Shlongy's Annual Post- Attempts to Save This Cesspool Called Ubersite W/Camwhore-Fails Miserably -Bonus Florida Ubercon Action (3093 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.2 on 239 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ShlongySavesUber! (View user info) at 2009-07-15 15:56:39 EDT
OK, so I decided to take a road trip to catch a couple of Oakland A's - Tampa Bay Rays games down in St. Petersburg last weekend. I do that kind of thing from time to time. After all, I'm Shlongy and for you NOOBS around here, that's important to know.
In the old days, I would have made a big post BEFORE my trip, inviting all Ubersluts to stop by to fellate me while I plowed them full of alcohol on my dime - Kind of like what I used to do with ghola before she fell in love with the guy who does the landscaping around her apartment building and now, won't come within a two state buffer-zone of Shlongy - and if any of the male Uberers that I could stand being around for more than 3 minutes without having to come up with an excuse to LEAVE were in the area, they could stop by too, and buy ME a drink for change.
But I decided that Uber sucks and with about 2 exceptions, there is really no one left that I care to hang out with around here anyway...so I blew off the pre-road trip post, and headed to Tampa with Mrs. Shlongy, excited to see some A's baseball.
The free lower box tickets waiting for me for 3 games also helped get me psyched, so we started our six and a half hour drive to Florida last Friday morning.
Now bear in mind that no one really knew exactly when I was arriving in Tampa-St. Pete or where we were staying...or where we'd be drinking before the game.
We dumped our stuff at the hotel and at around 5pm, headed downtown toward the stadium to hang out in a bar that I read about on the internet - Ferg's - 2 blocks from the stadium.
We were barely into our first trough of scotch when I head someone yelling "Hey! There's Shlongy! WAZZUP!!!"
I'm not sure if I was more startled by being recognized at a random bar in Florida, or if I was thoroughly disgusted by someone yelling "WAZZUP!" within a 2 mile square area around me - I always HATED those Budweiser commercials.
Anyway, some extremely out-of-breath, sweaty fellow, who looked like he may have been homeless, made our way to the bar where we were seated. He introduced himself as "Skrapmetal" and I had to really strain my brain to try and recall who the hell he was.
Assuming that he was some "D-Lister" and perhaps, a hater, I said "Howzitgoin'" and then turned my attention back to the bartender, who I was THIS CLOSE to convincing to join me in the men's or ladies room for some quick bar-action.
Skrapmetal was relentless though, and before he was able to drool all over Mrs. Shlongy and I don't mean that "figuratively" - he had actual spittle dripping out of both sides of his mouth - I figured I may as well turn and acknowldge him as I feared that he could might be one of those Uber stalkers that we all hear about....and dread...kind of like a jgreening or sage.
We exchanged a few pleasantries...I found out a little about this Uber character...and I bought him a few drinks, thinking that might make him happy and he'd slink back to whatever rock he climbed out from under, happy that he got to hang out with Shlongy for a few minutes of his pathetic life.
Anyway, upon my return, I did some Uber investigating, and found that this "Skrapmetal" character IS exactly that- a character, that he has made up.
No matter what he's written and what you've read about him, let me clear up a few "misconceptions" that we might all have regarding this "Skrapmetal".
1) He does NOT own a house in Florida with a huge patio, pool, lanai, etc - He actually lives in a trailer out in the swamps of Florida somewhere. If I'm not mistaken, i think he bought it from Bubba.
2) He did not build that awesome indoor bar out of the TV cabinet, nor did he build the outdoor grill/bar combo platter, that he posted about. First of all, no one on Uber is smart enough to do such a thing, and anyway, I found those exact same pictures on Bob Vila's website.
3) In some Uber posts, he has talked of owning motorcycles. Don't believe him. r maybe, they were all in the shop "for repairs" because he showed up on an old 10 speed, with 6 actual working gears.
4) If he has a job as cool as he says he does, then how come he showed up at ferg's wearing a Domino's Pizza shirt with the name "Tex" over the front left pocket???
5) He has a pony tail which would usually be cool - at least to me - but it seemed to be infested with some kind of flying insects.
This list could go on and on but my fingers are getting tired and my imagination is drying up. I'm actually boring myself with this tale of woe.
Needless to say, he never once reached into his pocket to buy Shlongy a beer - well, I was actually drinking scotch - and we finally shook him by saying that "we had to leave for the game".
He did ask to have a picture taken with Shlongy - everyone wants evidence...or blackmail ammo - so we allowed that...figured once that happened, we would FINALLY be left alone.
It worked!
the rest of the trip? Well, that's none of your business but the last place A's DID take 2 of 3 from the team with the best home record in baseball, so that was cool.
Skrapmetal sent me the picture but of course, blurred his face out. I guess he is probably a bit embrrrassed about that giant boil - almost looks like a third eye! - growing out of the front of his face.
Needless to say, we won't be hanging out with Skrapmetal again anytime soon...
UNTIL OUR NEXT VISIT TO FLORIDA! He has invited us to visit him at his campsite!
