Twenty-One Year Olds: The Bane of a Bartender's Existence (2188 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.86 on 102 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Miller Genuine Drake!! (View user info) at 2009-06-03 13:54:30 EDT
Carl Rodgers once said:
"When I look at the world I'm pessimistic, but when I look at people I am optimistic."
Well let me tell you, when I look at the world I'm pessimistic, but when I look at people I am downright terrified.
Being a bartender affords me a great deal of opportunities to experience different walks of life. People come in of various backgrounds, education, races and opinions, just to name a few. I have learned to appreciate each and every one of these rich characters for who they truly are. I have learned that you can absorb something from the most unlikeliest of teachers.
Take the bikers for instance...
There is a "Gang" of bikers that inhabits the dive bars around where I live and you can pick up some real good advice from them about, say, disposing of a body for instance. They are a wealth of knowledge about the legal system, and what constitutes rape, and where to find the best camping spots for groups of 30 or more. Good tippers if you know anything about an engine block.
OR the creepy old albino drunk at the end of the bar...
This guy is usually lovelorn and bitter. But he can teach you all kinds of things about regret and learning to love yourself so that others will follow in tow. Spending 20 minutes with one of these guys, REALLY listening to what they say, will give you an appreciation for everything you have. Because after 20 minutes of listening to them, you will realize just how good you really have it. Great tippers, for the sole reason of you listening to their story (for the 44th time)
Yes, there is a wealth of characters that fill our bar with joy and are always a pleasure to be around. You make money, they get drunk. Everybody wins.
UNTIL...
WOOOOOOOOO!!!! THE PARTY JUST ARRIVED, DUDE! LET'S GET SOME FUCKIN' SHOTS!!!
It seems tonight is Tré's twenty first birthday. Tré is TOTALLY ready to get "Fucked up". As is everybody in his entourage. That is to say the fat, pseudo-goth chick with the blue plaid skirt on and just enough make-up to deny that she's emo when her other friends are there. The retarded farmer guy who actually thinks a cowboy hat will make him look like Kenney Chesney, even though the acne on his face looks like he was bit on the face by the monkey in Outbreak. And then there's the "Cool guy" who has to wear his shades even though there's a grand total of 2 lights in our bar.
There is nothing can really prepare you for someone's 21st and until you have worked it, you have no idea how genuinely grueling it can be. You're in for a night of headaches, awkward silences, put-downs, false praise, bad jokes, no money and a lot of dude-bro's
Example: Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is cause for a celebration and a round of high-fives for the entire group.
While I'm attempting to write an order:
"Dude, bro are you serious? Your birthday is today?! Oh, dude I forgot, bro. Fuckin' HIGH FIVE, MAN!"
While I'm walking away to make other drinks:
"Hey Bartender, Two shots of Jager. We're gonna get FUCKED UP!!!"
While ordering a shot:
"Dude, $3.25 for a shot of Jager? You gotta be kidding me!! I fuckin payed, like, fuckin', $20 for a shot down in ocean city, bro. These small town dudes are fuckin' missin' out, yo."
While ordering a Bud Light:
"OH MY GOD, DUDE. THIS IS MY FUCKIN SOOOOONG. I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, SO SEXY IT HUUUURTS. AND I'M TOO SEXY FOR MI......MILAAAA...NA NA NA...DUDE AND JAPAAAAAN..."
The real problems start in once they start around the 5th round of drinks. Before was just annoying behavior, now we start in on the minor felonies, and eventually, someone is going to have to pee and when they do, they inevitably find themselves in our bathroom. Which incidentally has been destroyed by about nineteen other birthday boys. They decide that since it's already fucked up, they can do whatever they want in there. And they do with great relish. We had a guy come in there and use his own turd as a marker to write on the wall. Gross. They will also use this opportunity to snort, smoke, inject or huff any drug that they had brought with them. It's a one person, maybe two at most bathroom. With a lockable door. So they usually bring coke with them and file into the bathroom to do a few lines and come out ready to spend more money on drinks and none on tips for the bartender.
