What You Can Do in Hollywood to Earn More than 55 Dollars an Hour (1150 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.59 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by experima (View user info) at 2009-10-09 03:34:56 EDT
emailed to my best friend. true story. happened today.
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I'm a member of a Hollywood entertainment industry market research pool. That means if they need people to view new shows, they will call me months before it airs to test how I feel about it. Usually, they give you a dial and you scroll up for what you like, scroll down for what you don't like. Then you have a discussion about it, and they modify the show according to your suggestions.
It's a sweet way to make hundreds of dollars tax-free for giving your opinion about how much a new show sucks ass.
I did one today (you can only participate once in six months.)
It was weird. Today i went to Warner Bros. studios and did that market research thing...they had me sit and wait for the last "group" to finish after I fought traffic and got there early, then one other woman showed up. we thought we were waiting for more people.
No, it was just us. they'd told us over the phone to have clean hair because they'd have something to wear on our heads that would track how we felt about the show we would be watching (they do this for Superbowl commercials, I later found out....never trust advertising. it's not just hit and miss mate. read on.)
they gave us disposable plastic brushes to "circulate our scalp" and then specifically instructed us to brush our scalps hard down the middle.
they took us (eventually) into a room where they put FUCKING PLASTIC SKULL CAPS WITH METAL HOLES IN THEM. for the next 20-30 minutes they stuck syringes (no needles) full of chemicals into about 50 metal holes, digging into my clean, brushed scalp until they could find a layer that was direct to my brain. "for connectivity." i was to remain stockstill, as any blinking/jaw movement, ITCHING (the thing fucking itched like crazy and i couldn't scratch it) would mess up the brain wave thing.
but that is not the worst part.
i had to watch a horrible television show called "the Bonnie Hunt show" which i've never heard of, and nobody should ever hear of, if they have to affix skull caps with metal rings, a chin strap, a conductive gel, and a mac ibook pro with a brain scan programme to monitor how much i hate it.
and i did hate it. she spent the first ten minutes talking nonsense about helping her 57 yr old best friend sign up on a dating site. Then she did a "humour" segment about how children and penguins should fly in planes with a plastic-ball area in the back. To add insult to injury, they forced us to endure twice the amount of adverts as is usually shown during television shows. No fast forwarding with DVRs.
Then two comics from the 60's I'd never heard of, then more adverts, then some B-list actress they cut off after 30 seconds to make time for more adverts.
They also had a "hammer and gong" thing they did. Plus something about Jon Cryer's crotch being set aflame (dear god.)
They pulled my cap off carefully, carefully...it hurt like hell. Most of the "goo" had dried, and all of the goo had on the back of my neck. They had to use rubbing alcohol to loosen up this wire they'd attached to my skull.
My hair was hard...yet crusty. (insert men/women joke here.)
I was pissed off, but found some sort of comfort picking the little crusty bits out of my hair. They looked like big wet polka-dots of goo on my head. Oh, and they also left three round circular impressions on my forehead. Sort of like an alien who lost his apparati.
The only reason I didn't run screaming from the room is because, like everyone, I think "what a weird story."
I got $115.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-24 14:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
crazy below
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-23 07:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course you're going to be calling me pedantic and a whiny little cunt, I just think that calling me fuckface right off the bat when I didn't even give you a minus or called you a dumb piece of shit is completely uncalled for.
And retaliatory 0? What's that about?
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-23 07:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, I called you a vicious cunt because you, like so many other people, instantly started calling me names when I was just trying to elaborate. Never once in your post you mentioned EEG's and you sounded like you'd never heard of the process before.
Please don't be so vapid next time.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-22 14:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was amazed he covered our song
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-22 14:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDjD_U-O080&feature=related
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-21 05:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ICO is an idiot.
Are you sure it is my turn? I have two mails for you, I hope I have been mailing your correct mails. I am worried now. I will check it out.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-20 14:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ICO has a problem and it is HI LAR I OUS.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-20 05:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-19 08:16:35 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Vicious Cunt.
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yeah, i am vicious because a market research bullshit tv show that subjects its subjects (haha) to this? i don't object to this at all. good for the soccer moms. but how dare you question those of us who have to be subjected to syringes and goo and hats!
fuck you, this was just supposed to be a story.
and fuck you if you didn't turn it into some stupid propaganda when all i was after was viewing a show for one hour.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-10-19 13:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 experima
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-10-19 13:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sucks to be you.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-19 11:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Vicious Cunt.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-18 13:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stfu, fuckface
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-18 11:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuckface?
You don't do an EEG before an MRI just as you don't wash your hands before you shower, you vicious cunt.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-17 14:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
waiting for a return email sweetie x
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-17 10:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey hope you are cool x
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-10-14 12:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
brilliant.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2009-10-13 22:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 AMBITION
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-10-11 02:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Adult video producers should try market research pools. Some of their storylines are terrible.
