one tiny truth (1086 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.52 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by locksly (View user info) at 2009-07-31 08:04:12 EDT
I was always a class clown in class, Its not hard to have an appreciative crowd at school when you're young. They laugh and you're popular - not necessarily because you are funny, more because you're making an ass of yourself and interrupting the class. Which is always going to the be the more popular choice compared to doing schoolwork.
The trouble with this scenario is many class clowns assume they are funny and usually turn into smart asses with overinflated egos (sicosemen). You may be funny compared to a 45 minute algebra lesson, but in the real world you're just another douche, or super douche (again, sicosemen).
I learnt this the hard way when I tried my hand at a stand up club.
My material at school as a teenager included the standard teacher imperessions, the repeater (similar to the popular Super Troopers format), coming late to class with toilet paper sticking out the back of your pants, planting a bong underneath someones desk and drawing attention to it, bringing a laser pointer to class and denying all knowledge, that kind of 'funny at the time but kind of lame when you're 30 and working at Burger King' type humor. But that didn't stop me from signing up at a comdey club.
In the real world the things humoress at school weren't going to stack up, my friends thought I was funny but doing stand up in your early twenties calls for more work on the craft of Being funny, work that I was not prepared to put in. I just thought I'd wing it on the night.
As the night drew closer I actually started to panic a little bit, I was not used to this feeling as before then I had never worried about public speaking or being in the spotlight - I later realised this is because I had never done any public speaking or had to be in the spotlight before.
Fast Forward to the night, the crowd is unappreciative of the talent, the established comedians go on last, the first guys up are fresh meat to the crowd. Similar to the undercards on a fight night, the crowd barely notices you unless you're really bad or really good.
My slot on stage was drawing closer. I had a 5 minute run and had practised my routine the whole way through about twice, it went to about 3 minutes but I wasn't too worried as I assumed the laughter and some light heckling would fill the other 2 mins.
The first line was 'So a funny thing happened to me on the way here tonight' [pause]
[keep pausing] [more pausing] ...'Oh I wasn't going to tell you about it, I was just saying. Thats all. [insert more jokes here]
Sitting backstage, I had to shit badly. All of a sudden my guts cramped and I had to drop a duece. Quickly. I clenched up and waddled to the bathroom. I expelled waste from my body and started feeling pretty anxious, I knew I had to go through with it but I was feeling very insecure. I flushed and went to the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. I knew I was on soon but I was drawing a blank, I couldn't remember a word of my act and I was as nervous as doodles reading a victorias secret catalogue.
I left the bathroom and picked up my jacket, I held my head up high and confidently walked out of the rear exit and into the carpark. I drove home calmly with the radio off.
I never tried again and I sometimes wonder if I had gone through with it would be a different person today, and also if I'd have a better story to tell.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-08-04 01:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-08-02 05:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will post something this week
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YES.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-08-03 06:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot to get trollied on cocaine before hand. Schoolboy mistake.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-08-02 22:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He is a pansy, but his brother would knock the stuffing out of you, Scarecrow.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-02 14:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-02 09:04:24 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WHEN I DID STAND-UP, THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS "SCRUBS" AND IT WAS BEFORE I HAD MOUNTAINS OF MONEY.
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@ Shlongy
And cavemen aren't that difficult to humor.
@ locksly
You're a pansy and although this was well-written, I hate pansies.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-02 10:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WHEN I DID STAND-UP, THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS "SCRUBS" AND IT WAS BEFORE I HAD MOUNTAINS OF MONEY.
So I was stealing my material from other comics, ass-face.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-08-02 05:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well Berg whats the story with this site, I think you and me should start writing serious fiction and lead by example.
I will post something this week
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-08-02 03:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Present and accounted for.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-08-02 02:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BERG where are you berg
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-01 22:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-08-01 20:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Locksly: "Yes, and I am no way motivated enough to do something over and over again, if I'm not good at something straight away then I call it gay and move on."
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-08-01 19:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sand manatee
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-08-01 12:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scientific study proves that conservatives are willfully full of shit! Whee! +2 for everybody today!
http://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2008/09/backfire-effect
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-08-01 04:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't have the channel
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-08-01 04:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
watch the fotty at 7.30 briz
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-08-01 00:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-07-31 23:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Locksly: "Yes, and I am no way motivated enough to do something over and over again, if I'm not good at something straight away then I call it gay and move on."
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I used to be just like that...being smart allows us to be good at many things immediately and therefore we assume we should just be good at everything we try, if we're not...it wasn't worth pursing.
The life lesson I can share with you is this:
The things that come easy...become boring, when you find something challenging...THAT is something worth pursuing. Whether it be guitar, skydiving or stand-up.
___________________
I strive for mediocracy and find comfort in it.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-07-31 23:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Locksly: "Yes, and I am no way motivated enough to do something over and over again, if I'm not good at something straight away then I call it gay and move on."
---------------
I used to be just like that...being smart allows us to be good at many things immediately and therefore we assume we should just be good at everything we try, if we're not...it wasn't worth pursing.