Things will calm down around 1:00 when the drinks start really taking effect. They'll all be sitting at the bar, sipping their drinks. Maybe talking about old times. Then someone will tell a joke.
Stupid Drunk Asshole:
"Dude,..umm...what does a Jewish Rabbi Say?"
Me:
"A Jewish Rabbi?"
SDA:
"I said a dyslexic rabbi."
Me:
No, you said a Jewish rabbi"
SDA:
"Ugh...dude, you're killing the joke. What does a Je...Dyslexic Rabbi Say?"
Me:
".........what?"
SDA:
"YO!"
Me:
"..........Are you going to tip me at all tonight?"
The time is now 1:45 a.m. Last Call. Now they have a good buzz going. They've drank a couple mixed drinks, they've done a couple shots, and chugged a few beers. The world is now spinning around THEM. They start to get confident. The birthday boys ego, having been bolstered by his friends, decides to go on the "prowl" for a suitable lay for the evening. There is a total of 3 girls in the bar. None of them are suitable for the Lonely Albino guy, let alone a young buck like Tré. But will that stop him? I think not.
"Hey Girl, what's your name?"
Amber, What's yours?
"Tre. You got some nice titties, girl"
EXCUSE ME?!
"Your tits. How do..*hic*... how do you think they, uh, would look laying on my floor in the morning?"
That doesn't even make sense. I'm calling my brother.
"Call your pussy brother, see if I give a shit! HEY FUCK YOUR BROTHER AND YOU TOO, CUNT"
Mike, I need you to get down here right now. Some asshole is screaming at me and scaring me.
4....3..........2............1.......
OKAY GUYS IT'S TIME TO GO HOME. GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY BAR. IT'S CLOSING TIME.
"Dude, bro. It's only 2:30, lock the door AFTER PARTY!!!"
"Absolutely, positively, no fucking way. Go home, skippy, before Mike gets here."
Bar Empties.
I wipe the bar. Clean the glasses. Count my tips.
$14
....Dude
User Reviews
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-06-08 23:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, Bro... I can't believe you don't get much uhhh... Tips bro...
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2009-06-07 19:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't really agree with the concept of tipping, but I think tipping is a necessity in cultures (Canada and America) where people are being paid less than minimum wage. If service staff didn't get tipped, then they'd be making a pittance and wouldn't be able to make a living; so theoretically, employers would have to raise their wages or there would be no one willing to be employed. Which of course will never happen unless something drastic and sudden happens. It may be vulgar and unfair, but that's the system.
Also, you can complain about tipping all you want, but it's a completely voluntary activity, and if you volunteer to NOT tip, then there will be consequences -- i.e. you won't get very quick or good service. It's a simple thing: you are more likely to provide prompt service to someone who is paying you an extra $5 to do something you're already doing anyways than you are to someone who is giving you $0.25. I highly doubt anyone in that position would act any differently.
Submitted by Jaurenlo (user info) at 2009-06-07 13:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a 22 year old who is far to advanced in bar etiquette than I should at this age... I appreciate this.
I hate those stupid fucks too.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-06-07 04:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read through the reviews and must say that I don't agree with tipping either. I won't write a three paragraph review about how I think it's nonsensical, mainly because people who live outside of america will already get it, And the americans will not agree and try to justify.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-06-05 18:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
I'm drunk now.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-05 09:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drogo, I know full well what you mean.
The tips always come accompanied with some sage-like advice. My favorite being "I can still taste the coke. Add some more Jack next time, fuckwad."
-It gets funnier every time I hear it.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-05 09:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh Drake(y) Goodness. I remember well working behind bars, but in old Blighty rather than anywhere you get tipped, other than the occasional tip of 'Can I have the top half of my pint too please. Some wonderful creatures inhabit bars
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 23:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Nothing's more flagrantly retarded to me than being allowed to serve one's country and possibly die as a result and not be allowed to have a beer."