Whomever leaves the most reviews/hits on this post will win an unlimted supply of those coverted Shlongy +2's for the rest of the year.
This is Shlongy, signing off and until next time...GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
-2 -2 -2 -2 -2 -2 -2 -2 -2 etc.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-11-02 09:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
...says the tool with the solid -.75 rating on Ubersite.
Submitted by bugblender (user info) at 2009-11-02 07:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too long...sucky content
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-22 10:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy looks like a younger less stoned woody harrelson.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-22 09:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, that would have been a first for Shlongy....a drink, bought for him.
I would have settled for a handy under the table.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2009-10-21 21:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also live in the swamps around Pinellas County...I would have bought you a drink!!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2009-10-04 11:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooo Uber Sux +2!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-09-23 20:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, all greys are almost the same soul and spirit because this new one- and all our others - ALSO loves cat food, for some fucking reason.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-09-23 19:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A greyhound.
We had a retired Greyhound living next door to us once, she wore out a path/trail around her house, running SOOO fast at random times daily, it turned into a dirt path within their lush lawn. I really loved her, Lucy, not her racing name. she was THE sweetest dog. I fed her cat food. And so fast, it was like a blur shooting around their house! I miss her. Sweet Lucy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-09-23 19:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No whippet.
We got another greyhound...number 4. Name was Snow Beauty and she ran in Florida. 9 wins in 55 races.
She's now called Bella which means "sloppy eater" in Italian, I believe.
There was a picture of her on the Greyhound Pets of America website but they took it down on Sunday after we went and picked her up. It was a like a dope deal- we met in the parking lot of a gas station/convenience store outside of Charleston.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-09-23 18:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of doggie did you get? I know you're very proud of him (has to be a him) and he's already spoiled and been to the country club-- chewing play-toy bull cocks ---- there's such a joke waiting there, but way too obvious. I only know it's not a wippet. ("Wippet REAL good.")
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-24 21:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's part of their training...they HAVE to allow old pervs like us to grab their ass...it's in their contract. Why else would anyone watch the Raiders?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-08-24 21:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
got my picture taken with the Raiderettes this weekend !!
besides me being in it, i realized that it's not exactly new territory for you (the slong has been there and done that) so you probably won't miss it as a birthday present i probably wouldn't have sent you anyway
one thing i can say though; those girls did an acadamy award show of not making me feel like a lech
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-24 20:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks! Now how about a present?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-08-18 22:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHLONGY!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-24 12:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is apparently a related video to Shlongy and The Cliches:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4&feature=related
I am amused by this turn of events.
Also a +2 to celebrate my finding a way to watch the Angels for free on the interweb, too bad I missed the near sweep of the A's.
Next time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-23 13:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul- If I could get away with it, I KNOW you'd have much rather viewed a picture of my scrotum ring...SORRY, PAL!
Thanks for stopping by, Quint. I have to agree with you. On every count.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-23 13:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nice earring midget
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-07-23 12:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops, forgot to +2 this.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-07-23 12:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First off, this is the best post in the last 13 months. That goes a long way in explaining the decline in post volumes (and Quint reviews) as of late.
Second, you know that long line of black guys along the I95? It goes north all the way up to New York City. Yup, you guessed it. Method's Mom.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-20 11:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Respond to every other one...Another Uber tip from Shlongy...
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-07-20 11:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
218 reviews? How do you do it, dinosaur?
</hole>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-20 11:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dead post. Move on...nothing to see here.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-19 19:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Testify.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-19 18:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphelia is all talk, no action.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-18 21:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You owe me a picture, Orphelia. And goodies.
Come through and I will send you Pindo Palm raisins. God eats them when He can score some.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-07-18 18:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh how I would like to be naked in the middle.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-18 18:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
heat killer, below.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-18 01:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have just realized that you are the internet equivalent of Doodles with a handicap card in your car.
This distresses me.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-18 00:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-17 21:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will get Shlongy's standard 2500 hits soon. One of you data geeks should see who has the highest ratio of hits vs reviews. I say Shlongy is way up there.
------
Sweet. A reason to go on living. Thanks, Bubba. I'm on it. After I finish tweeking my latest predictive model which is sure to garner me much self-recognition and -appreciation.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2009-07-17 22:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 19:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...But amazingly, Shlongy always looks the same. Sober and breathtaking.
------------------------------
Sober? Tsk tsk.
Breathtaking? Without question.
Personality? Funny as Fuck!!!
Dong? John Holmes HUGE
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-17 21:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will get Shlongy's standard 2500 hits soon. One of you data geeks should see who has the highest ratio of hits vs reviews. I say Shlongy is way up there.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 19:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...But amazingly, Shlongy always looks the same. Sober and breathtaking.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-07-17 17:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy's friend looks shitfaced. I imagine that drinking with Shlongy will make anyone look like that.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2009-07-17 14:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Interesting analysis...but at least I still have held on to YOUR pube sample. I have it in a very safe place.
