I Want a Dog, and the Rest of Life (898 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.52 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PMJ <potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2009-07-06 00:08:29 EDT
I want a dog. Really badly in fact. Dogs rule.
I had a Labrador as a kid. Basically, my parents got it 3 months after I was born. Lady was her name, and she was awesome. Friendliest dog in the world, would eat pretty much anything (I'm not talking fun garbage either, I'm talking lettuce, and orange peels, the stuff most dogs don't even bother to sniff). We had a fireplace in my house, and Lady absolutely loved laying by the fire. She'd basically lie in front of the fireplace with her belly facing the fire. She'd lie closer than any of my family could sit for more than 2 minutes without getting uncomfortable from the heat. It would almost be hard to pat her stomach after she had been lying there because it would be so hot.
Most Labs live to like 12-13 years old. Lady lived to 16. That means that for the first 16 years of my life, I only knew what life was like with a dog in the house. I'm now 29 years old. So, I've still actually lived longer with a Dog in my life, than I have without.
Now there are a whole bunch of ups and downs about having a pet like a dog. Way more ups than downs, but you still need to look at both sides of the coin. Dogs can stink, and in fact, they like to stink. Stink = awesome for dogs. Dogs can destroy the fuck out of things if the mood takes them, and the mood could be playful or depressed. Seriously, from a Dog's point of view it could be "Hey, where are my owners... I'm sad about them not being here... I'm going to destroy the couch out of grief." Or it could be "Wow, that was an awesome game of fetch, I will now destroy the couch in triumph!"
As I said though, the pluses way outweigh the negatives. The biggest, most awesome part about having a dog is getting to be alone without ever being alone. Yeah, that's kind of a contradiction, but just hear me out. I'm an extrovert. I like hanging out with people and all that jazz, but there's still sometimes you want to be alone. Just to be by yourself, drink a beer, and maybe watch a movie you like on TV that you've seen twice before, but always enjoy. You can do that with a dog around and it makes no difference to your 'aloneness'. Other times, you find yourself alone (not by choice) and maybe feeling a little bit glum. With a dog around, you're no longer alone. Dogs seem to know when you're feeling a little blue, and are happy to come over give you a little company.
So where is this ramble coming from? Well, I currently live in an apartment and it's just not big enough for a dog, and even if it was, I wouldn't feel right leaving a dog at home inside all day (my wife and I both work). So, therefore I need a yard. In order to get a yard, I need to buy a house. I live in Sydney (Australia) where buying a house will cost you a kidney, your first born, and quite possibly your soul if you want to live somewhere where you don't need bars on your window.
So yeah, I'm not getting a dog anytime soon, and it sucks, because I sure do want one.
That's all. Dogs rule.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-07 12:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdVTbU9q0Lc
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-07-07 11:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We don't have a dog we have two walking slippers that shit.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-07-07 04:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dogs do kick ass, me, my partner and our housemate all have a dog each, mine's Tilly the Springer Spaniel, her's is Beau the Collie/spaniel and Dave's is Jack the Lurcher.
We all do "dog voices" and have a running monologue for each dog, with Tilly being stupid, Beau being autistic (don't ask, wierdest, most socially-retarded dog ever) and Jack being a deviant with a thing for dog-human porn.
They are awesome fun and like you say, you're never alone with a dog, i take Tilly with me almost everywhere. She even sometimes comes to work with me (in an office).
But they can also be a fucking BALLACHE - I mean, Tilly recently had her first season, got pregnant from Jack, had to have a chemical abortion, passed the jelly-sack-full-of-puppies in the lounge, ate it and now has up to three weeks of leaving little bloody spots everywhere she sits - Nice.
Not only is it gross and annoying, but the Chemical abortion cost me £150 (about $300) the consultation fees surrounding that cost another £50 ($100) and then in 2 months time she'll need spaying too at £200 ($400) - She's an expensive little fucker.
