Some things about alcohol some of you may not know - a list. (1966 hits)
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Submitted by skrapmetal (View user info) at 2009-07-07 17:53:21 EDT
This is a list of some things I've learned about alcohol, mostly through direct experience. Some of these I've learned from watching others, because they were either quicker or drunker than I.
Feel free to add your own hereafter.
1.After a while, you can't taste Jack Daniels' Tennessee Whiskey.
2.Some people really are allergic to alcohol.
3.The medical term for #2 is "weak".
4.The best brand of beer, which is better than all of the others no matter what any beer snob might say, is Free Beer.
5.Goldschlager is produced only for posers and fags, and frat guys (see: posers and fags).
6.Some people like licorice, but no one really likes booze that tastes like licorice.
7."Expensive" does not necessarily equal "good", but it is usually a safe bet.
8.Johnny Walker Blue is overrated.
9.Johnny Walker Green is underrated.
10.The people at Glenfiddich know what they're doing.
11.Likewise Labrot & Graham.
12.Ditto Glenlivet, Bushmills, Vizcaya, Corazon, Patron, Grey Goose, and Michael Collins.
13.Martinis indicate strange. You have never met a normal (however you may describe it) person drinking one.
14.Jagermeister tastes awful. No reasonable argument may be made against this statement.
15.Having beer on tap in your house doesn't make you an alcoholic; it makes your place a party stop.
16.Your friends can drink a lot. Keep inexpensive beer on tap in your house on long weekends, especially if you also have a pool.
17.If the 1800 is by the blender on the bar by the Margmix, it's there to make Margs. Use it.
18.Same with the Bacardi Gold and Silver as it applies to Daqmix/Daquiris.
19.Have a Key Box at your house if you serve booze. Your responsible friends will use it. Others will either be unduly fortunate or die.
20.Beer is a beverage like Kool-Aid or soda. If you're in AA you don't have to tell them about it.
21.Vodka DOES make your breath smell like booze. Quit lying to yourself.
22.Drinks with high alcohol and sugar content, such as peach schnapps and appletinis, are for people with more estrogen than testosterone in their blood. For whatever reason it might be there.
23.I have never understood wine. I think it is all a lie.
24.I know that there are people who do not like beer. I understand the concept of not liking something, but I cannot grasp how that could possibly apply to beer. That may be my equivalent of Superman's Kryptonite.
25.Courvosier tastes like cheap Italian Grappa. HipHop artists who sing about it are idiots.
26.Gatorade G2 Lemon/Lime and Jack Daniels' is not all that bad.
27.Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
28.The German beer Hansa makes your pee smell like Cheerios. It's OK that it makes me hungry in the morning.
29.Almost every beer tastes better with a slice of lime in it; draft beers especially so. Well, different, anyway.
30.When it rains on grains or fruit, God makes booze. You're supposed to enjoy it. So, get to it already.
User Reviews
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-08-01 04:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
(Generally disagreeing after I've already read the post)
1. Yes, you can.
2. Forgot the point. Do you deliver pizza? I'll take a large pie. Somebody screams: with pepperoni. I refuse their direction and just order a large pie.
REVOUTION!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-08-01 04:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not below, i mean above, i mean. Of course.
(Taking the general liberal view on things above.)
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-08-01 04:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
scum and represser of hope below.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-08-01 03:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whatever, McCain/Palin voter.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-24 14:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-21 19:58:05 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-21 22:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-21 03:16:16 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, now, Haikumikoo, the info in the link is what it is; I didn't write it. Not trying to revoke anyone's right to vote even if they can't spell "vote" and actually believe they'll get something for free if they vote for one candidate over the other. I'm not acting all racist. I suspect I may be acting very smartist, though.
===
Maybe it doesn't make much sense to correct nonsensical comments, but being a smartist would mean you're prejudiced against the intelligent.
I was just kidding before, but apparently you really *do* hate black people.
Who's the racist now, bitch?
ME.
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Perhaps instead of "smartist" I should have used "cognoexclusial". Google it. You'll get nothing because I'M FUCKING SMARTER THAN THE INTERNET! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA*coughhackcough*damn.