---------------------
Sssshhhh you WERE NOT supposed tell ANYONE. Nitty have a few though.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 12:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have given me a +2 for the "mention" in this post....
Good thing that Shlongy despises ratings...
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-17 12:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122837#2916547
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 12:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd rather get another -2 than a "No Comment", comment.
EVERYONE should have a comment.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-17 12:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You motherfuckers...
*************************************************************************
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...as long as it ain't her teeth...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stalk her all you want, she's got her eyes on you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll be wearing spurs and chaps...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stalk sage? be careful you will get locked in her paddock all night.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And check THIS out:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117032
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stalk all of them...constant emails...AIM chats...cam shows...showing up at their place of employment, etc. That's the kind of guy I am.
I hope you don't get too upset because I have sage penciled in for a stalking next Tuesday.
Between you and me, she's been begging for it, but what the hell...right?
OK...Now get off the internet, don that white lab coat and get back to work, sico. We're all waiting on that cure for cancer that you've been working on. But first, make sure you get everyone's lunch order because I'm betting that your co-workers get pissed when you don't get them their food before 11;45am.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bwahaha, desirable? I bet even your dumb wife doesn't fuck you anymore, ergo your crotchety disposition on these parts. That's okay, you can still finger your greyhounds because of the unconditional love and feel modestly decent about your ghola obsession. I mean you did buy her what, 3 drinks? That obviously counts as desire in your book. hahaha, you make me laugh. Are there any other girls you like to internet stalk from uber or is she the only one?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-17 11:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-17 10:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He doesn't wear a collar that reads 'Bitch' for nothing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 10:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It depends on what our respective horoscopes say.
Why, how do you decide with your boyfriend?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-17 10:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Which one of you pitches and which one of you catches?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 09:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Right on, girlfriend!
I suppose that I should probably pick up a club at some point before then, eh?
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2009-07-17 08:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Any Uber user who hangs out with you would have to be totally gay.
See you next month in Cleveland.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-17 08:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This thing sure died after 24 hours...Ubersite blows.
Because I know it's not Shlongy.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-07-17 08:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-17 04:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Name ONE day in the year you are NOT blotto!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 21:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-07-16 17:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't read a post this epic since June 02 of 2008. +2.
Buahauahauahahaa...me neither!
PS. I'm a bit blotto
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-07-16 17:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-07-16 17:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't read a post this epic since June 02 of 2008. +2.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-16 16:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
naw, monkeyguy is right... i thought there was a pic of you here too and i just remember where i saw it.
you didn't post it though, you linked it.
brewing beer.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-16 16:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, do you remember your review where you implied that you put reading glasses on when you and YLW make the zexy times?
It was hilarious but I can't find it.
Help a sistah out!
BTW, I'll have you all know that I have one mother of a fat joke but I won't tell it 'coz I dig Skrap (even though he'd probably find it funny).
I'm trying to be sweet.
-----
FG - I can't find the review, but gimme the fat joke. I like to have a few preemptive laughs available.
MWG - I did post an extreme closeup of my eye, and I have a post that includes a pic with one of my fingers in it. Eventually I suppose a collage might be constructed.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-16 16:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nevermind, I was thinking of Lungfish's "wedding" picture instead.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-16 16:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
skrappy fears stalkers- don't we all - so I don't have any problem with him going with the blurred out face. It's not really that much different than un-blurred.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I still don't see the point, considering he's already posted pictures of him without his face blurred here before.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-16 15:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:31:28 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Interesting analysis...but at least I still have held on to YOUR pube sample. I have it in a very safe place.
skrappy fears stalkers- don't we all - so I don't have any problem with him going with the blurred out face. It's not really that much different than un-blurred.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HA!
I doubt that a person from a place called "ratpackcycles", that has bikes that run on nitrous is afraid of anyone here!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 15:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I TAKE CELEBREX.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-07-16 14:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not too worried about that. Considering your rampant arthritis and all.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 14:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey...thanks for the idea! I'll strongly consider that!!! I've always wanted a heart attack.
But before I keel over, how would you feel about me punching your teeth down your throat?
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-07-16 14:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Perhaps you should consider having a (massive) heart attack on your next little road trip.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-07-16 14:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm PRETTY sure that Shlongy does not, in fact, get "jiggy" with anyone or any thing. He's a straight up, layin' pipe kinda' guy - I suspect.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 14:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE WAS ALLUDING TO!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 14:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 18:33:54 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm too vain to let that happen. Probably.
-----------
to get jiggy with shlongy? understandable.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
856 hits and less than 200 reviews?
I'm disappointed in you.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm too vain to let that happen. Probably.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T DO IT...at least wait until I have the chance to do you, first.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been thinking about giving up the fight and getting fat. Hell, it's gonna happen to me eventually. If you ever saw my mother, you'd understand.
Genetics man. They're a bitch. I've fought them hard and well, but the little bastards always win in the end.
I'm almost heady with the idea of quitting exercising, sitting around, eating brownies, and wearing sweats.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Skappy isn't fat...he's what we call "pleasingly plump".