I can't argue with that. 19 sounds good to me.
I'm one of those kids who would have rather had a pop drinking competition than a beer one (http://www.ubersite.com/m/69384) but that had more to do with growing up with obnoxious alcoholics than with the drinking age.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-06-04 22:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-06-03 17:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Been there...
For all you drinkers out there...minimum tip is $1 for every drink NOT PER ROUND. Order 5 drinks for your group...tip $5 or more if you want your drinks on time everytime.
Better yet when you know you will be ordering multiple rounds...tip a $20 on the first round and then you can skip individual drink tips for a little bit and the bar tender will usually have your drinks ready before people that ordered before you.
T.I.P.
To Insure Promptness
___________________________________________
This sounds spot-on to me. Hell, I'll even tip my Bartender a $1 for the water I get at the end of the night.
It's a matter of proper etiquette...
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-06-04 17:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zeppert (user info) at 2009-06-04 15:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 05:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zeppert, report back from Canada: we have obnoxious drinkers too.
Canada having something that you think your country should have is a cure-all arguement for it. No one cares about Canada and you can just sort of imply it works there; no one will check.
================
True. Where there's alcohol, there's obnoxious assholes. From my travels though, I've found that the countries that allow drinking earlier have less pricks and abusers. When I was in Germany, there were kids who were allowed to drink, but found it more fun to see if they could drink a 2 liter of soda in record time than drink a 12 pack of beer. Maybe it's a difference of culture. God only f'ing knows. Americans (I'm an American) are always high up on the annoyance radar. I'd like to see the American drinking age lowered to at least 19, just so people in the Armed Services can be allowed to have a beer. Nothing's more flagrantly retarded to me than being allowed to serve one's country and possibly die as a result and not be allowed to have a beer.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2009-06-04 15:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some are. Most of the ones I ride with are a hoot, except for the girlfriend of one of them.
Loud, obnoxious, perpetually drunk, oversexed, heavily apple shaped who insists on wearing halter and tube tops, and belligerent.
Her idea of a greeting is to either a) grab your breasts and yell in your ear "HEY BITCH!" or b) grab a guy's package and yell in his ear "HEY! WANNA FUCK?"
After she's had several shots, she'll hop up on a table and flash the entire bar.
------------------------------
Next time she does the boob-grab, "HEY BITCH" thing to you, grab her face like a bowling ball and pitch her down the bar. I hate people like this that think an outing is the time to test people's limits. The Medic and I were out with a group of people a few months back at a bar, one of the guys we were with yelled out random things, loudly made fun of other patrons and was extremely rude to the waitress. The Medic finally looked at him and said "Dude, you're going to get us shot and the waitress is going to spit in our food."
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 13:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Assholy....I wish that was a post I would plus 2 the shit out of that.
You said exactly what I was thinking. Well put.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-04 13:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 05:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how so below?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The tipping culture is destroying America.
---------------------
There are several reasons. First and foremost; the contract of employment is built upon an agreed wage for an agreed job between an employee and an organisation. Any job where tipping is a factor allows the employer to make reductions in the offer due to this murky element of extra pay based on some bizarre local custom, which is neither transparent nor fair. Furthermore, whilst the government does tax earnings from tips, they arguably have no right to do so as tips do not really constitute a contractual element of pay. Essentially, the concept of tipping flies in the face of the employment contract and the legislative structure of American society.
Secondly, tipping reeks of charity and begging. "Oh please give me a little extra something, I earn fuck all and I work such a miserable job". This engenders a sense in the employee that they are somehow deserved some manner of fee from a customer which has not been formally agreed, which is ethically wrong. It is the equivilant of me walking past you in the street and smiling at you, then insisting on some manner of compensation, either financial or otherwise. American culture is based on fair recompense for fair work, not charity.
