My Third Annual Geek-off Entry (941 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.3 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by frankthebear (View user info) at 2009-06-11 04:39:39 EDT
Ok, it's time for me to step up and take back my rightful place as Uber-geek extraordinaire! Read 'em and weep bitches!
1) I own a modest collection of swords, the most recent is a replica of Ruruoni Kenshin's Reverse-blade sword.
2) I have all 4 Ninja Turtle movies, yes, even the third one.
3) I went out of my way to download and make a dvd of the Star Wars Holiday Special.
4) For some reason, every single time I lie down to go to sleep, one of the first images that flashes across my mind is myself as Spider-man shooting my webbing at the top of a building and swinging down and around said building.
5) I have a Richard Cheese folder in my computer.
6) If I were to win the lottery, I would have a human-sized hobbit hole built for my retirement house.
7) I can roll a pretty decent burrito.
8) I bought a large red metal sled so that I could repaint it as a Captain America shield.
9) I can't wait for the Captain America movie next year.
10) During my commute to work, I fantasize about being Everyman or some other superhero.
11) I'm a 12-year-old trapped in a 30-year-old's body.
12) I'm currently downloading, among many other things, the two Swamp Thing movies.
13) I have more Weird Al songs in my computer than Beatles songs.
14) I'm going to see a Beatles tribute band this Saturday.
15) I made a kilt, by hand, and I have worn it in public.
16) I would still play D&D regularly if I had to time.
17) I would actually rather play D&D than go bar hopping to meet chicks.
18) I've seen the Shadow Hare stuff on Youtube and thought to myself "I could do that..."
19) Ray and I are in a Youtube video shot by Darth Stevious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9Dt3TIfscQ
(also proof that I am not an alter!)
20) I switched to PBS and watched an episode of "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood" the day he died.
21) I use Firesign Theater quotes in everyday conversation.
22) Very few of you know who Firesign Theater are.
23) I have an Autobot insignia on the back window of my car.
24) I will be going to see Transformers 2 when it comes out.
25) I know enough to never get involved in a conversation about religion or politics.
26) My favorite version of "Whiskey in the Jar" is by Thin Lizzy.
27) I still own a record player so I can play all my old Bill Cosby albums.
28) I have the Robots in Disguise version of Optimus Prime, combined with Ultra Magnus, and customized to have extra armor and four arms on the top of my tv.
29) I've toyed with the idea of downloading the Power Rangers series and movies.
30) My current choice of bathroom reading is the original Dragonball manga.
31) I know someone who met George Lucas, so that means I met George Lucas by proxy.
32) I actually do like Dane Cook.
33) Any time I have to use a flashlight, I have to fight the urge to swing it around and make lightsaber sounds. VROOOOSH! SHHHRRRAAAOOUUUUUUWWWWWWW!!!!
34) I mentally refer to everyday things in gaming terms. I can scoop ice cream with this spoon and it doesn't bend at all! It must be a +9 Vorpal Spoon!
35) I drink my coffee out of a 32oz. Beer mug.
36) I know the words to the theme song of Red Dwarf.
37) For some reason, I always take notice when I see the theme song of a show was performed by They Might Be Giants.
39) I still have my old copy of the second edition D&D player's handbook, even though it's obsolete.
40) When I was a kid, I always had some kind of cape.
41) The background and screensaver of my computer is the scrolling green code from the Matrix.
That's all I can think of and...crap. I've already lost again, haven't I?
fuck
User Reviews
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2009-06-12 16:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes i did in fact gain 50 lbs while anticipating my first son (now 20 months old)
i knocked it to about 217 by the time my second son was concieved (now 6 weeks old)
i peaked at 230lbs (back up to that extra 50lbs)
damn sympathy weight, why cant i be one of those thin, uncaring fathers that dont gain any weight
well im already down 10 so far
with any luck all the constant chasing and carrying will knock it down faster
ill be back to 175 soon enough
long story short... i am tubby at about 220 for now
but in my defense i am proof that even a lardo can get laid
and you can all kiss my fat ginger ass
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-12 12:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WINNER!
I would have definately picked on you if we went to high school together.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-12 03:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
frank, your life is sadder than those sarah mclaughlin ASPCA commercials.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-06-12 01:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WHAT, NO BOB AND RAY QUOTES???
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-11 20:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"1) I own a modest collection of swords, the most recent is a replica of Ruruoni Kenshin's Reverse-blade sword."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish to see photos of your sword collection.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-06-11 18:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am Jamie's complete lack of surprise.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2009-06-11 18:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's all I can think of and...crap. I've already lost again, haven't I?
yes
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-06-11 16:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate to tell you guy but you're basically wearing the skirt i had to wear to catholic school. although we hemmed ours shorter. in fact it was even sold as a "kilt".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-11 16:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHHAADNAUSEAM
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously dude, you guys do this shit every year. Do these lists change at all? Because I don't read them.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
congratulations.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You've already lost.