I never even noticed...I was too busy inhaling scotch. He wears it well.
Unlike the rest of Uber.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, do you remember your review where you implied that you put reading glasses on when you and YLW make the zexy times?
It was hilarious but I can't find it.
Help a sistah out!
BTW, I'll have you all know that I have one mother of a fat joke but I won't tell it 'coz I dig Skrap (even though he'd probably find it funny).
I'm trying to be sweet.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not calling scourge fat, but he DOES require a sidescroll on google maps.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fat jokes kick ASS.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i already told you i'm 5'3", dumbass. pay attention.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
skrap's got about as many pounds on me as i have inches on shlongy, i.e., about 40.
That would put scourge at 5'1" 260
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and HEY fuck you guys!
skrap's got about as many pounds on me as i have inches on shlongy, i.e., about 40.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is the only 'ubercon' posted about on this site in the last 10 years that would have actually been interesting.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think he should've blurred the gut, but then again I've never seen the melon.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122837
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's also in the witness protection program.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Interesting analysis...but at least I still have held on to YOUR pube sample. I have it in a very safe place.
skrappy fears stalkers- don't we all - so I don't have any problem with him going with the blurred out face. It's not really that much different than un-blurred.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get me wrong, I like Skrapmetal but I just think the whole blurred picture idea was pointless.
NOW, had you gotten a pube sample we could find out his TRUE identity? You trying to obtain a pube sample would make a good picture and post.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2009-07-16 12:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you rock.
I think he is a pussy for asking to have a picture taken with you "as evidence" and the blurring out his oun face.
What kind of 'evidence' is that? Only thing that looks evident to me is his bad skin.
Did I ever mention that Badlands has a HUGE cock? No shit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU SEE THAT BOIL???
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you stand far enough away, you can make out Skrap's features.
Sorta.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...as long as it ain't her teeth...
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stalk her all you want, she's got her eyes on you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 11:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll be wearing spurs and chaps...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stalk sage? be careful you will get locked in her paddock all night.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And check THIS out:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117032
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stalk all of them...constant emails...AIM chats...cam shows...showing up at their place of employment, etc. That's the kind of guy I am.
I hope you don't get too upset because I have sage penciled in for a stalking next Tuesday.
Between you and me, she's been begging for it, but what the hell...right?
OK...Now get off the internet, don that white lab coat and get back to work, sico. We're all waiting on that cure for cancer that you've been working on. But first, make sure you get everyone's lunch order because I'm betting that your co-workers get pissed when you don't get them their food before 11;45am.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bwahaha, desirable? I bet even your dumb wife doesn't fuck you anymore, ergo your crotchety disposition on these parts. That's okay, you can still finger your greyhounds because of the unconditional love and feel modestly decent about your ghola obsession. I mean you did buy her what, 3 drinks? That obviously counts as desire in your book. hahaha, you make me laugh. Are there any other girls you like to internet stalk from uber or is she the only one?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do I wish I had more hair? Absolutely.
Is there anything that I can do about genetics? Nope.
Do I really give a shit what it looks like now? Not really. Obviously.
Does it make me any less desirable to every single (thin) woman in the world? Doesn't seem to.
How's that, dumbass?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to totally skirt the issue of your hairline of yore.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good old brian gay
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 10:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CAKE???
My watch is even cooler because it has a tiny Verizon Heritage "Willie" logo on the face. (http://heritage.islandpacket.com/)
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
On the real, Shlongy. You may have the fastest haircut in all of uberland. That hairline is racing to get to the back, not stopping for one instant to think of you,
Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,
Engines pumping and thumping in time.
The green light flashes, the flags goes up,
Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup.
I don't think Rogaine can cure you but you might want to look into plugs or something.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
also, nice seiko faggot.
It's a Wittnauer knockoff, awesome dude.
-------------
Cool, I prefer Movado.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Unfortunately my work blocks all that stuff. streaming anythin is a near impossibility
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You can watch the golf on your computer, fellas...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They do but you have to drink it from a balloon.
I never had you pegged for a cider drinker but in hindsight it's pretty obvious what with you being blonde and from Bristol.
And everything.
It would be difficult for me though because I have a phobia about explosive decompression.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do they sell cider in space?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Skrap FTW.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I reckon there'd be a lot of call for that on the International Space Station.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EI, we are totally in the wrong jobs. If we were astronauts we wouldn't have this problem.
We'd be like; "HR... in SPAAAAACE!"
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
were at work...fucking around on uber and keeping up with the cricket and golf scores are ok but they draw the line at retiring to the pub next door
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 09:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why aren't you guys watching the golf on the tube?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True dat
:(
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There won't be any girls, Berty's MacMillan nurses scare them off.
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 13:24:19 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or you may meet a brilliant farmer type in a pub and leg it off with his tenner.
------------------
That was a perfectly legitimate out-of-towners tax, not to mention just compensation for some of that legion of pints you owe me.
Spuj, you owe me a pint to.
--------------------------
fair enough, gimmie a time and a place, preferably with girls as described below and the drinks are on me!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
also, nice seiko faggot.