The life lesson I can share with you is this:
The things that come easy...become boring, when you find something challenging...THAT is something worth pursuing. Whether it be guitar, skydiving or stand-up.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-31 23:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reminds me of many moments in my life....getting scared, taking a shit, running away. god damn.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-31 22:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-07-31 20:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-31 11:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you could get through the typos, this wasn't awful.
I did some stand-up in the early 80's and remember having some of the same emotions - but not the same bowel problems...until the alcohol and drugs kicked in.
Them, I was good to go.
_____________
hahahahahah! this cunt doing stand up! hahahahhahahahahahhahahaha!
"Uh hey, I'm shlongy and i'm better than all of you, listen to my funny insults which i steal from wayans brothers movies, also i make a lot of money and i'm not afraid to tell you so."
_______________________
Comedy agent: So tell me more about your act
Shlongy: Well basically I watch episodes of scrubs and rehash all the jokes that doctor guy makes about the newbie
Comedy agent: And people find that funny?
Shlongy: Well, yes, I mean I get laughed at. A lot.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-07-31 20:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-31 11:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you could get through the typos, this wasn't awful.
I did some stand-up in the early 80's and remember having some of the same emotions - but not the same bowel problems...until the alcohol and drugs kicked in.
Them, I was good to go.
_____________
hahahahahah! this cunt doing stand up! hahahahhahahahahahhahahaha!
"Uh hey, I'm shlongy and i'm better than all of you, listen to my funny insults which i steal from wayans brothers movies, also i make a lot of money and i'm not afraid to tell you so."
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2009-07-31 20:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-31 19:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-07-31 10:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for attempting
-1 for running out the back door.
Stand-up comedy is HARD. Making your idiot friends laugh is easy, that is why they are your idiot friends. Making a room full of strangers, who have likely never met you, like you and then laugh with/at you is challenging.
I have a regular hosting gig at comedy club and our open mike night brings out both the competent and the completely hopeless. You never know until you try, and you'll never get good without performing over and over and over again till you are polished and confident.
______________________
Yes, and I am no way motivated enough to do something over and over again, if I'm not good at something straight away then I call it gay and move on.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-07-31 17:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All but the best standup is embarrassingly lame anyway.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-07-31 12:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are funny here:)
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-31 11:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-07-31 11:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew I would get a mention.
I just knew it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-31 11:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you could get through the typos, this wasn't awful.
I did some stand-up in the early 80's and remember having some of the same emotions - but not the same bowel problems...until the alcohol and drugs kicked in.
Them, I was good to go.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-31 11:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-07-31 10:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for attempting
-1 for running out the back door.
Stand-up comedy is HARD. Making your idiot friends laugh is easy, that is why they are your idiot friends. Making a room full of strangers, who have likely never met you, like you and then laugh with/at you is challenging.
I have a regular hosting gig at comedy club and our open mike night brings out both the competent and the completely hopeless. You never know until you try, and you'll never get good without performing over and over and over again till you are polished and confident.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-07-31 10:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! I always felt a secret antipathy towards you class clowns and having to laugh along with everyone else at your antics so the other kids wouldn't think I was weird for wanting to get on with algebra. My guess is that you did your best work during spelling class.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2009-07-31 10:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-07-31 09:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sico defending himself against locksly's insinuations of douchery! how douchetastic....my friends think I'm nice...ha hahah
what an awesome story about how you got nervous and took a big dump. locksly has an ability to cross societal divisions and cut right to the heart of the matter. We are all human and we all take big steaming smelly craps when we are nervous. BRAVO!!!
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He he he
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-07-31 09:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sico defending himself against locksly's insinuations of douchery! how douchetastic....my friends think I'm nice...ha hahah
what an awesome story about how you got nervous and took a big dump. locksly has an ability to cross societal divisions and cut right to the heart of the matter. We are all human and we all take big steaming smelly craps when we are nervous. BRAVO!!!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-31 09:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was waiting for the epic fail, then I realized that your story about doing stand-up was very much like the stand-up itself. Huge build-up, no payoff. It was very meta.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and also if I'd have a better story to tell.
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Wouldn't be hard to top this one, chief.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shine fuckinnnnnnnn box
_______________
Bring back shiney
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shine fuckinnnnnnnn box
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At least you tried. Halfassedly, obviously, but you tried.
"The world needs ditchdiggers too."
_________________
I could dig a mean ditch
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair enough.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if you have dreams about me. I seem to be the subject of a lot of posts.
I'll tell you now that while I can be a douche in real life to people like you, the annoying ones who don't amount to anything I consider significant enough to be my friend, the truth is that my closest friends would say I'm a nice guy. But hey, this is ubersite and impressions here surely carry over into real life.
Anyway, this is probably the 12th or 13th time you made this list: http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen/l/sico so I guess that makes us friends now (disregard earlier statement, I was only joshing).
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At least you tried. Halfassedly, obviously, but you tried.
"The world needs ditchdiggers too."
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-31 08:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone remembers this bandwagon, right?
http://www.ubersite.com/u/experima/l/stories