04-16 03:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She has her arm around my shoulder, and I have my arm around her waist. It's too early for anything this affectionate, but never too early to bring her back to my place and tap it. Isn't that funny?"
Ha, Lost my virginity before my first kiss. top that biotch. :D
Submitted by crimebusterofthesea (user info) at 2009-01-19 08:01:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to find yourself a nice normal girl..
You know...one who doesn't pine for a dead man..
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-01-16 10:52:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by systemm-zer0 (user info) at 2008-12-28 14:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jordan85777 (user info) at 2008-09-23 23:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steven, you should of at least put your penis in her lub-lub first come on, just cause shes crazy doesn't mean she doesn't have a pussy
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2008-09-05 21:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This story is scary enough to be true. I loved it.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Submitted by metalbeast7 (user info) at 2008-08-22 17:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
same here with the guy below me.
probably one of my first posts i read here on uber. +2
Submitted by Shallabow (user info) at 2008-08-09 19:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd been lurking around the site for a while without an actual account, but I had to come back and give this one another +2. Beautiful.
Submitted by fyrstarter (user info) at 2008-07-16 04:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha lol
id be scared of her....
Submitted by dougiep (user info) at 2008-02-22 11:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-01-20 15:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna see the movie again
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-20 14:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This series was the reason I joined Uber, too.
I don't know HOW I found it but this made me look into it more.
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2008-01-20 14:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This makes me laugh every time I read it.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-31 21:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I can't beleive I haven't rated this thing yet. This post was the reason I joined Uber! This should be an article in Maxim/Cosmo to warn of the dangers of internet dating. Seriously, if they were attractive, well-adjusted people why would they be on the internet looking for booty/dick? They wouldn't. Hit on the ladies/men at the supermarket like everyone else.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-24 00:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe this post has more hits than all my 173 pieces of genius combined.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-06-20 18:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fail / 10. Next time get head from her in the car on the way to her house or something. The thing about crazy girls is once they get fixated on you, thats it they are stuck on you. You might as well get a few nuts off in em for good measure. -2 for your failure to get a nut off in her before dipping out and blocking her.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-05-22 03:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The first thing from Uber I read and I fucking love it!
Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2007-05-22 03:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ownd
Submitted by NothingMachine (user info) at 2007-05-16 16:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So that just made my day!
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How about you don't be a fucking jewish-supremicist, and try dating people regardless of their spiritual beliefs
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-15 12:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Hilarious!!!
Submitted by detimus (user info) at 2007-01-31 13:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does this post have an average rating under +2?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-01-29 06:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The mind boggles..
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-12-31 20:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
read it before and loved it, but wasn't a member at the time to rate it. this definitely deserves the almighty +2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I never rated this. It's one of my favourites.
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still can't believe this was written by a regular joe.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2006-12-26 21:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is friggin awesome
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-15 16:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-12-09 21:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's interspecies erotica, fucko.
Fucko being Captain -2 right here.
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v
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2006-12-09 21:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-03 14:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Would've been better if it were actually true. Almost believable up until the end where she's holding on to your door as you're driving away...
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-27 12:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved it.
This is why you never meet women on the internet.
If I can't see your tits when I make the date, it ain't happenin.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 01:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious!
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-08 06:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It's too early for anything this affectionate, but never too early to bring her back to my place and tap it. Isn't that funny?"
Agreed.
+1 for insight.
+1 for hilarity throughout.
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-10-08 05:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"lub lub"
Fucking hilarious!
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi-larious.
Submitted by JediMasterJambi (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snoogins ;)
This story dosn't kick enough asses, once again, anyone who gave this a - rating needs to lay off the male chimpanzee\strapoon anal sex. Take the 12' viberataor straped in your ass out and laugh about somthing once and awhile.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a rule, I don't date Jewish chicks. Why? That fucking Mezuzah shit on their door frames freaks me out.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-05 01:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will always be my favorite.
"I'm scared that she's going to kill me and that I'll end up as part of some new urban legend."
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SweatyButcher (user info) at 2006-08-11 17:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome story
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 14:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by singingjim (user info) at 2006-06-27 12:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Who gives a crap if she was calling you Methusela, bang the bitch six ways to the Sabbath. Dumb fakeass story.
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-28 09:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-05-25 13:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do believe she's speaking yiddish. Penina darling, this is Steve. I didn't really die, I went on vacation to Costa Rica. Guess I should have left a note. Anyway, I'm breaking up with you for going out with Jared. Slut.
Submitted by SidewinderGunnar (user info) at 2006-05-11 13:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow dude,
that is really fucked up... haha
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-06 20:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 02:37:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
az men hot nisht in kop, hot men es in dies fees..
====================
STEVEN, PAY ATTENTION TO MY LUB-LUB, YOU ZOMBIE FUCK!
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 02:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
az men hot nisht in kop, hot men es in dies fees..
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:45:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
er iz a sclecter bukher..a behaimeh..bubkes..a chazer..a shtarker..a trombnik..a yutz.. a putz..a schmuck..a schnorer..prust..an olrightnik..nebish..a klotz..farbissen..a nudnik..
ver farblonjet..gey avek..
a ligner hert zich zeiner liguen azoi lang biz er glaibt zich alain..
er iz a groiser gornisht..er kricht in die hoicher fenster..
not burned.. no feelings here..
he is a LOSER and VIRGIN.
=========================
God DAMN you're dumb as shit. What the fuck language are you speaking? Is that German or Hebrew? Or maybe just dumb bitch talk? Either way, you're just some whiny skeezoid that got burned bad by someone who didn't want your fucked up emotional baggage.
