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My J-Date Misadventure (282103 hits)

Category: Romance

Rating: 1.78 on 348 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2004-03-17 09:41:28 EST

Greetings faithful readers, and welcome to the sixth in my tumultuous series of what happens when good little Jewish girls go monstrously bad. Submitted for your approval, the delicate Clara (names have been changed).

JMG114: Hi! I'm Jared from J-Date.
ConfusedClara: hi
JMG114: So, you're a teacher, are you?
ConfusedClara: yea
JMG114: What do you teach?
ConfusedClara: yea i teach.
JMG114: Yes, but what do you teach? English? Social studies?
ConfusedClara: lol i teach!*

*Interlude: You're also stupid.

JMG114: I do voice-over work and write young adult novels.
ConfusedClara: omg! thats awsome!!!!
JMG114: Well, it's fun. I enjoy it.
ConfusedClara: u r so talented! omg!!! i don't beleve it!!!!
JMG114: Well, if I ever become successful, that's when to be impressed. Anyone can do what I'm doing right now.
ConfusedClara: let's meet up!!!!*

*Interlude: There's nothing wrong with a girl who knows what she wants, especially if she wants me.

JMG114: I'd like that. When would be good for you?
ConfusedClara: lol lets meet up!!!!
JMG114: Great. When?
ConfusedClara: r u like famous or somethin? lol

*Fast-forward>>> We're at a Chinese place in my home city!

Clara has long, raven-black hair, and she's visibly proud of it. Her face is pale, and her lips are noticeably red. She's actually rather attractive, but has a bit of a stuffy nose. We place our orders and she stares at me like a dumbass.

I clear my throat. "So, Clara, tell me about yourself. What do you like to do?"

She looks down hesitatingly. "Well, I should tell you up front that I'm not the best Jew."

"That's okay! I'm really not, either. I like it more for its traditions rather than its religious---"

"I sometimes go to church because I really don't know if being a Jew is right for me. Does that make me bad?"

I look at her as if she's just taken a dump on the table. "Um, I don't think so. Just do what makes you happy."

"I don't know what makes me happy. I'm still trying to find myself."*

*Interlude: The only thing more potentially dangerous than a girl is a girl who is trying to "find herself." They are like agents in the Matrix, and when you encounter one, you run. Unless you want some ass.

I reach across the table and tap her hand. "Found you! There you are!"

She smiles and sighs, "I wish it were that simple. I just got out of a serious relationship and I'm still kind of hung up on the guy."*

*Interlude: Run faster.

I nod empathetically and smile at her. "We've all been there. You should take as much time as you need to move past him, and if you're not ready to start dating yet, then---"

"No! I want to date, and I want to find someone to replace him."

"Replace him? That's a bit of a tall order. How can anyone replace---"

"He died."*

*Interlude: Run even faster. I don't care if you have to jump through a window to escape. You run.

I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass. "He's---dead?"

She nods and shrinks back into her seat. I stammer, "Clara, how'd---what---I mean, we don't have to talk about this---"

She brightens and leans in. "It's okay! I want this to be a happy night, so let's talk about you."

"Are you sure?"

"Wait. What did I just say?"

"You want to talk about me."

"That's right! Go ahead."

"Okay, then. During the week, I . . ."

*Fast-forward>>> What to do after dinner? It's still early.

She has her arm around my shoulder, and I have my arm around her waist. It's too early for anything this affectionate, but never too early to bring her back to my place and tap it. Isn't that funny?

"So," she squeezes me, "What would you like to do?"

"Want to go watch a movie? I have a bunch back at my---"

"Yes!"*

*Interlude: Jackpot!

*Fast-forward>>> We're at my place! We're making out like wild animals!

She moans softly as I kiss down her neck. So far, aside from the dead-former-boyfriend reference earlier, this is going very well. I make it back to her lips and start to slide my hands under her shirt when,

"Oh, Steven . . ."

I pull away slowly. "What?"

She frowns. "What? What happened?"

"You called me Steven."

"I---what? Oh, yeah. I did. I'm sorry. That was the name of my boyfriend."

"Well Clara, I---"

"Before he died."

"Yes, so I gather. Look, if you still need to take some time, then you can---"

"Let's go out driving somewhere! Take me somewhere mysterious."

