To those about to redie; we salute you. GRUEBERFEST 09 Matchups! (1007 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gonefiguring the Gruemaster (View user info) at 2009-10-05 07:46:42 EDT
Screams rend the air and blood soaks the leafy ground. They have arisen, these twenty fantastic spectres, to do battle for the only prize remaining to the undead - another year to roam the earth. Doom awaits them all, but one will be granted the hallowed title of GRUEMASTER, and that one alone shall survive for one more year.
The mighty contestants this year, in no particular order!
frankthebear
Ducky
forensicgirl3
EmissionImpossible
JoeyG
Jack McCallum
Hornet
no1hasdis
mudwhistle
Shlongy
joedaddy
Brdn_Nkd
TuTs
DrogoRoch
RoadSong
Snark
Orgasmatron
Ryland
scourge
GroundHorse
The rules of this contest are fairly simple.
Your weapons: imaginations and keyboards. One post per round, with a reference to grUeBERfest 09 in the title so that I and the host gathered here will know you came to do battle. The length of your posts is your to determine, but be warned against making them too heavy to wield.
Your titles: yours to determine. Make 'em scary.
The arena: The dark, shadowy, mystic and slightly malodorous Uberground.
To win your round: your post will have a higher rating than your opponent's, or should you fight to a draw, then your post will have more ratings/reviews, and should there still be no clear winner, your post will have the greatest number of hits.
Because you are odd: the third round will apparently have five contestants. Should this end up the case, the highest rated post of the second round will get a pass to rest and... feed.
The contestants have gathered. There will be five rounds, ending with my vacating the Gruethrone to allow this year's victor to ascend and take their place. Five rounds, in 30 evil nights.
For this opening round, you twenty must have your tales posted by Midnight on Friday 10/9 so the final votes may be calculated 24 hours later. On 10/11 the grid will be updated and the next bloody round will begin.
You who will but observe: Prepare to cheer your champions. You who will do battle: Make yourselves ready and start now.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-10-12 09:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awww crap! i just got back! I was afraid of this after i thought about it on our way out of town, sorry! good luck to all.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-10 10:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack invented Grueberfest. Undeniable troof. This year, though, it's my contest, my rules, and I can make 'em up as I go. We'll see tonight how many entries are in. I'd like to see more of the quality stuff we've seen so far.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 09:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OUT MEANS OUT!
SNARK POSTED LATE!
I CHEATED!
I meant to sleep in. Why am I awake?
I say anyone who actually wrote a story gets a forfeit slot, based on scores, until those slots are taken, but there should be enough left.
I invented Grueberfest.
It's true.
And now I'd like to take a moment to talk about Global Cooling.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-10 09:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By my reckoning, there are 9 forfeits out of 20 contestants:
frankthebear
no1hasdis
muddy
shlongy (which is a shame)
joedaddy
Brdn_Nkd (also a shame)
O-tron (considering the quality of Ryland's post, this would have been an awesome match up)
Scourge
Groundhorse
The posts in the contest thus far have been awesome, and I would like to see more. There are 11 people that actually bothered to write a piece for this contest, and it's been nice to have some decent stuff on the front page for a change.
In the interest of keeping this thing going, can I propose that there is some post R1 shufflling/re-bracketing/fuckery of some sorts that allows people that bothered to write a story to continue? To seperate the wheat from the chaff?
Barring a miracle, I know I'm screwed against Jack's story. But there will be a lot of holes to fill (hardy-har-har) in the next round, and I, and I'm sure others, will want to carry this on. I know there's some more tales in these twisted individual's minds that are worth telling.
Skrap - This party is your responsibility this year, so I guess it's your call as to how things proceed from here.
Whaddya say? Do you let some of the would be losers fill the vacancies, or do you just discard them, like used maxi-pads? I understand if it's the latter, as it's happened to me many times in the past, and I'm sure it'll happen again.
Your call. Do we see some more gore dripping down the front page, or just call it a day?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-10 08:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How'd you know?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2009-10-09 23:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The last thing Shlongy won was a trip to hell after he fucked his dad in the ass.
His Dad was sleeping, thankfully.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-09 20:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See? I'll probably win...again...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-09 16:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scary stuff right there, Shlongy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-09 12:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK...here's my entry:
Have at it!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122829
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-10-09 12:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know, like me, many of you are concerned with properly rating the match-ups in this contest and need to refer often to this list.
and, that also all the new people joining this site (lol) will especially need this for reference so that they'll be able to better navigate the contest and rate in a logical manner after they get a verified account.
welcome new-comers!
Good luck everyone!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-07 11:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just trashed 4 pages of story. Fucking hell.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-06 16:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Peckerhead - just go read and rate the post. Or just rate it based on whether you like the author or not entirely without reading it, like Senators and Congressmen do. That's your vote. It's messed up in that you can not only vote for your favorite of the paired opponents but against the other one as well. I hired ACORN to figure out the voting system, see.
Oh no he didn't! Oh yes I di-hih-hih-iiid!.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2009-10-06 16:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay I can't write my way out of a paper bag... and I sure as hell can't touch anyone on this list. However, I love to read and would like to vote if possible.
ques. Are there any stipulations or restrictions on who gets to vote? minimum rating? Do I have to be sane? other?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-06 08:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A million ideas at any given time EXCEPT when I need one.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 22:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
btw skrap, you owe me $6.95 for using the term Grueberfest this year.
-----
PayPal OK?