Thirdly it encourages a sense of corruption. Due to this perverse sense of obligation, which is created by this unclear and uncontractual payment, it perpetuates the notion that these manner of payments are acceptable. They are not. If you run a business and I threaten to smash the place up if you don't provide me with money then it is extortion. If you run a business and then threaten me with inferior service if I don't provide you with money then that's ok. That is a double standard and it is wrong. As jobs that involve tipping generally are worked by the young and vulnerable members of society, single mothers for instance, then I'm sure I don't need to tell you the damage that does to society.
Tipping is unfair and vulgar. People should be paid a fair wage for fair work.
----
1. Agreed. I am a waiter, and I claim the bare minimum amount of tips collected so I dont have to give that money back to the government, but it's a crime to do so (I just read about a stripper who was arrested for not reporting 80,000 dollars in tips last year). Tips are aka'd as gratuity, and I just dont see how gratitude can be taxed. It makes no sense to me. However, between the establishment and the worker, nothing's wrong. As a server I make officially three dollars less than minimum wage, but with tips I make three times what I would at any other job with a static pay scale. The restaurant expects me to make up the difference between minimum wage and the wages they pay in tips, and I do, easily. If I don't, the restaurant is required to pay me the difference. That's why cash tips are so much preferred over credit tips; you dont have to report them.
2. Not really. It's not begging. It's more like, "I'm going to pay attention to your every need, get some good food and drinks and shit out for you quickly, keep them coming, and listen to your bullshit stories like I actually care, and in return you'll pay me for my time and the fantastic experience I've provided for you." Nobody goes to restaurants anymore and is surprised when they're expected to tip. The bottom line is, if you can't tip, dont go out. This rule is observed pretty carefully by *most* people.
3. It's not extortion. I'm paid to provide a service these people have chosen not to provide for themselves. They are expected to tip me based on the quality of my work. If I do an excellent job, they take care of me. If I fuck everything up, they don't necessarily have to. The problem is, some people just don't like to tip no matter how good the service is. I've had this happen a number of times to me, and when I see those people again, guess which guests are the lowest on my list of people to please?
The point is, like Drake said, it's the service they're paying for. The service costs substantially less than the food does, but the service is almost equally important. In a bar, leaving shitty tips or no tips on a busy night means that you're not going to have your drinks made quickly because there are others who are willing to pay more for the service. In a restaurant, it doesn't work quite the same way. Nobody is going to fuck with your food (it really almost never happens, no matter who it is), but treating your server like an asshole is still a pretty bad idea.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-06-04 12:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-04 11:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That group of low-tipping 21-year-olds going crazy and doing blow in the bathroom is usually me but instead of a group I'm alone and instead of beer I drink rum. I do this three nights a week and every single time I get kicked out before midnight.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-06-04 10:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 09:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Toe.
I actually do appreciate when people don't switch up their drinks too much. That way I can get them a refill without having to walk all the way to the end of the bar and ask what they are having.
You'd totally hit on me if you came into my bar. I'm gorgeous.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-06-04 09:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Drake posts. It's like getting mail that isn't bills.
I spend alot of time at bars, I can't say i've ever really talked to the bartenders (unless they're hot then I use the sexy time explosion) It's more a eye contact, nod, they bring me my drink. I'm consistent with my drinks and my bartenders like that.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 08:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FG: That's why I make money behind the bar and they don't. They come to the bar for a reason. Everybody knows it's cheaper to drink at home. You have to give them a reason to be paying too much. I've seen Cocktail one too many times. And yes, I DO know how to make a red eye.
Spam:......Dude.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-06-04 08:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know the best thing about having sex with Twenty One Year olds?
