Grewburfest 2009 a space odyssey (473 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by pen_name (View user info) at 2009-10-17 23:23:53 EDT
"Holy shit" said smith the booze hound, "uber fucking sucks and all the good writers have left and my balls itch."
"Ahh" said Ralph.
"And now these nobodies are advancing in the dumbass writing contests and whatever happened to professor fuckface?"
"I know what happened; it has to do with technology"
"Explain, Ralph?"
"Indubitably. When we were just little boys uber was made of pictures of whores and semen and sometimes the webpages stuck together, which sucked, but that was ok because people were merry and they went to uber conventions (though I never went because that would be gay) and at the conventions they'd hook up and take pictures of themselves sitting in lawn chairs and flipping off the camera, and there was that girl who had really long hair that always covered her face"
"That was whatsherface, ralph"
"Shut up, booze hound. Anyway, that brings me back to my point which is this, the fifi's came into being and people realized they could fuck rolled up towels and fleshlights and therefore didn't need to uber anymore because rolled up towels and fleshlights were cheaper than plane tickets and wine coolers."
"They don't ever sell wine coolers anymore"
"You are idiotic, booze hound. I hope your dog dies. Anyway, now the only people who come to uber are the old folks who are nostalgic and the new folks who are in between masturbating and microwaving burittos. This creates an unhealthy mix of fossilized turds and liquid turds, which you know all about being a fall down drunk who shits himself thrice a fortnight."
"And sometimes on Tuesdays"
"Now you are being silly, booze hound. Typical uber sillyness. Old jokes, cliches, formulaic writing...remember that story you wrote about being somewhere and having something gross happen to you."
"I believe I do, Ralph."
"You should, that's all your stories. You went to a place and everything was normal and then the guy walked through the door and kicked a bag of cum at you like a soccer ball."
"I think you mistake me for allyjeans"
"Snap"
"Are we supposed to be in space or something?"
"huh?"
"It's in the title"
"Oh, we are," said ralph pointing to the window "It's all out there. Shitloads of space."
"Now who's being silly."
"We're the same person writing both parts, what do you expect?"
"True"
"Indeed"
"But there is something else wrong with this. Isn't this supposed to be scary or something."
Oh I saved that for last.
"Ahhhhhh."
"See, anyone who read this will get pig syphilis."
[narrator aside] but I read this during proofing
"Haha, of course! that's my twilight zone ending! You'll also fuck a woman who was formerly a gargoyle who will return to being a gargoyle once you tell her that you once met a gargoyle--after which she will eat you."
[narrator aside] whatever happened to the boozehound
"we are all the booze hound...all of us :("
*unedited
User Reviews
Submitted by LoooseSprocket (user info) at 2009-10-29 13:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-26 20:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-23 18:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-19 19:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
TuTs - You know how sometimes you're sitting on the couch watching TV and you have to 'scratch the patch', and maybe your boyfriend is sitting with you and sees you doing it and adorably tries to help? You know how he gets it horribly and painfully wrong? It's like that. Do not scratch balls if you don't have them. You'll do it wrong. Leave it to the professionals. No offense intended, of course.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-19 14:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Note to you n00bs out there - never underestimate Uber's desire to be self-referentially sucked off...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-19 10:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2009-10-19 04:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he is in a better place
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-19 04:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss PFF. I hope he found what he was looking for when he vanished for what seemed long enough to study for a degree.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-19 00:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-18 17:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wasn't all that good.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-18 16:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2009-10-18 15:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
+filename.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-10-18 15:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Girlymen have sensitive balls. I scratch mine with a chainsaw. Which sucks, because I always have to re-sharpen the saw afterwards.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-18 11:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-18 21:08:43 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
TuTs -
Buddy: "Something every guy does...lemme see you scratch your balls. Come on, try it!...Watch the master. Now first, here's your basic shift. But that's not always enough. Sometimes you gotta get inside, dig a little. Let some air in. Move things around"
Terry (Theresa): "Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch,"
Buddy: "All balls itch! It's a fact!"
-Just One Of The Guys, 1985
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Tuts was born December '84, so she is not familiar with the film. That is no excuse though......
But whenever I am down there (the ball region) I have to be super careful, so there is a scratching technique that protects the soft skin?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-10-18 11:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scrap, I knew what movie you were quoting after the first sentence.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-18 09:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TuTs -
Buddy: "Something every guy does...lemme see you scratch your balls. Come on, try it!...Watch the master. Now first, here's your basic shift. But that's not always enough. Sometimes you gotta get inside, dig a little. Let some air in. Move things around"
Terry (Theresa): "Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch,"
Buddy: "All balls itch! It's a fact!"
-Just One Of The Guys, 1985
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2009-10-18 07:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to post something you cunt
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-18 00:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do balls get itchy? Because they must be bloody hard to scratch.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-17 23:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
winner.