"You---driving---what?"

"Let's go!"

*Interlude: I like spontaneity more than most guys do. However, there's a fine line between spontaneity and insanity, as you will come to see.

*Fast-forward>>> We're parked in a corporate park! It's dark out! No one's around!

She leans into me and we start kissing again. Very ferocious, she presses her hands to the back of my head and rubs them up and down my back. She climbs awkwardly on top of me, and I hold her up as we smooch all over the place.

She whispers, "Ste---ven. . ."

I break away again. "Clara---"

"What?" she brushes some hair away from her pretty face, "What is it?"

"You said Steven again. It was soft, and it sounded like you were trying to disguise it. Maybe we should just end this."

"No! Steven!"

"What? I'm not---"

"Remember when you used to drive me out to deserted parking lots and you put your penis inside my lub-lub? Oh, Steven. . ."

She leans into me and hugs me tightly. I'm scared that she's going to kill me and that I'll end up as part of some new urban legend. I have to end this. She must be terminated.

"Oh, sweet Clara," I whisper.

She caresses my face. "Yes, my love?"

"I have an idea. Let's go to your house. I have the best idea."

She giggles frighteningly, "My parents are home, you naughty boy."

"I know, but there's something great I want to show you. It'll be amazing."

"You're amazing."

"Let's go."

Thoroughly convinced that I'm on a date with an escaped sanitarium inmate, I drive her back to her house and walk her to her door. She looks concerned. "You're not saying goodnight, are you? I still want to be with you."

I run my hand through her charcoal hair. It's a shame that someone so pretty has to be so fucking insane. "Of course not," I say, then I lean in as if to kiss her. She closes her eyes and moves in.

I take that moment to turn and run, run, run, back to my car. The next set of events occur in slow motion:

"Steven!" she screams, then flies after me, hands flailing above her head.

"Jesus Christ," I mutter as I jet down her front path and back to my car. All at once, I'm praying that I didn't lock my door and that I can jump in and escape.

"Steven! Come back to me! Don't leeeeeeeave!" She runs faster, with a hideous gleam behind her eyes. Faster, man, run faster!

Here's my car. I run around to the driver's side, almost tripping. She's less than ten feet away from me. My door's unlocked! I jump into the car, then remember that my side door doesn't lock except from the outside! Every second is precious! She's going to try to open my door!

I slide the key into the ignition and turn it. The car bounces for what seems like an eternity, then the engine kicks in. She smashes herself against my driver's side door and opens it, wearing the most demonic smile I've ever seen.

"Ste---ven," she sing-songly drawls, "I've got you!"

I turn to her and flip the car into drive. "Get this, bitch!"

I slam my foot onto the gas, and take off with her still grasping my open door. Her feet drag alongside the car as I accelerate. After about twenty feet, she screams, relinquishes her hold on the door, and I see her in my rear view, rolling down the street. I turn a corner, and she's lost to sight.

I park for about fifteen minutes on a nearby side street. Then, I turn back onto her road, just to make sure that she isn't dead on the pavement where I left her. She's nowhere to be seen, and I return home.

EPILOGUE:

I blocked her on AIM as soon as I made it home. Steven would've wanted it that way.

User Reviews

Submitted by fyrstarter (user info) at 2008-07-16 04:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

haha lol

id be scared of her....

Submitted by dougiep (user info) at 2008-02-22 11:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-01-20 15:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I wanna see the movie again

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-20 14:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This series was the reason I joined Uber, too.

I don't know HOW I found it but this made me look into it more.

Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2008-01-20 14:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

This makes me laugh every time I read it.

Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-31 21:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Dude, I can't beleive I haven't rated this thing yet. This post was the reason I joined Uber! This should be an article in Maxim/Cosmo to warn of the dangers of internet dating. Seriously, if they were attractive, well-adjusted people why would they be on the internet looking for booty/dick? They wouldn't. Hit on the ladies/men at the supermarket like everyone else.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-24 00:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

I can't believe this post has more hits than all my 173 pieces of genius combined.

Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-06-20 18:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

fail / 10. Next time get head from her in the car on the way to her house or something. The thing about crazy girls is once they get fixated on you, thats it they are stuck on you. You might as well get a few nuts off in em for good measure. -2 for your failure to get a nut off in her before dipping out and blocking her.