There's fucking TWENTY of them!!!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-04 08:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Usually my barkeeps are surly and apathetic.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 08:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Any and all advice is solicited. I would feel the same way if someone nudged their way into my conversation. Trust me, no opinion is given without request.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-04 07:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no its insulting to us, as barmen in England just pour drinks and if they tried to give us advice, we'd punch them in the face
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 07:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow....so is a tip in England, like, insulting to the barman?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-04 07:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 12:34:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
EI, that's a valid question.
I guess the best answer is the fact that it's not just drinks we're pouring.
We're pseudo psychologists, song-and-dance men, bouncers, waiters and secret keepers.
you're not tipping for the drink. You're tipping for the service.
-----------------
It must be very different in America then. If a barmen started analysing my 'bloody mary' and shook his ass at me, I wouldnt be very happy.
I would be fuming!
We dont get service in England, hence the non tipping.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 07:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 05:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how so below?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The tipping culture is destroying America.
---------------------
There are several reasons....
Tipping is unfair and vulgar. People should be paid a fair wage for fair work.
----------
Don't let that little secret get out. I might not make any more money.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-04 07:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EI, that's a valid question.
I guess the best answer is the fact that it's not just drinks we're pouring.
We're pseudo psychologists, song-and-dance men, bouncers, waiters and secret keepers.
you're not tipping for the drink. You're tipping for the service.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-06-04 06:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pubs are brilliant.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 06:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God, I hate giving people money. Don't even get me started on that whole bullshit collection plate racket they have in churches. If you won't even tell me what the money is for I'll be my own damned priest.
Fucking holy men. ALl they sell is wellness and community. You'd be better off paying a bunch of prostitutes to come round your house to drink beer and suck your dick. Or better yet getting some real friends.
Environmentalists are no better. Always banging on about what they want me to do for "the planet". Bollocks. What's in it for me? More fucking flowers, bugs and vermin? Give me something back if you care so much. Make my shit cost less because I'm not paying for plastic packaging anymore, give me a car that doesn't break down, allow me to generate my own electricity rather than paying some cunts for it, but DEMAND that I live by your fucking rules for some bullshit only you care about. Fucking totalitarian motherfuckers.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 05:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how so below?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The tipping culture is destroying America.
---------------------
There are several reasons. First and foremost; the contract of employment is built upon an agreed wage for an agreed job between an employee and an organisation. Any job where tipping is a factor allows the employer to make reductions in the offer due to this murky element of extra pay based on some bizarre local custom, which is neither transparent nor fair. Furthermore, whilst the government does tax earnings from tips, they arguably have no right to do so as tips do not really constitute a contractual element of pay. Essentially, the concept of tipping flies in the face of the employment contract and the legislative structure of American society.
Secondly, tipping reeks of charity and begging. "Oh please give me a little extra something, I earn fuck all and I work such a miserable job". This engenders a sense in the employee that they are somehow deserved some manner of fee from a customer which has not been formally agreed, which is ethically wrong. It is the equivilant of me walking past you in the street and smiling at you, then insisting on some manner of compensation, either financial or otherwise. American culture is based on fair recompense for fair work, not charity.
Thirdly it encourages a sense of corruption. Due to this perverse sense of obligation, which is created by this unclear and uncontractual payment, it perpetuates the notion that these manner of payments are acceptable. They are not. If you run a business and I threaten to smash the place up if you don't provide me with money then it is extortion. If you run a business and then threaten me with inferior service if I don't provide you with money then that's ok. That is a double standard and it is wrong. As jobs that involve tipping generally are worked by the young and vulnerable members of society, single mothers for instance, then I'm sure I don't need to tell you the damage that does to society.
Tipping is unfair and vulgar. People should be paid a fair wage for fair work.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 05:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zeppert, report back from Canada: we have obnoxious drinkers too.