===
I meant to say I guess you really aren't racist, insinuating that black people are below average intelligence so I could get in on all the racism, but I failed.
You win again, skrapmetal. I bow to your superior cognitive functions.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-07-21 23:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-21 22:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-21 03:16:16 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, now, Haikumikoo, the info in the link is what it is; I didn't write it. Not trying to revoke anyone's right to vote even if they can't spell "vote" and actually believe they'll get something for free if they vote for one candidate over the other. I'm not acting all racist. I suspect I may be acting very smartist, though.
===
Maybe it doesn't make much sense to correct nonsensical comments, but being a smartist would mean you're prejudiced against the intelligent.
I was just kidding before, but apparently you really *do* hate black people.
Who's the racist now, bitch?
ME.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-07-20 10:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-07-20 05:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF is googlefight? That has to be the dumbest thing i've ever seen. that doesn't prove shit. I almost want to train as a fundamentalist baptist minister just because of that link.
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Thank you, "misses the point guy".
---
I never miss the point my dear. Sometimes I joke about it, even.
(comma intended. Periods intended. Point missed... again.)
Little Sally sends kisses!
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2009-07-13 16:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bimatoprost
used for controlling the progression of glaucoma or ocular hypertension, by reducing intraocular pressure
* May cause blurred vision;
* May cause eyelid redness;
* May permanently darken eyelashes;
* May cause eye discomfort;
* May eventually cause permanent darkening of the iris to brown (heterochromia).
* May cause a temporary burning sensation during use.
* May cause thickening of the eyelashes.
/Chemistry Fail.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-07-09 23:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:20:10 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
27.Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
there used to be a place in nyc (since moved to white plains i believe) called the korova milk bar. it served various alcoholic milkshakes that were so fucking awesome my head exploded. i wouldn't recommend getting drunk on drinks with dairy in them but there some wonderful wonderful boozey shakes out there.
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horrorshow, my little droogs
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-09 15:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2009-07-09 13:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone know any good booze movies?
***
Barfly, with Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway is the king-daddy of all
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-07-09 15:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A 1.4 on this post? Really? I love the drink but this was the Bud Lite of posts involving alcohol. Yeah, I said it.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2009-07-09 13:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been studying your chain molecule; why am I not surprised that HO's and alcohol are directly related. Anyone know any good booze movies? Here are a couple from the past: 1. the Days of Wine and Roses starring Jack Lemon and some blonde;
b) the Lost Weekend (Ray Milland) <---- not for the faint of heart... or is it faint-hearted
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-09 12:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-08 14:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I happen to quite like Sambuca.
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you smoke, your taste buds are fucked. of course you like sambuca.
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Actually, I don't smoke, really...I have maybe one cigarette a week (if that). And I dont even smoke weed anymore. Job search, you know.
Sambuca is an exceptionally tasty liqueur.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-09 00:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
most of these are true.
Submitted by mixed_metaphor (user info) at 2009-07-08 22:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
29.Almost every beer tastes better with a slice of lime in it; draft beers especially so. Well, different, anyway.
===
I respectfully disagree. Any beer worth its salt doesn't need a single thing. Brews that are served in restaurants with anything other than an (optionally chilled) glass, such as Oberon or Corona, are inherently inferior.
Apart from that, a very solid list.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alcohol improves sterility, enhances brain capacity and makes you live longer.
Unless I heard that wrong...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would very much like to read that list, Sico.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My list about alcohol and things people may or may not have known would've been grossly different.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-08 14:02:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
====
Uh....troof. : /
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*waits for someone to offer to send a bottle of Patron and a camera*
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dated a Russian girl for a few weeks in college. She was a grad student in math had been in the States for about five years. She drank Popov grain alcohol mixed with Sprite, and said pretty much what joedaddy said - it's about the destination, not the path. She's probably sober or dead by now.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:31:06 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-08 14:02:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
====
Uh....troof. : /
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know! *goofygrin*
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i bet most Russians would get a good laugh out of this discussion
prolly would say: fuck the silly shit comrade, it's all about the end result
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love booze.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it makes me vomit
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-08 14:02:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
====
Uh....troof. : /
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/06/macgruber-movie-will-forte-jimmy-fallon-kristen-wiig.html
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
When I grow up, I might learn to like whiskey.