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-05-22 03:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The first thing from Uber I read and I fucking love it!

Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2007-05-22 03:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ownd

Submitted by NothingMachine (user info) at 2007-05-16 16:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

So that just made my day!

Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

How about you don't be a fucking jewish-supremicist, and try dating people regardless of their spiritual beliefs

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-15 12:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking Hilarious!!!

Submitted by detimus (user info) at 2007-01-31 13:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Why does this post have an average rating under +2?

Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-01-29 06:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

The mind boggles..

Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-12-31 20:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

read it before and loved it, but wasn't a member at the time to rate it. this definitely deserves the almighty +2

Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I can't believe I never rated this. It's one of my favourites.

Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2006-12-28 10:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I still can't believe this was written by a regular joe.

Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2006-12-26 21:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

this is friggin awesome

Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-15 16:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

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Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-12-09 21:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

It's interspecies erotica, fucko.

Fucko being Captain -2 right here.
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v

Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2006-12-09 21:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by rennfahrer (user info) at 2006-11-03 14:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Would've been better if it were actually true. Almost believable up until the end where she's holding on to your door as you're driving away...

Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-27 12:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I loved it.

This is why you never meet women on the internet.

If I can't see your tits when I make the date, it ain't happenin.

Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 01:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hilarious!

Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-08 06:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"It's too early for anything this affectionate, but never too early to bring her back to my place and tap it. Isn't that funny?"

Agreed.
+1 for insight.

+1 for hilarity throughout.

Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-10-08 05:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"lub lub"

Fucking hilarious!

Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hi-larious.

Submitted by JediMasterJambi (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Snoogins ;)
This story dosn't kick enough asses, once again, anyone who gave this a - rating needs to lay off the male chimpanzee\strapoon anal sex. Take the 12' viberataor straped in your ass out and laugh about somthing once and awhile.

Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

As a rule, I don't date Jewish chicks. Why? That fucking Mezuzah shit on their door frames freaks me out.

Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-05 01:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This will always be my favorite.

"I'm scared that she's going to kill me and that I'll end up as part of some new urban legend."

Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by SweatyButcher (user info) at 2006-08-11 17:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

awesome story

Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 14:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by singingjim (user info) at 2006-06-27 12:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

Who gives a crap if she was calling you Methusela, bang the bitch six ways to the Sabbath. Dumb fakeass story.

Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-28 09:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-05-25 13:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I do believe she's speaking yiddish. Penina darling, this is Steve. I didn't really die, I went on vacation to Costa Rica. Guess I should have left a note. Anyway, I'm breaking up with you for going out with Jared. Slut.

Submitted by SidewinderGunnar (user info) at 2006-05-11 13:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Wow dude,

that is really fucked up... haha

Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-06 20:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 02:37:12 (#)
Ranking: 0

az men hot nisht in kop, hot men es in dies fees..
====================
STEVEN, PAY ATTENTION TO MY LUB-LUB, YOU ZOMBIE FUCK!

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 02:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

az men hot nisht in kop, hot men es in dies fees..

Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:45:05 (#)
Ranking: 0

er iz a sclecter bukher..a behaimeh..bubkes..a chazer..a shtarker..a trombnik..a yutz.. a putz..a schmuck..a schnorer..prust..an olrightnik..nebish..a klotz..farbissen..a nudnik..

ver farblonjet..gey avek..

a ligner hert zich zeiner liguen azoi lang biz er glaibt zich alain..

er iz a groiser gornisht..er kricht in die hoicher fenster..

not burned.. no feelings here..

he is a LOSER and VIRGIN.
=========================
God DAMN you're dumb as shit. What the fuck language are you speaking? Is that German or Hebrew? Or maybe just dumb bitch talk? Either way, you're just some whiny skeezoid that got burned bad by someone who didn't want your fucked up emotional baggage.

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

er iz a sclecter bukher..a behaimeh..bubkes..a chazer..a shtarker..a trombnik..a yutz.. a putz..a schmuck..a schnorer..prust..an olrightnik..nebish..a klotz..farbissen..a nudnik..

ver farblonjet..gey avek..

a ligner hert zich zeiner liguen azoi lang biz er glaibt zich alain..

er iz a groiser gornisht..er kricht in die hoicher fenster..

not burned.. no feelings here..

he is a LOSER and VIRGIN.

Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:17:17 (#)
Ranking: 0

i can't stand him.. and i despise the way he attend assif..and stands over me as if he could bag me..i don't like anything about him..i wouldn't like anything about him for a billion pounds..he failed the IQ test i gave him..not my type..

he misses the main points in jewish texts cuz he's verbally disabled..but goes on about how others are poorer jews..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:13:06 (#)
Ranking: 0

i am not a virgin..i don't like him..he tells everyone the girl he spends every weekend with all weekend is stupid..and fails miserably at getting girls interested...i wouldn't take an interest in him for a zillion dollars.. i dig bukhers who understand the verbal aspects of life..anatomy..genetics..etc..he's a hypocrite ok. i can't stand sanctimonious hypocrites.. i don't have any feelings for him.. never..keyn mol.. i am running an A average..he is a liar..i don't like his misogyny..he besmirches judaism..he's a hypocrite..a woman hater a black hater.. not an egalitarian..or a progressive..

he would not stick his putz in anyone..he is A VIRGIN and a loser..i happen not to like him..

schmuck putz..spends an incredible amount of time talking about his so called ex who he never had intercourse with..so is he crazy?

the point is no clothes were off..he laughs at his side of meat a naive german..but no clothes are removed.. and there's no intercourse..i hate guys who try too hard to prove they're studs cuz they aren't..

i don't like anything about him..or his slurry drip
===========================
Jesus Christ, woman, try to work some coherence in there. And surprisingly enough, not everyone uses all this Jew lingo. Just go back to thinking about your dead boyfriend jamming his rotted zombie cock in your lub-lub.

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

i can't stand him.. and i despise the way he attend assif..and stands over me as if he could bag me..i don't like anything about him..i wouldn't like anything about him for a billion pounds..he failed the IQ test i gave him..not my type..

he misses the main points in jewish texts cuz he's verbally disabled..but goes on about how others are poorer jews..

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-05 01:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

i am not a virgin..i don't like him..he tells everyone the girl he spends every weekend with all weekend is stupid..and fails miserably at getting girls interested...i wouldn't take an interest in him for a zillion dollars.. i dig bukhers who understand the verbal aspects of life..anatomy..genetics..etc..he's a hypocrite ok. i can't stand sanctimonious hypocrites.. i don't have any feelings for him.. never..keyn mol.. i am running an A average..he is a liar..i don't like his misogyny..he besmirches judaism..he's a hypocrite..a woman hater a black hater.. not an egalitarian..or a progressive..

he would not stick his putz in anyone..he is A VIRGIN and a loser..i happen not to like him..

schmuck putz..spends an incredible amount of time talking about his so called ex who he never had intercourse with..so is he crazy?

the point is no clothes were off..he laughs at his side of meat a naive german..but no clothes are removed.. and there's no intercourse..i hate guys who try too hard to prove they're studs cuz they aren't..

i don't like anything about him..or his slurry drip

Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-05-04 17:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

something tells me Penina is less "shitty alter" and more "chick who got burned by JMG"

Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-03 18:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:55:46 (#)
Ranking: 0

He is a VIRGIN.

He doesn't understand the most basic anatomy or genetics..he's so stupid...I'm collecting As in these..and have little patience for the likes of him. He is a loser!
=======================
Y HALO THAT SHITTY ALTER!!

Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-05-03 17:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:55:46 (#)
Ranking: 0

He is a VIRGIN.

He doesn't understand the most basic anatomy or genetics..he's so stupid...I'm collecting As in these..and have little patience for the likes of him. He is a loser!

----------------------------

who are you and how the fuck would you know/why the fuck do you care?

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

He is a VIRGIN.

He doesn't understand the most basic anatomy or genetics..he's so stupid...I'm collecting As in these..and have little patience for the likes of him. He is a loser!

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

y helo thar noob

Submitted by Penina (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

He has never had intercourse with anyone. Never. He thinks touching someone's cheek out in the open while they're both wearing coats is sex.

I think sex is when you take all your clthes off and have intercourse. He talks about his ex all the time. She had a girlfriend but it didn't work out..they never had vaginal sex.

Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-27 12:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.helpwinthisbet.com

Submitted by hundreddollarman (user info) at 2006-03-23 14:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I LOL-ed so hard.

Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.

dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
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ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
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09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.

dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.

dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij

Submitted by angel_2k01 (user info) at 2006-03-14 11:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

why are americans so fucked up?

Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-02-26 20:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-16 18:57:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

I consider it a monstrous travesty that this post is about to be passed up on the MVM by "Knockoff Porn Movie Titles".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
especially considering how horribly unfunny that post was

Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-02-26 19:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I should have read this before going on my date. Learn history or be doomed to repeat it, right?

Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

You suck.

http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167

Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-16 19:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

I think it's time to take this post to the vet and put him to sleep...

He's gotten a lot of great time on this earth, and I think we ought to let him die with some kind of nobility, rather than letting him get old and arthritic, shitting all over the floor. It's time to end it while he still has some dignity.

Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-16 18:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I consider it a monstrous travesty that this post is about to be passed up on the MVM by "Knockoff Porn Movie Titles".

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-01-27 04:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Like it!

I would've left a lot earlier!!!

Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-01-22 21:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 15:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

God damn I love this post.

Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

creme de la creme of MVM

Submitted by ilikeyoghurt (user info) at 2005-12-30 07:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Chicks with issues suck.
If you'd tapped that she'd have sucked your soul out through your penis and you'd be together forever on whatever astral plane her brain inhabits - just like that episode of The Outer Limits.

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:01:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:49:54 (#)
Ranking: 0

I hate when we get some fucking noob who either

1. thinks their opinion mean something.

2. reviews these fucking posts.

-----

I like it when new people join the uber family.

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

I hate when we get some fucking noob who either

1. thinks their opinion mean something.

2. reviews these fucking posts.

Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This should be higher up on MVM.

Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I don't care. I was entertained and that's really all I care about.
Good story, and if it is true - well played buddy.

Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-18 22:42:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I can't BELIEVE I haven't rated this post yet... This is one of the FIRST stories I read and the reason I decided to even CONSIDER making Uber my homepage at that!

Still funny, even second time round!

Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-12-02 13:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Still great after all this time.

Submitted by BeavisChrist (user info) at 2005-12-02 04:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1

I would have played along as Steven and fucked her in the ass.

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-30 03:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by katianakate (user info) at 2005-11-28 07:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Have another +2. Oh dear, I never was much good with the 'love'...!

Submitted by katianakate (user info) at 2005-11-28 07:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I almost fell in ove with you reading these. I read nearly everything you wrote afterwards and it was my best day in work this year!

Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-11-27 21:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Guile this is called 'fiction.' Some people write things that... get this... DIDN'T happen for the purpose of pure entertainment, or in some cases, to see a certain idea put in motion. It may seem unconventional at first, but, once you get used to it, it's quite good.

By the way, I just put this on my PDA so that I can show my friends.

Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-11-20 08:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Guile (user info) at 2005-11-18 10:08:15 (#)
Ranking: -2

-------------------------------------

Hahaha. Seriously though, don't you have some more armed forces logos to post? Those are great!

Submitted by Guile (user info) at 2005-11-18 10:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

I love it . . .

some people actually write about what happened in their life and share it with everybody

and you got some sell out faggot writing false shit

the best part is everyone loves it when it never happened

and then when you get true stuff posted on the site you get dumbass people rating it as being gay

you Uber idiots are so fucking random

Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-16 07:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Very good. But one point: what is the probablility that anything posted here actually happened? I mean is 90% composition? 70%? I wish someone would post a reply to this

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-11 12:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

ha great. i forgot about j date... maybe i should convert to find some new circumsized penis. :D

Submitted by trudivine21 (user info) at 2005-11-09 17:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I've almost exploded tying to contain my laughter through this post.

Well done!

Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/78654

Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2005-11-05 11:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I have waited almost a year to rate this, and it is still fucking hilarious.

heehee

lub-lub...

Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

If this happened to me... I would've driven her to my drug warehouse where I WOULD'VE INTRODUCED HER TO MY PIMPS AND THEN GONE OUT IN A JEEP AND THEN RUN OVER GANGS HANGING OUT ON THE SIDEWALKS WHICH WOULD INCREASE MY WANTED LEVEL AND THEN I WOULD USE MY CHAINSAW TO MAIM COPS UNTIL THEM BEAT ME TO THE GROUND AND BUSTED ME.

Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-10-18 12:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was awesome!

Submitted by roop (user info) at 2005-09-29 21:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

KICK-AAAAAASSSSS!!!!

But, here's what you would have found out had you stayed:

She calls it her "lub-lub" because that's the sound Steven made as he suffocated with her thighs wrapped around his head.

I wonder how many others have fallen to the horror that is the lub-lub...

Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:51:55 (#)
Ranking: 2

What the Duece?

Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-09-07 18:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Were you there?

Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2005-09-07 09:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Awesome, but ofcourse, did didn't happen.

Submitted by wowitshana (user info) at 2005-08-30 12:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by LaNDmAsS (user info) at 2005-08-27 01:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is one of those stories that is TOOOOOO
OOOOOOO gooooooood to be made up.

However, when she said "stephen, i want you to
slip your penis into my lub-lub," i would have
no ?s asked. but still. +2

Bravo. Bravo!!!!

Submitted by pharmgirl147 (user info) at 2005-08-25 23:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

My good God, what a psycho... poor thing. She needs some therapy bad... It's too bad that you had to go through something that freaky and still not get any...

Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-06 22:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is for the rest of the post.

Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-06 22:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and enveloped another human being with her ass. "He's---dead?"

+2 just for this line.

Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Jared...you'll never get knocked out

you're too anti-ghey

http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348

...

Submitted by chillboy (user info) at 2005-08-01 22:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Classic.

I remember seeing this a long time ago on b@w and it's still right there.

Submitted by Leopold525 (user info) at 2005-07-28 17:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

What a fun lil story!

Almost bit a fuckin hole in my lip trying not to bust out laughing at my desk!

Well done

Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

[garbage deleted by bart]

Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/70277

Submitted by prrr (user info) at 2005-07-17 03:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

when does this come out on DVD?

Submitted by ScoobyDont (user info) at 2005-07-08 18:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Lub lubs rule.

Submitted by Duke_Chocula (user info) at 2005-06-20 13:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by FREAKIN_SWEET (user info) at 2005-06-20 02:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Excellent.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-02 02:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I---what? Oh, yeah. I did. I'm sorry. That was the name of my boyfriend."

"Well Clara, I---"

"Before he died."

-----------------------------

After he died, he was called Phillip

Submitted by gld1320 (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

damn with the way my dating has been going she's probably the next one i'm dating

maybe it's best to turn gay or something

Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-05-17 14:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Sweet Christ on a crutch. And I thought I knew some crazy girls.

"lub lub"?

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-12 13:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-01 23:15:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

It's things like this that make life seem like a movie. Jesus H., I hope this happened.

==================

Speaking of movies...

Where can I find this work on film?

Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-01 23:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

It's things like this that make life seem like a movie. Jesus H., I hope this happened.

Submitted by Warren (user info) at 2005-04-30 13:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm scared that she's going to kill me and that I'll end up as part of some new urban legend. I have to end this. She must be terminated.

now THIS is what i call a "kicker of all ass" post...

Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-24 03:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Iv'e never seen this ,it is absolute genious.

Submitted by UberGirl (user info) at 2005-04-24 02:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"I stare at her as if she's just dropped her pants and
enveloped another human being with her ass. "

"Remember when you used to drive me out to deserted parking lots and you put your
penis inside my lub-lub? Oh, Steven. . ."

I cant decide which line I like better.

Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-04-24 01:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I so so so so hope this really happened.

Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-23 04:09:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-04-20 10:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Steven! I've found you!!

This may be the most loved post in Uber history.

Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-01 14:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

entertaining!

"lub-lub?" what an interesting term.....

Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-04-01 14:19:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

It's unbelievable that I haven't read this until now.

wow.

Submitted by Rookie (user info) at 2005-03-23 12:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Thats fucking awesome...

"STEVEN!"

Submitted by nwalma (user info) at 2005-03-22 08:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Supercords (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:55:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I went on 1 J-date, and it was my best blind date ever.

Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/60787

Submitted by voxtones (user info) at 2005-02-19 05:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

oy vey.