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
er iz a sclecter bukher..a behaimeh..bubkes..a chazer..a shtarker..a trombnik..a yutz.. a putz..a schmuck..a schnorer..prust..an olrightnik..nebish..a klotz..farbissen..a nudnik..
ver farblonjet..gey avek..
a ligner hert zich zeiner liguen azoi lang biz er glaibt zich alain..
er iz a groiser gornisht..er kricht in die hoicher fenster..
not burned.. no feelings here..
he is a LOSER and VIRGIN.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:17:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
i can't stand him.. and i despise the way he attend assif..and stands over me as if he could bag me..i don't like anything about him..i wouldn't like anything about him for a billion pounds..he failed the IQ test i gave him..not my type..
he misses the main points in jewish texts cuz he's verbally disabled..but goes on about how others are poorer jews..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:13:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not a virgin..i don't like him..he tells everyone the girl he spends every weekend with all weekend is stupid..and fails miserably at getting girls interested...i wouldn't take an interest in him for a zillion dollars.. i dig bukhers who understand the verbal aspects of life..anatomy..genetics..etc..he's a hypocrite ok. i can't stand sanctimonious hypocrites.. i don't have any feelings for him.. never..keyn mol.. i am running an A average..he is a liar..i don't like his misogyny..he besmirches judaism..he's a hypocrite..a woman hater a black hater.. not an egalitarian..or a progressive..
he would not stick his putz in anyone..he is A VIRGIN and a loser..i happen not to like him..
schmuck putz..spends an incredible amount of time talking about his so called ex who he never had intercourse with..so is he crazy?
the point is no clothes were off..he laughs at his side of meat a naive german..but no clothes are removed.. and there's no intercourse..i hate guys who try too hard to prove they're studs cuz they aren't..
i don't like anything about him..or his slurry drip
===========================
Jesus Christ, woman, try to work some coherence in there. And surprisingly enough, not everyone uses all this Jew lingo. Just go back to thinking about your dead boyfriend jamming his rotted zombie cock in your lub-lub.
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can't stand him.. and i despise the way he attend assif..and stands over me as if he could bag me..i don't like anything about him..i wouldn't like anything about him for a billion pounds..he failed the IQ test i gave him..not my type..
he misses the main points in jewish texts cuz he's verbally disabled..but goes on about how others are poorer jews..
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not a virgin..i don't like him..he tells everyone the girl he spends every weekend with all weekend is stupid..and fails miserably at getting girls interested...i wouldn't take an interest in him for a zillion dollars.. i dig bukhers who understand the verbal aspects of life..anatomy..genetics..etc..he's a hypocrite ok. i can't stand sanctimonious hypocrites.. i don't have any feelings for him.. never..keyn mol.. i am running an A average..he is a liar..i don't like his misogyny..he besmirches judaism..he's a hypocrite..a woman hater a black hater.. not an egalitarian..or a progressive..
he would not stick his putz in anyone..he is A VIRGIN and a loser..i happen not to like him..
schmuck putz..spends an incredible amount of time talking about his so called ex who he never had intercourse with..so is he crazy?
the point is no clothes were off..he laughs at his side of meat a naive german..but no clothes are removed.. and there's no intercourse..i hate guys who try too hard to prove they're studs cuz they aren't..
i don't like anything about him..or his slurry drip
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-05-04 17:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
something tells me Penina is less "shitty alter" and more "chick who got burned by JMG"
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-03 18:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:55:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
He is a VIRGIN.
He doesn't understand the most basic anatomy or genetics..he's so stupid...I'm collecting As in these..and have little patience for the likes of him. He is a loser!
=======================
Y HALO THAT SHITTY ALTER!!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-05-03 17:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:55:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
He is a VIRGIN.
He doesn't understand the most basic anatomy or genetics..he's so stupid...I'm collecting As in these..and have little patience for the likes of him. He is a loser!
----------------------------
who are you and how the fuck would you know/why the fuck do you care?
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He is a VIRGIN.
He doesn't understand the most basic anatomy or genetics..he's so stupid...I'm collecting As in these..and have little patience for the likes of him. He is a loser!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
y helo thar noob
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He has never had intercourse with anyone. Never. He thinks touching someone's cheek out in the open while they're both wearing coats is sex.
I think sex is when you take all your clthes off and have intercourse. He talks about his ex all the time. She had a girlfriend but it didn't work out..they never had vaginal sex.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-27 12:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.helpwinthisbet.com
Submitted by hundreddollarman (user info) at 2006-03-23 14:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOL-ed so hard.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
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dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
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jaez ju
dtk
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ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
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09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij
Submitted by angel_2k01 (user info) at 2006-03-14 11:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why are americans so fucked up?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-02-26 20:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-16 18:57:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
I consider it a monstrous travesty that this post is about to be passed up on the MVM by "Knockoff Porn Movie Titles".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
especially considering how horribly unfunny that post was
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-02-26 19:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I should have read this before going on my date. Learn history or be doomed to repeat it, right?
Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-16 19:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's time to take this post to the vet and put him to sleep...
He's gotten a lot of great time on this earth, and I think we ought to let him die with some kind of nobility, rather than letting him get old and arthritic, shitting all over the floor. It's time to end it while he still has some dignity.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-16 18:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I consider it a monstrous travesty that this post is about to be passed up on the MVM by "Knockoff Porn Movie Titles".
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-01-27 04:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Like it!
I would've left a lot earlier!!!
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-01-22 21:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 15:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn I love this post.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
creme de la creme of MVM
Submitted by ilikeyoghurt (user info) at 2005-12-30 07:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Chicks with issues suck.
If you'd tapped that she'd have sucked your soul out through your penis and you'd be together forever on whatever astral plane her brain inhabits - just like that episode of The Outer Limits.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:01:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:49:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate when we get some fucking noob who either
1. thinks their opinion mean something.
2. reviews these fucking posts.
-----
I like it when new people join the uber family.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate when we get some fucking noob who either
1. thinks their opinion mean something.
2. reviews these fucking posts.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be higher up on MVM.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I don't care. I was entertained and that's really all I care about.
Good story, and if it is true - well played buddy.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-18 22:42:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't BELIEVE I haven't rated this post yet... This is one of the FIRST stories I read and the reason I decided to even CONSIDER making Uber my homepage at that!
Still funny, even second time round!
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-12-02 13:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still great after all this time.