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Whiskey is good, have no doubt, but it's not worth growing up for.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-08 15:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
She said I'm going out with my girlfriends
Margaritas at the Holiday Inn
Lord have mercy, my only thought
Was Tequila makes her clothes fall off
I told her put an extra layer on
I know what happens when she drinks Patrone
Her closet's missing half the things she's bought
Ya Tequila makes her clothes fall off
(Chorus)
She'll start with kickin' out of her shoes
Loose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink
Them pantyhose aint gonna last too long
If the DJ puts Bon Jovi on
She might come home in a table cloth
Ya tequila makes her clothes fall off
Break
She can handle any champagne brunch
A bridal shower with Bacardi punch
Jello shooters full of Smirnoff
But Tequila makes her clothes fall off
Chorus
She don't mean nothing - she's just havin fun
Tomorrow she'll say oh what have I done
Her friends will joke about the stuff she lost
ya tequila makes her clothes fall off
oh Tequila makes her clothes fall off (x2)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqv-2emERFw
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-08 14:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I happen to quite like Sambuca.
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you smoke, your taste buds are fucked. of course you like sambuca.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy 123456789 day.
Wine is awesome. The more you know about it - the better your selection process and the better the rewards from drinking the right wine at the right time will be. Yellowtail is actually at the very bottom of the ladder - I don't mind it so much, but there are so many better bottles, especially Australian. (Peter Lehman - Clancy, for one - about the same price as well.)
I totally thought wine was bullshit when I was younger - but it's really quite fascinating.
When I grow up, I might learn to like whiskey.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will be enjoying 5 beers for $5 tonight most likely. I'm pretty excited about it.
Good list. :)
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I happen to quite like Sambuca.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
re: goldschlager.
It's really just for underage people. If it were a movie it would be Monsters Inc. At college parties, when the only drinks typically available are cheap beer, Skol or Aristocrat, one dumb bitch with a bottle of Malibu, and that swill Captain Morgan, Goldschlager is considered a luxury. It doesn't taste awful and it has a relatively high alcohol content. Adults know better than to drink it, but for children it's really the best thing available.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
27.Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
there used to be a place in nyc (since moved to white plains i believe) called the korova milk bar. it served various alcoholic milkshakes that were so fucking awesome my head exploded. i wouldn't recommend getting drunk on drinks with dairy in them but there some wonderful wonderful boozey shakes out there.
also irish coffee with fresh made irish cream is fucking brilliant.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#6 - except old italian people.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-08 13:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would do a collegiate version of this but it would be filled with riveting new information on Mad Dog 20/20 and the like.
4.The best brand of beer, which is better than all of the others no matter what any beer snob might say, is Free Beer.
Amen.
5.Goldschlager is produced only for posers and fags, and frat guys (see: posers and fags).
You're getting this confused with Jagermeister and absinthe.
12.Ditto Glenlivet, Bushmills, Vizcaya, Corazon, Patron, Grey Goose, and Michael Collins.
Grey Goose is overrated. Ketel 1, level, and Belvedere are all better, not to mention countless off-brands. People force themselves to enjoy Grey Goose just because they paid more money to get it.
14.Jagermeister tastes awful. No reasonable argument may be made against this statement.
I agree wholeheartedly. Red Bull does nothing to mask its flavor.
23.I have never understood wine. I think it is all a lie.
Red wine is terrible. And, generally, so is all expensive wine. There is no reason to buy anything more expensive than Yellow Tail, because it's the best there is, but Barefoot is an acceptable alternative if you're looking to save one dollar. Boxed wine has a bad reputation but has done nothing to earn it; a juice box for adults.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's cuz I own this bitch.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Most Heated WOO!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JW Green is a stock bottle at my house. Comparing the Blue, Gold, and Green, I'll pick the Green. Gold is a little smoother and costs twice as much as the Green, but if you're drinking it any way other than neat it's not worth the extra cost. Blue is twice as expensive as the Gold, and is again better until you do anything to it, when it becomes practically indistinguishable.