Submitted by X_ild (user info) at 2005-02-07 04:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-05 14:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by nuhippiejenn44 (user info) at 2005-01-28 21:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Complete Kick Ass!!! Greatest adventure of all time!!! j/k... But this is great!

Submitted by Silph (user info) at 2005-01-28 06:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Interesting, but I don't like how you just left her there.

Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

link whore http://clicktoexit.net

Submitted by Damitrius (user info) at 2005-01-23 02:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

FUCKING AWESOME!

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-01-19 08:42:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Crazy f'in funny :)

Submitted by mazman23 (user info) at 2005-01-17 11:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Vermin went on a J Date once....here is his story....

http://www.ubersite.com/m/56905

Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Damn this is funny.

Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-01-16 10:32:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I never get tired of this one.

Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-01-16 10:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I liked it very much... Well Done...

Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2005-01-16 10:02:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh fucking awesome.

Submitted by DamianD (user info) at 2005-01-12 17:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Makes me laugh everytime i read it

Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-01-10 15:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Want your next clue?
This one takes the cake;
An image by a guy
Whose death was a fake.

Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-31 21:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Review #250!

I Rule!

Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-12-31 19:03:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

+fuckin2 for doing the right thing!

Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-14 16:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W

Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2004-12-14 16:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Saw this http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2962&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544659 and thought of this series.

Ciao.

Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2004-11-30 20:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

and I see her in my rear view, rolling down the street.

Sometimes, when I inhale ginger ale bubbles, I get an erection.

Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I highly doubt that this is actually 100% true to what happened, but you can't let the truth get in the way of a good story.

+2, no doubt.

Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:29:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Can't believe I've never rated this. Certainly read it several times.

Here's to overtaking "Totally Useless Facts."

Submitted by bodysnatcher (user info) at 2004-11-28 16:05:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

holy shit that was funny!

Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

That is absolutely hilarious. I love it. But I agree with Jerems, you should have just ignored Steven and gotten some ass.

Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This is probably one of the dumbest things I've ever read. I hope you die, JMG114. You're just a stupid head.

Submitted by Jerems (user info) at 2004-11-15 20:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

you should've ignored the steven shit, tapped that ass, and then fucking ditched her ass.

Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-07 13:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Wow.

Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-11-05 07:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

good good good!!

Submitted by DrBlasto (user info) at 2004-11-03 17:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Umm... um.. um.

I umm.

I've come across girls on jdate whom I specifically chose not to meet, for fear of having an encounter very much like this one.

That site scares the hell outta me. It's like meeting girls through a Date-An-Inmate program. You just don't.

Shalom, motherfuckers.

Submitted by Apricot (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

AWESOME!

Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wow... my capacity with the English language cannot properly describe how Fucking Awesome this story is. Nice.

Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-25 08:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Rad - I made that movie, but it's not a student film. Is it really going around the web? That's surprising.

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-10-25 07:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Isn't there a student movie floating around on the web with this exact story? Kicks ass though.

Submitted by Kold (user info) at 2004-10-25 07:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ah shit. Its 5AM. I laughed so hard I woke up the roomates. They were pissed till they read it.

Shit. Woulda been funnier if you went with it and bacame Steven. "The guy who liked to fuck her up her asshole."

Or even better. Durring your 15 minute park. Look in the rear view and have her standing behind your car holding a dildo like a butcher knife calling "steven"

Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753

Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-15 20:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

link whore and a +2

http://www.aolsux.us

Submitted by letpandasdie (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

can't believe you didn't pound that ass anyway! call ya self a man?

damn funny story anyway.

Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-06 15:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

My all-time favourite J-Date - the best of the series!

Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-04 17:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Still one of the best.

Submitted by Xile (user info) at 2004-10-03 17:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by THUORN (user info) at 2004-10-01 05:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i would have put it in her lub-lub anyway

Submitted by Purplemonkeydishwasher (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Kick asre story man. Reminds me of the teeny horror books i used to read. But mad funny

Submitted by Hippie101 (user info) at 2004-09-28 15:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

that girl needs some chill out time. most definently. creepy. yet histarical. i applod you.

Submitted by Nij at 2004-09-25 21:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy fuck crap shit. Insane and hilarious.

Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

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