Canada having something that you think your country should have is a cure-all arguement for it. No one cares about Canada and you can just sort of imply it works there; no one will check.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-04 04:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it seems ridiculous to me that you tip bartenders (no offence drake)
what the hell are you tipping them for?
well done for turning that tap and holding a glass underneath
you tip taxi drivers occasionally when they ACTUALLY pick you up on time
and
you tip in restaurants because otherwise they will poison you
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how so below?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The tipping culture is destroying America.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-04 03:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never gotten super fucked up at my own birthday, but I do a decent job of it at other people's birthdays.
I have a confession to make, while I'm thinking about it. I am a fucking retard when I get drunk. I know it's common for people to say that but I am motherfucking Zeus of retards when I've had too much. Over the past few years, I solved the problem by drinking enough that too much is not enough to get me drunk, and I can handle myself. But I've not been drinking lately, and I lost all my tolerance for the drink, and three beers will send me careening toward SDA.
Good news is I havent puked from drinking in the past three years, except for the one time, which I dont count because I'm pretty sure it was the period blood being squirted onto my face that did it.
Submitted by zeppert (user info) at 2009-06-04 01:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another reason America should take the European/Canadian approach and lower the damn drinking age. If you get to drink early, then it's not such a big damn deal later.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 01:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A lot of my peers started drinking regularly at 14 - 16. Not in bars, mind you. Never really appealed to me. I was too busy reading Ayn Rand and bickering with 40 yearold idiots on Ubersite. Maybe it has something to do with coming from a family of substance abuse.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-04 01:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 00:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In Canada 19 is the legal drinking age.
===
here it's 18 and loosely applied.
started going out at 15 :-)
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 00:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In Canada 19 is the legal drinking age.
I spent my birthday in a coffee shop with a nerdy girl.
I still don't have ID. It's pretty easy to get served and I don't drink much.
I think I learned that being disruptive wasn't a sign of maturity or independence or rebellion when I was 10 - 12. I guess it comes to us all at different ages.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-06-04 00:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-06-03 22:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So none of them died? :-/
Submitted by reginajacks (user info) at 2009-06-03 18:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
waitresses have it worse. at least you have a bar between you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-03 18:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, so I'm old. Some say creepy. I AM NOT AN ALBINO!
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-03 18:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-03 18:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that sucks man
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2009-06-03 17:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sympathy +2 because I bartended for 7 years...all through college and a few years after while I began building a career. It's hard work, and while the cash was phenomenal and the ass was high quality, there wasn't a night that went by that I didn't have to deal with some stupid drunk fucking kids who couldn't figure out how to act after downing a couple Jager Bombs.
Although, it seems that I worked in a much more upscale joint than you. Your place sounds like a fuckin' hole.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-06-03 17:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-06-03 17:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Been there...
For all you drinkers out there...minimum tip is $1 for every drink NOT PER ROUND. Order 5 drinks for your group...tip $5 or more if you want your drinks on time everytime.
Better yet when you know you will be ordering multiple rounds...tip a $20 on the first round and then you can skip individual drink tips for a little bit and the bar tender will usually have your drinks ready before people that ordered before you.
T.I.P.
To Insure Promptness
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-03 17:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Olongopo City, Philippines is where Satan used to try out new ways of enticing souls to damnation. I turned 21 in Olongopo City, Philippines. It was epic and wonderful and extremely horrible. It is only my favor with God that prevented the ubiquitude of digital cameras until after that fateful group of days in 1983. Otherwise, there would be evidence, and I cannot abide that.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am a fantastic tipper, especially after ordering too many manhattans.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel the same way about uber people.
-------
Troof.
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff. I hate drunk assholes at bars when I just want a chill night to drink myself into oblivion, cold and alone.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel the same way about uber people.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you do them in the butt it doesn't count. and it's not gay if they're girls.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have all my teeth. But I fuck my cousins.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unfortunately, no. I am, to paraphrase Luke Skywalker, in the spot farthest from the bright center of the galaxy. Appalachia. *Sigh*
---------
how many teeth do you have now?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really really dislike the group you are referring to.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy: I complain a lot but I love that job. It's a job that I do because I actually do like most of the people there. Plus it helps me with my actual day job which is P.R. so I am constantly talking and it keeps me in practice.
