Berty muses about independence and carpets (976 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2009-07-06 06:12:05 EDT
When I was very little I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, and I said "I want to live under the carpet". My thinking was that the carpet was warm & fluffy, so I would be safe and warm and hidden forever. I grew up and learned that you can't live under a carpet.
My God though, it'd be awful not being independent. Life is perpetual fear, anxiety, and shame, but after having done living as a dependent I can confirm that it is no carpet. I'll bet the only thing worse is looking after a dependent. Like a child or a needy girlfriend who wants my money (I don't have any money).
Still... no man is an island. Perhaps independence is a little bit like owning a gun? You don't own a gun and expect to use it, it's more for security like a gonk or a blankee. The exception would be if you were a soldier, but then you'd be a person who kills people for money so I suppose you wouldn't really count as a person.
Actually that's a nice segue; does the deep conditioning to adherence to routine and "structure" make military times snivelling dependent creatures? I like to think so, but only because I've never trusted authority figures and the armed forces are all about those so I always consider the mental state of all people drawn into that life suspect. Maybe I am being mean and they just like climbing over things? Climbing over things is fun. I would be down with that as a viable life choice.
So yeah, probably all comes down to freedom. Dependence is freedom from and independence is freedom to. If memory serves, some guys had a conference to decide which was better and said you needed both but they all bought into Aristotle's idealism so their parents probably crazy humiliated them when they were little about wetting the bed. If Aristotle were alive he would say that we should all suck a little cock, a little pussy, regardless of personal taste to be well rounded individuals. I can understand the argument, but I just think that people are more complicated, you know?
Perhaps what I am trying to say is that men and women can live as pocket Chihuahuas' or whatever and that is okay I think. Life and society should provide a structure for people to do whatever they want with equal opportunities in mind. Does that seem right to you?
User Reviews
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-07 11:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-07 01:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-06 23:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From my personal experience, the military doesn't make people weak and dependent; the people who want to make a career out of the military are ALREADY weak and dependent. They are just taking the logical path in their lives.
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and becoming a cubicle drone is for the strong and independent.
i know opinions are like assholes, but yours stinks particularly bad.
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Hey man, I'm not trying to attack the military, I've served my 6+2, I'm just saying that the people who make the military a career, and maybe I should have pointed out that I'm referring to the career e-1 through e-5's, are probably extremely dependent on somebody structuring their day for them. That way they aren't required to make any decisions for themselves.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-07-07 11:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah I like choice.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-07 04:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
around + 0.95 is a decent return for this controversial topic Berty, you should be proud.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-07 03:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*Berty wields his rhetorical hammer of +2*
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-07 01:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-06 23:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From my personal experience, the military doesn't make people weak and dependent; the people who want to make a career out of the military are ALREADY weak and dependent. They are just taking the logical path in their lives.
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and becoming a cubicle drone is for the strong and independent.
i know opinions are like assholes, but yours stinks particularly bad.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-06 23:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bertrand Russell said, "The most logically consistent theories are unbelievable and the most believable theories are inconsistent." This may or may not be related to your post, but I offer it because I'm thinking of becoming a metaphysical solipsist...you know, because it sounds cool. I guess I'm saying that I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't matter, because none of you really exist, anyway. You are welcome to carry on.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-07-06 23:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From my personal experience, the military doesn't make people weak and dependent; the people who want to make a career out of the military are ALREADY weak and dependent. They are just taking the logical path in their lives.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-07-06 20:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe I am being mean and they just like climbing over things?
haha
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-07-06 17:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I'm conflicted now.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-06 16:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would imagine that it would be like an ordinary bangle, only glowing. And also used in or around the anus.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know what an ass bangle is, i can show you if you like.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad I don't know what a glowing ass bangle is...research imminent.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-06 17:46:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have strippers on the brain this morning, so i have little to offer to the discussion at hand
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Phew, I thought I was the only one...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Considering that you're one glowing ass bangle away from being your own gay rave, I'd have to say you've got quite the paradox going on.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-06 14:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I still think addressing yourself (constantly) in the third person is moderately homosexual.
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Agreeing with a homosexual calling another homosexual a homosexual has never felt this awkward. I've been saying this for a while now.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-06 14:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I still think addressing yourself (constantly) in the third person is moderately homosexual.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-06 14:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Time for a serious question.
You've made it clear you have no interest in public sex, but would you let men gangbang you in the privacy of your own home?
Just curious.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-07-06 14:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-07-06 13:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-06 13:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Perhaps what I am trying to say is that men and women can live as pocket Chihuahuas' or whatever and that is okay I think. Life and society should provide a structure for people to do whatever they want with equal opportunities in mind. Does that seem right to you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't think anybody owes me the right to be a squirrel in the woods, I just marched out there and scratched out a nest and started filling it with acorns ...
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-06 13:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 04:00:36 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You see Flash that is the difference between you and me; public sex.
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I would have thought it would be the wiener in the pooper and balls in the mouth, but hey, that's just me.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-06 12:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have strippers on the brain this morning, so i have little to offer to the discussion at hand.