Submitted by BeavisChrist (user info) at 2005-12-02 04:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I would have played along as Steven and fucked her in the ass.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-30 03:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by katianakate (user info) at 2005-11-28 07:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2. Oh dear, I never was much good with the 'love'...!
Submitted by katianakate (user info) at 2005-11-28 07:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost fell in ove with you reading these. I read nearly everything you wrote afterwards and it was my best day in work this year!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-11-27 21:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Guile this is called 'fiction.' Some people write things that... get this... DIDN'T happen for the purpose of pure entertainment, or in some cases, to see a certain idea put in motion. It may seem unconventional at first, but, once you get used to it, it's quite good.
By the way, I just put this on my PDA so that I can show my friends.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-11-20 08:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Guile (user info) at 2005-11-18 10:08:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
-------------------------------------
Hahaha. Seriously though, don't you have some more armed forces logos to post? Those are great!
Submitted by Guile (user info) at 2005-11-18 10:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I love it . . .
some people actually write about what happened in their life and share it with everybody
and you got some sell out faggot writing false shit
the best part is everyone loves it when it never happened
and then when you get true stuff posted on the site you get dumbass people rating it as being gay
you Uber idiots are so fucking random
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-16 07:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. But one point: what is the probablility that anything posted here actually happened? I mean is 90% composition? 70%? I wish someone would post a reply to this
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-11 12:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha great. i forgot about j date... maybe i should convert to find some new circumsized penis. :D
Submitted by trudivine21 (user info) at 2005-11-09 17:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've almost exploded tying to contain my laughter through this post.
Well done!
Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78654
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2005-11-05 11:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have waited almost a year to rate this, and it is still fucking hilarious.
heehee
lub-lub...
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If this happened to me... I would've driven her to my drug warehouse where I WOULD'VE INTRODUCED HER TO MY PIMPS AND THEN GONE OUT IN A JEEP AND THEN RUN OVER GANGS HANGING OUT ON THE SIDEWALKS WHICH WOULD INCREASE MY WANTED LEVEL AND THEN I WOULD USE MY CHAINSAW TO MAIM COPS UNTIL THEM BEAT ME TO THE GROUND AND BUSTED ME.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-10-18 12:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome!
Submitted by roop (user info) at 2005-09-29 21:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KICK-AAAAAASSSSS!!!!
But, here's what you would have found out had you stayed:
She calls it her "lub-lub" because that's the sound Steven made as he suffocated with her thighs wrapped around his head.
I wonder how many others have fallen to the horror that is the lub-lub...
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
What the Duece?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-09-07 18:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Were you there?
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2005-09-07 09:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awesome, but ofcourse, did didn't happen.
Submitted by wowitshana (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LaNDmAsS (user info) at 2005-08-27 01:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of those stories that is TOOOOOO
OOOOOOO gooooooood to be made up.
However, when she said "stephen, i want you to
slip your penis into my lub-lub," i would have
no ?s asked. but still. +2
Bravo. Bravo!!!!
Submitted by pharmgirl147 (user info) at 2005-08-25 23:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My good God, what a psycho... poor thing. She needs some therapy bad... It's too bad that you had to go through something that freaky and still not get any...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-06 22:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is for the rest of the post.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-06 22:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass. "He's---dead?"
+2 just for this line.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jared...you'll never get knocked out
you're too anti-ghey
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348
...
Submitted by chillboy (user info) at 2005-08-01 22:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.
I remember seeing this a long time ago on b@w and it's still right there.
Submitted by Leopold525 (user info) at 2005-07-28 17:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a fun lil story!
Almost bit a fuckin hole in my lip trying not to bust out laughing at my desk!
Well done
Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[garbage deleted by bart]
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70277
Submitted by prrr (user info) at 2005-07-17 03:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when does this come out on DVD?
Submitted by ScoobyDont (user info) at 2005-07-08 18:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lub lubs rule.
Submitted by Duke_Chocula (user info) at 2005-06-20 13:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FREAKIN_SWEET (user info) at 2005-06-20 02:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-02 02:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I---what? Oh, yeah. I did. I'm sorry. That was the name of my boyfriend."
"Well Clara, I---"
"Before he died."
-----------------------------
After he died, he was called Phillip
Submitted by gld1320 (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn with the way my dating has been going she's probably the next one i'm dating
maybe it's best to turn gay or something
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-05-17 14:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet Christ on a crutch. And I thought I knew some crazy girls.
"lub lub"?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-12 13:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-01 23:15:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's things like this that make life seem like a movie. Jesus H., I hope this happened.
==================
Speaking of movies...
Where can I find this work on film?
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-01 23:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's things like this that make life seem like a movie. Jesus H., I hope this happened.
Submitted by Warren (user info) at 2005-04-30 13:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm scared that she's going to kill me and that I'll end up as part of some new urban legend. I have to end this. She must be terminated.
now THIS is what i call a "kicker of all ass" post...
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-24 03:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Iv'e never seen this ,it is absolute genious.
Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-24 02:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and
enveloped another human being with her ass. "
"Remember when you used to drive me out to deserted parking lots and you put your
penis inside my lub-lub? Oh, Steven. . ."
I cant decide which line I like better.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-04-24 01:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I so so so so hope this really happened.
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-23 04:09:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-04-20 10:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steven! I've found you!!
This may be the most loved post in Uber history.
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-01 14:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining!
"lub-lub?" what an interesting term.....
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-01 14:19:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's unbelievable that I haven't read this until now.
wow.
Submitted by Rookie (user info) at 2005-03-23 12:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats fucking awesome...
"STEVEN!"
Submitted by nwalma (user info) at 2005-03-22 08:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Supercords (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:55:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went on 1 J-date, and it was my best blind date ever.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60787
Submitted by voxtones (user info) at 2005-02-19 05:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oy vey.
Submitted by X_ild (user info) at 2005-02-07 04:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-05 14:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nuhippiejenn44 (user info) at 2005-01-28 21:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Complete Kick Ass!!! Greatest adventure of all time!!! j/k... But this is great!