But then again, it's all worth it when i see her bouncing through the fields behind our house, or swimming in the lake with a stick in her mouth.
I've got used to things like always having six little eyes peering at you while you eat anything, stepping over dogs to get anywhere in the house, "dogproofing" the lounge every night before bed, shouting "down" every 10 minutes when she decides the sofa is where she wants to put her bloody-dog-twat (although, she's learning that her place is on the floor by daddies feet), getting up early to walk them in the morning, taking them out to pee before bed, "go wee wee's, go wee wee's" and all that other annoying shit.
But it's all worth it when you get home from work and they all come up to you rubbing against your legs and begging for a belly rub.
Aw, I miss our silly dogs now.
There's a giant picture of Tilly here...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/121865
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2009-07-06 23:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2009-07-06 22:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-07-06 17:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 01:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweetpea that's not a dog, it's a docile, blonde goody two-shoes who's only saving grace is it's ability not to jump on, chase, or do the macarena with any visitors who may call on you in your spacious north shore bottom floor bedsit. If you want a REAL dog get a boxer, they're comPLETELY offensive. or just get one of iddqd's old girlfriends.
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I've had my boxer, Aeris, for just over a year ago when she was a puppy. When you get past the house training (took around 2 months), it's not so bad. While they're good company if you're into that sort of thing, dogs can impede the Christ out of your personal life. Now I can't go out and get plastered and spend the night somewhere because I have to worry about letting the dog out. Can't go on spur-of-the-moment vacations over the weekend because I need someone to watch the dog. The pros outweigh the cons most of the time but sometimes I think NOT having a dog would make my life much more exciting.
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d183/ejryuu/Aeris-1.jpg
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-07-06 16:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a lurcher that died in 1992. He was amazing.
I want a border collie next... but not till I retire because its not fair with both of us working. Dogs need LOVE
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Owning a dog is awesome, unless the dog is a sniveling, yipping, small piece of shit like my roommate's girlfriend's dog. I want to punt that mother fucker through the window. I wouldn't normally suggest it, but downsizing to a medium or even "small" dog would be perfect for an apartment. Hell, I've seen dobermans do good in apartments.
I found that my jerking off has grown a fond propensity to use dirty laundry as my catch rag, as well as being what I use to wipe the cum off of any sexual partner I am intercoursing. Needless to say that some of my dirty laundry is stiff.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-07-06 14:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-06 13:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The biggest, most awesome part about having a dog is getting to be alone without ever being alone. Yeah, that's kind of a contradiction, but just hear me out."
~~~~~~~~~
EXACTLY! My terrier Tweeter travels with me all the time, she is learning to talk. When the "Funniest Animals" show comes on the telly, I hold her up by the screen when the talking dogs are shown.
Concerning your flavor choice of dog. Labs RULE! Had one save my life by swimming out to me as I was drowning in a big river near the Canadian border. She was a talking Lab even! {Cortex to Cortex} Not kiddin.
Say. Too bad about living in a place where there must be bars on the windows...sounds like Los Angeles or Stockton.
Maybe get a cat till you can live somewhere where dogs are allowed? Felines can be a comfort what with the purring and all...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-06 13:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like dogs better than I like almost all people.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-06 12:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
animals are all cunts. that's what makes them fun.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-06 12:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs are awesome. I borrow other people's, as I do not have one of my own. I'm sure it's not quite the same thing.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-07-06 11:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit, you haven't been around in a while.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, it's been a while...how have you been?
funny you make this post, my gf just bought a 2 month old labrador last week. you can switch place with me if you like, because frankly, i don't really like pets.
sure they're cute and all, but not worth all the hassle. especially dogs. unless your single, because it seems to be a good way to attrack chicks, as i've discovered the few times i walked it.
i also hate how people, mostly women, think you're some sort of cold-hearted asshole if you don't play with the dog like it's your first born baby, bumbling like a retard "aah gah goo gee go gee gah! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!" it's an animal ffs.
give me your adress, i'll ship it to you :-)
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs really do rule. :)
I have a cat, and he fetches, rolls over on his back to have his belly scratched, catches (literally with his paws...if I knew how to post a video of it I would), cuddles, and generally acts like a dog, but with all the autonomy/benefits of a cat. He's fucking awesome.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
from a Dog's point of view it could be "Hey, where are my owners... I'm sad about them not being here... I'm going to destroy the couch out of grief." Or it could be "Wow, that was an awesome game of fetch, I will now destroy the couch in triumph!"