It's a Wittnauer, wigger.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
as long as the girls are attractive and 'willing' then count me in!!
-----------------
Well... 33% success anyway.
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
as long as the girls are attractive and 'willing' then count me in!!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. I forgot about outsiders tax.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or you may meet a brilliant farmer type in a pub and leg it off with his tenner.
------------------
That was a perfectly legitimate out-of-towners tax, not to mention just compensation for some of that legion of pints you owe me.
Spuj, you owe me a pint to.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
also, nice seiko faggot.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't make it three sentences before losing interest. I think you should make your annual post into a centennial event and god for fuck sakes you are a balding, ugly old man. I'd try to cure your gout and obsessive passion for tanning salons before even considering camwhoring again...just saying, but you truly do look pathetic.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or you may meet a brilliant farmer type in a pub and leg it off with his tenner.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You will have to bring your own plastic bag though.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 08:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a funny man, Spuj. Play your cards right and one day you might just be lucky enough to meet 4 other guys in a pub in london sitting around pints of beer in awkward silence watching 2 girls batter shot after shot of vodka and loudly slurring at one another.
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who said anything about kidneys??
im just interested in the rape!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty's soul lives in Subway sandwich shops. He's like rats, you're only ever 1 foot away.
---------------
Well, you know what they say: Everything in Subway is nice.
Also, Spuj, I am useless to you as I am on dialysis. I do not want new kidneys as that would mean I'd have to stop claiming incapacity benefit.
*complicated hand gesture*
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty's soul lives in Subway sandwich shops. He's like rats, you're only ever 1 foot away.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why did you go and ruin my plan berty huh, now i gotta think of a new one.
come to think of it DO YOU live near bristol berty.........??
:)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't answer him EI! He will date rape you and steal your kidneys!
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EI u live near bristol??
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah anyway, i shall be playing a round of golf at this place tomorrow
http://www.woodlands-golf.com/
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never been down there, but it is supposed to be nice. Will be pretty quiet though, unless the golf's on.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 07:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm up early because I have a meeting to attend this morn.
The place we're thinking of staying is supposedly in or around Turnberry...But we haven't finalized anything as of yet.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-16 06:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 06:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and why are you on uber so early?
-----------------
That is a very good question.
It is, what... 7am in America now? Even earlier on the west coast.
None of it makes any sense!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-16 06:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and why are you on uber so early?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-16 06:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where are you going in Scotland, shlongy?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-16 06:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This blows. I'm done posting at Ubersite if all I can get is 67 kilometers worth of "heat".
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-16 06:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'so I blew off the pre-road trip post, and headed to Tampa with Mrs. Shlongy, excited to see some A's baseball.'
shouldnt that be headed to Tampa with Mr Shlongy??
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-16 04:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When you come to Scotland, don't call it 'scotch'. We don't like that. Also, be prepared to not understand a word anyone says.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-16 04:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU noob
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-07-16 02:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap looks like he's fighting in my weight-class!
You're both welcome to come and have a drinking spree in Germany.
Prost!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-16 02:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn, sorry about the post within a post
just consider it a golden piece of corn in an otherwise colorless turd
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-16 02:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wore a T like that the other day and this asshole told me i had a wardrobe malfunction.
i would have gotten back into his face but i'm getting too old for that shit
speeking of being too old, i saw Rancid last week for the first, and last time at the Oracle Arena
another retired OPD friend gets me security gigs in his town and i repay him with the same in mine
the place was barely a quarter full and the sound system sucked
the lead dude was trying but it was still a piss poor set
my asshole friend assigned me near the "mosh-pit" since i wasn't quite sure what it was so he could get a laugh out of it
i told the fucker i wasn't going in there unless some ass-hole pulled a gun and then i was going to think about it first
i hope Billy Graham comes to my town or some Rap group with with a bunch a big smokes so i can repay the "favor"
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-16 00:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You fuck. I'm trying to quit this shithole.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-16 00:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is the Eminem of Ubersite.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 22:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, it's almost time for Europe and Australia to wake up and crap all over Shlongy...G'night!
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2009-07-15 22:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-07-15 22:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wouldn't call my -2's retaliatory, I'd more call them spiteful.
C'est la vie, mon petit chien.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-07-15 22:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd buy ya a scotch, shlongy.
then i'd roofie it and sell your kidneys on the black market (if anyone would take the alcohol-soaked organs).
naw i'm just kidding...
but i would.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do you think they wear kilts? EASY ACCESS!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
8-year-old hammered Scottish chicks?
HEAVEN....
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:35:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A lot of people in Europe would be considered alcoholics by American standards, but the Scots are absolutely shit faced since the age of 8 wasted lives. They are fucking HAMMERED 24/7 a local bar in Scotland reminds me of what a crackhouse in Detroit would look like. Especially around Glasgow.
That said I'm sure you'll enjoy the trip.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd think like to goosestep around Germany for a few hours....
But instead, we'll be going to Scotland next August for a week. Dammit.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a point sir, brown liquor gets me in trouble with the natives.