Katy: I've never been to Conn. is there anything there?
---------
some ok outlet shopping, part of the appalachian trail and a bunch of random new englandy tourist stuff like antiques, "historical" districts, old mills, haunted places and some really good pizza. also shitty yale students and some fabulous ghettos in new haven and hartford. oh yeah and fairfield county which is like a zoo full of orange county housewives.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey who's this girl?!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It could very well have been. Did she offer to blow you? If so, keep her. Don't send her back here. I beg of you.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear to god, FG, that girl was in the bar friday night. I have a picture of some of the nastiest titties on my phone simply because she begged everyone with a camera phone to take a picture.
Low Self Esteem is bad for everybody.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:25:50 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Having been a bartender in a past life, I wholeheartedly concur.
Bikers are a total blast to drink with...and bartend for.
====
Some are. Most of the ones I ride with are a hoot, except for the girlfriend of one of them.
Loud, obnoxious, perpetually drunk, oversexed, heavily apple shaped who insists on wearing halter and tube tops, and belligerent.
Her idea of a greeting is to either a) grab your breasts and yell in your ear "HEY BITCH!" or b) grab a guy's package and yell in his ear "HEY! WANNA FUCK?"
After she's had several shots, she'll hop up on a table and flash the entire bar.
I wish she'd just stay the fuck home when everyone goes out riding.
And don't get me started on bikers and "rides." Riding implies just that. Getting on your motorcycle and riding. Not getting on your motorcycle, riding 5 miles to the a bar, and then sitting there for 4 hours.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Correctamundo!
Laterzorz!>!>!,435q
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O.C. MD, then, I take it?
I love that beach.
Have more points and I'll concur with No1 that it is time for me to GTFO.
Tata everyone, xoxoxoxoxo.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seen too many however, every now and then the right mix of people will turn the female 21st into titty fest 2009 and then it's not so unpleasent.
---------
Girls are a completely different story. They're actually fun.
...unless they're ugly.
in which case, fuck 'em.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You said "down in ocean city"...are you in NYC, by chance? If so, the Flip just moved there and he might have been one of the SDA's at your bar.
He's Filipino and short. When drunk, he tips well, is rowdy as fuck, tries (and fails at) crip-walking, and will steal nachos or taquitos from the nearest 7-Eleven.
---------
Unfortunately, no. I am, to paraphrase Luke Skywalker, in the spot farthest from the bright center of the galaxy. Appalachia. *Sigh*
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No1: I may be boring and uninteresting, but I am in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM a lay-about.
What's a lay-about?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seen too many however, every now and then the right mix of people will turn the female 21st into titty fest 2009 and then it's not so unpleasent.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You said "down in ocean city"...are you in NYC, by chance? If so, the Flip just moved there and he might have been one of the SDA's at your bar.
He's Filipino and short. When drunk, he tips well, is rowdy as fuck, tries (and fails at) crip-walking, and will steal nachos or taquitos from the nearest 7-Eleven.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sage, no one cares about the drunken exploits of boring, uninteresting lay-abouts like you, Simon and your pathetic friends. STFU.
Just hold on the tits and proceed directly to GTFO
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The worst ones to get wasted in my opinion were the single 40-somethings. A person can only tolerate so many Journey/REO Speedwagon/Boston songs sung by 8 drunks at the top of their lungs.
-------
Spot-fucking-on!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/121208
You'll understand.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Having been a bartender in a past life, I wholeheartedly concur.
Bikers are a total blast to drink with...and bartend for.
The 21 year olds suck. The only exception is that the coked-up ones usually tip well. Probably because they just each drank 3/4 bottle of Jagermeister and a 12-pack of Red Bull, and have no clue to what they're doing. That, or they think that I didn't know what they're doing in the bathroom in groups of 5.