Happy Anniversary!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 23:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
()
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-09 20:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
PS. Show me your hole!
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-10-09 17:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This job makes prostitution seem like a reasonable alternative. Seriously though, I'm just jealous because I could never do it--I hate almost all TV way too much.
Here's a story just for SpecialK: I found a fuckin' black widow spider in my kitchen a few months ago! I came home and it was happily spinning a web between my refrigerator and my stove. I live in LA and am used to seeing them outside, but seeing one inside my house creeped me out. There's a spider that deserves a little "phobia".
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-09 16:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking surreal!
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-10-09 16:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course I've seen Beethoven! You might think of me as square old Nath, but I'll have you know I was young once. Not sure when, but I was.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 16:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
facing a phobia dead on is terrifying specialK. it's easier to build up to it in small doses. i hope what you're going to do is worth it.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-09 16:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 20:03:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
i haven't been on here in a long time...but according to my stats, my three year anniversary was this week. happy uberversary to me.
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Happy uberversary indeed. I can't believe it's been that long since your Stream post.
E-mail me, fair lady. My current address is joegreenswindon.at.googlemail.com
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-10-09 15:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm participating in a phobia study today..i'm going to be "exposed to a live spider"
i'm freaking out...i didn't even sleep last night...ahhhhhh..but apparently there's a treatment component to the study, so my arachnophobia may finally be cured! or i might pass out when i see the spider..thats probably more likely
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-09 15:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, here ya go lady :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 15:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i haven't been on here in a long time...but according to my stats, my three year anniversary was this week. happy uberversary to me.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck off sico. this was not a blog and certainly was more interesting than the "shit documentary" you were doing last time I was on this site. smooches!
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-09 06:15:12 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummm...i guess I was supposed to care. http://www.blogspot.com
cunt muffin antimony
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's shocking that they didn't think of that
the whole show was so terrible that your idea would have improved it immensely joey
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Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-09 11:33:49 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mebbe they should have shown Bonnie Hunt's friend banging the penguin and monitored the response.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-09 13:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
115/55
?
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115/55 = >55 per hour, dumb shit.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mebbe they should have shown Bonnie Hunt's friend banging the penguin and monitored the response.
Damn. I now have 57 year old women and penguins making love in my head.
Seriously, they have room to do it my head.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was about two hours
55 plus 55 equals 110
so 'more than 55' works for me
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-09 13:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
115/55
?
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-09 13:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 13:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know who Bonnie Hunt is and a) you do and b) you saw "beethoven"????
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Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-10-09 01:14:21 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bonnie Hunt, as in the MILF from Beethoven?
Rocking
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 13:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know what it was and what it was doing fuckface. The point was, it wasn't for an MRI or any other meaningful reason, IT WAS FOR BONNIE HUNT.
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Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-09 05:33:25 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's an EEG (electro-encephalogram), it's quite a common and non-invasive way of monitoring brain activity. Either they did it wrong with you, or you're just being a wuss about it. All it takes is a little conductive vaseline-like substance, and some electrodes which usually don't need to actually touch your scalp because of the gel.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2009-10-09 10:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will never look at Bonnie Hunt the same way again.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 09:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-09 09:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummm...i guess I was supposed to care. http://www.blogspot.com
cunt muffin antimony
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-10-09 09:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Going down in Hollywood
You better hope that you don't run out-of-gas
Down in Hollywood
They'll drag you right out of your car and kick-your-ass
Down in Hollywood
They're standing on a corner just waiting for a sucker-like-you
Down in Hollywood
Now, if you want to stay healthy just keep a-moving right-on-through
Be careful, don't look back, keep moving, keep moving
Ry Cooter
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's an EEG (electro-encephalogram), it's quite a common and non-invasive way of monitoring brain activity. Either they did it wrong with you, or you're just being a wuss about it. All it takes is a little conductive vaseline-like substance, and some electrodes which usually don't need to actually touch your scalp because of the gel.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You got sprogged on by a scientist. Was it worth it?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll still bang you, even with the crust in your hair, if that helps at all.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-09 07:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-09 07:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Almost all American TV shows are generated in an area of this planet that is effectively another planet. Now you tell me that the test audiences who determine whether a new show will appeal to this planet also come from the other planet.
I thank you for providing me an insight into why American television is how it is.
I'm going to invent a TV that has a three-position power switch, so when the owner finally realizes that there is nothing on TV - ever - it may be turned off and then turned even more off.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U53-Sfnqwss (skip ahead to 4:56 but watch from then on) Remember it was 1975.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 04:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-09 09:04:26 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 03:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dr.rl
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What does that mean?
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i dunno, i made it up.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-10-09 04:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bonnie Hunt, as in the MILF from Beethoven?
Rocking
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-09 04:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 03:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dr.rl
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What does that mean?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 03:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dr.rl
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-09 03:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That all sounds pretty doable. I've been considering submitting myself for experiments to supplement my income.
Do they tell you anything about their findings?