They don't like it when you grab their girlfriend's tits and yell about how we won the war, and to the victor goes the spoils. especially if they are off duty polizei... yeah
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Beer, perhaps.
Brown liquor? Uhhhhhhh, neeeeeeooooooo way.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet I could drink you under the table old man, stop by Berlin. I have been practicing with the krauts.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's not just you...There has been a myriad of Woody H stories throughout the years on Ubersite...I once had to give an autograph to some drunk - I think it might have been sico's dad - in New Orleans because I was wearing a fedora-like hat and this trainwreck of a drunk would not leave Mrs. Shlongy and I alone until I signed as Woody for him.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2009-07-15 21:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it just me or does shlongy look like Woody Harrelson?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 20:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
maybe it's just me...But I sense that your ratings are "retalitory" in nature, for all of the storied -2's I've left on your heaping pile of shit Uber history.
Or am I just PARANOID???
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-07-15 20:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oops. Forgot to -2.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-07-15 20:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The same kind of asshole who I'm sure would do the same at a Sharks game.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-15 20:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh hell yes, good times.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 19:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CATAL- You're going to be booing them at home???
What are you, some kind of asshole?*
(*Rhetorical question, of course. I already know that you are, based on your rating of this quality post)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 19:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only if you're a relative of Henny Youngman...
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-07-15 19:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who'd of figured you for an "Athletics supporter."
That doesn't really work when you write it, does it.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-07-15 19:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll be booing the A's from the VIP box tomorrow night.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
could Skrap be my long lost older brother???
we shall see...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've heard THAT story before....
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap is on my ever-shrinking short list of uberers I wouldn't be deathly afraid of coming within a 100 mile radius of.
-----
While that's not the same as "...I'd get drunk enough to not believe the stories until I am shown the play-by-play video the next day, with", I am nonetheless honored. You come to Tampa and I'll buy the Yuengling.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba: Killing heat on posts since 2005.
:D
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What I meant to say: Skrap, try some Oil of Olay for that skin problem. Shlongy is beyond help.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:35:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If a 34 year old can make 275 yard drives, Shlongy must top out at about 18 feet.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since I can't be in the intensive care ward for shift change, I'll waste some time and heat this fucker up.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap is on my ever-shrinking short list of uberers I wouldn't be deathly afraid of coming within a 100 mile radius of.
Out of curiousity, where does Shlongy fit into that list?
===============
The earth is too small. She's always afraid.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap is on my ever-shrinking short list of uberers I wouldn't be deathly afraid of coming within a 100 mile radius of.
Out of curiousity, where does Shlongy fit into that list?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS Scrapmetal -- try vertical stripes. I hear they are "slimming"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:22:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alrighty...I gotta go eat.
Someone keep this heated up for me...I'll be back in a while when I book my flight for Roch...I'll check in to see how you're doing here.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap is on my ever-shrinking short list of uberers I wouldn't be deathly afraid of coming within a 100 mile radius of.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, that sure wasn't MY fault, Johnny!
You missed out...on buying ME drinks.
Which, btw, would have been a Uber first...Someone buying me a fucking drink.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:54:20 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NO! He did not get invited to play in the Squeezer.
He stated that he was going to be in Myrtle Beach last year with a bunch of his fellow giant-headed limey bastard friends at the same time as our historic event was taking place.
If he had shown up, based on my income projections for him, he would have been good for....many, many rounds of drinks.
that's not what happened!
the weekends did not match.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I was 28-30, I was breaking 80 constantly. Now I'm 34...I'm lucky to shoot 82 and my drives are in the 275-range. I fucking hate being old.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No. You must leave more comments, monkeys. That's an order.
In fact, start a conversation with some random dork IN this post.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Done
&
Done.
I slay me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No. You must leave more comments, monkeys. That's an order.
In fact, start a conversation with some random dork IN this post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My "card" STILL says I'm a 9 (8.4)...despite breaking 80 exactly ONCE in the last 30 months.
I guess I don't play enough anymore - I can't afford to keep replenishing the 7 Pro V-1's I lose in a typical round - to move my hcp index to where it belongs: 16.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I can see the top of the bartender's ass in the mirror. She's do-able. I won't be leaving any more comments, I'd rather just earn my rare Schlongy "non minus 2's" based on luck alone.
Reading this post though reminds me that I've been living in Georgia since 2002 and still have yet to see Savannah...maybe next year.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 18:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love BrookLea...and it's about 20 minutes from my place in Spencerport. Actually, ove rthe past 10 years, my boos as gooten 3 letters due to my behavior after a few too many Crowns. Not my fault that they have slutty bartenders.
Like I said, it's all a write off. I'm a 9. It's not like I'm setting the world on fire. Just need a good place to take friends/clients/ prospects. Doing a lot of work with Kodak now...need to show those boys a good time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And for the record, I heard the diminuitive of my Uber handle ("skrappy") hollered across the bar first. I figured Shlong had been at the bar for a while when I showed up, so I kind of expected it.