Submitted by jblum (user info) at 2009-07-06 11:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this piece of shit supposed to mean something more. I couldn't even understand your incoherent rambling
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-06 11:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you on drugs again?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Wetness all around me, true, but I'm no island. Peninsula, maybe..." ~Andre 3k
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you be warm if you lived under a carpet? Floors are cold, that's why you put carpets on them.
Then I suppose the carpet would be like a thin, rough blanket, so that could be warm. But the floor is still cold.
It's a puzzle, I'll give you that much.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 09:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh please shut the fuck up SAGE
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-06 09:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 09:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-06 09:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See? That is obscenely respectable.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 09:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i once killed somebody in Oblivion for money, i thought i was killing him for his lockpicks and really sweet light armour, but his really sweet light armour was all battle worn and he didn't even HAVE any lockpicks, all he had was stupid money. And when I took it to the lockpick shop it was shut. :(
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-06 09:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How exactly does killing people for money make you at all suspect? It's a perfectly respectable line of work, and some of the most recommendable folk have been a part of it. Just look at Horatio Nelson, Sir Francis Drake, or Joan of Arc, to say nothing of various fictional peoples. There might not always be manufacturing, automotive, etc in in your area, but you can be guaranteed of one thing; there will always be people somewhere whom you can kill for money.
And if you have an issue with tyranny, than the British Navy circa 1790 was the wrong place for you.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EI is a brilliant swimmer and in perfect shape yet his arch nemesis d_r is machine wrinkly with his 1970 large batteried robot head nearing extinction. Therefore I am proposing a worldwide cull on non crickting loving robots with grey hair.
- EI outlining his manifesto for his parties next election.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Perhaps what I am trying to say is that men and women can live as pocket Chihuahuas' or whatever and that is okay I think. Life and society should provide a structure for people to do whatever they want with equal opportunities in mind. Does that seem right to you?"
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No it does not. Who are the "life and society" that are providing all of this structure for you to wander about doing whatever you want to do in? Life and society owe you nothing. You must make and capitalize on opportunities to provide you the lifestyle of your choice, so long as (as FJ said) it doesn't infringe on other's freedoms. If that lifestyle you build is one that affords you the ability to help others achieve the lifestyle of their choice (say, providing a structure for them to wander about doing whatever they want in) and you wish to do so, then you are free to help. And if you do not wish to help, you are free to not help. In this way everyone succeeds as they may on their own merits and abilities and/or with the freely given charity of others.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I, er...don't actually care for cricket robin pudd, and even less so for our team."
- d_r explaining to captain dickbreath why he doesn't like cricket and why his, (dickbreath's), 'barb' was misplaced and ultimately dumb, all the while implying he's a bit, doughy and out of shape, like most english.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"20/20 isn't proper cricket, only teams with demented players and freaks bother to try"
- ricky ponting weeping into his croc sandwich flicking between flying doctors and the 20/20 world cup
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"wow, this is a great European Cup."
- the english football team down at the local admiring Spain and anybody else who bothered to qualify on the big screen.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"GRRRRRUnk gunk groow gnack........*burp*"
- fey and i_can_get_you_a_toe on their haunches eating chicken.
and clams.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seems to me that bertys average rating is far to high for a man with no arms
and ive never had herpes or a boyfriend, if i ever have children i shall call the boy herpes
herpes mongo impossible II
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Nobody puts herpes in a corner."
- ei chastising his boyfriend for putting his herpes collection in a corner.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can you please be specific and stop generalising by calling us British, we are british for the two weeks of Wimbledon, thats it.
Ashes now, back to being English.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Hi, we're the british."
- the british from Meet the Think Tank.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you'll be my bodyguard...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
al? god dammit im falling apart.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have been playing cricket in the heat and im all good, my eyebrows have turned white but al is not lost.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*constructive goddammit
see? I'm flustered and hurt.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:14:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
er...secretionimpossible? I did not say that.
Dear english, metaphor. No silent 'e' on the end, and it's oriented ei, orientated is what chavs say when they are trying to sound wordy and not drop an 'h'.
I see what's going on here. Over the course of my time here on uber I have been nothing but kind, supportive, and have only ever offered contructive criticism (WHEN ASKED FOR) mind, but all of a sudden when there's no iddqd or phallic to back up my commentary on your pissant little isle and the organisms that pervade it, shittle britain has ganged up on me because - dare I say it, you're intimidated by my calloused, sunbleached, boxing kangaroo persona. So in closing, before I say fuck you all, why don't you go tie a hanky on your heads and 'catch some rays' in hyde park unless your tooooo scared by your, - 'heatwave' and, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Last summer i went on a work sports day. I was in the softball team ( i hit a home run) anyway we got the coach back and arrived in Bristol at about 11pm, so I wandered towards the city centre to get a bus home. I had to cross over by the river and was a bit wary of muggers and rapists when i heard some rather odd grunts as I approached an alcove. This guy was fucking a girl with a rather pert ass in the alleyway (an actual alleyway, as I approached they guy heard me but the girl didn't. He pulled out quickly and began to zip up, suddenly the girl mutters 'why the fuck are you stopping, fuck me harder'
She turns round, beaver akimbo and I catch her eye. Ive never seen a girl with jeans round her ankle run behind a wheelie bin quite so quickly in my life.
so i walked on and got the bus and went home
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 07:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You see Flash that is the difference between you and me; public sex. I can't deal with it. I'd be there all imaging myself looking at myself and seeing me all gangly and junk whilst another part of my mind would be all "OH GOD SOMETHING TOUCHED MY HAND" and I wouldn't know what to make of it all.
