Gruberfest - Owls go wild - (400000000000000 hits) (687 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.17 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (View user info) at 2009-10-08 07:20:13 EDT
It was a dark dark Owl
In a dark dark smoking jacket
In a dark dark pair of slippers,
In a dark dark puddle of urine
On a dark dark pedestal
In a dark dark whore house..............
When a spine finally snaps under tension it occasionally makes a noise reminiscent of a cello being plucked, deep, resonant and satisfying. Then, just to add some icing to the cake, you have the joyous ooze of intervertebrae fluid, bone marrow and blood, a heady cocktail indeed.
On this occasion however, the spine in question was old and its owner had been a poor malnourished soul. As Mortimor grasped it, it fell into pieces in a cloud of chalky dust.
"Rich pickings around here!" Barnaby sneered sarcastically. "How many more are there?"
"Only two more that I know of.."
"Let's get out of here." Barnaby cut Mortimor short with a snap of
Frustration in his voice.
Into the night they went and did more stuff with more owls, like clubbing and bowling before strangling hookers with spaghetti and shitting on their faces.
User Reviews
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2009-10-13 22:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET ENDING
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-10 23:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 00:57:53 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 06:57:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Read yours and ryland's back to back...they're very different, but both very well done.
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you forgot to mention mine
_____________________
yours was definitely different, and interestingly done
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-10-09 12:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
actually did make me smile.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They mustn't know about the pure awesomeness that is the skeleton book. Assholes.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so many hits and so few ratings
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha woooooooooooooo! Have your
+two back.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats no need to drop your rating! yes, it is from the skeleton book!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-09 08:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
anyway EI you little bitch, you didn't answer me. WAS THE beginning from the skeleton books?
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 01:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 01:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you are so ridiculous.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2009-10-08 21:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was a great beginning; I was at that place where it was really starting to get interesting. All you had to do was carry on. I don't get it.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-08 19:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:11:26 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FG should smoke this without trying very hard.
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*resists urge to make vulgar comment that could only incur the wrath of She-Who-Must-Not Be-Named*
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FYI, She-Who-Must-Not Be-Named has a case of horrid writer's block.
I'm serious yo.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-08 19:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure this has been invoked already, but
but, I just cant bond with the rrllrrllrlrllly thing
Oh wait, I already did. Several time.
I love the consonant.
Me so solly.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-08 18:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ei this was actually better than the pile of shit i expected from you
oh jack, i love it when you talk dirty
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 17:58:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 20:20:08 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this for real?
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im sorry jack, i just thought it was better than forfeiting, maybe not!
im a terrible man
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You know what? I'm so shithammered at work that I'm on the verge of doing the same. You are correct. It is better than a forfeit.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-08 17:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im a disgrace :(
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well once you put it that way it all makes perfect sense.
my humblest apologies.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oi scourge you fucker, look, im ei, i can do whatever the hell i like!
im ashamed that you dont see the beauty in this story
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're a bad person and you should be ashamed of this, and everything else that you have ever done.
go to your room.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 20:20:08 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this for real?
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im sorry jack, i just thought it was better than forfeiting, maybe not!
im a terrible man
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FG should smoke this without trying very hard.
--
*resists urge to make vulgar comment that could only incur the wrath of She-Who-Must-Not Be-Named*
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK as a joke, but I don't consider it a serious entry. Sorry.
FG should smoke this without trying very hard.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Give a hoot - read a book.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this for real?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya, rry.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-08 13:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:51:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't compete with this level of awesome.
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please do. please!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-08 13:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Into the night they went and did more stuff with more owls, like clubbing and bowling before strangling hookers with spaghetti and shitting on their faces."
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Oh noooo.....poor hookers. {Great illustration!} hooboy
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-08 13:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ROR'D
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-10-08 13:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lulz
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-10-08 12:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell i giggled
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-08 11:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't compete with this level of awesome.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-10-08 11:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-10-08 11:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:17:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
my favolite owr!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-08 11:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Esa ahsomme!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-10-08 11:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-10-08 16:17:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
my favolite owr!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-10-08 11:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my favolite owr!
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-10-08 10:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-08 09:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-08 09:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just in case you were starting to get a false sense of security I'm here to let you know that this is a cop out to the contest and shit post. Good day, sir. Good day, indeed.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-10-08 09:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mother fo fuck I signed up for this didnt I? When do I need to get my shit in by? Running a wee bit behind this week. I dont know why I think it is that I keep getting distracted by things
I really toyed with giving this a zero but then I remembered that I was a nice person in my internet personality
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-08 08:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok EI I admit that you are superior to all others. The beginning was from the skeletons books right, right? Haha, If it was.... I fucking love those books.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-08 08:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should just concede your victory now and spare myself the embarrassment later.