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I finally finished my privacy fence after around 2 years of on/off again working. The dogs are running freely in it now, after tearing down the first panel of their older, smaller enclosure, and they're loving it.
Now if only my muscles weren't revolting against my body.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like dogs better than I like most people.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
when i get to my 7 gazillioneth review i may stop
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
says the 'retart'
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this dog looks retarted
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm pretty sure they're all gay.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well THAT dog is
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-07-06 08:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dogs are gay.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-06 05:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also long for a dog. I want to call it Nigel or Martin or Keith or Daniel.
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-07-06 05:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Wow, that was an awesome game of fetch, I will now destroy the couch in triumph!"
that was the +2 line
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-06 05:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-06 04:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In summary: Cats shit cat turds in the litter box and are independant, graceful, and clean. Dogs eat cat turds from the litter box and are needy, clumsy, smelly attention whores. Cats rule.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-06 04:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
MLW wanted a dog, hence http://www.ubersite.com/m/121222 Since then, the $75-adoption-fee f'dog has cost us loads of time (me, mainly) and money (MLW, mainly) in making our place 'ready to keep a dog'. That drooling 24-toed dogtard lives better than 70% of the people on Earth when we're not home and he's kenneled. Yes, I built a 6-ft tall fence dog kennel in the back yard. The top of it is entirely covered with shade fabric. In the kennel: An insulated, air-conditioned cedar doghouse with a porch. A 4-ft diameter swimming pool. An automatic-filling watering bowl. A goddamned webcam so MLW can check on the f'dog while she's at work. For all that effort we get to walk the thing twice a day, plan an outing on the weekend to keep it from getting bored, have conversation about it's poop, vacuum the house ten times as often as we used to before we got the f'dog, have conversations about whether that fart was me or MLW or the f'dog, have discussions about whether it's tired of its food, and to top it all off I have to listen to MLW say "GooBooooyyy" when the f'dog goes into the back room and somehow manages to avoid eating the cat turds from the litter box.
In summary: Cats shit cat turds in the litter box and are independant, graceful, and clean. Dogs eat cat turds from the litter box and are needy, clumsy, smelly attention whores. Cats rule.
Sometimes the f'dog is kinda cool, though. I admit it.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-07-06 03:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We just moved out of an apartment into a nice house with a lovely garden.
We took in a cat around new year and my wife already started talking about adding a dog now we got so much more space and all neighbours have dogs and it's just a couple of hundred meters to get to a huge hicking area.
I told her that we could consider a dog once I stopped working shifts by the end of the year.
My waiting for a dag will be over within 6 months.
My first dog experience was with dog called Lady too, she died at 14.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-07-06 02:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That dog is missing some of its snout. Did it run into a wall when it was a pup?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-07-06 01:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweetpea that's not a dog, it's a docile, blonde goody two-shoes who's only saving grace is it's ability not to jump on, chase, or do the macarena with any visitors who may call on you in your spacious north shore bottom floor bedsit. If you want a REAL dog get a boxer, they're comPLETELY offensive. or just get one of iddqd's old girlfriends.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-07-06 00:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2009-07-06 00:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah...
I know.... not my best post ever. But it was on my mind, so I posted it. That's all.
My new job affords me a metric buttload of time, so you will be seeing more, and of better quality.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-07-06 00:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a dog!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-07-06 00:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your yearly post was this?
I'm disappointed to say the least.