The hardest part of my job (849 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.38 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uncle B. (View user info) at 2009-08-08 11:10:42 EDT
As many people here know I am a comedian...not famous or anywhere close, but I am not sure I'd want everyone to know who I was like Dane Cook. I honestly would just prefer to recognized as "That guy" or "that dude" from the thing they saw.
I digress...
Like most comedians just getting started in their comedy careers, I have a day job, two day jobs if you count my college classes. School is no problem, my day job allows me time to do school work on the clock, so it makes the day go by faster.
I work in a high-security testing facility, I check IDs, take bio-metrics, and ensure no unauthorized items enter the testing room and that none of the exam content leaves. In short aside from my administrative duties...I am a professional observer. Today though I just do the admin stuff. Much less exciting than making sure people don't cheat.
Today I have no school work, school doesn't start until the 17th, so I have been trying to fill my time with internets, but that too gets old when you can't masturbate at work. I have mastered the intermediate level of Spider Solitaire, and the expert level of minesweeper.
My laptop travels with me to work, so thankfully today I can at least kill some time watching movies, I have The Fast and the Furious 4, Punisher:War Zone, and X-Men: Wolverine.
Not exactly cinematic masterpieces by any means but they serve their purpose...the help me through the hardest part of my day job...which is staying awake.
User Reviews
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-15 15:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Still trying to be the internet tough guy I see.
It amuses me that you seem to believe that YOU are the be all end all authority on funny. Funny is subjective, what is funny to me may not be funny to you, for reasons of intelligence, variations in nationality, skin color, or even the region of the country you may be in.
I'm sorry that you are too fucking cool for everyone and everything that isn't on your short list of what YOU find acceptable.
What's even sadder I was about to rip you a new one for being a useless uber troll, but your latest post, actually pretty good for a cannibalism piece, shows you do actaully have a brain.
As for why you feel the need to pick on an amateur comedian who is just starting to make a few bucks perfecting his routine...who knows, maybe you like to beat up handicapped midgets in wheelchairs too. I will say this though, until you can do better...shut the fuck up.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-12 14:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-11 09:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It amuses me to see how many people come out to tell me I suck,
THEN WHY DON'T YOU AMUSE US BACK INSTEAD OF THIS BORING HORSESHIT
I'm not talking about your recurring dream of sodomizing a fuchsia unicorn while woodland elves sing Christmas carols in speedos, but rather life goals.
WHAT A HILARIOUS COMEBACK!
Don't get me wrong I can be bitter and pissy, but I don't let it define me.
NO YOU JUST LET IT FLOW THROUGH YOUR REVIEWS
Seriously, dude, if you can't even come up with better retorts than these when you have time to think before you type, how the fuck will you deal with hecklers, which someone of your piss-poor quality will no doubt encounter?
Your replies should be the funniest thing on here, but they're just sad and pathetic.
Submitted by LoooseSprocket (user info) at 2009-08-12 12:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but that too gets old when you can't masturbate at work.
---------------
when can you? tell me.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-08-11 15:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was building to a punchline...
:(
"BE MORE FUNNY!" (Punches computer monitor like Homer Simpson)
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-08-11 14:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some golden reviews below.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-08-11 14:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This deserved a post!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-08-11 14:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-11 09:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Says the guy abnormally almost encephaletic head.
It amuses me to see how many people come out to tell me I suck, when they most likely have never ever tried to make their dreams a reality. I'm not talking about your recurring dream of sodomizing a fuchsia unicorn while woodland elves sing Christmas carols in speedos, but rather life goals.
Don't get me wrong I can be bitter and pissy, but I don't let it define me.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-08-10 19:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
too pissy to be a comedian below
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-10 17:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course the last video any of you saw was 6 months ago.
It will be nice to see the haters eat shit.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-08-10 13:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're not a very funny comedian.... sorry
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-08-10 12:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i expect a certain level of wit out of someone that calls themselves a comedian.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-08-10 12:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-10 11:05:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So your job is boring. Then you come here and post this boring shit. Thats kind of like getting AIDS and going out fucking everyone just to infect everyone else. Which is a felony.
ahahahahaha
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-10 12:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So your job is boring. Then you come here and post this boring shit. Thats kind of like getting AIDS and going out fucking everyone just to infect everyone else. Which is a felony.
Please die quietly and don't bore anyone else on your way out.
Thanks.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-08-10 08:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, drink coffee and man up. It sounds like you're in your mid-30's and stuck with pre-teen fantasies which explains your movie selection.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-09 14:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never had regrets about the egrets near the egress but I confess to digression without concerns to your aggression so let that be a lesson now that school is out of session however I would be remiss if, no matter how hard you 'dis, if I left you unanswered.
whee
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-08-09 03:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is nothing wrong with digressing.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-09 01:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ding! fries are done (chips...whatever)
Salting them is not the hard part...bobbing for lost fries in the deep fryer, not that is challenging.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-08-08 23:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was going to salting the chips just so.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2009-08-08 18:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for digressing.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-08-08 18:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I am a professional observer."