The worst ones to get wasted in my opinion were the single 40-somethings. A person can only tolerate so many Journey/REO Speedwagon/Boston songs sung by 8 drunks at the top of their lungs.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What, or who exactly is the flip? Did I miss something?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid Drunk Asshole:
"Dude,..umm...what does a Jewish Rabbi Say?"
Me:
"A Jewish Rabbi?"
SDA:
"I said a dyslexic rabbi."
Me:
No, you said a Jewish rabbi"
SDA:
"Ugh...dude, you're killing the joke. What does a Je...Dyslexic Rabbi Say?"
Me:
".........what?"
SDA:
"YO!"
Me:
"..........Are you going to tip me at all tonight?"
************************************************************
Something about this exchange reminded me of the Flip. Except I believe he tips quite well.
Good story, well written, so POINTS!!!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SmalltownSally (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You think it's bad for bartenders, try being the poor shmuck that got roped into hosting karaoke just because she can carry a tune. Even worse, I worked at a place that had a bar on one side. Drunken singing, anyone?
--------
Ouch. The only really worse thing I can think of is....nothing. God damn that had to suck.
Submitted by SmalltownSally (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You think it's bad for bartenders, try being the poor shmuck that got roped into hosting karaoke just because she can carry a tune. Even worse, I worked at a place that had a bar on one side. Drunken singing, anyone?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my 21st was spent watching Bristol City beat Stoke City 3-1 in the FA cup.
I WAS SO COOL
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Streak Starter below.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:10:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
streak starter
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My 21st was spent in the same bar I work at. My big brother fed me a shot of something called a "Greasy Mexican" which consisted of Tequila, Tabasco sauce and Cooking oil.
bad night
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy: I complain a lot but I love that job. It's a job that I do because I actually do like most of the people there. Plus it helps me with my actual day job which is P.R. so I am constantly talking and it keeps me in practice.
Katy: I've never been to Conn. is there anything there?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-06-03 15:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spent my 21st in a really, really gross dive bar in Athens, GA. I drank PBR all night and then some dude in a cowboy hat offered me and my roommate Skittles to come home with him. I beat him so bad they had to use DNA to identify the remains.
Just kidding. He offered us Starburst.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need a gig in a different joint, pl.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds about right. what about when an entire age group decides to act like every night out is their 21st birthday? WELCOME TO CONNECTICUT.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's a tough one. I usually don't plan on posts, they just sort of happen.
I shall ponder.
...pohhhhhhhhnder
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Write sumpthin' that requires a picture - we can collaborate.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
streak breaker below.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
streak breaker
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you did a picture of me I would totally post it.
...Just sayin....
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEEDS MORE PICTURES.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have my sincerest condolences No1. tending to teenagers would send me over the edge completely.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol, this reminds me of when I used to moonlight working in bars. Pure truth, although up here they let them in at 18, so they are even more juvenile.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and to answer your question.....probably, yeah.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this why you're such a contrarian around here?
Hmmmm, SOMEONE NEEDS A HUG!
Sort of a related tangent but have you ever seen two guys have a complete conversation using only the word 'dude?' I'm sure you have. To those who have not, it goes down like this.
Guy 1: Dude!
Guy 2: Dude?
Guy 1: [pause] Dude.
Guy 2: [nodding] Dude.
Freakin' weird.
------------------
That is one of the few subtleties that men are capable of.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DRAKETASTIC
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking
monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to 'em,
you'll get back plenty in return.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa the Beauty Queen
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-03 14:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this why you're such a contrarian around here?
Hmmmm, SOMEONE NEEDS A HUG!
Sort of a related tangent but have you ever seen two guys have a complete conversation using only the word 'dude?' I'm sure you have. To those who have not, it goes down like this.
Guy 1: Dude!
Guy 2: Dude?
Guy 1: [pause] Dude.
Guy 2: [nodding] Dude.
Freakin' weird.