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-05 21:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Putting JoeyG against McCallum in the first round is pretty dumb skrap. I mean, he's actually a good writer and it's bullshit that he's oging to get knocked out in the first round by Jack fucking cheating with all his alters on another contest.
========
I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR POST, SUCKBOY!!!!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 16:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WAIT A SECOND: NOBODY - and I repeat- NOBODY, IS TAKING MY HARD-EARNED SPOT IN THIS CONTEST.
It is my inalienable Uber right to forfeit but not a second before the deadline.
---
learned this move from the best, i did.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I pretty much put 'em in the order they signed up. It's fate.
You know that plant you have over by the window? Go look in the pot. See that black stuff around the stem? That's dirt. I'm older than that. When you get that old you learn that life's not fair all the time.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Putting JoeyG against McCallum in the first round is pretty dumb skrap. I mean, he's actually a good writer and it's bullshit that he's oging to get knocked out in the first round by Jack fucking cheating with all his alters on another contest.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can somebody tell me what the hell that diagram means?
Who am I up against????
=================================
JoeyG, you fucking retard. What is so difficult about it?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I'm up against Joey G I'm really looking forward to his story. Seriously, good luck.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
btw skrap, you owe me $6.95 for using the term Grueberfest this year.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can somebody tell me what the hell that diagram means?
Who am I up against????
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 16:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WAIT A SECOND: NOBODY - and I repeat- NOBODY, IS TAKING MY HARD-EARNED SPOT IN THIS CONTEST.
It is my inalienable Uber right to forfeit but not a second before the deadline.
SHLONGY PLAYS BY THE RULES. (Unlike jack mccallum)
THANK YOU...G'NIGHT.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-10-05 16:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Linkwhoregasmatron:
All 2005 entries:
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Orgasmatron/l/grueberfest05
All 2006 entries:
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Orgasmatron/l/grueberfest06
2005? Seriously??
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never written horror fiction...i think imo lose but playing for one round at least will be fun.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grueberfest is just like nuclear warfare, everyone loses.
Except for literate people. Sometimes.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cOxlhpoHAg&feature=player_embedded#at=103
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 13:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's no fun. As I hear you're a bit of an exhibitionist, your "Ghey Ghost" post will be a grUeBERfest exhibition. Have fun off the grid. Say Hi to ETS for me.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll play if I can submit the piece I already wrote. And only go one round. Am going to the cabin in a few days and will be without net.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo and Icarus can take Shlongy's and mudwhistle's forfeited spots, if they want. It's all good.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 11:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm only old enough to be someone's grandpa if the mother had the kid when she was 14.
Dad? Obviously.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-05 11:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i might do one of these.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 11:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so your saying i have a chance!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Amazingly enough, children do seem to like me. I'm like the honorary auntie. I just break out into hives if I think about actually having my own.
Weird.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, FG would eat your babys.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish to impregante fg with my trusty pork sword
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross. Ok, bad example. EI just being a cheeky monkey at any rate.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm 100% sure that moses didn't wear diapers FG. He would have had a swaddling cloth or a slave would have licked his behind like a dog does with it's puppies.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dont get all religous on me fg!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. Yes we are. That's the funny thing about tv, EI. They CAN and frequently DO rerun old b&w shows.
Oh, I get it. Har har! You were about to make an AGE joke!
*slaps knee*
I'm so old, I changed Moses' diapers.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy are you old enough to be my dad or my grand-dad?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we talking about black and white television here?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't remember that one, ForensicSlice, but I DO recall that Burgess Meredith episode where he was foiled in his scheme to commit a number of crimes by Batman and Robin!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it was in the days before Lenscrafters.
Besides, his were so thick, I doubt there would be another pair just sitting around on the shelves.
Yup, they appear to be a custom job.
http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsM/tve11886-19591120-351.gif
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
couldn't Meridith have gone to any number of vision places and randomly tried glassed until he found a matching perscription?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy, I think you're selling yourself short here. I think you could write a very imaginative horror story.
Remember that old Twilight Zone episode with Burgess Meredith as some old crank who finds himself as the last man on earth but happy about it because he can read to his heart's content only to break his glasses?
Ok, so write a character (based on yourself) who finds himself as the last man on earth but is happy about it because he plans to wander around and drink all the best single malt scotches only to find out that the nuclear blast that killed everyone also destroyed it all.
So, he's an alchie without shit to drink!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 10:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was first, buttwipe.
I think that you get to advance to forfeit in Round 2!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-10-05 09:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 09:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm forfeiting.
===========
Race ya!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-10-05 09:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of you may recall the strange affair of the Orgasmatron: a mystery never fully explained. We are told, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the VERY contest which originally figured into the famous disaster. Our users have restarted it and scheduled parts of it for the same unvaried crowd.
Perhaps we can call back the ghost of so many years ago with a little decimation.
GENTLEMEN!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-05 09:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm forfeiting.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-05 09:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogoroch for me?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-05 08:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, I'm against Jack.
I think.
Submitted by GroundHorse (user info) at 2009-10-05 08:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so my opponent is Scourge....
Probably the only one to ever +2 me.how strategic for my idolbuilding.
Good luck scourge, i like my brains scrambled for breakfast.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 08:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shut it twiggy
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 08:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See? My opponent is already gettin' all weird n' stuff.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 08:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wah hey! you can give me one!
i shall choose my title i think......
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 07:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lucky girl ;)
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 07:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you want to pick your own title monkey boy, or do you want me to give you one?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 07:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, I'm up against EI for the first round?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-05 07:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im assuming this means im playing with forensic?
;)