Sorry.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-11 13:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i watched some of that video and had one of those vicarious contemplation of suicide moments. but at least you two ladies have each other, right?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-11 13:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
'17) I would actually rather play D&D than go bar hopping to meet chicks. '
==
OH, YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY?
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-11 13:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
After reading the comments section on this post, I'm th|--|is close to declaring that every single post made during the contest run become an official entry for Geek-Off. Hrmm. Not a bad idea, really....
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-11 13:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've already lost again, haven't I?"
...in oh so may ways, Frank.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-11 11:25:55 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to ruin a kilt you ignorant motherfucker.
=====
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno Matt, you may have wasted a few months of your life on that link but clearly this man has thrown away his entire life.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still pretty sure I have you beat.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Also, that video was mind numbingly retarded.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who doesn't like richard cheese?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to ruin a kilt you ignorant motherfucker.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-11 11:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder what the response would be to an Uber Normal-Off.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2009-06-11 11:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fear that I would rank just as high in both the self-deprecating geek-off as the self-aggrandizing jock-off.
Submitted by GreatOdensRaven (user info) at 2009-06-11 11:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 only because I'd do Megan Fox
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-11 10:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-11 05:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This has been done before and it wasn't entertaining then. I thought for a second that Ubersite should do a "Jock off", but the winner would be whoever once had to walk to the corner store for oreos because their segway broke down, as that seems about as athletic as it gets around here.
------
If you want to go stare at jocks, go to the gym. Wishing for more athletic guys to talk to and compare feats with (very gay BTW) is not considered exercise.
...seriously....Jock Off? Gay.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you guys all make out in your costumes after an event like this? I only wonder because I have seen so many reenactment type geeks hanging around dressed like wallys at castles, which is good because they are normally in big groups for the hunting, and it always makes me wonder what they get up too in their tents after the event. Do more than the pigs on the spits get a bit of roasting? or do the wenches join in?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Force of habit, my bad. Nothing against you, Frank.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Whoops.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow....You may win this contest, but you're certainly losing at life.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading the first one I can say that you should win.
Geek. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry frank, in this weird universe, you win by losing, and by losing you win. You see, you had already lost as soon as you entered, therefore you already may be a winner!...excuse me,..."winnar!"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-11 08:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK...OK...you win again. You're the fucking King of Geekdom.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-06-11 08:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have been given this password and account with strict instructions to -2 whenever you posted.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2009-06-11 07:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually the Kilt you're wearing is a modern kilt and doesnt go with the faux skin rug thing at all.
Also the sword is completly wrong for the outfit as well....
God I feel geeky fo this type of thing annoyning me so much
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-11 07:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That could be my favourite ever photo.
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2009-06-11 07:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
23) I have an Autobot insignia on the back window of my car.
---
Amateur.
I have the following tattoos:
Decepticon, Cobra insignia, Thundercats insignia, and an 8 bit Megaman.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2009-06-11 07:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I give you a +2 for 2 reasons
1) You collect swords, I collect swords as well but I collect good ones and the one you mentioned and the one in the pic are pieces of crap. My favorite one in my collection is a based on a ring hilt in the dublin museum that I had made by a forge in Arizona. Its epic.
2) Kilts, I got married in a kilt, in Poland.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-11 06:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A worthy first effort, frank! THe contest isn't over yet so if you're unhappy with your submission, you've got time....
Thanks, frank!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-11 05:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This has been done before and it wasn't entertaining then. I thought for a second that Ubersite should do a "Jock off", but the winner would be whoever once had to walk to the corner store for oreos because their segway broke down, as that seems about as athletic as it gets around here.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-06-11 05:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-11 05:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet christ!!
You know you guys look quite tubby, I guess it's true that the camera adds several hundred pounds to people. Mind you if that is true then most hollywood actors and actresses dont really exist as no one could be that skinny, they may just be dressed up Pipe cleaners. Maybe you two are just tubby.
----------------------------------------------------
while it's true that I don't have the body I used to have when I was 20, I do look pretty chubby in the vid because I was sitting down. Ray on the other hand, well he put on a lot of sympathy weight when his girlfriend was pregnant
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-11 05:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet christ!!
You know you guys look quite tubby, I guess it's true that the camera adds several hundred pounds to people. Mind you if that is true then most hollywood actors and actresses dont really exist as no one could be that skinny, they may just be dressed up Pipe cleaners. Maybe you two are just tubby.