++++++++++
What the fuck are you talking about? Do anything to it? Why would you "do anything" to scotch? besides drink it, of course. chirst man...
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By "do anything to it" I mean of course drinking it any way other than neat, right out of the bottle and into the glass. If you pour it on ice or pour it on ice and then strain the cubes or add water or Diet RC Cola or fruit or other booze or anything, you've done something to it.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:38:02 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well Fg..you know you are always suggesting u going out on a date...well...I will probably begin with a very classy first line... something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?
---------------------------
If I were on a date with Fg I would begin with something like "Hey you fine thing, why don't you climb down my bling and get all up in my britches, yo?"
You know, let her peak into my soul before I hit her with the heavy stuff.
====
I don't even know what this means.
But, I'm always up for a game of 'Kick the Snark.'
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's my mango ball butter.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they're very snug
hmmm can i smell pineapple?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
am i wearing snarks panties AGAIN
===============
They aren't panties. They're European Man Gaunchies.
Ingrate.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobody in Scotland actually calls it 'Scotch'.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
am i wearing snarks panties AGAIN
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm back.
Miss me?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JW Green is a stock bottle at my house. Comparing the Blue, Gold, and Green, I'll pick the Green. Gold is a little smoother and costs twice as much as the Green, but if you're drinking it any way other than neat it's not worth the extra cost. Blue is twice as expensive as the Gold, and is again better until you do anything to it, when it becomes practically indistinguishable.
++++++++++
What the fuck are you talking about? Do anything to it? Why would you "do anything" to scotch? besides drink it, of course. chirst man...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:42:48 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:39:29 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
And by "heavy stuff" I mean of course rohypnol.
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or Canadian politics
_____________________
how embarrassing.
===============
Oh I get it. It's fucking team up on Ole Snark day huh. Time to play a little game of 'Kick the Snark'
Well I got news for you PUNKOS. I don't fucking need this place and I'm not friends with you anymore! You can all smell a fart for all I care.
GOODBYE
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:42:48 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:39:29 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
And by "heavy stuff" I mean of course rohypnol.
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or Canadian politics
_____________________
how embarrassing.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:39:29 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
And by "heavy stuff" I mean of course rohypnol.
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or Canadian politics
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If you don't think two old guys arguing over who's more polite isn't exciting, there's something seriously fucking wrong with you.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My preference these days is good old THC.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 16:39:29 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
And by "heavy stuff" I mean of course rohypnol.
-----------
or Canadian politics
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are wrong about wine. Just for that, I'm not calling your name out during sex anymore.
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But how will I know when you get laid? Oh, yeah... youporn. Forgot.
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Don't knock it. I have 637 girlfriends now.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are wrong about wine. Just for that, I'm not calling your name out during sex anymore.
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But how will I know when you get laid? Oh, yeah... youporn. Forgot.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And by "heavy stuff" I mean of course rohypnol.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a bottle of Tanqeray Ten in the bar. It's unopened. The only person I know who drinks gin regularly usually brings his own big bottle of Boodle's to the house. I suspect it may be more about quantity for him.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well Fg..you know you are always suggesting u going out on a date...well...I will probably begin with a very classy first line... something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?
---------------------------
If I were on a date with Fg I would begin with something like "Hey you fine thing, why don't you climb down my bling and get all up in my britches, yo?"
You know, let her peak into my soul before I hit her with the heavy stuff.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well Fg..you know you are always suggesting u going out on a date...well...I will probably begin with a very classy first line... something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are wrong about wine. Just for that, I'm not calling your name out during sex anymore.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have to disagree with 13,20,23, and 27.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Rangpur specifically is what I drink.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gin.
Submitted by nobody_gets_out_alive (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As somewhat of a scotch snob, gotta make a plug for the single malts here.