I think that it is totally right for you to do that though.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 11:52:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was in a club in Billawongbongniggershigga with a few mates, and looking for the toilet. I wandered into a pitch black room that was very hot and soon got disorientated. I stumbled over and pretty soon my trousers had been ripped down and my ass was getting fucked while I sucked on some guys balls. Then I realised this was a gay club. It was pretty cool though, having everything pitch black and not knowing who was who. There was a lovely peace about the anonymity of it all, and in a way I felt like I was really the only person in the room, since I couldn't see or hear anyone else.
Anyway, I ended up pissing all over some guy's chest and then he wanked me off into his hair.
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Too much information.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ive been trying to grow my fuck for sometime now but its still only lasts two prods and a shake
and where is apullo, he promised an ashes post, he has less than 3 days to produce one of his masterpieces.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DR today I am Slavik so your racist barbs miss me by miles but to say that arabs hide behind things shows a great deal of ignorance about middle eastern terrain.
Actually what do you mean "hiding behind" exactly? Are you thinking about racism laws? I thought racism was not only allowed in Australia but required in order to hold a government position. Is it not a metaphore? Are they hiding behind the kiwis during protest marches over there because they are big and dumb?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was in a club in Mallorca with a few mates, and looking for the toilet. I wandered into a pitch black room that was very hot and soon got disorientated. I stumbled over and pretty soon my trousers had been ripped down and my ass was getting fucked while I sucked on some guys balls. Then I realised this was a gay club. It was pretty cool though, having everything pitch black and not knowing who was who. There was a lovely peace about the anonymity of it all, and in a way I felt like I was really the only person in the room, since I couldn't see or hear anyone else.
Anyway, I ended up pissing all over some guy's chest and then he wanked me off into his hair.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*an euphemism? is that even english? why the fuck am I asking bertram?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nevermind it was an euphemism for burkhas and beards, and everything ELSE you sand niggers like to hide behind.
oh and grow the fuck ei we're trying to have a he-said/she-said discussion here, you're far too brian molko to be participating.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's something to be said for not having to bother with makeup or dressing up and just throwing a bag over your head & body. If we all did that nightclubs would be rubbish though.
Perhaps she was in transition? Like she'd escaped her husband (of father/family) and was learning how to be a real girl?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was in Sydney , we visited some underground funky club, this was before the days of the smoking ban in England. So me being me thought, if i can smoke inside in England, i can smoke inside in Oz. I was wrong, I lit up and took a few drags, people around me were mesmerized, originally I thought my boyish charm and exquisite good looks were winning the normally hostile Sydneyites over. Turns out they were in awe of me, smoking in a bar. Shortly afterwards they were no longer in awe of me as a security person (door man) picked me up by my collar, dangled me as a bad example in front of the bar and carefully launched me out of the club, where he muttered
'well mate as soon as you've finished that you can come back in BUT no until you've smoked it right to the end'
so, there was me, smoking it like dr smokes cock just to get back in
anyway what i meant to say was that I saw a lady wearing a burka by the bar whilst i was being dangled and wondered who looked sillier.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyway DR, not all muslims are about burkas and mysoginy.
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this from somebody who wanted to live under a carpet
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I am glad you got the subtlety of that. I was worried I'd have to make some kind of lewd joke about carpet bagging.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Flash, I am sorry to say that that is probably impossible. I mean if I want to be naked all the time in public and wack off out the window at work then somebody will probably take exception to that and by taking exception infringe on my desire to live my life how I want to.
Although I suppose you could be self employed and live in the countryside. But what if the whole point of it all was that people were looking at you? Ah, but, yes, I am forgetting the internet and webcameras but perhaps that is not tactile enough?
Anyway details aside, I think I am saying that you can only live by the Bill and Ted maxim to get anywhere.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hi, I'm emission impossible, from the impossibles and I love cock"
- EI from the impossibles.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyway DR, not all muslims are about burkas and mysoginy.
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this from somebody who wanted to live under a carpet
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Folk singing is for Christians, DR. If Osama wanted to do anything other than kill infidels he would be like Jade Goody, what with all his antics and desperate plea for attention. On the other hand I suppose you could say the same thing about the moon landing.
Anyway DR, not all muslims are about burkas and mysoginy.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"this is anfield"
- yadda yadda yadda.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Life and society should provide a structure for people to do whatever they want with equal opportunities in mind. Does that seem right to you?"
- So long as said person's choice doesn't infringe upon other people's, then, yes.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend
half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Heretic
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 06:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what sort of arab ARE you, you're like fucking bin laden deciding he wants to be a folk singer. MAN the fuck up.