Check it out- skrappy, badmouthing Shlongy and "making stuff up" all over his post!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You REALLY need to see the member list!
My dad used to play quite a bit of golf at BrookLea...before he went and died on us in 1995.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Centerpoint is actually a nice course. Some intersting holes and the front nine is wildly different from the back. The owner of our company is a member at Brook Lea, a Ross design that is a whole lot tougher than it looks. In any event, hey've dropped the initiation alltogether. For a $1K bond and $350/month dues fee, I'm good.
As the future Director of Client Service, its in my best interest to belong somewhere. And most of it's a write-off. I'm just debating where...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NO! He did not get invited to play in the Squeezer.
He stated that he was going to be in Myrtle Beach last year with a bunch of his fellow giant-headed limey bastard friends at the same time as our historic event was taking place.
If he had shown up, based on my income projections for him, he would have been good for....many, many rounds of drinks.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And for the record, I heard the diminuitive of my Uber handle ("skrappy") hollered across the bar first. I figured Shlong had been at the bar for a while when I showed up, so I kind of expected it.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey apollo- This picture could have been YOU - of course we would have had to have Mrs. Shlongy zoom out a bit to get your entire head in there - if you hadn't stiffed us at last year's Squeezer Open.
-------------
Some fat Brit gets an invite to the Squeezer before me??? FUCK THIS POST!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was fortunate enough to play Monroe on a number of occasions...(Remember, our mutual friend in "the business" is/was a member) While I don't recall anything that made it stand out in my mind, I do know that everytime I got to play a "private, upscale club", IT ROCKED.
The 10k isn't really the issue- that's a steal. It's the monthly dues that can kill you...especially when you have a 5 month golf season in Rochester. I think that comes into play more - also, you should see if you can get a member list- to see if there are, indeed, business prospects or clients worth attacking over the Sunday morning brunch spread in the Men's Grille.
That's why me and all of my pals belonged out at Centerpointe. We were cheapskates.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also, someone shouting out my uber name would scare me beyond belief, tell me a flush of dread flowed through your body when you heard that.
in my case it may be some red cheeked homosexual called Drogo *shudder*
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, did you put the obligatory Jolly Rancher in the Zima before you drank it?
I'm bettin' you're a Sour Apple J.R. man.
-----
I drank Yuengling drafts for realsies, and I didn't put anything in them. I did roofie Shlongy's Glenlivet 12 (which was in a little plastic cup 'cos he's classy like that). Ms. Shlongy apparently didn't notice. Kidding about the roofies, of course. She noticed. She's a good broad, to employ the vernacular. It was definitely a good time, and Shlongy wouldn't let me buy a round at Ferg's. I didn't ride the bike to the bar as I had to work on Saturday morning and I had a truckload of equipment to take with me. Just as well, since it would have been tough to give them both a ride to the stadium with Shlongy standing on the back of my bike yelling "I'm Shlongy DAMMIT! WOOOOO!" like he did in the truck. Fortunately I know a couple of the cops, so they let him walk. Other than saving him from an ass-whupping at the hands and feet of two midget wrestler chicks for threatening to wrap them up in his A's jersey and take them back to the hotel, that was about all that happened. A splendid time was had by all, and Shlongy's welcome to stop in my place, D-lister though I proudly be. Shlongy - OK if I give those two wrestlers your number? They keep asking.
Also: Yes, I really am that fat, and for some reason I cannot explain the photoshop would twist my face all to hell but it would absolutely not alter the way my eyes look. Weird.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, and he still owes me half the price on the trailer.
Skrap, you deadbeat, I want my ten bucks!
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mr. maiorano's query is a valid one and I too would like an answer to it
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. I look forward to it (tentatively).
BTW - ever play Monroe? I went out with a contact on Monday. Gorgeous course. Shot a best-so-far-this-year 82. Initiaton is down from $17K to $10K and I have a willing sponsor. Seriously considering. Any thoughts?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha, just read the post, its actually really good. That Skrapmetal fellow is a strange looking guy. is he gay?
I think so...But he couldn't "make the move" because I had my broad with me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey apollo- This picture could have been YOU - of course we would have had to have Mrs. Shlongy zoom out a bit to get your entire head in there - if you hadn't stiffed us at last year's Squeezer Open.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha, just read the post, its actually really good. That Skrapmetal fellow is a strange looking guy. is he gay?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Outstanding.
Of course, I'm jealous because I had my last "corporate card" back in the 90's....
Sounds like a (tentative) plan.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was wondering when you'd post.
cancun, golf tourney/stag do October 23rd.
ritz carlton, natch.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Checking the calendar, I believe the 19th is the date of te Ad Council's annual golf tourney. Which means I'll have a group of clients with me whose only goal will be to embarrass me with a +4 scramble score and then expect me to take them out, score them some blow and provide them with cheap tail.