+2 for recognizing Glenfiddich & Glenlivet
-1 for not mentioning MacCallen
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It's The Glenlivet if you were a scotch snob you'd know this - Retard
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Lance, you're clearly gay. There's nothing really else to say about that. I think you all know that. And that's cool, but, you know, you were trying to oil me up and that's not really cool.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooo! Check out EI being all rude n' stuff. :D
Commence Duck/EI smackdown in T-minus....
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Listen, I was wandering Ducky. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burgler? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-08 11:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Courvosier
My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society... bus station skank.
I will probably begin with a very classy first line... something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?
Submitted by bozznc (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beer is good, Aged dark rum is better, my home brewed cider is the best! I have 3 10 gallon charred oak kegs sitting in my basement, just hanging out and waiting for me to reactivate the yeast and bottle. I'm going to give it another month!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i just like it with ice
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JW Green is a stock bottle at my house. Comparing the Blue, Gold, and Green, I'll pick the Green. Gold is a little smoother and costs twice as much as the Green, but if you're drinking it any way other than neat it's not worth the extra cost. Blue is twice as expensive as the Gold, and is again better until you do anything to it, when it becomes practically indistinguishable. The colors indicate minimum age of whiskeys used in the blend. I'm pretty sure Red - 4 years. Black, 7 years. Green is 12, Gold is 15, and Blue is 21. Some of the whiskeys in Blue are over 200 years old. Some haven't been produced in 100 years. Liquid history, right there.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the attitude!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-08 09:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rum is for homos...Enjoy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If drinking a glass of rum then having unprotected butt sex with men I find on the street is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so!! i still like it
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, dude. Johnnie Walker is blended. All the colors. Even blue. (Which, I might add, is actually pretty damn tasty...for a blend.)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh , for single malt...Johnny Green Label
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn typos...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As somewhat of a scotch snob, gotta make a plug for the single malts here.
+2 for recognizing Glenfiddich & Glenlivet
-1 for not mentioning MacCallen
He didn't mention "MacCallen" because there's no such thing.
It's Macallan, genius.
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
27. Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
Aw fuck it, just this line alone gets its own +2
Submitted by TheStitch (user info) at 2009-07-08 10:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As somewhat of a scotch snob, gotta make a plug for the single malts here.
+2 for recognizing Glenfiddich & Glenlivet
-1 for not mentioning MacCallen
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-07-08 09:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best beer is Yuengling Lager at the brewery - before they cut the alcohol content down into the legal limits. Same taste, but 4 of them make you retarded.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-08 09:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rum is for homos...Enjoy!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-07-08 09:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice list. And right on with the free beer statement. There is nothing I hate more than when people get bought a beer by a stranger at the bar and they go "what kind is that?.....coors light? Fuck that get me a grolsch!"
To which I reply, "No...drink the free beer, you fuck"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-07-08 09:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do love beer. just last night I had several pints of a delicious local brew. tonight I'll enjoy the ever flowing tap of leinies red as i listen to drunk tards wail, bellow and whatever else word you want to use to categorize cacaphonous noise as they attpempt to sing karaoke. sometimes i really hate that job but i get paid really well to drink and hang out in the bar.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cider: The Inbred's Choice.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-08 12:49:29 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like cider, proper cider like Thatchers and the like.
you all dont care do you
you dont even know what REAL cider is!!
===
Strongbow is good enough for me.
------
its a public house alternative and does suffice, but if you dare have any ice in it, I WILL HAVE TO HAVE WORDS!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how does one not get rum?
rum is amazing.
but for the list
1. gin will produce instant gag reflex/projectile vomiting
2. cheep vodka will give me a headache faster than being hit with a hammer
3. Absinth is pretetious and dooshy to watch someone prepare it, horrible to drink, BUT will completly fuck you up.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, I keep Yuengling on tap*. See this? http://stuff.ubersite.com/124543650546398718/1/NeverWillDoStuccoOrConcreteCountertopsAgainEverEverEverEver.jpg Bottom right pic, that tap there is Yuengling already.