Submitted by Silph (user info) at 2005-01-28 06:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting, but I don't like how you just left her there.
Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
link whore http://clicktoexit.net
Submitted by Damitrius (user info) at 2005-01-23 02:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING AWESOME!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:42:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy f'in funny :)
Submitted by mazman23 (user info) at 2005-01-17 11:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Vermin went on a J Date once....here is his story....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/56905
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn this is funny.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-01-16 10:32:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never get tired of this one.
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-01-16 10:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it very much... Well Done...
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2005-01-16 10:02:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fucking awesome.
Submitted by DamianD (user info) at 2005-01-12 17:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Makes me laugh everytime i read it
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-01-10 15:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Want your next clue?
This one takes the cake;
An image by a guy
Whose death was a fake.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-31 21:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Review #250!
I Rule!
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-12-31 19:03:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+fuckin2 for doing the right thing!
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-14 16:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2004-12-14 16:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Saw this http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2962&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544659 and thought of this series.
Ciao.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2004-11-30 20:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and I see her in my rear view, rolling down the street.
Sometimes, when I inhale ginger ale bubbles, I get an erection.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I highly doubt that this is actually 100% true to what happened, but you can't let the truth get in the way of a good story.
+2, no doubt.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:29:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't believe I've never rated this. Certainly read it several times.
Here's to overtaking "Totally Useless Facts."
Submitted by bodysnatcher (user info) at 2004-11-28 16:05:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit that was funny!
Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is absolutely hilarious. I love it. But I agree with Jerems, you should have just ignored Steven and gotten some ass.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably one of the dumbest things I've ever read. I hope you die, JMG114. You're just a stupid head.
Submitted by Jerems (user info) at 2004-11-15 20:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should've ignored the steven shit, tapped that ass, and then fucking ditched her ass.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-07 13:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-11-05 07:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good good good!!
Submitted by DrBlasto (user info) at 2004-11-03 17:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Umm... um.. um.
I umm.
I've come across girls on jdate whom I specifically chose not to meet, for fear of having an encounter very much like this one.
That site scares the hell outta me. It's like meeting girls through a Date-An-Inmate program. You just don't.
Shalom, motherfuckers.
Submitted by Apricot (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME!
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... my capacity with the English language cannot properly describe how Fucking Awesome this story is. Nice.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-25 08:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rad - I made that movie, but it's not a student film. Is it really going around the web? That's surprising.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-10-25 07:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't there a student movie floating around on the web with this exact story? Kicks ass though.
Submitted by Kold (user info) at 2004-10-25 07:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah shit. Its 5AM. I laughed so hard I woke up the roomates. They were pissed till they read it.
Shit. Woulda been funnier if you went with it and bacame Steven. "The guy who liked to fuck her up her asshole."
Or even better. Durring your 15 minute park. Look in the rear view and have her standing behind your car holding a dildo like a butcher knife calling "steven"
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753
Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-15 20:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
link whore and a +2
http://www.aolsux.us
Submitted by letpandasdie (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can't believe you didn't pound that ass anyway! call ya self a man?
damn funny story anyway.
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-06 15:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My all-time favourite J-Date - the best of the series!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-04 17:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still one of the best.
Submitted by Xile (user info) at 2004-10-03 17:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by THUORN (user info) at 2004-10-01 05:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i would have put it in her lub-lub anyway
Submitted by Purplemonkeydishwasher (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick asre story man. Reminds me of the teeny horror books i used to read. But mad funny
Submitted by Hippie101 (user info) at 2004-09-28 15:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that girl needs some chill out time. most definently. creepy. yet histarical. i applod you.
Submitted by Nij at 2004-09-25 21:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck crap shit. Insane and hilarious.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FREE KENNETH BIGLEY!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2004-09-10 10:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
absolutely fabulous. what a great thing to read first thing in the morning.
Submitted by OzChick <aussieangel101.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-10 09:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mate, thank god i'm not that psycho....
Submitted by phredde2 (user info) at 2004-09-07 21:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
psycho
Submitted by Hoobarino (user info) at 2004-09-04 19:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL! Awesome shit man!
Submitted by butterball (user info) at 2004-09-03 00:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Word
Submitted by Gareth <mrdbspin.at.REMOVE2MAILdbspin.com> at 2004-08-31 21:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"That was some sweet shit. But you mean to say you didn't get some ass before dropping her off?
Man, I'll let you in on a little secret. The nutcases are real devils in the sack. I swear, the more insane they are the better the lay. You should have got some. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and the best sex you'll ever have in your life. "
Uncouth but perfectly true. If this really happens you have managed to make a no doubt terrifying experience hilarious. If it didn't, which I suspect, you really are an excellent writer. Dont stop still you're famous.
Submitted by Gareth <mrdbspin> at 2004-08-31 21:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"That was some sweet shit. But you mean to say you didn't get some ass before dropping her off?
Man, I'll let you in on a little secret. The nutcases are real devils in the sack. I swear, the more insane they are the better the lay. You should have got some. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and the best sex you'll ever have in your life. "
Uncouth but perfectly true. If this really happens you have managed to make a no doubt terrifying experience hillarious. If it didn't, which I suspect, you really are an excellent writer. Dont stop still you're famous.
Submitted by Takkun <greatfonzo.at.walla.com> at 2004-08-29 13:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Psy...cho.
I bet Steven't buried in her backyard.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-08-29 12:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i say 99 out of 100 men would have had sex with her anyway though.
Submitted by joe at 2004-08-27 20:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha great
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny Funny stuff. But, you should have fucked her anyway.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-08-20 14:41:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So entertaining, and never disappointing.
Submitted by HarryFeltersnatch (user info) at 2004-08-19 01:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was some sweet shit. But you mean to say you didn't get some ass before dropping her off?