Bottom line...the corporate card will be open that evening and Abilene's as good a place as any to take these docuhebags. We'll just have to downplay the "internet conncetion". I may have to introduce you as a long lost cousin...at least for the first hour.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
way to kill the heat on my post shlongy, link whoring!whats up?
and have you now got a quiff?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Well, I hadn't seen you around here in quite some time so I am relieved to find you that you did indeed, "go on living".
The plan is to be in town on 8/19 and if it's not my first stop - after Tahou's - it'll be my second. D. D. will open the door early for me. Details to follow.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And these:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78747#1687480
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You forgot about this one, leprechaun:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78747#1687602
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pissed?? No. Contrary to the typical Uber-profile, Badlands has a life...and a few friends too. And while having a cocktail with Shlongy would be an honor...I've found the means to go on living..
However, I am pissed that your first post in decades is about hanging out with some overweight D-Lister.
Abilene is always in the rotation. Give a shout as the date nears.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I figured you'd be pissed...since I blew you off in our HOMETOWN...
I DIDN'T MEAN TO!
Maybe Abilene...8/19....after work???
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Out of nowhere comes the pro from Dover.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read it. I'm sure it will save uber, though.
Well, it will at least temporarily. After I reach mu usual 4500 hits, bart has promised to shut the site down. Yay!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Charitable linkwhore AND author-appropriate material:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111045#2501806
Your last good poem!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you sure that's not scourge or hartman sitting next to you - OR BOTH?
Bauhaahaha....I'm pretty certain that those two guys make skrap look like Richard Simmons.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you look like a cock....atoo
http://thetrueparrot.homestead.com/Cockatoo_sulphur_crested_3_op_525x600.jpg
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-15 17:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you sure that's not scourge or hartman sitting next to you - OR BOTH?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read it. I'm sure it will save uber, though.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But I decided that Uber sucks and with about 2 exceptions, there is really no one left that I care to hang out with around here anyway...
---
*Crosses fingers and hopes to be the one*
....*Un-crosses fingers and shoots self in the head for the above statement*
GO SHLONGY! Come to my bar one time. First round's on me.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, did you put the obligatory Jolly Rancher in the Zima before you drank it?
I'm bettin' you're a Sour Apple J.R. man.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-15 13:27:37 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Do the gathering of 2 uber nerds really qualify as a >cough< Ubercon?
===
Considering skrap is easily the coolest member of this website, and shlongy also uses ubersite, I'm voting yes.
Even though skrap wouldn't approve of the baseball talk making me play RBI Baseball '94.
P.S. I just took Bobby Witt deep with Juan Gonzales, in honor of you, you old geezer.
P.P.S. Why doesn't this have 50+ reviews yet?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Charitable linkwhore AND author-appropriate material:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111045#2501806
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Do the gathering of 2 uber nerds really qualify as a >cough< Ubercon?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll make a few calls on that...Should not be a problem for Shlongy.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, do you think you could pull some strings and get the Mariners on regular television?
It's just that I don't have cable, so I never get to watch any Angels games until the playoffs, and I'm tired of watching them lose to the Red Sox.
Thanks in advance.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny, people were all pissy 'round here about the Pronger thing. First it was "he's too old" then it was "why the 7 year contract"
People don't understand what veteran leadership is, nor do they understand working with the cap.
Flyers, on paper, are a scary team now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets
I love this girl....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit- no wonder my bartab was so high...ZIMA!!!!
I'm sure I forgot a LOT of good stuff...in fact, I'm STILL trying to!
I can't wait to read your rebuttal.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that really skrap?
If so, my mental picture of him wailing on a canjeetar or whatever the fuck it was just improved.
Another +2 since me and Quinn listened to "Riverview Restaurant" on the way to a cabin for the fourth.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who's the britgay NOW, haiku...calling Shlongy "the c-word"???
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.
You're too kind. Waaay too kind.
You forgot to mention I was drinking Zima on the rocks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be fooled by the picture, forensicslice...
You KNOW - probably more than anyone - that the camera always adds a few - maybe 40 - pounds to any picture.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I already read it, cunt, have a pity +2 seeing as your shitty A's are stuck in last place while the Angels are trying to keep first place.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Muddy...Who controls your account these days?
Or did you return to Uber just to gloat about Pronger?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY!
[A year is too long to wait for a Shlongy post.] :*(
Damn! Skrap wasn't kidding when he said he's a big'un!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haikomikoo - Don't do me any favors. You are not ALLOWED to return and read this post.
I already gave that post I linkwhored on, numerous +2's.
Apparently, you didn't see my picture on that post.
The fans have been calling for a new Shlongy post- and this is the best I could come up with.
What, this is WEAK compared to the rest of the front page...over the last 8 months?
I DON'T THINK SO.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whodathunkit.....skrapmetal's only around 5'2" tall too!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did......... did you get blonde tips??
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
took you how long to come out with this crap?
go back to commenting, its your strong suit
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll read this in a second and give you a chance for redemption, but a hitwhore link with a "please review my post" +2?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122828#2915855
You've gone completely britgay, dude.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2009-07-15 16:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Poetry is for fags, Mini-Me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-15 15:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This fucking sucks.