Klein Ep. 1 (335 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.04 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Amazing Fiction (View user info) at 2009-08-11 17:18:50 EDT
I'll try some fiction, since apparently no one give a shit about personal experiences unless you're an alter that gets into a massive car accident.
He looked up from his cot. The familiar clop, clop, clop of the lady in white's 3-inch heels came closer and closer. Normally, one would welcome the sound of a gorgeous woman approaching, but not in this case. In fact, it was a sound dreaded by all 86 marines in the room. She was flanked on both sides by her hunchback-esque nurse's assistants, but she was the epitome of beauty. Long flowing brunette hair, piercing blue eyes, supple breasts, perfectly tanned legs that went on for days. He rolled over and prayed the she stopped somewhere else. Clop, clop, clop. Closer and closer.
Then it stopped.
He glanced up and saw her and the two goons. One of them was fumbling through the clipboard at the foot of his bed. His heart sank. He didn't know how long he had been laying here in this cot, but he was handcuffed to it, and his muscles had already begun to atrophy. Despite the fact that his body was withering due to inactivity, his mind was sharp. He was sure that the IV hooked up to him was feeding some sort of psychosomatic drug to keep him from losing his mind, but this did little to suppress the fear that gripped him.
"John Klein," said the taller of the two goons. He heard them as they
whispered back and forth to themselves.
"Age : 26"
"Height : 6'4""
"Weight : 210"
On and on with his personal information until finally, silence. He looked up again and saw the lady in white shake her head in disapproval. He was relieved as they moved along to the next few cots. He was safe for today. He began to nod off and heard them examining another of his fellow comrade's clipboard. The screams heard in the other room were becoming the norm and he could tune them out now with little effort. Sleep. His one refuge in this hellish situation he was in...
"KLEIN!!!!," screamed his squad leader. "GET THE FUCK UP TO THAT TOWER."
He was the fastest member of his squad. Playing 4 years of high school ball and 3 years of college ball will do that to you. Not to mention playing every other sport offered at those schools. The downside of course was that he was the one designated to storm bunkers, trenches, buildings, and whatever else his squad leader ordered.
"YES SIR," he barked as he took off from the abandoned building his squad was using for cover. The tower was about 40 yards away by his rough guess. He popped the pins on two EMP grenades and dashed. Ten feet away he lobbed them in the first window and lunged into the nearby alley for cover.
Then he felt something cold on the back of his neck. He was paralyzed. John Klein. Fastest wide receiver in 5 states. The first one to be captured by "them."
He awoke and heard her approaching again. He pace was quicker than usual. She was moving with a purpose. Her minions scurried behind her and had trouble keeping up. She stopped just short of his bunk and pointed directly at him...
"Oh Fuck," he thought...
I'll keep this one going if I don't -2nami'd
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-08-31 17:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
which dipshit alter are you again?
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-08-12 14:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohhhhh, she is PISSED!! Can't wait to see how this turns out!
Submitted by LoooseSprocket (user info) at 2009-08-12 12:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-08-12 11:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 11:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll switch to a +1 is you promise not to publish part 2.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-08-12 09:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-08-12 04:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is gash, as my esteemed colleauge from the third world so rightly says, as it lacks a protagonist that is in any way enngaging to any sort of real human. People don't want to read about some 6'4 meathead laid low in an army cot, they want to hear about the nurse who was ignored by her father and developed a fetish for piercing men's foreskins with needles at college, dropped out, got into the white supremacist movement but left because of the hostile to women atmosphere.
We want to read about deep characters with self loathing issues and a dry wit who can make as smile whilst making us want to both hug them and punch them in the head. We want new, original characters. An overweight, mid to late thirties man who works in a petrol station on a night shift who accidently foils a bank robbery and, through improbable preassure to "step up" from police turns into a reluctant vigilante hero.
The final act could see him attending a high school shooting and confronting a younger him, staring down the barrel of all the missed oppurtunities of his life and seeking redemption through saving another life.
THAT would be a good story. You should totally write something like that, but if not that then you should write something. And, I suppose, a story about an EMP grenade lobbing knucklehead tied to a hospital gurney is better than nothing.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-08-12 04:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HI BUBBA!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-08-12 03:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gash.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-11 23:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-11 22:15:16 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just end it*.
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Cute.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-11 23:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just end it*.
*Your life
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-11 19:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:12:22 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Barely worth reading +0. Is the amazing part in the next installment?
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This is based on a dream I had. I could probably squeeze 10-15 ep's out of this, but if I start getting the impressions that its not well received (or that I suck) I will end it and start on something else.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 19:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, Steven...There's no way a loser like me can match your rapier-like wit.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-08-11 19:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-11 18:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sure, what the hell.
I would have liked to of seen more in the 1st part here, though...
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-11 18:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:04:32 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oopsie daisy...wife jokes - auto -3's.
For your Uber life.
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
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hmmm... saying that your wife told me you sucked dick all night is a wife joke? OK!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-08-11 18:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Barely worth reading +0. Is the amazing part in the next installment?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 18:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oopsie daisy...wife jokes - auto -3's.
For your Uber life.
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 16:33:44 CDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The first line was pretty good.
Unfortunately, I got halfway through line 2 before I started nodding off so that doen't bode well for the rest of the post.
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Yeah, your wife said that when you're out sucking dick all night you're tired the next day. Get some sleep old-timer and come back when you're fresh.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
calvin?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The first line was pretty good.
Unfortunately, I got halfway through line 2 before I started nodding off so that doen't bode well for the rest of the post.