Man, I'll let you in on a little secret. The nutcases are real devils in the sack. I swear, the more insane they are the better the lay. You should have got some. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and the best sex you'll ever have in your life.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-18 17:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31438
Submitted by Kylie <ermmmmm.at.me.net> at 2004-08-15 01:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, seriously that was so hilarious. You are amazing. I worship you because you write so well. I am not worthy. *bows repeatedly* keep on writing the good stuff
Submitted by Smithstudd (user info) at 2004-08-08 22:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow that was some good bs
Submitted by jfski (user info) at 2004-08-06 17:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, rock on
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 16:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/default.aspx?referer=7584498
Free flat screen monitor or TV! Just sign up for eBay on the requirements page, place a bid (doesn't even have to be a winning bid), and get 8 friends to do the same! Don't forget to verify your email on the 'My Account' page.
FREE SHIT WOO
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-07-29 03:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish i could write like you =)
acually, no, cause then it wouldnt be as good to read it.
youre amazing man.
Submitted by paul at 2004-07-23 21:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-07-22 23:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story. Made up but awesome. It's cool how you took an unoriginal story and put in your personality and somehow made it a classic. Brilliant. I thought it was funny in the beginning during the AIM conversation when she was always ten steps behind you haha. Good stuff.
Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-07-22 09:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFLMFAO!
rolling on floor laughing my fucking ass off
not really but i showed you up
Submitted by CampJim176 (user info) at 2004-07-20 16:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My Favorite Post I've read so Far....I was LITERALLY
Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off
Aka ROFLLMAO<--just say it in public...I DARE YOU
Submitted by TheTick (user info) at 2004-07-20 03:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IF she was hot then u should have hit it and then ran ran ran, but i suppose you could have ended up in a body bag before you got to either.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-07-18 20:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. I kinda want to say shenanigans, but I just can't. This seems too crazy to make up.
Submitted by waterRTBH (user info) at 2004-07-18 20:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't help it- the psuedo Soap Opera likeness is what ultimately made me break down and join the site. I can live vicariously hateful towards stupid, vain women through you and suffer absolutely no repercussions. Thank you!
Submitted by Fuckedup (user info) at 2004-07-18 19:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats hilarious, i'd hate to be with a whacko like that!
Submitted by Skippy (user info) at 2004-07-14 23:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funnny but scary!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-07-14 01:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2004-07-13 21:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha Ha Ha, thats hilarious. Something liked that happened to my younger brother, but he never came home...
Submitted by WhiteLightning (user info) at 2004-07-13 12:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...she's just taken a dump on the table."
"...she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass."
I tried to download these videos on Limewire the other day, and realized afterwards they were just more of Tom's mislabeled classic rock mp3s! fuck!
Submitted by bottles (user info) at 2004-07-10 21:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is freaking hilarious...would love to see more...
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-07-07 02:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would give it a 10 if I could. Laughed out loud like 10 times reading this. Good show!
Love,
Peepoepoewitz
Submitted by modusjoe (user info) at 2004-07-06 21:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2004-07-06 06:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by Starlanae <bearhell.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-06 04:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frickin hilarious... I loved it
Submitted by Cjad_teh_Nord (user info) at 2004-07-04 02:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1) Fer shiz, that bitch is whack!
2) lololololol 5h3 907 pwnt |3j j00!!!!1!!!!111!!1!1!1!
3) What a frickin' mind job, man!
A very thought provoking post. I will be sure to cancel all my internet connections as of currently.
Submitted by Fromaster at 2004-07-04 02:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that for real? If it is, that's fucken insane man! If not, it's still an awesome story. Definately a kicker of all ass, not matter how true or false it is.
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, funny man
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-07-01 23:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Steven would've wanted it that way." -- Man fall down; funny.
Submitted by Jerrsun (user info) at 2004-07-01 19:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bouncer (user info) at 2004-06-30 17:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by repsik (user info) at 2004-06-30 16:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I turn to her and flip the car into drive. "Get this, bitch!"
+2
Submitted by RhinoDime (user info) at 2004-06-29 02:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Replace him? That's a bit of a tall order. How can anyone replace---"
"He died."*
*Interlude: Run even faster. I don't care if you have to jump through a window to escape. You run.
Haha, this is the best thing I've read all day...
all week for that matter...
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-27 13:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being added to my mini-BAW
Submitted by Geodescent (user info) at 2004-06-27 00:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-06-26 16:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm thinking if this ain't shenanigans, Steven prolly killed himself.
Or more likely, she killed him and put his body through a woodchipper.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-06-26 16:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for
I look at her as if she's just taken a dump on the table
+2 for
"He died."*
*Interlude: Run even faster. I don't care if you have to jump through a window to escape. You run.
+2 for
I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass. "He's---dead?"
+2 for
"That was the name of my boyfriend."
"Well Clara, I---"
"Before he died."
"Yes, so I gather."
+20 for
I lean in as if to kiss her. She closes her eyes and moves in.
I take that moment to turn and run, run, run, back to my car.
and finally, +28 for
I blocked her on AIM as soon as I made it home. Steven would've wanted it that way.
Total? +50!
Submitted by Naheenanajah (user info) at 2004-06-24 23:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by XtremeMooCow (user info) at 2004-06-23 18:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.....
"I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass. "
i saw that on kazaa once...
Submitted by mapleburner21 (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"there's a fine line between spontaneity and insanity"
Brilliant
Submitted by Mikhail (user info) at 2004-06-22 19:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is really insane. I like it. That girl seems really nice.
Submitted by MrTinkertrain6 (user info) at 2004-06-21 14:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny... there are a few things i have a problem with
1. use of the word "lub-lub"
2. door only locks from the outside (though possible)
however... i HAVE seen some freaks in my day so i probably would have thought the situation a "free ride" and (of course) done her, as steven, all the while being rough and angry and talking about steven in the third person (which i guess technically he is)... and continue talking:
"yeah... yeah bitch... steven likes it ROUGH... yeah... you know you love it... steven wants to pound that ass too... yeah... you know you love steven... steven likes it rough..." so on and so forth. confusing any soft playful "lub-lub" action she once was wrapped up in.
"steven wants to capture this on camera"
bad side: the high probability that she will love steven even more.
