In Case of Fire... (584 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.16 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ENV3NOM (View user info) at 2009-10-04 10:08:24 EDT
So, a week ago I walk into the dentist's office. It's a beautiful three story building and as you walk through the glass doors and into the lobby there is an elevator to your immediate right. I press the "up" button and as I'm waiting for the elevator I notice a sign which reads "In case of fire use stairs."
Now, I've noticed these signs before, but typically when I see them they're on one of the upper floors of a building. Perhaps I simply hadn't noticed but I don't recall seeing one on THE GROUND FLOOR. So, as the elevator seems to be taking an inordinately long amount of time to descend the two floors here I am pondering this scenario over and over again in my head.
I stare at the sign. I glance back at the glass doors from which I came in, not ten feet behind me. I look at the stairwell fifty feet ahead. I look back to the sign. I glance back at the glass doors. I look ahead to the stairwell, ad infinitum.
This sign needs to read: "In case of fire, turn your ass back around and walk the fuck back out that door. Nay, scratch that, run. Run as fast as your little legs will take you."
Who was this sign meant for? The only people who should be entering burning buildings are firemen and I would hope a sign wouldn't be necessary. I would hope this is common sense and part of their required training, that in the event of a fire and a burning baby on the third floor that they're not looking at their watch, tapping their toes and exclaiming "damn this elevator sure is taking awhile."
Perhaps I am giving them too much credit however. After all, my good friend Robbie has plans to become a fireman and he is a raging alcoholic. Perhaps he does need step by step instructions. I mean, he's a great guy and all, I'm just saying...In the event that my home was engulfed in flames I don't think I would want to be relying on him to come and put it out. (This is the same guy who frequently tosses his smoldering cigarette but into dry brush outback at work and in some cases, the trash can) Hell, the last time he was on the road he wrapped his Accord around a tree, but I digress.
And why is it that in the picture they insist on depicting a blazing inferno directly below the very same stairs they are suggesting for me to take?
Oh well, perhaps I am over analyzing things. Nothing like reading the paper with frothing warm cup of conspiracy to calm your nerves on a chilly Sunday morning.
User Reviews
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-10-07 09:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh, what?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i forgot what this post was about after i read poots and skrap talk about pop rocks and man sex.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2009-10-05 16:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BOB! Always good to see a familiar face...er...name
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never underestimate the fact that people are idiots...and have lawyers.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-04 23:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 14:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 11:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how sometimes someone's talking and you find yourself completely staring at thier bulging ballsack and nodding but really paying not the least bit of attention to them? Like you're sitting at the table with them playing with your itchy crotch, but with the exception of your actual corporeal body you're really on a gay nude beach somewhere you've been thinking about visiting or hiking in the rainforest clutching your ass the whole time cause you have to poop really bad and don't know which of the leaves of the rainforest are ok or which ones are poisonous so you use your hand like you've always wanted to, or maybe reliving particularly good man sex or stealing a meal from some homeless person or other vivid pleasant experience? If not, you can enjoy that wonderful feeling simply by having someone read this post to you.
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I concur...
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What happened to my penis it feels like it ate pop rocks?
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huh? more like cock rocks lol...
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Dude, that's fucked up, seriously
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I concur...
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmm.....Corn Nuts <drools>
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 11:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how sometimes someone's talking and you find yourself completely staring and nodding but really paying not the least bit of attention to them? Like you're sitting at the table with them, but with the exception of your actual corporeal body you're really on a beach somewhere you've been thinking about visiting or hiking in the rainforest like you've always wanted to, or maybe reliving particularly good sex or a meal or some other vivid pleasant experience? If not, you can enjoy that wonderful feeling simply by having someone read this post to you.
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I consume freshly excreted aging rock star feces.
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Wat?
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Yeah, I call him "Ringo the Brown Starrfish". He hates that, but he loves shitting in my mouth. Especially 12 hours after I make him eat a corn and peanut salad. Mmmmm.... Getting hungry now.
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Dude, that's fucked up, seriously.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 11:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how sometimes someone's talking and you find yourself completely staring at thier bulging ballsack and nodding but really paying not the least bit of attention to them? Like you're sitting at the table with them playing with your itchy crotch, but with the exception of your actual corporeal body you're really on a gay nude beach somewhere you've been thinking about visiting or hiking in the rainforest clutching your ass the whole time cause you have to poop really bad and don't know which of the leaves of the rainforest are ok or which ones are poisonous so you use your hand like you've always wanted to, or maybe reliving particularly good man sex or stealing a meal from some homeless person or other vivid pleasant experience? If not, you can enjoy that wonderful feeling simply by having someone read this post to you.
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I concur...
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What happened to my penis it feels like it ate pop rocks?
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huh? more like cock rocks lol...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 13:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 11:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how sometimes someone's talking and you find yourself completely staring and nodding but really paying not the least bit of attention to them? Like you're sitting at the table with them, but with the exception of your actual corporeal body you're really on a beach somewhere you've been thinking about visiting or hiking in the rainforest like you've always wanted to, or maybe reliving particularly good sex or a meal or some other vivid pleasant experience? If not, you can enjoy that wonderful feeling simply by having someone read this post to you.
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I consume freshly excreted aging rock star feces.
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Wat?
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-04 11:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how sometimes someone's talking and you find yourself completely staring at thier bulging ballsack and nodding but really paying not the least bit of attention to them? Like you're sitting at the table with them playing with your itchy crotch, but with the exception of your actual corporeal body you're really on a gay nude beach somewhere you've been thinking about visiting or hiking in the rainforest clutching your ass the whole time cause you have to poop really bad and don't know which of the leaves of the rainforest are ok or which ones are poisonous so you use your hand like you've always wanted to, or maybe reliving particularly good man sex or stealing a meal from some homeless person or other vivid pleasant experience? If not, you can enjoy that wonderful feeling simply by having someone read this post to you.
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I concur...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-04 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how sometimes someone's talking and you find yourself completely staring and nodding but really paying not the least bit of attention to them? Like you're sitting at the table with them, but with the exception of your actual corporeal body you're really on a beach somewhere you've been thinking about visiting or hiking in the rainforest like you've always wanted to, or maybe reliving particularly good sex or a meal or some other vivid pleasant experience? If not, you can enjoy that wonderful feeling simply by having someone read this post to you.