*If there's a lot of people over, I swap in Michelob Ultra when the Yuengling keg goes dry. It's less of a party foul if someone drops one.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-07-08 08:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I drank enough beer in college, at this point in my life I cannot drink enough of it to get drunk, I just get sleepy.
I have discovered that Jack Daniels and Cherry Coke Zero is an amazing combination.
oh and Captain Morgans and Minute Maid fruit punch is LETHAL kids, drink with caution.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-07-08 07:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for mention of Jack Daniels
-1 for no mention of Yuengling
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-08 07:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like cider, proper cider like Thatchers and the like.
you all dont care do you
you dont even know what REAL cider is!!
===
Strongbow is good enough for me.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-07-08 06:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh. My girl loves some Dickens Cider. Asks for it every chance she gets.
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-07-08 06:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm http://www.ubersite.com/m/122638 ??
----
Maybe you should read the post, dummy.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
putting fruit wedges in your beer is for gays and posers
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm http://www.ubersite.com/m/122638 ??
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All anyone has to do to get a positive response from people on the internet is to talk about drinking alcohol as if we were all in high school.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-08 05:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like cider, proper cider like Thatchers and the like.
you all dont care do you
you dont even know what REAL cider is!!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-07-08 02:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will drink anything that is free, I forced myself to like beer as a teen because it was cheap, then found I actually like it now. Hot day, cold glass, beads dripping down the side of the amber liquid. Droolish.
At the moment I am drinking either port because it is cold or canadian club with ginger ale.
The milk drinks aren't nasty until you puke though.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-07-07 23:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
6.Some people like licorice, but no one really likes booze that tastes like licorice.
===
A shot of Sambuca is both traditional and enjoyable for many of us of Italian heritage. True story. Though, I prefer Limoncello.
That said, my Irish half just drank 2 pints of Guinness.
My best friend is on vacation, so I'm acting like I am, too.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-07-07 23:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post proves it.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-07 23:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 20:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not much...after all, JW is "a blend".
***
I read that too somewhere, oh right! now i remember...it was on the label !!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-07 22:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SmalltownSally (user info) at 2009-07-07 22:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No one with actual experience with alcohol calls a margarita a "marg".
What planet are you from?
++++++++++++++++
A genetic defect like you wouldn't have a clue. Stfu.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-07 22:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't "get" rum. FUCK Rum.
------------------------------
What's not to get?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-07-07 22:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All true except for 29. Fruit does not belong in beer after the brewing process.
Submitted by SmalltownSally (user info) at 2009-07-07 22:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No one with actual experience with alcohol calls a margarita a "marg".
What planet are you from?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-07 21:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 20:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not much...after all, JW is "a blend". It's all just for image and getting laid.
The more it costs, the better broad you can nail.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-07 20:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for some reason i've never tasted "green"...so, outside of price(which i don't have to concern myself with) what is the difference in taste when compared with "gold"?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-07 20:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amide
fuck
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-07 20:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Z)-7-[(1R,2R,3R,5S)-3,5-Dihydroxy-2-[1E,3S)-3-hydroxy-5-phenyl-1-pentenyl]cyclopentyl]-5-N-ethylheptenamide
I'm going to go kill myself now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't "get" rum. FUCK Rum.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, there is nothing wrong with enjoying a simple vanilla rum and coke, or rum and vanilla coke.
But don't go vanilla rum and vanilla coke; that's a recipe for disaster.
-----
Werd.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, there is nothing wrong with enjoying a simple vanilla rum and coke, or rum and vanilla coke.
But don't go vanilla rum and vanilla coke; that's a recipe for disaster.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I wake up and hazily reflect on the previous evening - Jagermeister is always the point in which shit went horribly wrong.
I hate that shit.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was heading for a 1, but this line pushed it to two:
19.Have a Key Box at your house if you serve booze. Your responsible friends will use it. Others will either be unduly fortunate or die.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-07 19:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On the website, you can plug in your zip code to see if there are any retailers around so you don't always have to do it through the mail.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You probably have mail. I have to go smoke. Let's go A's!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FG - I am gratified. Many thanks. I have ordered the Marg and Daq mixes. You rock and when you rock, you rock hard.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not especially fond of beer. I drink it, but meh. I've been accused of being a girl about it but that's ok I guess. Fat Tire is a good ol' faithful.