Submitted by RyoOkutani (user info) at 2004-06-21 06:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey i just had a thought.. maybe her bf faked his death cos she was so looney so that he could get away from her?! HUH?! HUH?!!!
anyway.. moving along :D
^_^
Submitted by lexlutherin at 2004-06-19 08:53:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm such a lowlife I probably would have did her, and then tore!
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-06-19 05:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Perfect Post
Submitted by theMINI at 2004-06-15 15:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by Super <fooddetective.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-06-15 14:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEE-Larious! Great story!
Submitted by RyoOkutani (user info) at 2004-06-12 00:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG this is so fuking funny :D
^_^
I dont care if u have to to through the window.. RUN!!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-06-12 00:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+10
Submitted by the Great and Mighty Oz at 2004-06-11 17:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass.
HAHAHA
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never fails to impress. This is so crazy it has to be true.
Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-08 10:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap! A little sad, an assload of funny! Good advice regarding the man and/or woman
who is fresh off of a serious (terminal?) relationship and immediately wants another one:
RUN.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-07 19:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-06-07 03:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hillarious!
Submitted by Yakasha <yakasha.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-07 02:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheers man.
I had a fucking shit day at work, came home and a mate sent me the link. Brightened my spirits to no end.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-06-06 03:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post and well worth reading
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-06-05 05:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S A ROLLERCOASTER, BITCH!
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-06-05 00:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just now realized how high up this post made it. Awesome.
Submitted by JChristian1965 (user info) at 2004-06-04 11:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is incredible.
I'm very impressed by your creativity! LMAO
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-06-04 04:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the funniest things on ubersite
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-06-03 15:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was amazing Steven, you are so talented Steven. Kiss me Steven!!
Too funny for words
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-06-02 20:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmm.. harsh, but in the cicumstances well handled.. and well written too. (Even if it isn't true)
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Silly Jew dicks are for chicks...
this still makes me laugh.
Submitted by Jesus at 2004-06-02 11:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She closes her eyes and moves in.
I take that moment to turn and run, run, run, back to my car."
Holy crap I laughed my ass off in the middle of my office at that image.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-06-02 00:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I reach across the table and tap her hand. "Found you! There you are!"
That's the gayest thing I've ever heard. Other than that this was hilarious!
Submitted by phoenix (user info) at 2004-06-01 13:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny shit
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-01 06:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'musin'
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-01 06:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-05-31 17:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastique. Another 'most viewed' worth viewing.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-31 14:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 10 Most Viewed.
Teh kik ass.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-05-31 11:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking incredible. I read it again and ended up gutting myself.
Oh Christ this is a classic.
Fucking incredible....
Submitted by Anonymous at 2004-05-31 06:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Get this, bitch!"
GOLD.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-09 00:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These are always fucking hilarious.
Submitted by hamilton at 2004-05-06 16:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is now in the top 20 most viewed.
Congratulations
Submitted by samson (user info) at 2004-05-04 14:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Had this been true, a real man would have just fucked the girl and then never talked to her again. Who cares if she's not all there, all she wanted was some dick and to call you steven :).
Submitted by KickerOfAllAss at 2004-05-04 13:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go to hell Kat, you douche. +2!
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-04-29 07:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh god this is funny shit!
Submitted by Kichigai (user info) at 2004-04-29 07:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-29 02:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its an honor to read this post, after all it spawned one of the top 10 posts ever.
Submitted by Rosencrantz <Utoshski.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-28 10:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woah guys, I guess that's you told by Kat. I think we can all rest easy now knowing she sure got the better of us. And that retort to those well-meant criticsms... Inspired. Kat, you truly are one of a kind. Unfortunatly.
BTW, that story was killer!
Submitted by pimpbuster (user info) at 2004-04-23 12:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are means to shut a girl up for a few minutes of amusement...
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-04-22 21:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I laughed so hard that I woke my son up. You asshole, I'll never get him back to sleep now.
Actually... I think reading this might have been worth it.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ok well first off I'd like to point out to everyone that this story probably isn't true. I'm surprised no one has noticed that." -Kat
"ok I HAVE to call shenanigans on this one." -Razor in the FIRST REPLY TO THIS POST
In conclusion this post was awesome
Submitted by opposable_thumb (user info) at 2004-04-17 20:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-04-17 00:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story man, I loved this.
Also, has anyone noticed how damned intelligent kat is? I mean, really...she's a fucking genius and we're all idiots. We should bow down to her.
Submitted by Kat <dawn_nightslayer.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-12 02:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why don't you go fuck yourselves. I complimented the author on his story, why the fuck does it matter if I pointed out the rather obvious fact that it's fiction? Doesn't make me any dumber you fucking assholes, it simply means i'm POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS FOR DUMB FUCKS THAT DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER. Notice how that is addressed to all DUMB FUCKS who don't know that it is fiction so if you already know then you don't have to worry your pretty little heads off. I said the story was a good one so fuck off, and even if I thought it was shit I can have my own personal opinion. Or should I be a conforming asswipe without my own thought process like most of you? Dipshits.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-04-12 01:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Kat <dawn_nightslayer.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-12 01:29:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok well first off I'd like to point out to everyone that this story probably isn't true. I'm surprised no one has noticed that. You are all dipshits.
Other than its incredulousness, the story was terribly amusing and enjoyable :) Good one!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are now dumber for having spoken Kat.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-12 01:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kat <dawn_nightslayer.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-12 01:29:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok well first off I'd like to point out to everyone that this story probably isn't true. I'm surprised no one has noticed that. You are all dipshits.
Other than its incredulousness, the story was terribly amusing and enjoyable :) Good one!**********************************************************************************
REALLY its not true? 90% of the stuff on this site is fiction. Still fucking good shit, so another +2 to counter your measly +1
Submitted by Kat <dawn_nightslayer.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-12 01:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok well first off I'd like to point out to everyone that this story probably isn't true. I'm surprised no one has noticed that. You are all dipshits.
