So this is how it feels..... (776 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.33 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tammy (View user info) at 2004-02-21 18:46:32 EST
I never would've fucking guessed it. Such a fucking drama queen- maybe I would slit my wrists in the bathtub to watch the water turn crimson. I'd leave the water running of course, get my money's worth and make a big mess for Somebody to clean up. Maybe I'd get lucky and find someone willing to put up with me for Life. Have some kids, get old and die in bed. Maybe while Fucking like that guy, damn what was his name...He went out with Sandra Bullock for awhile and was in a shitty JLo movie......Well, his dad.
No, I'll settle for this. Not too many people get to not tell a story like this to the grandkids they never had. Everyone I never knew will hear about it and feel sorry for me. "OH My GOD!! I know that girl! We were friends in school. I have to go to the funeral." Not quite, assholes. I guess they can have their circus.
It wasn't bad. I mean, I'd rather plummet to my death from a cliff or something, but hey, you can't have it all. Everything hurt- the duct tape ripping at my arm hair, the bloody lacerations, the contusion on the back of my head- but the pain was secondary. I was filled with Excitement. I couldn't Fucking believe it. I was lying there naked - fully acknowledging the Gravity of the situation - but I couldn't wipe the fucking Smile from my face.
I'm not clever enough to explain the sensation. I was Weightless. For the first time in my life, I felt Alright. I didn't think for a second about the discovery of my body, my family being notified, the investigation, the sick fuck who did this to me and the potential that I was not the first...... ( Shit, I hadn't thought of that. What if there were others- after. I can't be one in a string of victims. I don't do groups......) Sorry- tangent. So I was smiling, couldn't have cried if I'd wanted to. I wasn't thinking about anything. Even now, I feel the most intensely calm joy. No fear, no regrets, just peaceful nothingness. Okay, maybe a little anticipation. I mean, even now I don't subscribe to that after-life shit, but you never know.........
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-22 02:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Be careful not to drop the monitor in the water.
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-22 02:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
One time, a long time ago, I had a friend that considered suicide. He told me about it, and it was neither entertaining nor enriching to hear him talk about doing it.
Sadly, this, like his yapping, is also neither entertaining nor enriching. But you'll do better posts in the future, hopefully.
Oh, that friend I was telling you about? He works for UPS now. He's got a shit-brown uniform, and I laugh at his plight of having to take boxes full of goods to peoples' houses.
Just thought you should know.
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2004-02-21 23:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Keep this up and you won't ever be a Hulkamaniac.
Submitted by blahness (user info) at 2004-02-21 22:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes even I hate myself
Submitted by Biloba (user info) at 2004-02-21 22:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
unrated,
Self-improvement I guess. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to immulate the qualities I value. My writing style is too stiff, which reflects the bulk of the material I read.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-21 22:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I blacked out while reading this. Now I am scared.
Submitted by unrated83 (user info) at 2004-02-21 21:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
biloba why would you want to imitate anything about anyone? why not just be yourself, if that is really you?
Submitted by Biloba (user info) at 2004-02-21 21:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I enjoy that style of writing, I wish I could imitate it.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-02-21 21:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
unrated: wow, that was really coherent!
Tamtam- whatchu talkin' 'bout girl?
Submitted by tammy (user info) at 2004-02-21 21:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your first review, I'm so honoured.
Please don't stop.
Submitted by unrated83 (user info) at 2004-02-21 20:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
here's what I think. you aren't really that depressed or thinking about death you are happy and witty and just can't stop. It's almost like an addiction. When people ask you how are you doing? you say, "GREAT!". Its almost like liar liar except you are, "so happy I want to kill myself". So you may try but you won't succeed because of this addiction you are so troubled with.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-02-21 19:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, that's kindof how it might feel, except that there's a mess to clean up later. You have no idea how hard it is to get caked blood out of a hardwood floor.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-02-21 19:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Disturbing and well written.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-02-21 19:18:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-02-21 19:02:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-02-21 18:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uhhhhhh, I get the strange feeling that there is something bothering you.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-21 18:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.