See, the thing is, beer produces gas. Now I try to be a lady about it and will excuse myself and go outside to burp. Sometimes it registers on the Richter scale. But that's just between me and the shrubbery.
Not all of us are ladies though. When I'm in a room that is at least 40% male who are drinking beer, after a few hours, I'm ready to cut a chump.
I've tried beers recommended by beer snobs, but between you and me, after a couple, I can't tell the difference.
When I was doing the "girly" drinks in my early twenties, there were a few times I honestly thought I was going to die in a coma with a blood glucose level of 1500.
Learned my lesson, I did.
Now I just do tequila.
Skrap, seeing as how you entertain, check these guys out. http://www.bajabob.com/
Sugar Free drink mixers! For those of your guest who either don't want/can't have too much sugar, or for your lady guests.
The Desert Lime margarita mix is really good.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy - skrapmetal.at.ratpackcycles.com
I'm in Tampa a lot and I'll no kidding buy you a beer someplace by the stadium. No autographs necessary.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The difference is that I typed it with a smile... with a full set of teeth.
===========
If true, bite me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap- how far are you from Tampa-St. Pete?
We have a busy schedule (of drinking and ballgames) but I'd make time for you - because your house is nicer than mine, which really irritates me.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
27.Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
===
white russians are good. seriously.
ask the dude.
===========
White Russians do taste good, but too many will make ya puke Too much sugar.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The difference is that I typed it with a smile... with a full set of teeth.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy - I heard you're going to be in my area for the A's games soon. If I was going to be there I'd no kidding gladly buy you a beer. I'd probably ask you to autograph a plastic mug or something too, though, so perhaps it's better if you just enjoy the games without being pestered by yet another drunken fan.
WooHoo!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That wasn't ONLY because of your breath, Caul...
===
that one was too easy and i expected it.
i just thought it'd came from bubba.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That wasn't ONLY because of your breath, Caul...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
27.Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
===
white russians are good. seriously.
ask the dude.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the worse thing i ever drank not in strenght but in taste, excluding my dad's cum, is a brandy made out of Gewurztraminer from Alsace.
some belgian dude said "here, it's a good apetizer"
the smell...my gf didn't want to walk on the same side of the street after that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only read approximately the first 10 or so and it looks good to me.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
27.Any drink with cream/milk and alcohol together is fucking na-haasty.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't like beer as much as used to. i guess i'm kinda bored of it.
jack daniel's is the greatest american invention.
i like wine, but mostly in restaurants...and those who specialize in that.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I wake up and hazily reflect on the previous evening - Jagermeister is always the point in which shit went horribly wrong.
I hate that shit.
============
Agreed. It could be mistaken for Vicks cough syrup.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet. And I can't drink wine on account of sensitive teeth.
"You come on back tomorrow, son. We'll drink beer and chase women."
I don't know why that came into my head. Something some old redneck just this side of Utah once said to me, after learning that I was not, in fact, a government biologist, as he had suspected and in which case he would have kicked the shit out of me.
back to work. Thanks for the break. Nice timing, Skrap.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lungfish, you need to drink at my house. I have Jack Black, Gentleman Jack, and JD Single Barrel all in the bar right now. And, wait, and: I'm not afraid to use them.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I friggin' love Jack Daniels.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I wake up and hazily reflect on the previous evening - Jagermeister is always the point in which shit went horribly wrong.
I hate that shit.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WooHoo!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just drink the stuff, I don't read it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I friggin' love Jagermeister.
I think you've got an alkaloid pictured there, chief.
===========
Certainly not ethanol. . .
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack Daniels only tastes good in BBQ sauce.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-07 18:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I friggin' love Jagermeister.
I think you've got an alkaloid pictured there, chief.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-07 17:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*sniff*
Po widdle Tails.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-07 17:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WooHoo!
*deep exhale*