Other than its incredulousness, the story was terribly amusing and enjoyable :) Good one!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-08 08:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This inspired my J-date profile. +2
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-08 06:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2004-04-05 19:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by funkthemonkey (user info) at 2004-04-04 01:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this would make a good movie...
Submitted by fftacs (user info) at 2004-04-03 15:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious. And yet scary at the same time.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-04-01 21:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You left her??? Alone? Asshole.
Just kidding.
Submitted by fivestrngsamurai (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by fivestrngsamurai (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Submitted by fivestrngsamurai (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by PyroSoldat at 2004-04-01 10:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats funny wonder why you didnt (get naughty with Her), hey passing by Steve is not that hard
other wise its funny story
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-03-31 16:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN! remind me not to mention dead ex-s in your presence!
Submitted by valleygirl87ls <valleygirlls87.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-30 17:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.. so i would like to say he actually put his OWN aim s/n on there...but the story rocks my face off
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-30 10:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice one, lol.
nice piece or writting
Submitted by Original_SK (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor thing! Lost her mind.... *sigh* Good story!
Submitted by FrancescBlandino (user info) at 2004-03-24 18:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Incredible !!
Submitted by chipslice <mmvvmm> at 2004-03-24 02:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol! lol!
Submitted by chipslick <mmvvmm> at 2004-03-24 02:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol! I teach too!
Submitted by chumpmasterg (user info) at 2004-03-23 21:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...damn
Submitted by Valacosa (user info) at 2004-03-23 21:07:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud all through this...
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-03-23 17:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, i'm sorry i missed this. Here's my overdue and well-deserved +2.
Damn that was funny...
Submitted by trey420 at 2004-03-23 15:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta love j-date!!! Usually it is an easy place to meet girls that just want to get laid (or, in the alternative, to find chicks that want to find a husband). You need to tell us her profile name ... I need to see what a crazy-ass broad says about herself!!!
Submitted by Why'd you leave me steven? at 2004-03-23 15:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
steven?! is that you!? why are you telling everyone about this me like that?!?!
Submitted by ZeroControl <zerocontrol.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-23 14:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic.
Submitted by ManicMicrowave <hillsdalefunnies.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-23 00:14:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You.
Are.
Awesome.
Awful, but understandable behaviour.
Still awesome.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-03-22 22:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-03-22 19:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your stuff. I'm glad this made BAW
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-03-22 16:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! "I look at her as if she's just taken a dump on the table" Hilarious. +2
"I don't know what makes me happy. I'm still trying to find myself."*
I reach across the table and tap her hand. "Found you! There you are!"
You almost lost 2 for being a cheesedick.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-22 13:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hugeos (user info) at 2004-03-22 12:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love to scream my dead daughter's name when I fuck
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-22 11:39:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dating is so much fun.
We'll have to hang out soon and compare horror stories, Jared.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-03-22 08:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work.
Highly enjoyable.
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-03-22 07:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was the perfect post for my day, as I had been up all night and, bored, cruised the online personals and saw a girl I know on there.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-21 23:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had worse.
Submitted by Mummbles (user info) at 2004-03-21 21:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have followed your instinct and ran, but then we wouldnt have this story
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2004-03-21 21:06:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A gripping psychological thrill-ride!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-21 18:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep them coming.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-03-21 16:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think my favorite part was that you, a Jewish person, mutters Jesus Christ in times of stress.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by backsagainstthewall (user info) at 2004-03-21 05:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BLAH,blah blah, I hope you got laid. If you're a girl I hope Prince Charming paid for the hotel room.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-03-21 05:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually now that i've read it i take that back, its pretty good
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-03-21 05:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT THE FUCK, this is SHIT!!!
------LINK -----------------
A GENUINE PARIS HILTON USES TAMPON
100% USED, TOP RANGE FEMININE HYGIENE
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28176
Submitted by Confusion (user info) at 2004-03-21 01:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi, I am Steven. I'm not really dead.
Boo.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-03-20 22:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scariest thing is that's she's not even the highest degree of psychotic Jewess.
Submitted by big daddy <dr_patrick1.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-20 22:23:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
think i dated that chick.....
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-03-20 20:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi. Fucking. Larious.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-20 14:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
made me cry with laughter
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-03-20 14:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny ish. there are too many lines to quote.
that's what you get for messing around the them internet hoes.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-03-20 03:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you steven.
wait, sorry, JARED. wont happen again.
ive had a post in my head the past couple days that id loke to turn into a kind of ubersite 'franchise', that everyone can use the basic main title and put their own subtitle to it and write.:
"first date horror stories"
you'll be seeing mine in the next few days. so if anyone who is interested in doing this wait till after ive done mine, and ill detail a little more...
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-03-20 02:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You crazy Jews and your Jewbarus.
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-03-20 00:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh wow, that was excellent!!!
Submitted by SPE (user info) at 2004-03-19 19:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
" I reach across the table and tap her hand. "Found you! There you are!" "
funny shit +2
I love America.
Submitted by Kristen <kristen_johnston2003.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-19 16:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope you just made that up!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-19 15:43:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funniest line of the whole story:
I turn to her and flip the car into drive. "Get this, bitch!"
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-03-19 12:41:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good but fake.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-19 11:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You do realize that she knows where you live...
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-03-19 10:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fucking christ!
That is the most disturbing thing Ive ever read about a date! And this is coming from someone whose had some really fucked up dates.
Maybe, for your benefit and well being, you shouldnt use J-Date and stick to HotOrNot. Ive found some normal slutty girls on there before.
Im starting to get worried that youre gonna get hurt now. These stories are fucking hilarious. But Meeting the wrong psycho whose boyfriend died, of ways which you never found out, and starts calling you his name is kinda worrysome.
Im worried Jared. I worry about the sanity of Jewish women and their stability. Youve confirmed the one thing Ive always thought.
Jewish women are not of this universe.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-03-19 10:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did I say Minutes...I meant hours..yeah...hours.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-03-19 10:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretend to be steven for a couple of minutes, what harm is it going to do?
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-03-19 05:52:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is no-one going to say "poor girl"?