I'd love that job.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-08-08 17:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could have sworn it was going to be "paying rent".
I KID.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-08-08 17:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the kitteh.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-08 16:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-08-08 15:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bubba showed!
The humor triumvirate is complete.
You guys should go on tour.
The Kings of UnComedy.
Hey Beer-turtle, get those tables wiped down there's a real comedian up in five and don't forget that two drink minimum applies to you too, buddy.
==============
Keep jumping, Mr. two-post 0.18 asslick. You are, however, Doodle's smarter sister.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 15:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL
YOU make a living as a comedian?
I doubt it.
Those coins they leave on the tables you bus are TIPS, Carlin.
But since you must report that as income to the givernment, I suppose you got me on a technicality.
Beer-turtle: IRS-sanctioned Comedian.
Do you get to pick off the leftover fries before you scrape the plates, because I think cold food items are non-taxable.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 15:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yah I remember Will. He's still on the MVA too. Also has a few television credits under his belt now too.
So that is somewhat of a compliment...
Thank you
In return I hope life brings you everything you've earned.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
By whixh I mean http://www.ubersite.com/m/109499
I don't give you enough credit to get the reference.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're will zone 2.0 i love it so much.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about YourNameHere:
That's right: Nothing.
I think that sums it up...
I tell ya what chucklefuck, take the stage, do your five minutes (if you can even go on that long for something other than playing with yourself) post the video, then talk shit. Until then you are just another idiot who hates on others because of no significant personal accomplishments of his own.
You may not think I am funny, and that is your perogative, but other people do think I am funny, enough for me to get PAID doing it. So go watch your Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, and Dan "Larry the Cable Guy" Whitney videos and enjoy yourself.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Bubba showed!
The humor triumvirate is complete.
You guys should go on tour.
The Kings of UnComedy.
Hey Beer-turtle, get those tables wiped down there's a real comedian up in five and don't forget that two drink minimum applies to you too, buddy.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Atleast I'm entertaining.
You're particular brand of "comedy" has all the painful attributes of Robin Williams and Whoopie Goldberg rolled into one neat little package of a very painfully unfunny five minutes.
========================
I would be more entertained by setting my nuts on fire than listening to doodles.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-08 14:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"jokes" like that are painfully bad.
But, I'm glad you take this place super seriously.
This post is still dreadful by the way.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Toddler: 15 credits MWF 9a-4p plus studying, Work TTrS 7a-4p, Comedy Club Tr,F or S, and Sun: 6p-11p(1a on Fri or Sat)
Doodles: You are about as entertaining as veneral disease.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Beer-turtle vs Doodles
Battle of the two least funny motherfuckers left on ubersite.
Uber is like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense
DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE DEAD?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no alters...I tried to make one once but realized I actually have better things to do with my time that be schizophrenic on the internet.
Oddly enough a dude just came into my office that is a dead-ringer for Sico.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Atleast I'm entertaining.
You're particular brand of "comedy" has all the painful attributes of Robin Williams and Whoopie Goldberg rolled into one neat little package of a very painfully unfunny five minutes.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 12:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha Bringing out your own alters to pump you up I see
Good job chuckles
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Offset.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How many hours per week of classes do you have?
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's also no surprise there isn't a whiff of funny in this post.
NOTHING FUNNY TO SEE HERE MOVE ALONG FOLKS JUST A DELUDED LOSER MOVE ALONG
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 12:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles: Considering the average level of YOUR contributions to ubersite...I really don't think you have room to speak while the adults are talking.***
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 13:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge: very much so, it is also no surprise the haters (and their alters) came out as well.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-08 12:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so, umm... you're bored?
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-08 12:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THANK FOR THE UPDATE CHUCKLES
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-08-08 12:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well Ballare,
awkward boners sounds entertaining...but I am at my office right now...not totally appropos for work.
Doodles: Considering the average level of YOUR contributions to ubersite...I really don't think you have room to speak while the adults are talking.
Hallrazer: what is wrong with the file name? The filename states very clearly whatthe image is...isn't that the point? Or would rather I have labeled it "Underage pussy on roofies"
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-08-08 12:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not count your college classes as a job, no.
Here are some things to unbored you for a few [hours/minutes/seconds]:
http://blurst.com/raptor-safari/play
http://www.awkwardboners.com/
http://www.zefrank.com/
http://www.kingdomofloathing.com/
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-08-08 11:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
filename
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-08-08 11:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lots of shit posts today, huh?