I ask that because I cant be bothered to read all of the replies... and it seems someone should. Not that Im saying it mind you - just that 'someone' should at some point.
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2004-03-19 03:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aye, this one kicks the ass.
Props.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-19 02:14:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god, this is hilarious. I could see this as a movie.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-03-19 02:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Remember when you used to drive me out to deserted parking lots and you put your penis inside my lub-lub? Oh, Steven. . ."
Lub-lub.
FUCK yeah.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-19 02:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally I'd finish reading before commenting, but this gets an immediate preemptive +2:
"There's nothing wrong with a girl who knows what she wants, especially if she wants me."
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-19 01:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You do realize Steve faked his own death to get out of this relationship, right?
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-03-19 00:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-18 20:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's too funny.
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-03-18 19:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, that is hilarious whether it's true or not!
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-03-17 21:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good God man! Where in the fuck do you come up with this shit!? Fucking awesome.
-BongZilla
Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2004-03-17 20:58:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I blocked her on AIM as soon as I made it home. Steven would've wanted it that way.
Fuckin' awesome mate!
Badass.
Submitted by aswicked (user info) at 2004-03-17 20:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA good story.
Submitted by themattcollins (user info) at 2004-03-17 20:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
these things are great. even if they aren't true, and i have no way of proving or disproving them, they still rule. a lot.
Submitted by Ninjaburger <steve.oliver.at.osan.af.mil> at 2004-03-17 19:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good, but not as "spectacular" as half of the people hype it up to be...
You guys seem hard up for comedy around here.
Submitted by Catscradle at 2004-03-17 19:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-03-17 19:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a cliffhanger of a read. women are crazy. all of them.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-03-17 19:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eeep...
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-03-17 19:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what they said.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-03-17 18:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMFG!!! EROALSFLKJ!
Errum, this Jared, JMG114242, is excellent; that's what I meant to say. Funny, and excellent.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-03-17 18:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are fucking laugh-out-loud funny.
"They are like agents in the Matrix, and when you encounter one, you run. Unless you want some ass."
Gold.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-17 18:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jared this stuff is gold my man pure gold...
I see a sitcom...too bad it would be called anti-semitic or at least have the Anti Jewish Defamation league on yer ass
-Turtle
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-03-17 16:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAH! HOly SHit.... sorry.... so so sorry.
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2004-03-17 14:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This never gets old.
Submitted by lazaruslng9676 (user info) at 2004-03-17 13:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Internet chicks are nuts. You should have pretended to be Steven and done all kinds of nasty shit to her and then left her in some deserted place naked. That would have made her get over "Steven" really fast.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm interested to know how true these are.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Fucking incredible.
And a great last line.
Nice one
seb
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I look at her as if she's just taken a dump on the table."
Where do you come up with this stuff?
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
""I run my hand through her charcoal hair. It's a shame that someone so pretty has to be so fucking insane. "Of course not," I say, then I lean in as if to kiss her. She closes her eyes and moves in.
I take that moment to turn and run, run, run, back to my car"
"After about twenty feet, she screams, relinquishes her hold on the door, and I see her in my rear view, rolling down the street."
That was fucking awesome.
Submitted by Bob_Bank (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"She's nowhere to be seen" - cue theme song from halloween. She's right outside the window - RUN!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shenanigans
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-03-17 12:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the second one where the J-dater is called by an ex's name.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass.
dammit son, now i have to clean the laugh spit off my screen...again.
pretty little blue and red and green and woah..
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you serious
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That poor girl...
Steven
I hear my name. (Steven)
Is someone calling me ?
I hear my name. (Steven)
That icy breath,
It whispers screams of pain.
I don't want to feel you die,
But if that's the way
That God has planned you,
I'll put pennies on your eyes
And it will go away, see ?
Alice Cooper
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:32:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass."
Damn you Jared! I was laughing so hard through this whole piece that now I'm in trouble with my boss! Maybe I'll let her read this and she won't be so mad...
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-17 11:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man this was hilarious...but now that i know these are'nt true im kind of feeling disheartened part of the funny was that these crazy people are out there......oh well its good anyway
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fiction ?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-17 11:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nis-ICE!
(thats ghetto for nice)
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Firstly, none of these could have been completely true. Secondly, they're funny, so quit bitching.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Jared that is fucking awesome.
My cap is firmly doffed to you sir.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:31:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it!
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to join Razor and call shennigans. Fantastic story anyhow.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome... but I have a little trouble believing it. I mean Jesus H! That's one nutbar girl.
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pfouhahhahaha, and i thought i dated psychos!
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, these are awsome... I will never, ever get tired of reading these. Ever.
+2 for a date from hell. Er...another date from hell.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sat in front of my computer for a good two minutes staring at the monitor, utterly speechless.
Plus fucking two.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-17 10:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How could anyone ever get sick of these?
Submitted by spacemonkey (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Truth or fiction... does it really matter?
These things are fucking funny either way.
Submitted by Harry (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your dating tales are most excellent william theodor logan Esq.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should've let her call you Steven, and knocked out a piece. THEN run.
Razor: I don't think it's shenanigans, just embellishment for the sake of keeping the story interesting.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel sorry for you. Maybe you should look into a mail order bride or something.
Crazy ass Jew women!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Before he died."
That bit made me laugh out loud but I agree with Razor, shenanigans. there is no way this one is true.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:51:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was just going to say, "Man, I'm sick of seeing these..." but then I read something like this.
Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:51:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I take that moment to turn and run, run, run, back to my car. The next set of events occur in slow motion:
"Steven!" she screams, then flies after me, hands flailing above her head.
"Jesus Christ," I mutter as I jet down her front path and back to my car. All at once, I'm praying that I didn't lock my door and that I can jump in and escape.
"Steven! Come back to me! Don't leeeeeeeave!" She runs faster, with a hideous gleam behind her eyes. Faster, man, run faster! "
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.
How the hell do you do it?
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree with razor, but these are still awesome.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-17 09:46:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok I HAVE to call shenanigans on this one.